AWOLnow

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Add pixplzkthnx to AWOLnow Plz to be adding some pix now kthnx. Consult the image selection process for help, or just google up some pix. Plz remove this notice once there are plenty of pix.

AWOLnow is a chatting website where 16 year old girls, fags, and fame-hungry whores are everywhere you look. The site was once full of wholesome, fun, and nice people, but it was all corrupted once a boy named Cody decided he was going to be an egotistical bitch.

Being a pretty bitching place to chill is all in AWOLnow's past. New users will often find themselves attacked by greasy ogres, or being shunned for not having money to buy drugs. The website's active spots have died down to the graveyard and select cribs of the poor slobs who continue to drain their wallets into Annet International Corporation's festering pile of glitched codes.

AWOLnow is mostly unknown. Certainly not in the same ranks as larger chat sites, AWOL mostly gets its users from dressupgames.com, where you'll find it in Simulation games. AWOLnow is supposed to be a children's game, but will you find children here? No. It is inhabited by fugly teens trying to pretend they have issues, pretending they are real and buying wristbands from Hot Topic. They are constantly creating drama and pulling stunts like spamming the bulletin boards and hacking the site. They write in their diarys about how hard life is, and what deathly illnesses their relatives have, so you can feel sorry for them.

Contents 1 Starting AWOL 2 Citizens 3 Nobles 4 AWOL Rules: The Do's and Don'ts 5 Users 6 Queers of AWOL 7 Cliques 8 AWOL Legends 9 AWOL Events

[edit] Starting AWOL

Once you start AWOLnow as a free trial for a month, you start as a newbie. You must complete simple tasks like bombing nuns and performing brain surgery. If you fail those, you get kicked out for being the waste of flesh you are. But if you pass, you can buy clothes for your avatar, personalizing it to your tastes. You are then ridiculed by members for being a newbie until you pay 10 dollars to become a member. You can then buy a crib to become a noble, or just stay a citizen. Citizens and nobles both have access to the Boutique, which has a larger range of clothing, faces, hair, and child porn. Citizens and nobles can also access places that Newbies cannot.

[edit] Citizens

After you pay 10 dollars through PayPal, congratulations. You're a citizen! You can go commit suicide now, fag. You just PAID to use a children's game. Congrats.

Citizens enjoy such perks as:

• Having an account! Your membership won't expire ever.
• You get a small flower next to your name!
• You can pimp out your profile now!
• You won't be treated like shit!
• You can now buy furry costumes!
  

  

  Furries like to get wasted.

Wow. Look at all you've achieved!

[edit] Nobles

Nobles are Citizens who have paid 100 AD for a crib. This is basically just a way to get more money, because now you have to pay monthly rent on your crib, furnish it, and buy more clothes with your new, bigger, CLOSET.

But wait! Nobles get LOTS of perks!

• Having a crib means you can successfully be a pedophile. A perfect place to lure girls into!
• You can now kiss people. And reach into their pants.
• You can have a magic "ride". Which is a stuffed animal that your character rides. It can also yell things in Japanese. This is EXTREMELY ANNOYING.
• You get a shiny gold crown next to your name!

Wow. You suck even MORE. You now have sold your soul and are never leaving this game.

[edit] AWOL Rules: The Do's and Don'ts

Quoted from the site:

AWOLnow Do's: 

1. Do have fun and make many friends!

2. Do make sure to keep your Account and Password private!

• In the event that somebody uses your Account and Password because of your loose lips, you will be held responsible for your own actions.

3. Do notify us immediately if you discover somebody trying to attain somebody else's Account and Password or if you discover a hacker.

• AWOLnow staff members would never ask anyone for their Account and Password within AWOLnow. Anyone doing so is a fraud.

4. Do update your contact information regularly to keep up to date with the ever- changing environment of AWOLnow.

5. Do notify the AWOLnowwizard immediately if you notice anything fishy going on.

AWOLnow Don'ts: 

1. Don't use profanity in your Nickname.

2. Don't upload or post anything that is obscene in nature.

3. Don't upload or post anything that may be damaging to other's reputation.

4. Don't engage in deceitful conduct.

5. Don't engage in any gambling activity or activities which are illegal in your country.

6. Don't try to scam others of their AD$ or AC, doing so would be a criminal offense and offenders will be charged accordingly.

7. Don't try to steal, damage or destroy AWOLnow property, intellectual or otherwise.

8. Don't harass other members on AWOLnow.

9. Don't use AWOLnow for your own commercial purposes, directly or indirectly.

10. Don't do anything indecent or unlawful on AWOLnow.

• Violaters of any of these rules are subject to termination of his or her AWOLnow acoount. AWOLnow will not be held responsible for any losses as a result of the termination of any account due to the violation of our stated policy. Violaters will also be held responsible for any lawsuits that may result from unlawful or fraudulent actions.

SERIOUS BUSINESS.

[edit] Users

AWOLnow's users are all gay guys, pedophiles, and 13 year old boys.

• AWOLWizard

Chink owner of AWOL. Or something. He/she is never online to help with much, so no one cares. He/she is probably laying dead in a sweatshop somewhere.

• Moki

Pretty much sucks.

• Ang

Can be a bitch when she decides she doesn't like you, and will hold a grudge against you for a long ass time, or until you write her out a two page apology.

• Beast

Figures out hacks on AWOL Steals hacks from Kode. Cheated on Hannah.

• SiskyBusiness

A.K.A Hannah. She's a lying whore. She posed as a 21 year old man named Chris/Papaya. She didn't realize how long the lie would last. Paigy was the first to find out, then Ang. The aftermath caused the user Zeth to go into a deep emo depression where he was forced to cut himself using broken pieces of light bulb.

• ¡Chißi?

A 21 year old Asian man living at home with his parents and younger siblings. Pretends to be a 17 year old girl. AWOL's biggest pedo. Chibi mostly hangs around girls between the ages of seven and fourteen. Can often be seen having hot cybers with them while getting off to that NPC with the huge knockers. Rarely speaks to legal chicks, anyone with a penis, or in the public chat.

• Penpen

Was known as the Gawd of AWOL. After spending time as a penguin obsessed visitor, PenPen became a noble. He began to gain popularity for his internet fights. One day while sitting at the bar in a strip club, a pair of 12-year-old girls got to talking about making a religion for him. They decided to call it PENISm. Not long after, Killer_Kiwi/Silly_Slutface made a symbol for the religion. Penny was known for killing wimmins, stealing babies, and having sex with your mom. Pissed people off with his snowball glitch.

• Doomboy101

Everyone's favorite wrist cutter. After spending his first few years on awol as a chatspeaking, suicidal hick, Doomboy101 was well known for threatening to drive to your house and beat you up on your doorstep. Unfortunately, his wrists were often too sore to go through with the threats. After getting tired of no one being afraid of him, Doomboy took a break from AWOL. Twenty years later, he came back from quest for the great golden razor, Doomboy totally changed his style. No one knows if its because he didn't have the guts to go through with his suicidal spurts, or because of all the nights his father made him suck him off, but who really cares? Doom now spends his time cussing at anyone who sits in his seat, trying to take Raven's place as most hated, and crying over his ex internet girlfriends. You can reach Doom at 1-972-292-1069. Prank calling this guy is really fun, especially whenever he threatens to arrive on your doorstep the next day with a knife. Doom hasn't been on AWOL in quite a while. He has been trying to give the impression that he has a life and a job now, when we all know that he has been playing XBox 360 all day long while jacking off his small emo cock. Recently, Doom has created an account called 'Truth' and is leeching his rants off of the descriptions of the users on this ED page. Doom is nothing but a pathetic, no life loser, who can't make friends because he's such a brat.

• Brad and Dreams

41 year old husband and wife. They started a huge AWOL family together; probably to ease the pain of not being able to have real kids since Dreams is a transsexual. They hang out in random cribs and try to lure kids into their family with offers of free ice cream. Have been members of the site since last Thursday.

• Ian

Ian is said to be the lovechild of a sewer rat and Richard Simmons. He loves hitting on and staring at the asses of underage girls. He'll constantly call you beautiful, because he starts to cry like a teenage girl watching Bambi's mom get shot when he looks at himself in the mirror. (God, he looks like a rat.) When he had a girlfriend in real life, he'd go babble like a jew on crack towards you and spam you with, "OH GOD HOT FUCK HOT FUCK HOT YOUR SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL" So don't fuck with him, or he'll slit his wrist with a plastic spoon. And write about it in his diary.

UPDATE: SHOCKING NEWS!! IAN IS ACTUALLY A LESBIAN IN A GUY'S BODY.

• Muff!nCak3s

Mel/Muff/Paige/Whothehellknows. Came to AWOL after the police closed down her massage shop due to shady business. After getting to know a few people on the site, she decided to leave her old life as an Asian massagist. Mel then started to leave her house less and less to spend more time online. She was well known for her stories of giving men at her local retirement home handjobs. Lied to everyone about the real her. Dated some Chinese dude no one cares about.

• Dari

A real, live thirteen year old boy. No one can understand what he says, but he DID show his crooked dick to Raven on webcam. Raven then gave the picture to Krew to post on the forums. People now call him Captain Hook.

• Paige, Zoey, Jae

While having different styles and living in different areas, these three girls are all the same person. While passing around their internet boyfriends to each other and sharing a blue toothbrush to shove down their throats after each meal, these three can be seen working the corner for a few hours every day before signing onto AWOL.

• EbonyDoe

Born at least 100 years ago, Ebony had seen a lot during her time on AWOL. Once a highly religious girl, she worshipped and adored Jesus Christ. After leaving AWOL one day, she was attacked and mugged by an Elvis impersonator. It was said that her cries of "WHY, JESUS, WHY?!" were heard around the world. With Jesus out of her heart, she fell in with a bad crowd and started to worship the horned one. She can now be seen masturbating to child birth videos (No, seriously. She does.) and stalking helpless orphan girls. Can also be found following her pet ♥Sora♥ around calling him "cookie".

• Chem

Fat, annoying girl who has no friends in real life, so she spends all of her time selling bootleg videos on AWOL. She does nothing but type in capslock, overuse those internet faces, and talk about Pokemon games. Has been seen crying and stuffing her face over her lack of friends and cutting herself over not not being able to catch a shiny Pokemon. Made an account named Jesus and flooded the forums with spam. It resulted in the rise of RavenMassacre and lots of hate mail.

A conversation with her usually goes something like this:

User: Hi, how are you doing?

Chem: STFU ]:< I AM PLAYING POKEMON WHILE STUFFING MY FACE WITH CAKE xDDDD;;;;

User: Cool. What kind of cake is it?

Chem: I WOULDN'T KNOW SINCE I AM JUST INHALING IT LIKE A VACUUM BUT I JUST CAUGHT A SQUIRTLE :D!!!!

User: Okay! I have to go shopping now, bye!

Chem: OK BYE [: :D CAN YOU PICK UP SOME DOUGHNUTS FOR ME AND MY POKEMON AT THE STORE :X

• STIFFMEISTER

Transvestite who scams emo girls into being his girlfriend. Spent his first year on AWOLnow claiming to be a 17 year old boy, then a 14 year old boy. For extra fun, ask him why daddy takes his asshole every night.

• THIS JUST IN: He's a 12 year old girl.

• Killer_Kiwi/Silly_Slutface

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• Jarolyn

Ugly beaner chick. She'll give you a blowjob for two burritos and a pint of beer. Says she's a model, but no one seems believe someone as nasty as her could get into the business. She likes to report people for breathing.

• Gray and Corey

Much like Paige, Zoey and Jae, these two are pretty much one and the same. Both try to be literate; often failing horribly. They can usually be found sucking each other off in a kangaroo's pouch.

Gray has been arrested several times for stealing makeup from Walmart, Target, and Macy's.

Being raised by two lesbians, Corey is often seen begging people to donate to his Papal account so he can get a sex change.

• Zerg

27 year old heroin addict. He gets on AWOL to fight with teenagers. On his way to jail for having child porn, the car he was in crashed into a truck carrying livestock. He managed to escape the law and get a name change. Has been known to hit on 10 year olds and jack off to the little UTZ mascot girl. You can usually find someone ranting about him in the forums.

• Marshysib8

Dumb slut who thinks her name is Olivia and blonde. IRL she has lank brown hair and her name is Emily. While sucking up to everyone and talking behind their backs, she's been sucking cock a member since 2005, and gives EVERYONE her fucking hideous drawings she does in MS Paint- which will induce vomiting in mere seconds. She can be found trying to be cool and AWOL famous in the Graveyard- too bad nobody knows her and no one notices her enough to care.

• Ace

13 year old boy who lives in the graveyard with his beloved "LemLem". Has been on the site since 2005 cybering with visitors and spewing random stories about how gay his life is. Another loud, short azn with a tictac penis. Cannot stand for more than one minute without talking about video games or whatever porn he's fapping to. /b/tard.

• SPOILER ALERT: 90% of all the faggots and girls on this site are fapping to him. Lemon ,Luna, Chem, Papaya, Jesus

• Shuichi

Pink. No one. Faggot. Also famous for screaming that his vagina is on fire.

• Rabi

Self proclaimed father of Corey and another one of the scene characters from the Graveyard. You can find pictures of her and her Jeffree Star hair on every profile that she has ever made. Usually, she's holding one of the teddy bears she uses to masturbate with, pretending that it's Gray. She has to date younger boys on the internet because she's such a failure in real life. She can often be found stroking her fake penis she's always talking about. Please someone help this fake ass wannabe tranny.

• Cosy/Serina

Also pulled a Dak stunt. Pretended to be a guy for a long period of time until Zeth suspected something was up. Sure enough, she came back 'LOLOLK SOZ I R GIRL IRL'. Which created all of the haters that she has today. You can usually find Serina in the Graveyard trying to be controversal and work herself up an ego. At night, she gets butthurt on Stickam watching Raven and his sex pals on webcam, lusting over him, wishing he would be her boyfriend.

• Cryos

Can usually be found in the Graveyard trying to act intelligent and act like he knows everyone. He sucks up to Doom [Which is really stupid and is the only user that does it.] He's not very much important and is really not much of anything but a pain in the ass.

[edit] Queers of AWOL

While almost every guy you run into on AWOL will claim he is gay or bi, it's a lie. All gay males on AWOL have a vagina in real life.

Known ones include

• Dak
• Zeth
• Cosy
• Pandy
• Mei
• Zhe~Onna
• Silver_Kitt
• DNA
• Shiro
• Plaid
• Hannah
• Cryos

[edit] Cliques

There were 2 main cliques on AWOL. The Massacre's and The Darth's.

[edit] AWOL Legends

Not unlike YouTube and MySpace, AWOLnow has very well-known people that are known as "Awol Legends". All known for different things, such as preaching religion, mad profile skills, spamming the boards, and just being known for what you say.

• RavenMassacre/Cody

RavenMassacre is the most known user across AWOL for being the most controversal douche on the site.

• Dak Raven/Sally/Jennifer/Shemale Man-beast Tits
  

  

  Dak

A lying whore who screwed everyone over. Told everyone she was a gay guy, and then came back saying "LOL JK GUYS!!!1". Dak lives "over the pond" and is a festering tub of lard. She posts pictures of how gay she looks today and her profile is always complaining about how her family hates her and no one loves her. Butthurt and depressed, she goes on the computer and stuffs her face with Pringles. She reads Harry Potter fanfic- need I say more? Constantly spewing her love for TomxHarry gay sex, people are provoked even more to slap her- but her fat just causes a rippling effect and creates an earthquake. She has crushes on EVERYONE who, ironically, find her repulsive and annoying.

LIST OF DAK'S CRUSHES:

• Youka
• Alan
• Ian
• Chem
• Kiwi
• Cody
• Simpleton

Dak and Shuichi were known to feud like raging lesbian sisters fighting over who gets to use the hotdogs.

• Krew

The complete and total bitch that believed she reigned over the imaginary world. No one really cares about her. She got her ego because RavenMassacre decided that it would be cool to put her in the spot light whenever the Legends got together. Being the two faced whore that she is, she turned on him and decided to take the fame for herself. Failing miserbaly, she went home crying to her Daddy and told him to cancel her internet. Krew still believes that she is popular on AWOL to this very day. She gets butthurt ANYTIME someone talks about her and immediatly means you're about to hear a boring rant over 50 pages long. According to Raven's profile, she will most likely be coming back to AWOL with him.

• Zeth

Zeth was the Legend after Beast was announced as 'Ex-Legend'. Claims he never wanted to be popular, yet had alot of people who adored him. Until Early 2008 where he started shoving his friends away and became mentally unstable. For some reason, Zeth got the credit for RavenMassacre's inbox hack. Mostly because Doom is a poser does nothing but talk alot of shit. Zeth hasn't been seen on AWOL for a while now and is currently on talking to Rachel. Another mentally unstable user from the Graveyard. Zeth is a faggot.

[edit] AWOL Events

• The BaracudaREPORT

The Baracuda Report was ran by RavenMassacre. Basically, it was Raven creating a huge list of people and bashing them for their flaws and such. Much like this ED page on AWOL, only, not so great. For some reason, The Baracuda Report was a hit and everyone loved it. EVEN after they found out it was Raven, many people pretended it was just another user who no one knew about. But of course, Doom got pissed because Raven got even more fame, and he wanted some of it, so, of course, tried to get rid of Baracuda Report. www.myspace.com/TheBaracudaReport it isn't much now, ending at Season 4.

• The Anti's

Basically, since the AWOL world revolves around RavenMassacre; Doom, Beast, Ed, and Nilly all created many accounts against RavenMassacre with the slogan of 'RAVENS A FAG'. They all kept the identity of these characters a secret until Raven pretended to be friends with Doom and then backstab him after Doom told him who it was. After 7 long months of seeing the Chatbox and Forums spammed with 'RAVENS A FAG', the Anti situation died.