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Albert Einstein
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
Albert Einstein✡ is a Jewish Internet celebrity and prolific attention whore. He is singlehandly responsible for fucking up science.
Born at least 100 years ago to a Jewish family, Al considered himself too smart to attend school. He frequently interrupted class to declare a lack of Rule 34 and subsequently dropped out. He spent a lengthy period as an unemployed transient. Al then decided to attend the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology but failed the entrance exams. He instead enrolled at a hippy school, where "teachers were humane and his ideas were set free". Here he studied a number of difficult courses such as the French language. Afterwards he transferred to a vocational school, where he cheated his way through by cribbing off of the notes of Marcel Grossmann, a fellow student.
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[edit] Rise of a Star
Upon graduating with no academic merits, Al was once again unemployed and a burden to his poor Jewish family. Unfortunately, someone at some patent office pitied him and gave him a job. By stealing the ideas of Michele Besso, Max Planck, Paul Ehrenfest, Konrad Habricht, Maurice Solovine, Friedrich Adler, and countless patent writers, he was able to convince the scientific community that he was smart. He married his cousin Elsa Löwenthal after breaking up with Mileva Maric over the theft of her ideas. Elsa already had two bastard daughters.
Through the ideas he "borrowed" from others, Al invented The Godwin Variation, nightlights, the A-Bomb (which he named after himself), and chalk. He also created the General Theory of Relativity, a theory bent on establishing his own genius and the possibility that he is right, regardless of the mindfucks his math creates. The theory asserts that when an object is moving really fast, it is actually moving really slow. This and other concepts created by Relativity are in direct conflict with at least 100 other theories from at least 100 years ago, one could say that Albert Einstein was a predecessor of ED's concept. He was also executive producer of The Nanny, even though Fran Drescher is not a Jew.
[edit] Smart Arse
Other than doing maths all day and trying to straiten that fucking shit of a load that hair was (which made him look like an absolute fag), Al enjoyed bragging over how much smarter he was than everyone else. He was quoted as saying, "Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater." This was obviously a reference to his amazing ability to conclude that a fast moving object is traveling at a speed of zero, the same speed in which the person writing this article is doing, helping no one and destroying the respect and inhumanity of a person. In other words nothing, ZERO.
[edit] FUCKING JEW
And that is all :)
[edit] Important Theoretical Research in Digital Telecommunications
(Or in other words some fucking nerd trying to be smart)
Humanity didn't realize it at the time, but Einstein also discovered the most fundamental principle of digital communications, the longcat. In an attempt to explain how radio works, Einstein said: "You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very,very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."
The cables used to connect most digital devices are actually named in honor of Einstein's discovery. Computers are connected to each other using CAT-5 or CAT-6 cables, while telephones are connected with the cheaper CAT-3 cables. CAT-1 cables are no longer used, because they really only worked with telegraphs, and it takes entirely too long to download porn using morse code.
WiFi, or wireless internet, operates in a manner exactly as predicted by Einstein's theorum; Computers and routers send information to each other, except there is no CAT, thus proving the theory beyond a shadow of a doubt.
[edit] External (relative to this website) Links
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Albert Einstein is part of a series on Aspies. |
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