Amanda Knox
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Amanda Knox is an American attention whore who decided to take the ultimate step in trying to get people to love her by killing her Britfag roommate with the help of her boyfriend while on her semester abroad in Italy. It is likely that without the drastic change in her psyche brought on by the web 2.0, particularly MySpace, that Amanda would have stayed a boring naive girl stateside instead of the badassed internet superstar that she has become.
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[edit] Early Career
Amanda grew up in the suburbs of Seattle and went to Catholic school. Soon, she discovered through the magic of web 2.0 that she could make lonely basement dwellers pay attention to her and do what she wanted by making them think she was somehow sexually available to them. Armed with this powerful new knowledge, she enrolled in the Jameth School of Shameless Self-Promotion at the University of Washington. In college, Amanda expanded her research on the impact of alcohol on attention whoring, as can be seen in this YouTube video in which Amanda's tolerance is expounded upon:
Oh yeah, Amanda's friends also hate dirty Jews.
Her thorough collegiate research about her ability to relate to people and her endless desire to expand her mind led her to be arrested in Seattle for being part of a large party that was being split up by the police, for which she was fined $269 in Seattle municipal court. Having achieved a certain amount of standing in the United States, Amanda departed for Italy, a land rich in attention whoring history, to gain an international perspective.
[edit] Establishing herself in Italy
Amanda didn't miss a beat in Italy, bragging in her MySpace blog about fucking some dude that she met on the train to Perugia, where she would be living. And she didn't stop there. According to her friends, Amanda's exploits while in Perugia earned her the reputation of a "man eater". Like any college girl desperate to fuck everything in sight broaden her horizons, Amanda took a job at a bar owned by African Italian Patrick Lumumba, where she proved so incompetent at her easy job of waiting tables that she nearly got fired for flirting with her customers too much.
Eventually, Amanda did settle down with a lad named Rafaelle Sollecito, an engineering student from a rich and beautiful background who, like Amanda, was also dedicated to enriching his mind.
[edit] The Roommate
Amanda rented a room in a house often rented by other foreign students. One of the other renters in the house Amanda was living in was Meredith Kercher, a bint master's student with an eye for business who was studying Italian for the year. Meredith and Amanda quickly butted heads over the fact that Amanda was "always bringing home strange men" and did not like cleaning up after herself.
Meredith was also a camwhore, although she preferred to do most of her camwhoring on Facebook. Like all British women, the one weakness Kercher that belied her icy, refined exterior was her deep abiding love of niggercock, and she was totally unable to control herself in its presence. Unfortunately for her, this would prove to lead to her complete and utter ruination.
[edit] Ruh Roh
Unfortunately, last November, Meredith turned up dead in her room sans bra and with vaginal bruising. Her throat had been cut, but she had also been strangled beforehand.
As can be expected upon learning of the death of her roommate, Amanda was distraught. As part of her default coping mechanism, Amanda started making out outside the crime scene with Rafaelle and by taking him lingerie shopping and promising to have "wild sex" with him. From this behavior and other evidence, Italian police concluded somehow that Amanda and her boyfriend had attempted to have an unwilling orgy with Meredith.
Amanda did what any other white American under similar circumstances would do: blame the nearest nigger. Amanda recalled "in a confused way" that her boss Patrick Lumumba killed her roommate. Of course, the racist Italian police, relying on this "confused" recollection immediately hauled Patrick off to jail, only to release him once Amanda released another statement, available here that exonerated Lumumba and explaining that she was "confused" because she was actually high on marijuana for most of the day of the murder. Her activities definitely included showering and may have included fucking her boyfriend, but definitely didn't include metzizah b'peh or murder. Probably. Amanda was arrested and imprisoned but she has not been charged with a crime LOL NOT ANYMORE, because Italian law allows people to be imprisoned for up to a year without being charged.
[edit] The Italians Fuck Everything Up
To make things worse for Amanda, the Italians claimed that they had Amanda's DNA on the murder weapon, one of Sollecito's knives, which also had Kercher's DNA on it. However, as any nigger who has watched an episode of CSI would have been able to determine, the murder weapon was not the right size to make the wound, and furthermore, Kercher's DNA that was on the knife turned out not to be blood at all. Fresh blood from Amanda supposedly from the night of the murder was also found in the bathroom, but it isn't as if girls don't bleed all the time anyway. Humorously enough, Sollecito's DNA was also found on Meredith's bra. An American investigator (hired by Amanda's family) who worked on the case has said that the Italian police did such a terrible job of preserving the evidence that none of it is reliable. What is harder to fake though is the surveillance video of Amanda entering the home where Meredith was murdered just before she claimed that she was not there.
[edit] Enter Rudy Guede
Eventually it was discovered that Amanda and Rafael were not the only ones who had their DNA all over the crime scene. They found the DNA of a certain Rudolf Guede, a Cote d'Ivoire transient with a prior criminal record and who had a record of stalking girls around Perugia, inside Meredith's vagina.
After he discovered he was under suspicion, Rudy fled the country to Germany, where he was prominently told to GTFO by the Nazis there. The Italians were only able to track Rudy because, after a long day on the lam, he needed to log in to check on his Facebook. He stated that he did not kill Meredith but merely had consensual sex with her. He further stated that after taking a post-coital dump while listening to Chuggo on his iZizzlepod, he came out to find Meredith dead, with an Italian (whom he later identified as Sollecito) running out. Of course, because this story makes sense and is logical, everyone believed Guede.
Amazingly, despite being homeless, Rudy remarkably enough found enough time to be a camwhore on YouTube. And he's definitely not on shrooms or acid in this clip.
The British press have gone to great lengths to portray Knox as a total slut who imbibed semen, Jew blood and alcohol in equal measure while Meredith was a serious student. But it is worth pointing out that Meredith was the one who let a creepy homeless nigra fuck her, which is always a good idea.
[edit] Internet guilty
The European press, primarily the British tabloids have portrayed Amanda as an internet femme fatale whose OL activities presaged her heinous crimes. For some reason, the Brits believe that the picture at right, for instance, shows that Amanda was a ruthless killer instead of just some dumb camwhore with internet disease. In any case, according to the public, Amanda's OL activities definitely make her guilty in the court of lol.
[edit] Foxy Knoxy
Amanda's MySpace, foxyknoxy03 on Myspace has been given a lot of attention lately, but unfortunately it has been set to private "until she is released" which may be a long time. However, outraged Brits have focused on the slut part to show that Amanda was some sort of sex maniac. However, according to Amanda's sister, the nickname came from Amanda's soccer playing days:
| —Deanna Mellas |
However, the actual reason for Amanda's nickname was because she was once a furry. Unfortunately, when she signed up for MySpace, her actual nickname "Kitsune K-nox" was already taken, so she had to settle for Foxy Knoxy.
[edit] Amanda's fiction
One of Amanda's majors in college is creative writing. So it should come as no surprise that Amanda kept a lively MySpace blog. However, the press masturbated themselves into a frenzy when they found out that Amanda's blog included several short stories, including one concerning a stalker and another lulzy pro-rape fanfic. In above story, a man confronts his rapist brother about a woman he supposedly drugged and raped. His response includes the phrase
| —Amanda Knox |
This is true. And since all women are secretly asking for it, by giving it to them, you are only helping to resolve their inherent cognitive dissonance.
Amanda's rape story only got one comment when it was posted, however it is being used now as evidence that Amanda is definitely a murderer. Perhaps, given her total and obvious support of outright rape, since she lacked a penis and was thus unable to indulge her love of rape, she turned to murder. The rest of Amanda's stories are filled with bad writing, awful hackneyed plots and unimaginative descriptions. Much like Cho Seung-Hui, it is difficult to imagine that she could actually be a successful creative writing major who made the Dean's List at a large public university.
[edit] Facebook Drama
As can be expected, Amanda Knox also has a Facebook page. Having a fairly generic name though means that she is not the only Amanda Knox on facebook. In fact, there is a famous actress named Amanda Knox, who is acted in such films as "Inside Man". Since this case has happened, the actress has received internet death threats and posts calling her a murderer. This has not been helped by the numerous bloggers who have used her personal information when talking about our heroine.
To her credit, and probably she because she isn't a neckbeard aspie with no life, Amanda Knox the actress has been taking this in stride, without calling the Slander Salamander or claiming deflamation. She has even seen an uptick in traffic to her IMDB page because of this situation:
| —Amanda Knox, the other one |
[edit] Amanda and the Jews
As noted above, Amanda's friends seemed to hate the Jews. According to one of her former coworkers at the coffeehouse where she worked as a barista, Amanda definitely has an appreciation for lulz, especially when they happened from 1939 - 1945 in Poland:
| —Matthew |
[edit] Activities in Prison
Amanda has continued to be a successful attention whore in prison, bragging about her asspats and the number of men who have written to her telling her that "they want to make love to her." In addition, she has apparently kept a diary where she has made a list of the 7 men she fucked in Italy, even noting those she fucked without protection. Her relationship with Rafaelle is now totally over, as each accuses the other of lying to them. It remains to be seen whether her crimes against the internet will transfer to guilt in real life.
It has recently come to light in the British newspaper The Guardian that Amanda believes that she would not be a suspect if she weren't totally hot. This would be the truth, if by totally hot she meant average-looking and vacuous. Because the internet can be a heinous bitch goddess and because other people on the internet are so fat and ugly, an average looking girl's Self-esteem gets more artificially inflated than a 2005 home price. The fact is that the old media wouldn't be masturbating themselves into a frenzy if Amanda wasn't somewhat attractive.
[edit] External links
Story about the case on Dateline. No Chris Hansen though
Amanda on Bad Girls Crime Blog
