Abortion
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Abortion, also known as a Cunt Scraping, refers to the beautiful and gut-bustingly hilarious procedure in which a soon-to-be ugly baby is instead destroyed before it has a chance to wreak havoc on the world. A sure-fire subject to send any politically minded community into a 400 comment flame war. There are two schools of thought regarding abortion: anti-choice (aka anti-woman) and anti-life (aka anti-human). Both of them are characterized by producing extreme portions of drama and nearly no logical points whatsoever. However, everyone knows that neither of these two parties are correct, and that the only sensible stance is for killing fetuses and not letting women have the right to choose. When a cunt scraping is performed on a nigga, kike or Arab, it is considered a crime stopper, and encouraged by some of the worlds leading prostitutes such as Donald Trump. Some groups have been known to eat fetuses to help them gain god-like powers, this is a powerful technique but only fetuses harvested from the correct source.
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[edit] How 2
Many people over the years have come up with a few creative ideas for killing babies, some of which are extra good because they also harm women. The favorite for most people is simply kicking the woman in the stomach, or if your legs are aching, a baseball bat to the gut is a good option. Another is forcing said woman into a boiling bath tub to scald her internally. Of course, there is the old fashioned way: Shove your arm up, grabba hold of the fetus, and pull. Bill Clinton was said to have tried all three methods on one woman, only to find out that she was just fat.
Internet (DOG)OBGYNs have developed the holistic Falcon Punch method. It goes as follows.
1. Find a pregger.
2. Lean your arm and shoulder back as far as it can go.
3. At the top of your lungs scream "Falllllllcoooon Paunnnnnnnnch!!!!11!!"
4. Punch her in the uterus, not the stomach, located a few inches above the belly button.
5. Follow through, do not ease up once you have made contact.
6.????????
7. Profit
8. Clean yourself up, bitch.
'If this fails to work, or fetus does not naturally come out within 2-6 hours.'
1. Find a metal clothes hanger.
2. Bend to into a large hook.
3. Insert, hook, and pull.
4. Continue from step 3, from previous instructions, on the discarded fetus.
Alternate Option - works best on religious women.
1. Take preggers to church. Preferably on Sunday when all her friends and family will be there.
2. Find some holy water.
3. Boil water.
4. Go find a turkey baster.
5. Fill the turkey baster with the boiling holy water.
6. Stick baster up pregger's vagina.
7. SQUIRT. Not only will you fry the baby's head and terminate the pregnancy, you'll also punish the women by burning her cunt. That should teach her that birth control is her responsibility, not yours.
[edit] Fun Things To Do
While some people say abortion can be a sad time full of psychological stress and worry, there are plenty of wonderful things one can enjoy after the easy operation.
- Gaining popularity game amongst suburban teens is to collect their dead fetuses and amass them together with model glue in order to play unbaby shower games. The most alluring is fetus-ball - wherein the cute chunks are frozen then tossed around a room, once they start to thaw, the objective is to get all the fetuses to stick on one person.
- Wrapping the fetus in hamburger meat and feeding it to local kids can prove to be a real blast.
- If you feel like you didn't get to know your soulless little amalgamation, you could always take apart toys and make a talkative little fellow.
- If done at the right time and thrown face up in the trash, aborted fetuses can survive to adulthood, though often not too bright, they lead destructive lives among the population. Make one your friend if you know one, perhaps you can help it along on its path to true happiness
[edit] Pro-Life
Someone who is pro-life is someone who is against abortion cause it be murder, most people who call themselves prolife tend to be republican, or populist. Pro-lifers are all hypocrites because none of them adopt the unwanted babies they vouch for the lives of. Thus, pro-lifers are retarded.
Besides that, they are made of liquid awesome and know how to give great oral to avoid making babies so nobody has to die. They are all super awesome and you should become one immediately. Though, be careful of their laser eyes! They can spot an unborn baby for miles, and if that baby is anywhere near an abortion clinic, then...well, ask these guys.
Ironically, most people who are pro-life are in favor of the death penalty and killing people in Iraq (and pretty much anywhere else President Bush feels like having people killed; what, do you hate America?).
The mortal enemy of a pro-lifer is someone who is pro-choice, whom they often wish death upon. To pro-life, pro-choice are heartless demons.
[edit] Pro-Life Quotes
| —Typical prolife response |
| —A prolife claim to end abortion. |
| —Another prolife claim to end abortion. |
| —Anonymous |
| —Captain Awesome...waa waa waa |
| —Former abortion/Kike |
| —Dr. Breen, to women who have had abortions. |
| —Zach Braff on abortion |
[edit] Pro-Choice
Someone who is pro-choice is generally considered to be the embodiment of all things awesome (strictly due to their love of killing babies, which is AWWWWRIIIGHT.) However, recently the pro-choice movement has been filled with feminists, thus making its ghey levels over 9000. Though, unlike pro-life, they actually believe the mother is a person and do not see the fetus as a person.
There are many theories behind the origins of the feminist anti-lulz, but no clear cut answer is available. However, here are the 3 most likely sources:
(Please take to note that these, along with the gays, furries, and Jesus, are among those suspected for the 9/11 attacks.)
Pro-choicers will not rest until every life-ruining fetus has been sucked from every womb, but are fighting to save the bad guys in the Iraq and take the child-rapists and serial killers off of death row. As Osama Bin Laden is more human than an unborn baby. Just because abortion saves women's lives does not mean that it is all right. Pro-choice advocates are all idiots that don't realize that murder is one of the funniest activities evar. To pro-choice, pro-life are the scum of the earth.
NOTE: Pro-choice shall forever remain unlulzy until every feminist on the planet is executed.
[edit] Pro-Choice Quotes
| —Pro-choicer |
| —Pro-choice n00b |
| —An online donor to Planned Parenthood |
[edit] Middle Ground
There is no middle ground. You are either a baby-killer or a sexist. Kevin and Kat are, together, the biggest baby-killers evar. A possible third position is to be in favor of abortion as long as the mother is not white.
[edit] How does abortion affect parents?
[edit] Abortion drama OTI
- Recently some prick managed to amass 1,200+ comments and 89,000+ views in one day, by mistaking The Onion for a purveyor of real news. The article in question, I'm Totally Psyched About This Abortion!, netted a few enthusiastic replies by this gentleman who believed it to be real, and not obvious satire. Notably, he doesn't know what an Ellipsis is, nor what it signifies... it is assumed that he doesn't speak Japanese...
- On MySpace, the biggest prolife group found was found here: Pro-Life. As ironic as the URL sounds, it is a prolife group. It should also be noted that the group site currently has no mod, so it is free for trolling. Also there's a sexy and dashing poster named Jim Profit whom you should devote your life to.
- Amy Richards wrote a big article for the New York Times about how she was infected with triplets and decided to kill only two of them, while letting the third one live. Her husband meekly assented to the murder instead of hitting her with an oiled table leg in a downward motion.
[edit] LJ Drama
There are many pro-life communities on LiveJournal (the biggest one being prolife), just as there are many pro-choice communities. The two hate each other, and if any member of one community crosses paths with a member of the opposing community, you know some flames will go down - a perfect opportunity for epic lulz.
- There is also an Abortion category on LJDrama, dedicated to child-free and abortion drama.
[edit] Videos
Planned Parenthood Donation Troll
No, this isn't creepy at all
Abortion Man
[edit] Abortion Fun Facts!
- Abortion was invented because people were too damn retarded to use a fucking condom when doing it
- In April 2007, Yale art student Aliza Shvarts claimed to have artificially inseminated herself at least 100 times, each time filming herself inducing abortions with herbal remedies, and saving the blood to smear on plastic sheets and drape over a giant cube. She did it for the lulz.
- L. Ron Hubbard was obsessed with abortion, performing at least 7 on his wife. With a coat hanger no less.
- Abortion is the best way to make sure your kid doesn't grow up to degrade women by looking at pornography.
- Romanians get the Olympic-gold-fucking medal for abortions: they killz 3 quarters of their unborn kidz. A Romanian diplomat was quoted as saying, "We do it for the LULZ." <1>
- Noone on either side of the issue has ever made a valid point ever.
[edit] Baby Pictures
 Pro-lifers support ear-neck boy! |
 Monkey-Girl supports pro-lifers! |
 Toadboy wishes he were dead. |
 Awww, isn't it just precious? |
 You can also abort a baby after it's born, as long as you use a knife. |
 Mother of the Year 2007 |
||
 Their way of converting people to the prolife way. |
 The Pro-lifer's Final Solution! |
||
 Good eats! |
 Fetus: Anti-free will or pro-baby murder? |
 Some people collect abortions and auction them on the Internet. |
 Fetus omelet |
 Snacks to bring to the party. |
 Abortions make your babies happy. |
[edit] See also
- Anabelle Lotus
- Kevin and Kat
- Falcon Punch
- Aliza Shvarts
- Nathan Sheets, who provided the photo.
- Puckish - bitch who cares more about flaming than abortion
- Miscarriage
[edit] External Links
- Bible Resources Recommend ED's Abortion Stance
- [http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9B07EED6113BF93BA25754C0A9629C8B63 'Amy Richards describes the fantastic
- Abortion Is Pro-Life - The current Pope of Objectivism preaches about the
- [1] Maddox's view on the subject
Halloween haunted house exhibit she has planned for her surviving baby'] life-affirming Good News of abortion.
- [2] Deviant, self-hating, black and fulltime weaboo Xiao-Feng-Fury becomes the voice of the unborn
