Sonic the Hedgehog

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This article may turn you into a furry. Please resist the temptation. Unless you are already a furry. If so, promptly go an hero.

“	GRIFFITH	„
—Spax3 on Sonic the Hedgehog

wut

Knuckles is the token nigga in the series.

Sonic the Hedgehog (powerword: Olgilvie Maurice Hedgehog) is like an old fart who makes claims to have once been as cool as you, but no one can remember why. He can run over 500 mph on land, 700 mph on the Autobahn, and 15 mph up Tails' ass. Sonic zipped through the semen-speckled world of the furry fandom in 1991. "The more the merrier!" laughed the furries, and since then, the pincushion has become prime rib for masturbatory fantasies, fanart and fanfiction (especially on DeviantART).

After a mere two or three games, even ED's own staff could agree on as "decent", Sonic followed his rainbow and did a U-turn straight into fail town. It is at this point that the Sonic games went from Sonic and his trusty sidekick Tails fighting the forces of Dr. Robotnik to ORIGINAL CHARACTER COPYRIGHT ME ^_^ everywhere. Because what's better than racing at super fast speeds, ricocheting off spring-a-ma-jigs, HOLY SHIT RUNNING UPSIDE DOWN, and head butting robots? Give up?! It's a horde of unlikable characters spooged all up in your face. It should also be noted that Sonic is the preferred template material of all the disgustingly horrible "fan-made characters", 90% of which are hedgehogs.

However in the year 2009, SEGA decided to do something that would blow the shit out of our ass by making a 2D Sonic Game called Project Needlemouse using the original shitty sprites from the original game and might be the last chance of doing justice to this beaten series of shitty games. After all, it worked for Capcom's Mega Man 9, so why not Sonic?

Tails is just as confused about that image as you are.

Sonic fags are the biggest failures at life to ever exist on earth.

Gameplay

The object of the first "Sonic the Hedgehog" video game is to hold the D-Pad right for 15 minutes straight. The gimmick, you see, was that you could go fast. Other than that it was just a bad ripoff of Super Mario Bros. (or was it?) that looked even more like a drug fantasy, with levels consisting of surreal acid-nightmares inhabited by strangely phallic robots and a fat man with a mustache.

Srsly...

History

In the 16-bit days, Sonic was one of the most popular game mascots and ran head-to-head against Mario. In 1998 the series blasted into 3D, daring players to "up the ante". 3D Sonic rendered holding right obsolete, inspiring dozens of imitators with its revolutionary upward D-PAD holding.

Unfortunately, both of these charming characters were supplanted by games such as Tomb Raider when more advanced graphic technology allowed the more interesting aspects of human characters to be rendered, thereby pushing furry animal mascots and gay midget plumbers into obscurity. This was followed by a long and painful stretch of time when Sega released shitty game after shitty game, finally losing their ability to produce their own consoles due to their utter failure to make anything that anyone wanted to buy.

Predictably, the hardon that children around the world had for Sonic began to grow limp and flaccid. To counteract this loss of interest, Shadow, was introduced... along with a gun and a motorcycle. Here, a particularly deft brand of skill is required, as the player must reconcile the concepts of holding up on the D-pad, jumping, shooting, and cutting yourself AT THE SAME TIME. Hardcore shit. Shadow was followed by a fully-realized cast of furry recolors whose names no one remembers.

Nowadays, Sega produces Sonic games for the type of customers who still love cartoon animals. As of 2007, Sonic is more-or-less a Nintendo character since he starred alongside Mario in a game involving the Special Olympics and Super Smash Bros Brawl.

The games

Card Crusher demonstrates the premise of every Sonic game, evar.

Sonic doing it for teh lulz

Genocide City shows how great the level design is in Sonic games

NEEDS LOTS MOAR CHARACTERS

Sonic has been SEGA's mascot for over 15 years.

That's not milk!

That explains the amazing controls!

New footage from Sonic Chronicles

Sonic The Hedgehog

The game that started it all. No furry creatures besides the little blue faggot himself. Your job is to break Robotnik's shitty robots and collect Chaos Emeralds in Special stages, or at the ending an animated GIF of Robotnik shoving the emeralds in his ass will play.

Sonic The Hedgehog 2

Essentially the same game, except you now have a new friend who follows you around stealing your air bubbles in water levels and generally fagging up the game. This game revolutionized the series with the introduction of going super, where collecting all the chaos emeralds caused Sonic to turn yellow and run even faster.

Sonic CD

Sonic travels through time to hunt down Dr. Eggman. Sega employed a cunning marketing strategy with this game by adding a female character, thereby attracting the straight furries as well as the gay ones. By traveling trough time, Sonic can go to the past, where everything is rather primitive, or to the future, where the world can be either bright and happy or chaotic, deadly, and dark. Amy and metal sonic also caused the Eternal September

Sonic The Hedgehog 3

The third game introduced yet another recolor, this time named 'Knuckles'. Sega attempts to pull the wool over our eyes by coloring Knuckles red. Of course, we all know what color he's supposed to be. And Michael Jackson made the music for this game, adding to it's gayness.

Sonic & Knuckles

A Continuation of Sonic 3, also allows you to lock on Sonic 2 & 3, if you lock on Sonic 1, you get a computer error. Considered by many Sonic fantards to be the last good Sonic game. They forget, though, that Sonic was NEVER good.

Knuckles Chaotix

Unfortunately, nobody remembers this game because no one ever owned a Sega 32X. It was originally gonna be called sonic crackers but sega pulled a last idea up their ass by adding knuckles and his gang. If you've seen gameplay of this, you know that SEGA has a bondage fetish.

Sonic 3D Blast

Moar liek Pseudo 3D blast amirite? Since SEGA was to fucktarded to program an actual 3D game, they made this thinking nobody would notice that OMG IT'S NAWT THREE DEE. Basically you run around on a shitty checkered platform destroying purple robots to collect "flickies" before Robuttnik molests them. The beta version features a lulzy picture of Sonic in which he looks like he has down's syndrome, which can be viewed at the top of this page.

Sonic R

Sonic Racing game where everyone but Amy and Robotnik run around a grand total of 5 different tracks while the most boring singer in the world sings songs arranged entirely in rhyming couplets. Painful to play.

Sonic Adventure

Sega's answer to Nintendo's Mario 64. Basically, they took a shitty adventure game and turned it into a shitty RPG. Now, instead of holding the D-Pad right or even up, you do absolutely jack shit while you sit and watch boring cutscenes with terrible voice acting for hours on end. Whenever one of these long-ass scenes ends, you hold the control stick up for two minutes to reach the next one.

Sonic Shuffle

Pretty much Mario Party, except different. It is impossible to win this game.

Sonic Adventure 2

You can play as two hedgehogs in this game; Sonic or Shadow. You also get to play as Knuckles, Rouge, Tails and Dr. Robotnik, but no one likes their levels. Robotnik is responsible for 9/11 and the failure of the dreamcast.

This game has great graphics

Sonic Advance

Boring sidescrolling game for the Gameboy Advance. It was also on Nokia N-Gage but nobody knows that because nobody would ever buy that shit. You can play as all the furries: Sonic, Tails, Amy, and Fuckles. It had two sequels, but they were just as shitty as the first one.

Sonic Heroes

Sonic and his friends in another crappy 3D adventure, 'nuff said. Has some of the most unintentionally lulziest dialogue in any Sonic game.

Sonic Battle

Now Sonic can kick the crap out of his friends. The battles use the original concept of pitting 4 characters against each other and fight to the death. Like in Soul Calibur, you win by pressing the "B" button a lot.

Sonic Rush

The game that introduced Blaze The Cat, a whore from the future. Considered by many fantards to be a major break from the shitty 3D Sonic games.

Shadow the Hedgehog

Shadow shoots things to gun down millions of innocent civilians in order to find out about his past. In one mission, Shadow is ordered to, quite literally, destroy the Internets. Lulz. This game is also the progenitor of the fandom's two most significant (and EXTREMELY unfunny) memes: "Find the Computer Room" and "Where's that damn fourth Chaos Emerald".

Sonic Riders

Because Sonic R just wasn't extreme enough, Sonic and Co. are given some hoverboards that rip off the ones from Back to the Future and compete in EXTREME races with three birds.

Sonic The Hedgehog Genesis

A shitty attempt to port Sonic 1 onto the Game Boy Advance for some quick cash. Failed so hard that even the most rabid Sonicfag would think twice before buying it. Think about that for a second. Srsly.

Sonic The Hedgehog (2006)

Sonic the Hedgehog for Xbox 360 and PS3. The developers were too busy eating lunch or something to think of a more original name like... anything else. And worse, they couldn't even think up any actual gameplay that isn't total fucking shit. In this game, Sonic must save a princess from Dr. Robotnik; Now doesn't that sound familiar? There is an ongoing romance between the (human) princess and Sonic, thereby proving that everyone at Sega is into bestiality.

Sonic Rivals

A racing game that's still moar extreme than the horrible Sonic R. You also get cards. Has a sequel, but no one cares, not even Sonicfags. Yes, it's really that shitty.

Sonic & The Secret Rings

Sonic gets trapped in an Arabian Nights book and must collect some rings. It sucked, as well. A lulzy quote by Sonic in the beginning: "...so who's this Genie who wants to destroy reality again?"

Sonic Rush Adventure

OMG SCRIT LEVIL

A sequel to Sonic Rush. Sonic gets stuck on an island after his plane crashes because he was too busy fucking Tails to actually fucking navigate the damn thing. It introduced Marine, a lesbian loli raccoon with annoying Aussie dialogue, who basically orders Sonic to do everything for her including a daily cock stroking. Same old shit.

Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games

Sonic and his friends finds some plumbers, a giant turtle, and two princesses, and then they compete in the Special Olympics. Nobody gives a shit about this game now, due to Sonic in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. At least Amy's in a leotard, so sick fucks looking for their panty shot get denied this day.

Sonic Riders: Zero Gravity

Since the prequel wasn't EXTREME enough, you can now fuck with gravity. Wheee!

Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Masashiro Sakurai decided to put Sonic in this game to ensure that the furries who preferred Sonic porn over the generic furry kind would shell out their Jew golds for it. No one besides the aforementioned furries uses him.

Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood

This game is proof that no developer could ever make a good Sonic game. Ever. BioWare, the people who made Mass Effect and some Star Wars and Dungeons & Dragons games (all of which are proclaimed to be fucking awesome), tried their hand at making a Sonic RPG. But not even these self-proclaimed game-making geniuses from Canada could scrub the stench of fail out of Sonic. The result was this piece of shit.

Some Ausfags got this game early and managed to beat it really fast, and then leaked the entire plot to the rest of the world. Lulz and butthurt ensued when people learned about the ending mentioned above.

Sonic Unleashed

Leaked photo from Sonic unleashed.

Eggman finally figures out that draining Super Sonic's powers is the key to beating him. Gee, draining powers from a superhero. Who would've thought? Anyway, unfortunately for the world, it ends up turning Sonic into a werewolf, thereby taking him from merely 'furry' status to 'MEGA FURRY SAMA KEKEKEKEKE'. On the other hand, Sega decided to do away with all of the fail recolors, leaving only his shota buttbuddy and his prepubescent stalker fangirl. But then they decided to add a floating mystic rodent thing named Chip, who competes with Tails for the prize of being Sonic's gay lover.

This game includes a mission where Sonic helps an unemployed New York pedophile groom a four-year-old Italian loli by delivering gifts from her wishlist over and over and over again. Her grandmother desperately begs you to stop luring the girl into a lifetime of sexual slavery, but Sonic tells her to GTFO.

Sonic and The Black Knight

Basically, Sega got tired of ripping off Mario for all these years and decided to rip off Zelda instead. He's got a sword in this one. With this installment, it became clear that SEGA was taking too many ideas from the fandom.

Mario and Sonic At The Winter Olympic Games

Probably one of the few games with the longest fucking title in existance, this takes place at the Vancouver Olympics. Features new participants, like Silver, Donkey Kong, Metal Sonic, and Bowser Jr. Silver beat out Rouge to enter.

Project Needlemouse

It's Sonic, bitch.

Coming to terms with understanding that the preceding hundred Sonic games listed here are fantastic, Sega have decided to return to their roots in milking a fluke franchise with more sequels. Project Needlemouse promises to be a return to the first side-scrolling Sonic games and will be released in 2010. With an enticing teaser video there is a keen anticipation by fans all over the world wondering how Sega will fuck this one up.

The movies

Sonic the Hedgehog OVA

Sometime last Thursday it was badly dubbed, and you can easily find this dub on JewTube. It featured Princess Sera, who has an astonishing resemblance to that bestiality-obsessed Princess Elise. She also has a monkey tail, thereby further clarifying this series' source material. Needless to say, it was not popular. Tails is also present here, and Sega somehow managed to make his voice even gayer. Sara gets bound and gagged in this movie, literaly.

Sonic: Night of the Werehog SEGA making a good turn towards advertising Sonic? Ha, ha, no! It's a pretty shitty Sonic Halloween movie coming out November about furries, chihuahuas, and gay. Think of a combination between Sonic X and The Nightmare Before Christmas. You probably won't like it.

The TV shows

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog

Some argue that this is the best Sonic show, and even though they're all retrofags, they're right anyway since all the other shows are even worse. Basically Sonic and Tails run around talking about stupid bullshitwhile Robotnik and his three moronic sex slaves plot to kill them. Said love-squad is composed of Scratch (an anthrochicken robot), Grounder (a dick-nosed lummox on tank treads) and Coconuts (a monkey robot), all of whom try to catch Sonic. At the end of every episode, Sonic tells us all what we learned today, especially about booze and pedophilia (srsly, LOL). These messages are the show's sole source of lulz. As of late, this show has become a prime source of material for YouTube Poop, especially Robotnik's PINGAS.

SATAM

This show is darker and more sinister than Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, but at least this one doesn't have the retarded Sonic Sez segments. In this show, Sonic, Tails, and a bunch of other furries are hiding in a forest from a more evil Robotnik (who is now a HUGE fatass with a creepy and sinister voice), his midget Jew nephew Snively (note the massive nose), and his army of robots (that look like recolors of the Horde Troopers from She-Ra). It also features the catchphrase "Let's do it to it!", thereby making it ALMOST as gay as Sonic Heroes, though admittedly more badass. The vile Archie Comics version of Sonic spawned from this show, as well as Princess Sally Acorn, a chipmunk who is mercifully less annoying than Amy Rose; Bunnie Rabbot, a cyborg rabbit with a metal crotch (ouch); Antoine, a cowardly coyote (who is also French, lulz); and a whole bunch of other characters no one cares about. If you want to see it, stick with the cartoon.

Sonic Underground

This show, originally in French, was thankfully short. It involved Sonic and his two pallet swaps, Sonia and Manic, all three of whom were voiced by Steve Urkel. You can imagine how confusing it must've been for the three hedgehogs, all having the same voice. They also get musical instruments to fight Robotnik this time, even though it was already established early in the franchise that hedgehogs can rip through a steel tank by spinning. Knuckles also makes a few appearances, as do a couple Chaos Emeralds. Other than that, it's pretty much the same as SATAM, except with FUCKING SONGS and Sonic's mom.

Sonic X

a deleted scene from sonic x

Sonic X

This show is the one that all of the Sonic weeaboos watch. It is the only one that takes the video game canon into account, except it adds a human character named Chris Thorndyke, whom everyone hates. Thanks to the presence of Shadow, it is over 9000 times moar emo than the above shows. It is also that much more annoying. And the voice acting is some of the worst ever committed to recording, even by 4Kids' standards (although Sonic Heroes still has it beat in that regard).

Character Evolution

Ever wondered how Sonic and pals were named?

At the start of the franchise, aside from the multitude of crabs and other tentacle monsters, which required amazing reflexes to defeat, by holding down right on the D-PAD as well as pressing the A button, there were only two other characters. Sonic the Hedgehog, and Dr. Robotnik. Robotnik is the boss on every level and is defeated by pressing the A button an astounding six times.

Sonic and Tails

Scrambling for a new gimmick, Sega decided to bring a new character into the mix. And what type of furry should be best friends with a hedgehog? A fox, of course! Not being able to settle for just a retarded Cat/Fox, he was also "blessed" with a second tail, which somehow gives him the ability to fly. They called their freak of nature, "Tails" (How creative). Sega, being the creative geniuses they are, also decided to give their new abomination a squeaky eight year old's voice, enabling them to expand their market from vanilla furries to pedophile furries.

Not content with a spandex wearing fatass, a blue rodent, and a mutated flying cat, they decided to push the envelope even further. With Sonic's 'tude going unchecked for years, another asshole was needed to step in and show that blue faggot what's up. Sega decided that Sonic's rival should be the exact same as Sonic, except with slight differences, so their furry fandom couldn't tell this new, hip character was obviously a recolor. This difference was a pair of brass knuckles underneath the white gloves that EVERY FUCKING CHARACTER IN THIS SERIES WEARS. They named this rip-off "Knuckles" (Isn't Sega's originality just amazing?). These brass "Knux" and his "Don't take shit from nobody, yo" attitude, makes him the token nigger of the series.

Other characters

Sonic and friends celebrating after foiling Dr. Eggman's evil plans once again.

Dr. Eggman coming up with another brilliant plan to obtain the Chaos Emeralds

This is the cumslut that obviously enjoys insulting the Sonic series.

Behold the awesomeness that is Shadow the Emo-hog.

Aside from the aforementioned characters, Sonic features a variety of characters, all equally attractive to furry faggots:

Dr Robotnik - A fatass in a gay jumpsuit. Eggman is to furries what Hitler is to Jews, and his tireless dedication to fursecuting the shit out of Sonic's posse in every game means he is one of the best villains evar. Unfortunately, he gets pwned by those fucking furries at the end of every game. Since he's too fat to do any work himself, he turns captured furries into robot slaves to do everything for him. Arbeit macht frei, indeed.

Sally Acorn - Original knockoff character who appeared in the comics and 90's television show, Sally is a princess. She never made it to the games though, as Amy Rose, Rouge The Bat, Knuckles The Echidna, and Bunnie The Rabbit fucked her up using a hammer, a pair of spiky fists, foot claws, and a robotic arm. She lost her baby too, which she was carrying inside of her furry body. She appears in the comics though, having survived, and now seeks vengeance against her killers, thus making her the furry version of Uma Thurman.

Shadow - A hedgehog and blatant ripoff of Vegeta that you want to be and who has an "LOLDARKPAST". Part of this dark past is being plagued by flashbacks about some underaged girl who he was in love with or some shit. His signature ability is the awkward use of firearms, since he is so dark and violent. Now, would someone PLEASE care to tell me where that 'damn fourth chaos emerald' is?

Rouge - A prostitute bat with tits that would make your mom cry, and the character the 13-year-old boys and basement dwellers fap to, assuming they're not pedos or fags. Sega claims she's 18, but her voice is that of a saggy 40-year old prostitute with green teeth. Fangirls war over whether she belongs with Knuckles or with Shadow, but who cares? She's definitely fucked the entire cast anyway.

Amy Rose - Stupid jailbait bitch who badly wants Sonic to get in her panties. Many fantards also engage in shipping wars, regularly developing explosive diarrhea when people don't like their "OTP". She is also the subject of much Sonic-related Rule 34 and has pantyshots in every game, despite being 12 years old.

Cream - Everyone loves Cream (Except for these fags) and most jack off to images of her every night. Somebody should have told SEGA that naming her Cream was a very, very bad idea considering the series' fanbase.

Big - An obese, asspie cat. His hobbies include fishing and talking like Forrest Gump, except even moar retarded. He is BFF with a frog who does absolutely nothing. He wasn't featured in moar than two games because no one likes him.

Silver - Whiny drama whore from the future, and living proof that Sega ran out of ideas years ago. His powers include telekinetic throws that always miss, super slow walking and a voice almost as faggy as Tails'. Silver is commonly seen reciting gay, dramatic lines taken straight out of Lifetime movies. Also, he is covered in pot-leaf symbolism. No, srsly. More proof of his awesome include his uber manly eyeliner and his sick hand tattoos.

Blaze - She is a princess from the future that uses pyrokinesis and becomes an hero to save the future, which also causes Silver to become even moar emo than Shadow (if that's even fucking possible). Somehow she's wiggled her way into a few spinoff sport events, such as hoverboarding and the Summer and Winter Olympics.

Team Chaotix - A trio of retarded detectives. Their leader, Vector, is a wigger crocodile who currently has a voice like Cookie Monster undergoing a rectal exam. Their "stealth expert", Espio, is a weeaboo chameleon with shitty ninja skills; and Charmy, a SUPER KAWAII bee who serves as mascot.

Chao - They stopped appearing in games because Sonic kept shoving them up his anus. Their disappearance has led to a number of furfag suicides, who curled up with their last copy of Sonic Adventure 2: Battle after they learned these little confectionery balls of gold were nevar to return.

Princess Elise - Some whore from the uncanny valley that Sonic screwed around with in the PS3/360 game, and is an open furry. The blatant cross-species grab-ass that takes place between her and Sonic is an obvious plot to turn children into furries and may be the worst yet of Sega's many crimes against humanity.

Marine - Loli newcomer that already has at least 100 hentai pictures of her on the interwebs. She talks in such a thick Australian accent that even Steve Irwin would tell her to shut the fuck up...if he wasn't dead. Seriously, what self-respecting Australian person uses the word "Strewth" anymore?

Mephiles the Dark - A recolor of Shadow that spent too much time stuck in the freezer. He successfully kills Sonic with his laser but has that undone when Sega goes back in time and pretends the game never existed.

The Babylon Rogues - None of them should ever be dignified with their own individual section here. All of them are blatant ripoffs of the kids from Rocket Power except that they're birds, and THEY TOTALLY GOT BEEFED UP THE GRIND, DUDE, which is extreme slang for being raped and killed by Sonic. Their only note-worthy appearance was in some faggot's hentai comic, where the group's bitch gets fucked by the boss.

Chaos - An amoeba with a brain of greater capacity than most denizens of LiveJournal who goes SUPER SAIYA-JIN assuming he eats all the Chaos Emeralds. It's a sure bet that if it's Sonic tentacle porn, this thing is involved.

Tikal - An echidna who became an hero in order to keep Chaos from ruining shit. Lots of Sonic fags like to 'ship' her with Knuckles. Too bad she's dead, dumbfucks. (And that she's basically his distant cousin, considering they came from the same fucking tribe.)

Maria Robotnik - Eggman's surprisingly sweet niece. Shadow has a fetish for her, but he can't touch her, because she has a terminal illness. Shot by G.U.N. Agents in a GTA style shootout. Her death made gamers wonder why SEGA would go to such extremes to include such a horrible death in a game. Shadow didn't take this lightly though, and suddenly has this huge stalker fetish for her, which explains why he screams out her name every fifty seconds.

Eggman Nega - Moar liek Eggman Nigga, amirite? Yes, a darker Eggman from another dimension. Seems like even the non-furry characters aren't safe from having retarded recolors made of them.

Vanilla - see:lopunny. Cream's mom, who is raising her daughter by herself because the father didn't want to pay for child support and left. While Rouge's voice actor on Sonic X makes her sound like a 50-year-old-whore, Vanilla's makes her sound like she's at least 100 years old and on various illegal substances.

Chris Thorndyke - Some gay rich kid from Sonic X who nobody likes. He is introduced in the pilot episode right after he saves Sonic from drowning in some pool. Right then, he makes a vow to have buttsex with Sonic. It is never revealed that they indeed have buttsex. However, there is a six-month gap between the end of the 1st season and the 2nd season, so it's anybody's guess what happened.

Cosmo - A character from the show "Seinfeld" who makes a cameo appearance in the third season of Sonic X. She and Tails have a relationship until Tails kills her to save the universe, much like Aeris in Final Fantasy VII, except with a big fucking laser beam. Her death was prime material for shitty AMVs and constituted the single most wangsty scene in Sonic history. Shadow also died so that's one good thing going for Sonic X, but knowing them they'll just bring him back sometime in the middle of the next season so they can do a plot based off of Shadow the Hedgehog.

Dark Oak - Main villain of Sonic X and shameless ripoff of Freiza from some other shitty cartoon.He comes to Sonic's planet and starts up a plot that shamelessly rips off the sequel to that other show, which by rights makes it as bad as the first season.

Nazo - A recolor of Super Sonic that briefly appeared in the Sonic X pilot. 13 year old Sonic fans and HedgeJew went batshit insane over him and turned him into a villain, making him more of a product of the fandom than Sega or 4Kids.

Bunnie Rabbit - Bunnie Rabbit, like Sally Acorn also appeared in the comics and tv show. Known for her robotic arms and furry breast implants, Bunnie used her charm and wit to flirt with everybody around her. That is...until Rouge came along.

Mushroom Kingdom Characters - These barhopping retards crossed paths with our furry crew to compete in Olympic Events, without the aid of Michael Phelps. Their group consists of four stereotypical Italian plumbers, two princesses, a dinosaur, a monkey, an evil koopa and his son, and a midget couple with mushrooms on their heads.

There are also a host of other characters who are never used anymore. We wouldn't want to have to expose you to them, but seeing as how this is an informational article, we have to. You see, SEGA has a history of using their characters once or twice and then throwing them in the trash, where they belong. Retrofags hate them for this. Among these trashed characters include a weasel with guns, a fatass polar bear, an armadillo, robot versions of Knuckles and Tails, a rodent prick named Antoine, a walrus, oh, and Sonic's long lost musically inclined siblings, among others. Fantards constantly call for their return. Thankfully, it'll never happen.

For those who are waiting for this to get lulzy, just turn your computers off now. Thank you.

Anti-Pedophilia

Sonic is well-known for being a strong advocate of protecting minors against sexual predators. He can frequently be found around schools, teaching kids that harassment is "no good" and that when confronted by a molester, one should "get outta there" as soon as possible.

This is also ironic since Sonic and Michael Jackson are actually

Everyone's a hypocrite.

BFF.

In the early 90s, Sonic broadcast a public service announcement in which he expressed his love for pedophilia:

Sonic fans who think pedo thoughts are AWWRIIIIIIGHT. LOLWUT

The Fanbase

Typical Sonic fans. Guess which one is a male. That's right! Both of them!

The Sonic fanbase is, unsurprisingly, filled with furfaggotry. The fandom is also filled with drama, the essential staple for any furry fandom, usually between "new" and "old" Sonic fans. It is split into three distinctive parts.

Furry smut from the "old" part of the fandom usually consists of Princess Sally from "SatAM" being fucked. Those that are in this part of the fandom that don't jack off to Sonic porn are bitter retrofags who refuse to play anything after Sonic 1 because "the original is best" (For instance, all of Sonic CulT).

The second, much larger part of the fandom is the 13 to 15-year-olds who played Sonic Adventure 2 and watched Sonic X and probably don't know what a Sega Genesis is. This section of the fandom delights in creating fan-characters, which are arguably the most plentiful but least imaginative fan characters in any fandom ever. It is an unwritten, but strictly enforced law that all fan-characters can go super without using the Chaos Emeralds. Most of them are recolored Sonic or Shadow clones wearing trenchcoats, those stupid goth boots, swords, and can go Super at any time, and are evil. This part also produces the worst of the Sonic porn due to it being drawn by people who either don't know what a vagina actually looks like or have just copied it from a porno mag they found in ~~some bushes~~ their dad's drawer because they never leave the house.

The third part is Christian Weston Chandler. 'nuff said.

Some Sonic fans manage, by some miracle unexplained by science, to muster up enough strength to leave their basements and go out into the IRL world long enough to purchase an actual hedgehog, which does not possess super speed or abnormally high power levels. They then proceed to take the creature home, name it after one of the hedgehog characters, and sexually abuse it.

This is not FCHAN there are way too many sonic fag pics in this gallery

Gallery

Fat Sonic is faaat	Fixed it	EVEN FATTER!	Now he's skinny
Sonic and Amy doing what they do best.

Oh Tails, you DAWG!	sonic leiks chao too much.	Shadow, you pervert...	am i doin it rite?
Sonic's new look in current games!	Most people who look up sonic on google images want to see this	This is also high ranked on searches for "sonic"	Furfag fap material.
Amy Rose, the sexual predator stalks Tails home so she can molest him.	3...	2...	1...
Boom. Possibly the gayest ending ever to this gay assed comic	lolwut	Your typical fanart	Some argue the quality of the games has declined in recent years
It's an antennae!	No, just no...	Niggers love Sonic. 'nuff said.	You are a furfag if you fap to this...
and this...	OH DEAR GOD NO...	The plot of every SatAm (and Archie Comic) episode starts off like this,it is later edited out and has the entire script replaced with creative writing from a second graders class.	This is the hottest furry porn we could find. And its still a piece of shit
Typical sonic game for the gba.	Oh, thy angst!	Standard furfaggot reaction to a Sonic character.	The Japanese cartoonists who made this admired goatse.
His name is ROBOTNIK?	Typical Sonic fanboys.	The official Sonic forum.	Sonic fanart inspired by baby fuck.
4Kids verison of Sonic.	Are all furries gay for Amy?	It's exploitable.	Whar it goes?
It's SUPER EFFECTIVE!	Sonic is also a smooth talker.	Fix'd.	Is this exploitable?
More porn.	Typical scene from Sonic Heroes.	Sonic got through act 1.	Recent titles introduced real world physics.
Jack Sparrow is shocked and appalled at what he is seeing.	Even MOAR pr0n!?	CM Mind Invasion	Only a basement dwelling fucktard would spend $45 on this bullshit.
Accurate depiction of Eggman	Spax3's ultimate wet dream	Wannaxx99 from youtube got pissed off at someone	Amy finally caught up to Sonic!
WHY WOULD ANYONE MAKE THIS??????	THAT FUCKING SONIC	Season one of the hit animated series	Season two....now with MOAR tentacle rape!
Just plow y'know?	IRL sonic would scare the living shit out of you.	Amy's surprize!	Knuckles' penis.
Fact: Every single official Sonic art ever made was ripped off or traced at least 100 times.	Sonic Macro Art	Sonic Macro Art: Dickgirl Edition	On the bookshelf of every sonic furry faggot. See also Krystal.
What many fantards fap to in their spare time.	How to properly deal with Sonic.	Can't leave out the massive amount of horny fancharacters.