Aboriginal

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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Aboriginals are the niggers of Australia. They are typically called coons, boongs, abos or black cunts by your average every australian. The proper name for a young aboriginal is Lake Angel.

Aboriginals cash in on the reality TV phenomenon.

[edit] History of Aboriginals

Over 9000 years ago, Zyrg militia (a pale-green skinned race of hostile bio-androids) from Zeta Reticuli descended into the Earth's atmosphere. Due to a floating point error in the crystalline-protein matrix of the mothership's bio-computer, the fleet's entry trajectory was miscalculated, hideously burning the skin of the invading race and partially melting the ship's superstructure. The gases released caused vivid hallucinations which the aliens interpreted as fact. This was the Dreamtime. There current leader is Pauline Hanson

At least 100 years ago, English discoverers colonized Australia with the aim of turning into the world's most hostile and desolate prison, labor farm and pastry shop. Encountering pale-skinned people for the first time, the Zyrg race (in their poorly charred form) welcomed the newcomers to the beaches. The English greeted them with gifts of delicious bullets and later cyanide laced wheat.

After the small misunderstanding of killing most of the Aborigines was cleared up, the British achieved a mutually agreeable compromise of getting the remaining Aborigines drunk, moving them all into tiny, remote communities, and stealing their children to be raised in good Christian households.

During the late 1800s and early 1900s, Aborigines were slaughtered by the thousands to provide specimens of 'missing links' for museums in Europe and America. The Australian National Museum once classified aborigines as 'Australian animals' and gave instructions on plugging up the bullet holes (LULZ!) once the specimen had been shot for 'science'.

[edit] Abo Technological "Advancements"

The Australian Indigenous people are believed to have populated the country for over 40 thousand years, making them one of the oldest "civilasations" on Earth, pre-dating ancient Greeks, Mayans and Egyptians. So in all this time on Earth before everyone else, you would have expected them to be some kind of super advanced, super intelligent race, and you would be mistaken. Below is a complete list 40,000 years of all Abo "accomplishments."

• 
  
• Digeridoo
• 
  
• 
  
• Coon Cheese (real cheese)
• 
  
• Boomerang
• 
  
• 
  
• Aids
• 
  
• 
  

As a comparison, here are some interesting facts, comparing Abos to Chinks.

• In 9 BCE, China invented gunpowder
• In 5 BCE, the Chinese inevnt the kite
• The Chinese are also so much cooler
• In 4 CE, Chinese scientists make a fully working compass, and
• In 1788 CE, when the British came to Australia, after 40,000 of life, the damn Abos still hadn't invented the FUCKING WHEEL, and yet they want us to respect their culture nd way of life. (lol no wheels means no cars, so why do they use so much damn petrol?)

[edit] Abo Hobbies

Hobbies of the Abo's tend to include:

• Sniffing Drinking petrol out of jerry cans

• raping their young

• Drinking Spirit juice grog to contact the spirits.

• waiting for the fortnightly dole payment to go buy more drugs and booze

• teaching their children how to also be the unwiped arseholes of society like the parents

• drinking beer with the bottle still in the paper bag while sitting in highway median strips

• complaining about how white people stole their land 200 years ago, like they were going to do anything else but search for "bush tucker" (aboriginal food) on it.

• Celebrating Sorry Day, A time when all White Australians are legally obligated to apologize to the Aboriginals for something they never did.

• [Children only] Being confused on father's day

• They also engaged in cannibalism as late as the 1970's!

• THIS IS 100% COMPLETE FUCKING TRUTH

When an Aboriginal child is born, the Mother will hold it over an fire so the smoke can "cleanse it from evils." MOAR LIKE GIVE IT LUNG CANCER, BRAIN DAMAGE, ATHSMA AND THE BEETIS!

[edit] Aboriginal Culture

An aboriginal man relaxes with a joint after losing a drunken fight with a screen door.

The only two musical instruments used in Aboriginal music are sticks and the didgeridoo. Whereas civilized society's produced instruments of made of metals and complicated tubing, the Zyrg produced the Log, v.2. This large bong-like contraption emits a low groaning sound, much akin to what bagpipes would sound like on methadone. They also have heaps of stories of encounters with kangaroos (they were either drunk or sniffing a high amount of petrol at the time) that they say were like the size of a tree and encountered the great hairy man or the yowie (which is actually your mom). This is the one contribution the Zyrg have produced, advancing stick technology to levels previously unthought of. The didgeridoo was originally invented to mask the sound of their young screaming as the tribal elders ritually raped them and circumcised them with hot stones.

An aboriginal rave is called a corroboree, which usually involves a circle of elders sitting around a burning pyre of state-provided bedding and furniture, while younger Aboriginals paint themselves in automotive paint and huff gasoline fumes before dancing in a crazed fashion typically associated with Downs Syndrome or Cerebral Palsy.

[edit] Child Rape

In July 2007, The Australian Government sent federal police and motherfucking army units into Aboriginal communities to seize control after a recent report came to the shocking and unexpected conclusion that Aboriginals were getting drunk and raping their young.

The communities, mostly focussed around the Northern Territory (see: Middle of Fucking Nowhere) are torn between receiving free health and infrastructure, and having their precious beer, drugs and loli taken away from them.

The report was titled "Little Children Are Sacred", which is widely believed to be a typographical error, the correct title being "Little Children Are (fucking) Scared.". Which, let's face it, you would be too if a fat beardy negroid man with spraypaint on his breath was lying on top of you like some sort of hairy, stinking leviathan.

[edit] Aborigines and Commerce

An aboriginal child enjoys the indigenous version of a popsicle, a live, angry crab impaled on a stick.

Aboriginals represent approximately 80% of the total sales shoplifting of Winfield Blue cigarettes in Australia. The other 20% are from residents of Werribee.

[edit] The Aboriginal Flag

Australian Teutonic Society Flag

The Aboriginal flag is composed of horizontal black on red bars, with a yellow circle in the center. It shows their proud German heritage. Aboriginals originally came to Australia from Germany in the dreamtime riding on the Rainbow Serpent.

[edit] Petrol

Aboriginals love sniffing petrol ." This is done by simply sniffing it directly from the can or someones fuel tank. A common occurrence in Australian life is waking up to find a dead petrol sniffer right next to your car. This is usually exclaimed by the Australian yelling "Crikey, there's a dead petrol sniffer!" No one knows why Abos sniff petrol, some speculate that they believe it holds some spirtual significance, ohter beliefs include they use it just to get high, the most likely reason is that, like every other thing that invovles thinking, have yet to discover jenkem.

[edit] Abo Milkshake Recipe

1. Milk, preferably from a kangaroo
2. Premium unleaded
3. 6 pack VB
4. Cancer
5. ????
6. PROFIT!!

[edit] They were so happy, and we RUINED it!

Every single Australian child has had the miracle of the dreamtime rammed down their throat at school from an early age. Apparently abo's were happy squatting naked in their own filth for thousands of years. So why then does the modern aboriginal complain about his difficult and unfulfilling life of squatting naked in his own filth, in a government provided house, and a government provided tinnie of VB?

Here we come to grips with the very essence of modern aboriginal culture.

A stray dog does not expect you to feed it, but if you do, it comes to expect it and will complain if you don’t.

Seriously, that’s all there is. Aboriginals immediately spend their tax-payer funded dole money on cheap booze, cheap smokes and Cray supercomputers within one hour of having been issued with their fortnightly allotment. Woe betide them! They’ve now spent all their free white devil money on white devil comestibles! How will they now feed their millions of fly-blown, illiterate children?

How indeed? So more money is issued, which is immediately spent on booze, woe betide, how indeed, more money, etc.

There comes a time where keeping a human ant farm stops being fun, that time is when it starts costing hundreds of millions of dollars, and at the end of the day, the only change is the ring of VB stubbies around the naked man crouching in his own filth.

Little (fucking) scared abo girl.

[edit] Lose a thong, mate?

"Nah, I found one"

Due to an aboriginals aforementioned pathological inability to spend money in a productive, life-enriching manner, they have become notorious scroungers. It's certainly not uncommon to encounter a specimen in the wild wearing no, odd or only one item of footwear. Further clothing is even more haphazard.

Government provided housing, in the two to three years before it collapses from neglect, tends to accumulate an unexplainable amount of urine-soaked mattresses and cushions. These are of course not for the children, who must sleep on the floor, but for the dozens of disease-ridden feral dogs aboriginals tend to collect. Note of course that aboriginals are unable to feed themselves, let alone a fucking dog pound.

Don't consider this an affront to their intellect however. To suggest such a lifestyle is moronic would be racist. And only white people are racist.

[edit] Why are Abo's called boongs?

They're called Boongs because thats the sound they make when they get hit by a semi!!!1 (truck, lorry)
Video provides excellent example with a firetruck.

If you don't own a semi and see an abo on the side of the road, opening your passenger-side door and collecting him as you pass makes an acceptable substitute.

If you do happen to hit one and they bounce off your truck into the roadside bushes, you should immediately call the cops, who will shake your hand and charge him with leaving the scene of an accident. If the abo has gone through your windscreen, they will charge him with break in and entering instead.