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Alexreynard

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Internetz, meet Alexreynard's anus. Alexreynard's anus, meet internetz!

Alexreynard H8S WIMMINZ! THAT MEANS HE IS A FAG!!!

Alexreynard is a whiny little furfag and resident drama whore on Furaffinity. Like most furries, he is obsessed with certain cartoon characters like Gadget Hackwrench from shows like Chip N Dale's Rescue Rangers and Fifi LaFume from Tiny Toons, both of whom he dedicates large amounts of Rule 34 to, raping childhood memories in the process. Because of his sexual obsession with Gadget, he is also the only friend and fan of Ray "Mousefucker" Jones. A sexual deviant, he stands out even among most furries because of the large amount of fetishes he has, some of which are unique to his faggotry. He also hates anonymous and whenever trolled, he'll whine and state that he is never coming back to the site. Epic failure ensues when he shows up the next day claiming that he had outsmarted anon by pretending to leave so they would go away. The real reason why he always comes back is because he realizes he has no friends IRL (as if he has friends on the internet to begin with) and hyoomans can not meet his sick fuck demands of underage skunk fucking so he usually be back within in a couple minutes.

1 Furaffinity
2 Quotes of Faggotry
3 Alexreynard hates women
4 Alexreynard totally hates trolls
5 Alexreynard hates criticism
6 Alexreynard gets butthurt over ED
7 Fetishes
8 Gallery
9 See Also
10 External Links

[edit] Furaffinity

Alex apparently poops his pants.

Alexreynard is usually seen on Furaffinity where he either posts his shitty art or BAWWWWWWS in his journal. A full blown attention whore, he'll post farewell entries in his journal whenever he realizes that nobody gives a shit about him. Other furfags who like his shit will immediately post comments begging him not to leave. This, of course, makes him feel special and he'll proceed to claim that he was just joking and was, in fact, planning to stay the entire time. Unfortunately, none of these furries realize that if they just simply ignore him, he would go batshit insane and become an hero. A potential Lulzcow, trolling his account will usually garner a reaction like this:

“	Please go shove razor-sharp pieces of rusted metal into your crotch until you no longer have a penis. You're a stupid motherfucker who deserves to be retroactively aborted. You smell like two camels taking a shit in a garbage bag made out of fatty chicken skin.	„
—Alexreynard

[edit] Quotes of Faggotry

“	I pronounce it 'ray-NARD'. Dunno if that's the correct way, but that's how I rock it.	„
—Alexreynard

“	Here's a promise: Tonight when I masturbate, I will imagine you growing a huge set of tits and a giant, dripping cock, and then two other giant herms will come up and start fucking you in your sloppy cunt and anus, and then you will hard-vore a small child, digest that small child, shit the small child out, and then eat your own shit while cumming like a firehose all over the place. Plus you'll all be wearing Nazi uniforms. And you know what? There's Nothing You Can Do To Stop Me.	„
—Alexreynard's response to a troll

“	You know what else? There's nothing you can do to stop me, and everyone else on FA, from drawing and posting Whatever The Fuck We Want. You're a minority here. This is OUR goddamn site. We _like_ herms and vore and poop and snuffie and feet and tentacles and heart porn and rubber suits and alllll that good shit. You could rant and scream and cry and tear your hair out for a thousand years and it would NEVER make it go away. You Are Utterly Powerless. You are an ant staring down a tidal wave of fucked-up, wildly-creative porn. So, you have three choices. A: Shut the fuck up. B: If you choose not to shut the fuck up, expect to be ignored, mocked, laughed at and angrily rebuked for your infantile, repressive garbage. Or, C: you can learn to accept that other people have the right to like things you don't, and that there's nothing wrong with them for that. Unless it's causing direct harm to someone else, there is NOTHING wrong with masturbating to ANYTHING. You can draw porn of the Hindenburg disaster, of anorexic girls, of people vomiting on babies, of Hitler raping a Jew up the nose, of sucking a car's tailpipe, of Papa Smurf ripping out Smurfette's uterus with his teeth, AND IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON. Having a thought, no matter what it is, does not make a person good or bad; it's what they choose to do with that thought. And creating art is a hell of a lot better than just tearing random strangers down because you secretly hate yourself. (Oh, I'm sorry, did I just psychoanalyze you?)	„
—Alexreynard defending his shitty art

“	I'm leaving FurAffinity forever.	„
—Alexreynard

“	I wanted everyone here to know that I just went downstairs and took a Crocodile Shit. It was long, bumpy and pointed on both ends.	„
—Alexreynard

“	Not unlike an anthropologist living among lower primates to learn their secrets, I occasionally venture to places like 4chan and 7chan. Unholy lands where ignorance runs high and decency is but a figment.	„
—Alexreynard

“	I'm furry Rick James, bitch! YIFF YOUR COUCH!!!	„
—Alexreynard

“	I came up with a BRAND NEW ANAL SEX EUPHEMISM: 'Bludgeon some fudge'. Use it. NOW!!!	„
—Alexreynard

“	If the Care Bears' mission is to help out those in trouble and make sure everyone cares enough to share their feelings, then why didn't they prevent the holocaust?	„
—Alexreynard

“	By the way, to any anonymous *chan-tards; I hope you all get treated in real life the same way you treat people online	„
—Alexreynard

[edit] Alexreynard hates women

Major boner kill. :(

Despite the ridiculous number of fetishes he has, there is one thing that has never made Alex's dick hard: pussy. Alexreynard has a deep and abiding loathing for the fairer sex, expressed so elegantly right here. This basically means he is a fag.

But Alex hates no woman more than Soundhound. After Ray Jones got featured here on ED, Alex was very very upset, so much so that he compared getting mocked on the internet to getting raped. Soundhound disagreed with that analogy, and Alex called her an "obstinate cow" and stated that he liked Gadget from "Rescue Rangers" and other cartoon women better than real women because cartoon women "act rationally." In other words, he means that he likes to fantasize about fucking cartoon woman because he can't fuck real woman. Thus began what many consider to be the most epic slapfight in all of Furaffinity's exceptionally gay history.

  Wrong, you thick-skulled obstinate cow. You're the only person who's said I equated 
  rape with net harassment. You know why? Because I didn't. I never did that, and the 
  proof is not only on the other journal, I posted it here as well. Listen, if you can't reply 
  to a post by anything other than bringing up the same points I already refuted into the 
  ground, then don't bother writing, okay? If you can insult me with something real, then 
  reply. Otherwise, you sound like a three-year-old. I would *love* to see you up on a 
  podium in public, arguing the way you do. You would be laughed off the stage and sent 
  home crying with wet pants just like a babyfur. Buy some diapers now and save 
  yourself the trouble.

But it's not Alex's fault that he hates women! Whenever he's called on out on it, he'll tell you a heart-wrenching story all about how his mom was mean to him as a kid, an experience that has forever soured him on pussy.

[edit] Alexreynard totally hates trolls

Alexreynard also hates trolls and especially anonymous, after they ~~killed his father~~ made fun of his butt buddy Ray Jones. He'll fly into a rage whenever he sees anything that smacks of lulz, but his attempts at counter-trolling are generally restricted to weak OMG RANDOM humor so painfully forced that you'll want to kill yourself just to forget them. Of particular note is his Secret Troll Manifesto, an epic monument to unfunny.

Once it's become clear that Alex has been completely owned, often by his own stupidity, he'll switch tactics from his normal tl;dr posts to "JAMES VAN DER BEEK" stonewalling and just declare victory. (Meaning that he'll just start responding with the phrase "JAMES VAN DER BEEK" to anything his opponent says, except to occasionally break character to remind them of how much he's totally pwning them by doing so) If that fails, he'll send in his number one ass-kisser ZephonTsol, who's in the army, so he can totally beat you up if you disagree with Alex's opinions. Better watch out there, boys; this cat has claws! ROWR >:3

Both Alex and Zephon flip out to hilarious effect in this thread, after dramamongers Yiffityspiff and Acorndeer make oh-so-mean comments about how sick fetishes are sick. Alex, blind to even the most obvious trolling, can't stop himself from shitting all over the place, like the whiny faggot he is.

[edit] Alexreynard hates criticism

Alexreynard is more than just a shitty artist. He's also a shitty writer! In fact, he is a shitty artist/writer who can't take criticism! Check out Alex's opus How it All Began, a stirring drama about how EVIL MUSTACHE-TWIRLING BUSHITLER AMERIKKKAN HYOOMANS genetically engineer and then oppress furries in comically overblown ways until the furries revolt, destroy hyoomanity, and create idyllic utopia because they are stronger, smarter, and just generally better than hyoomans in every way. Within minutes of posting, Alex was inundated with the usual deluge of knob-slobbing sycophants, but – uh oh! – it looks like one poster didn't like it. Fellow furfag Anticarrot posted an oh-so-scathing response to that story, saying:

  I think I've read this story before. In fact, on reflection, I know I have; several times, by  
  several different authors. I never liked it. Never liked the dumbing down of humanity. 
  Or the godlike supremacy of the furries. Or how the world marches exactly in political 
  lockstep with American domestic policy. It's the latter, not the making furries thing, 
  that completely destroys my suspension of disbelief. I've enjoyed a lot of your stories. 
  They made me think. I' was up until 5AM a few days ago reading Summer Vacation of 
  the Living Dead. This one though just made me reach for the back button."

What?! How dare you malign this epic masterpiece of literary genius?! Anti-carrot's comment causes Alex to go insane with rage, posting his usual TL;DR response bawwing about HOW DARE YOU ATTACK MY SENSITIVE GENIUS? Not content with merely crying about it on his own page, Alex had to pursue Anticarrot back to his Furaffinity page to cry some more. When even that failed to salve his wounded ego, Alexreynard resorted to making journal posts comparing the number of times his shit story had been fave'd to the number of times that Anticarrot's shit story had been fave'd, thus essentially bragging about being more popular on the Internet. Good job, Alex. We all know that being popular on a website where underaged diaper wearing furry shitting dick nipples is openly fapped to is sometime to be proud about! A winnar is you!

[edit] Alexreynard gets butthurt over ED

Just recently, Alexreynard became butthurt over ED, most ~~likely~~ definitely because of this article. As usual, he started bawwing about it in his journal to get some attention. His small group of retarded furry fans immediately rushed in and jerked him off. Not satisfied, he made an account on ED under the subtle name of Alex Reynard, which isn't surprising. He proceeded to try and edit this article, making it unfunny and failing miserably.

“	I don't usually believe in destiny, but has anyone else noticed that Encyclopedia Dramatica shares the same initials as 'erectile dysfunction'?	„
—Alexreynard

“	The reason ED is such a bunch of assholes is because they can't get it up for anything but autopsy photos or 2Girls1Finger.com	„
—Alexreynard

“	Those bastards called Tay Zonday the N word about a dozen times on his page. That's unforgivable. How can anyone possibly hate Tay Zonday!?	„
—Alexreynard

“	I know. Mine's got dyslexia.	„
—Alexreynard, talking about his microdick in the same topic.

“	The fact that all their humor derives from a bunch of memes and catchphrases that are literally years old. And they're supposed to be the freakin' lords of comedy on the internet! Jesus! Borscht belt comics change their act more than Anonymous does!!	„
—Alexreynard

“	ED tries its ass off to be offensive and unfunny in that hip, ironic way they all seem to like so much. Calling them that just makes them happy. Calling them lame and stale and boring and toothless and powerless and FUCKING _OLD_ is much more likely to annoy them. :)	„
—Alexreynard

Feel free to troll him on his User talk page here.

[edit] Fetishes

Alexreynard fails at humor and is revealed to be a fat fuck in the process.

Like any typical furfag, Alexreynard has a bunch of sick fetishes that he feels he needs to share with everybody to draw more attention to himself. These fetishes are both lulzy and disturbing, with some that are even unheard of, proving without a doubt that he is one sick fuck who must have been dropped over 9000 times on the head as a baby. This also proves that furries in general will fuck anything living, dead, or inanimate without prejudice. Rule 36 of the Internets: "No matter what it is, it is somebody's fetish. No exceptions." In this case, there is a lot of them.