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Age of Conan

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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1 What Age of Conan is
2 Gameplay
3 Starting the Game
4 End Game
5 Issues
6 How to Troll AoCfags

[edit] What Age of Conan is

"The only good thing about AoC

Age of Conan was an overly hyped up game developed last Thursday where it's bullshit developers told a lot of lies about how amazing and next-gen it was going to be. Pretty graphics and a new combat system does not equal a good game. This game is going to be the next Vanguard, Funcom obviously hasn't learned their lesson from AO. Age of Conan is for those who want to jerk off to cyber dick. The official forums are constantly being trolled by people who have canceled their accounts who know the truth. You can also spread the truth by trolling their forums.

[edit] Gameplay

Basically, you buttonmash. And using your shields is as useless as a Tom Cruise. You press the combo button you need to and just press the arrows it corresponds to, fucking dumb right?

[edit] Starting the Game

After spending over 9000 jew golds to upgrade your computer to support AoC's amazing graphics engine, you can now start the game. You start off by making your character, who is a sex slave on a ship. The many customization options allow you to make your character exactly like you. That is, fat and ugly. After making an in-game clone of Daniele Fiorenza, you ship conveniently crashes and you end up stranded on a beach. When you wake up from your sex fantasies, some random nigger comes and starts telling you what to do. He then tells you to go kill your pimp so you will no longer be a sex slave. You are then free to move around. Eventually you will hear some bitch screaming for help. Most people don't get farther than this, because the amazing graphics engine will probably have you running at 1 FPS. If, by some chance, you do get past this part, you will find the bitch chained up and blocking your way. The bitch will then tell you to go kill some guy for the key to her bonds. After button-mashing to kill a random guy, you get the key and free the girl. Unfortunately, the bitch doesn't realize you don't give a shit about her and asks you to escort her to the town. You travel along, learning how to button-mash until you find your pimp. He tells you he was looking for you, and orders you to come with him and have kinky sex with some demon he found. You then proceed to button-mash and kill the fat monstrosity. You can then continue through the game, quit, or commit suicide. If you continue, you will buttonmash and lead a life of virginity and carpal tunnel. If you quit, you will troll the forums and create lulz, if you commit suicide you will be remembered and get your own special ED page!

[edit] End Game

Siege battles are as broken as a nigger's bike. This shit will lag like fuck and isn't even worth doing.

Raiding is tank and spank, just get the right group.

[edit] Issues

The engine is not good FOR ANY COMPUTER! Computers well above the recommended specs will have issues running the game. But there are always people with computers made from over 9000 niggers. This game also has SEVERE lag issues, and it is rare to get above 20-25 fps AT MOST on a very good computer. Have fun manually opening ports 7000-7999 for Age of Conan patcher!