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2012
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Contents |
[edit] History
Ideas relating to the 21st of December 2012 have been circulating for decades now. It seems that the current ideas relating to the Mayan Calendar system began becoming popular with the emergence of Eastern Philosophy and Thought in Western Culture in the 1960’s. The Mayan Civilization created a complex calendar which tracks the days in a very similar way to our current calendar system. This calendar system comes to its end on December 21st 2012. The reason for this is still a mystery, and all modern anthropologists can do is to theorise what this means. Some say it is the end of a Great Cycle of the Stars, while others claim it to be a sign that The Rapture is at hand. Humans have a tendency to believe strange things, and as history has shown us are willing to embrace seemingly crazy ideas.
[edit] 2012: We are all going to die?
Some people would say that 2012 is a Masonic Conspiracy created by L. Ron Hubbard and a horde of evil robots to make us not give a shit and buy more McDonalds and Playstations before WE ALL DIE IN A HORRIBLE RAPTURE!!! It seems to be to an excuse used by losers to not take any responsibility for their actions, the 2012 theory seems to have allowed many intelligent genius' to write at least 100 books on it and earn hookers and blow by selling them to well informed members of the body politic, and new age hippy bozos. Valliant nigras like David Icke have tried to use the forthcoming date as a means to open cosmic consciousness (while actually looking like a paranoid freak) but many believe that it is just an excuse to offload a million awful reality TV shows on us. What most of the fanboy crowd for the 2012 apocalypse fail to realize is that the entire notion of that year heralding a cataclysmic event was first popularized by Terence McKenna, who was also notable for constantly smoking DMT and hearing the voice of some sort of cosmic consciousness named Logos. This sort of shit you cannot make up.
[edit] Srsly are we all going to die?
Events like the forthcoming apocalypse of human civilization have been challenged by top historians who believe otherwise. When the Mayan calendar reaches December 21st, 2012, it will restart back to the original date, and the next day will prolly be a normal one without any sign of armageddon. The reason being is because true to modern Mexicans, Mayans were too damn lazy to finish making all the dates for the calendar.
[edit] december212012.com
Linux Guy breaks peoples brains on december212012.com.
WTF?
tl;dr that last post. I'ma go get a cookie.
[edit] 2012, The End Of The World, And Your CREDIT
Thankfully, it's not all bad news. Despite the forthcoming Rapture you can take advantage of a loophole that the banks haven't thought of yet.
"So how can you live your dreams before the end?
The amount of available credit you have is commonly referred to as “potential debt” and is considered to be a bad thing. However with the impending extermination of mankind it now becomes “potential wealth” and is your key to living your dreams.
The first step is to take all of those credit cards you have hidden away out again and start spending. Also stop tossing all those credit card offers in the trash and take them up on their generosity regardless of interest rates. Every new card is more potential wealth.
The next step is to reduce the amount you are paying back to the minimum payments. This alone can put hundreds of dollars back in your pocket. But don’t get overzealous and stop paying altogether. If you do not make at least the minimum payments you are in violation of your credit agreements and your creditors can cut you off. You don’t want that yet.
Finally take advantage of those courtesy checks that are attached to your monthly statements as well as cash advances. Not only are they great for situations that you cannot use credit cards you can use them to pay one card with another keeping even more cash in your pocket.
The important thing is to pace yourself, if you do too much at once you will raise red flags and again your creditors will cut you off. Eventually however even your minimum payments are going to become burdensome. At this point you can simply stop paying, very soon after your creditors will cut you off but if you were a savvy credit user you should have been able to take advantage of around 80% of your credit. For the average American this can be upwards of $40,000." december212012.com article telling you to spend up big RIGHT NOW!
[edit] It's The Reptoids
Super cool dude, failed soccer star and zilionare David Icke says that the reptoids from the forth dimension that control our lives will lose their power on December 21st 2012 because the Earth's magnetic field will reduce to zero, then the Earth will START SPINNING BACKWARDS therefore exposing the evil reptiles for who they are.
[edit] 2+0+1+2=3?
I'm not sure about you, despite mathematics not being my strong suit I'm pretty sure 2+0+1+2=5, not 3. Whoops! My mistake!
Godrealized really does make me realize that the world really will end on 21st December 2012, and proves my lame maths skills wrong too!
| — Vijay Kumar - The Man Who Realized God. |
Woah. Heavy shit man. Our man Vijay also spills the beans in regards to the most awesome mass murder in the name of the Lord since the Spanish Inquisition.
"The sacrifice by the eminent would be by will. To cleanse the society of its ills in 2012... many would come forward and sacrifice self on the altar of God. Unless that happens... the upheaval in the society is not possible. The blood of the innocent would be spilled. There is no other remedy.
Every individual who is found guilty by the society would be done away outright. The legal laws, judiciary, administration and the political setup would not provide a much needed respite to them. 2012 is the year of Florence Nightingale. The dawn of the New Era (the golden period) could not occur without innocents laying their lives for the sake of their country."
Hmmm, bloodlust, murder, abolition of sins and sinners. Sounds cheerful. And of course it will all be in 2012.
[edit] "Science"
The little known group called NASA seem to think that a massive Solar Storm is heading our way in 2012. It will cause blackouts and shit, probobly causing fans of some show to miss the newest episode, and no, there will be no Tivoing it.
Apocalypse mongers Survive2012 seem to have all the answers. I'm not sure if they are Jehova's Witnesses or are just suckers for end time theories but they are pretty certain that...
[edit] Survival 2012 Forum
This is a magical place for wizards and faeries to meet and discuss the forthcoming End Of The World. Many Lulz can be found through important discussions on topics such as "Are We A Cult?"
| —SgtStedanko, unaware of being called a fucktard |
Yeh, it will be disappointing if the world DOESN'T end soon....?
| —Deja Q, needs to listen to their secretary for once |
And my favorite:
| —Jok., has apparently no concept of things being mere coincidences |
| —Jok., having no idea how Psychology works |
But really, it's a lot of TL;DR.
[edit] To do list before Doomsday
- Luldon 2012
- Talk to Bruce Willis for a new Armageddon Movie.
- Ask Elvis and Jesus if they´re gonna die this time on 2012 or not.
- Make some Vacation Reservations for 2013.
- Tell your girlfriend that you'll marry her in 2013. (Sucks to be you if we don't actually die on 2012)
- have the government say it'll give the blacks reparations for all the slavery their ancestors went through on 12/22/12 (so close, yet so far away...)
- ?????
- PROFIT!!!
[edit] TL;DR
Ancient Mayan calendar ends in 2012, because they are NOT EVEN FROM THIS FUCKING MILLENIUM, HOW FUCKING FAR-OUT IS IT TO THINK THAT MAYBE THEY JUST STOPPED BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T THINK THAT THEY WERE GOING TO BE AROUND THAT LONG, HOW FUCKING CRAZY IS THAT YOU PRICKS?!
[edit] Jews Did 2012
Who the fuck says they won't do it, im sure they will. They did 9-11 that was the set up. THEY TOOK OUR TOWERS PEOPLE THEY TOOK OUR TOWERS
