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Crystal Shinkle

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Interesting Fact:
This article contains someone who fails at being an hero.

LOL FACE-PAINTING. She was asking for it.

Regardless of the facts in this case, please remember that all women secretly enjoy being raped.

Don't worry, internet ~~LARPers~~ police are coming.

Crystal Shinkle is a 16 year old butthurt drug abuser who On May 1st, 2008, decided to whore herself out to the whole goddam internet for attention. In a really bad method acting JewTube video, she cries about how a guy she had consensual sex with Over 9000 times raped her.

This novel turn of events has (seriously) taken the world of news by storm in a striking display of irony that is, in some circles, regarded as extremely lulzy. The video was created after she failed to become an hero, which makes this drama even more lulzy. People on eBaumsWorld decided to give this poor girl some support. Some feminazis entered the game and started bawwwwwing on JewTube, but everyone else than the feminazis anwered: "TITS OR GTFO".

1 Background history
2 The video
3 The CNN "Report"
4 Faux news is on the case
5 The ANN Report
6 The Internet strikes back
7 ZOMG Teh Police Interview
8 MyPoll says "Asking for it BITCH!"
9 How you can help
10 CNN Chimes In On Their 360 Blog; Gets Trolled
11 Fresh Prince Rape
12 Spoof Videos
13 SIRZLY U GUISE
14 Gallery
15 See Also
16 External Resources

[edit] Background history

Crystal Shinkle was 15.9 years old when she met Casey Mundling, an awesome 23 year old guy, at a party. They did some drugs and shortly after they started having a relationship. They had consensual sex over 9000 times in the missionary position and they even posted pictures of themselves on the interwebs and on MySpace. Then her father found the pictures of her on MySpace and felt butthurt. Apparently Casey Mundling broke her heart, and in an attempt to calm her angered father, she told the police about their relationship, hoping that they would nail him for fucking a 15.9 year old. The DA used common sense and realized that fucking a 15.9 year old, is the same as fucking a 16 year old. Law databases does not use integers. Case closed, drama started.

Crystal learned that the case had been dropped, because she had given consent to sexual intercourse in the missionary position. The DA said: "I'd hit it it's legal". She had a mental breakdown, and tried to become an hero. Then she made this video and posted it on JewTube in an attempt to spawn a personal army, seemingly unaware of the rabbit bulling on the internet.

[edit] The video

It's funny how someone who is living in poverty can afford South Pole apparel, along with digital cameras. Lying whore, anyone?

[edit] The CNN "Report"

CNN, where investigative journalism means fapping to camwhores on YouTube.

[edit] Faux news is on the case

Fox News got their usual Anonymous fetish and made their own report. Video features both dancing Anon and DavidFailkips.

[edit] The ANN Report

[edit] The Internet strikes back

Once again proving people care more about cats than they do about raped women. Sorry allegedly raped women.

Protip: never use your name as a password

The faggotry of YouTube users abounds.

On May 15, eBaumsworld began a coordinated attack on the YouTube video page, leaving hateful messages and video replies. Someone hacked her YouTube account for the lulz. This is no different than posting personal army requests on /b/ or /i/, so her plan backfired and she got plenty of pizza, male strippers and other stuff ordered to her house. Probably because of that, after a few days the video was taken off YouTube. The only thing left now is mirrors and lulzy reponses. This is a great example that truth and justice exists on the internet. There are still feminazis lurking on JewTube defending her, but no one cares about them.

“

"I've lived a really hard life." partying, doing drugs, and having lots of sex is a horrible horrible life?

she was living like a fucking ROCKSTAR. are you kidding me. I want to punch this whore in the face.

„

—Anonymous

Hey, if anyone wants to help out, some fag is trying to troll the video. BAWWing up a storm, etc. Should prove to be a good lulzcow.

People left seriose comments:

[edit] ZOMG Teh Police Interview

For moar see links

ZOMG Teh Case(y) File!

Her report to the police indicates her deep need for a strong father figure.

Summary.

tl;dr? - they threw out the case because she kept going on about how it was repeated, consensual, drug-fuelled sex, on several occasions, over a significant stretch of time i.e.: would be laughed out of court by any jury of non drug-addled, skanky whores.

[edit] MyPoll says "Asking for it BITCH!"

A poll was held on Crystal's MySpace account. Thank you for voting.

The last screenshot taken before removal was as follows:

[edit] How you can help

Reaching out for support

Contact the following government officials and inform them that you think this girl is a lying sack of shit who wanted it in the pooper.

Be sure to tell them that you heard about the case from eBaumsworld.

State Attorney's Main Office 1-407-836-2400

Mary Pullian (Governor's Assistant) 1-850-488-4441

Nicole Peques (State Attorney) 1-407-836-2402

[edit] CNN Chimes In On Their 360 Blog; Gets Trolled

CNN blogs about the case... and anonymous delivers:

[edit] Fresh Prince Rape

Now, this is a story all about how 
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
For you to sit and debate
I'll tell you how I became the little bitch
Who lied about rape

In West Florida born and raised
Getting drunk is how I spent most o' mah days
Getting high, climaxing, and cumming all cool
And all shootin' some heroin outside of the school
When a 23 year old guy
Who I thought looked quiet good
Fucked me all around the neighborhood
I boned him a few times, and then I got scared 
So I moved over to youtube and started to baaw there

I turned on the interweb and when it came near
I made my userpage pink, which in no way was queer
If anything I could sit and eat grapes
But I thought 'nah, forget it'
Time to bitch about "rape"!

I uploaded a video 'round 7 or 8
Used my spiffy camera, which I thought was great
I looked at the comments
I could finally see,
That my bitchy moans became a big fad on /b/

[edit] Spoof Videos

l33t hAxx0rs snort steroids and take over Crystal's YouTube Account

Crystal presumably smokes some more meth, and wrestles it back off them.

LULZ

The untold story, gets told by a very special YouTube user

The Truth Bout The Girl Who Cried 'RAPE' And Who Really Raped Her

A remix of the lulzy video and some Cannibal Corpse

Stripped, Raped and Strangled? We can only hope.

[edit] SIRZLY U GUISE

Don't break a habit of a lifetime.

Cheer up, we have a friend for you :)

This camwhore professes to be victim of surprise sex herself. She is shocked and appalled by the eBaums shenanigans. Sadly she is Canadian and therefore there is nothing she can do. She is also ~~eminently fuckable~~ as ghastly as Crystal's other supporter. If you need to fap, but don't feel like you deserve to fap to anything attractive, click play below...

Schoolmarms everywhere are shocked by your faggotry. Where is your sympathy? Do you not realize you are looking at a FUTURE ~~SUICIDE~~ an hero??? (Final minute contains massive paternalistic call to arms. In remembrance of Bitingbeaver.)