An hero

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An hero
is part of a series on
final solutions.

[Where did I go wrong?] [Where did I go wrong?]

There comes a time in every man's life when situations spiral out of control and he finds his back against a wall. Maybe somebody stole his iPod. Maybe he just killed his wife and kids. Maybe he looked in the mirror and saw a fucktard. Whatever the reason, you can either get up and face the music, or you can tell the world and whatever deity you believe in to fuck off. In the latter case, pull out your list of final solutions and place a check in the suicide box. Tonight, you dine in hell.... But, are you "An Hero" (as in, idiot)?

Simply pwning oneself IRL is no cause to become "An Hero". Without exceptions,"An Heroes" are made, not born. When otherwise normal and rational people fondly eulogize and honor those that have killed themselves before them, that's when "An Hero" is made. Like it or not, somebody out there probably gives a shit about Kurt Cobain. Could anyone say the same about you? That's why you'll never amount to anything. You'll never be "An Hero". (But don't let us stop you from trying. Having said that, becoming an hero is shit because you won't get to see the results of your endeavors. However, if you do a school shooting and don't kill yourself, you just might. With a lot of luck. Don't expect not to get raped and murdered in prison, or executed in the electric chair.) There is no half/almost/soon An Hero. Either you blow your brains out and become An Hero or don't, but in your case, please do.

The phrase "An Hero" dates back to 2006, to the proto-An Hero, Mitchell Henderson, who famously shot himself after losing his iPod. /b/tards jumped on a grammatical error made by one of his MySpace friends, and it is now immortalized as the banner under which we mock those courteous enough to remove themselves from the gene pool. Since then, an heroes of all ages have bravely been removing themselves from the gene pool, including 3 year olds

1 Quotes
2 "An Hero"
3 "An Heroine"
- 3.1 Famous Implements Used to Become An Hero
4 NOT "An Hero"
5 Reasons you are An Hero
6 Hero Anthem
7 An Heroes Song
8 The "An Hero" Paradox
9 Nigerian News Article
10 Japanese East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere An Hero
11 An Hero movie attempt
12 The Happening
13 An Heroes
14 See Also
15 Links

[edit] Quotes

"~~Dear people I love, I have done this because i loved her. She didn't accept me for who I was. I hope she reads this.~~"

HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS.

[edit] "An Hero"

An heroes to us all!

“		„
—I Feel Like An Hero, And You Are My Heroine, Boys Like Girls

“	I'm not a boy, I'm just an hero, I'm not a man, I'm an hero.	„
—Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance

While "an hero" is regarded as a grammatical error by modern linguists, usage of the quantifier "an" before words that started with a morpheme of the pattern CV that began with a 'h' in the onset was common usage before the 17th century. - This is boring

But thou complying with thy princely wrath, Hast shamed an Hero whom themselves the Gods Delight to honor ... [Cowper's translation of Homer, about 1790]

Clearly, this implies that Mitchell Henderson and his friends are time travelers from the 16th century, and killed himself over a perceived decline in the English language. More of teh gay than over 9000 William Safires.

Even Hitler, in prison in the 1920s, knew about the lulz that would soon engulf the internets, and slipped a reference to Mitch in his famous (or perhaps people read it in hopes that he wouldn't kill them if they were fans of his "creative autobiography"?) Mein Kampf:

“	And no more than a hundred empty heads make one wise man will an heroic decision arise from a hundred cowards	„
—Adolph Hitler

In spite of the obvious similarities, "An Hero" should not be confused with "A Negro" and "A Necro".

The 'n' stands for 'lulz'.

It is also an obscure fact that the song "And the Hero Will Drown" by Story of the Year was originally titled "An Hero Will Drown Himself".

It is a little known fact that the plural of an hero is "na heroes," its grammar being based in Irish-Gaelic (moar liek Irish-Gaylic, amirite?). Unfortunately, nobody gives a shit. Also, cocks.

[edit] "An Heroine"

A typical cry for help.

The fuck you carr me for??

I Is GunnA b An BeaUTifuL PoeTIC hUro B/Cuz U KeeP mAKin' FUn OF my EMow LIfestyle DO You ENJOY MY SHURT IT SHOWZ I AM DEEP LIKE THAT?!!111!

Even the liberal media wants you to become an hero.

Teenagers in a small town in south Wales becoming an heroes simultaneously.

The greatest an hero, ever.

Almost an hero.

For most men, before they become "An Hero", they kill themselves in order to deliver a final "Fuck You" to the world. Male suicide is over 9000 times more prevalent than female suicide, simply because a man has At least 100 times as much testosterone as your average woman.

Women commit suicide for one of only two reasons. In the lesser case, they've lost someone they love and can't imagine dying alone. They decide to do Mother Nature and humanity a favor by also removing themselves from the gene pool.

In most other cases, however, women are motivated to feign suicide whenever they are beset by despair. These women believe that people around them would support and comfort them, even if the only person from whom they're in danger is themselves. This is colloquially known as a "Cry for Help". Surprisingly, some women who attempt suicide will actually die. See also: Unrealistic Expectations and Hollywood Martyr. The only female an heroes worth mentioning are Megan Meier, whose suicide produced epic BAWWW all over the internets, and Christine Chubbuck, a 70s news anchor who shot herself during a live newscast, moments after making a joke that she was doing so in accordance with network policy to bring the viewers more "blood and guts". She also beat Budd Dwyer to it.

[edit] Famous Implements Used to Become An Hero

Guns
Razor Blades
Sex with a horse
Strangulation
Being a witch
Kool-aid
Drugs
Bricks and knives
Fapping to Furry porn
Shooting up malls claiming you'll be famous

How to become An Heroine

Some cunt did it for My chemical romance. See?

The 'emo scene', specifically My Chemical Romance, was criticized by the coroner at the inquest into the death by hanging of a girl from Maidstone, Kent in the United Kingdom named Hannah Bond.

Yeah, what a cunt. Fuck her.

Almost an hero on TV

[edit] NOT "An Hero"

Reasons you are not an Hero:

You have not lost your Zune.
You have not totaled your moms truck.
You have friends that can spell.
You did not kill yourself.
You are over the age of 18.
You are a /b/fag
You are still alive.
Your eulogy is not posted on MySpace.
You are Moot.
That's a fucking evoker you fucking weeaboo faggot.
You don't have friends.
You are not Heath Ledger.
You take prescription meds that make you batshit crazy.
You are not a 16 year old girl
You haven't finished drafting your suicide note.
You are Edward Cullen
You are not at least 100 years ago
You enjoy eating shit
You did not read/write The Game
You are not Hammy Havoc
You are not in Hordasken

[edit] Reasons you are An Hero

You lost your iPod.
You have the gnarliest bindings in Bergen County, and your name is Highway Star
No one likes you
Your dad would not let you play Wii
The world will not ignore your pain any longer
They canceled your favorite tv show
Your favorite movie is Camp rock
You got a ride on a spaceship behind a comet
You think Kool-aid tastes AWWWRIGHT!
Summons helpful spirits
You're Lanzer
Your girlfriend dumped you
You scored 970 on the SAT
Your parents won't let you go see My Chemical Romance or Fall Out Boy
You lost your job at McDonald's
Your prison lover left you
You are in an "internet suicide room"
You got rejected from MIT or Harvard
The sand ninjas from Naruto made you kill yourself in a small sandbox
You kicked a sand ninja in the balls and are now a national celebrity in Scotland
You over dosed on drugs when trying to create more stories for your cult to believe.
You are NOT Chuck Norris.
you get butthurt from people calling you a newfag, when in reality...you are
You are Hammy Havoc
You are in Hordasken

[edit] Hero Anthem

Where have all the good parents gone?

And where is my iPod?

Where's the street-wise bullies?

To assault me after school?

Isn't there a teacher in a fiery tie?

Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I'll be

(Chorus)

I'll be an hero

I'm becoming an hero at the end of the week

I just killed two cops

And I'm gonna be dead

And I'm gonna be fresh from the morgue

I'll be an hero

I'll be discovered by Mom in the morning light

I had a bad day

And I was called gay

And now I'm larger than life

Now I'm an hero.

[edit] An Heroes Song

I-I wish I could find

Find my iPod-Nano 16 gig

Though nothing-nothing will keep us together

I can't find it-I've lost it forever

Oh I'll be an hero-on 'An Hero Day'

We-we've been playing

Playing-playing some 'Doom'

And Manson he told us to slay

Oh let's be an heroes-on 'An Hero Day'

We can PWN them-on 'An Hero Day'

I-I went on Bebo

I saw-BSC

And in Wales-and found me a tree

Tied my rope-put my neck through the hoop

But before-told 'The Sun' bout me

I stood on the stool-kicked it from beneath me

Oh I'll be an hero-cos Bridgend is shit

Let's be an heroes (3X)

On 'An Hero Day'

Let's be an heroes

We're dying, and dying by ourselves

We need attention, oh put me on 4chan

But we could be famous, til the meme dies

Oh, oh, oh, ohhh-oh, oh, oh, ohhh, on 'An Hero Day'

Oh, on 'An Hero Day'

[edit] The "An Hero" Paradox

Scientists have theorized about what is known as the "An Hero" paradox. In order for such a paradox to take place, two people with iPods must steal each other's iPod. The obligation to become an hero would conflict with the gain of an iPod, most likely producing the same results as dividing by zero.

Scientists resolved the problem by confirming that anyone who owns an iPod should became an hero immediately due to the intense fail of iPods.

[edit] Nigerian News Article

TAIWO AKINKUNMI- AN HERO WITHOUT HONOR

In Nigeria, they too are fond of becoming an heroes when they're not spreading AIDS and trying to rape white women. This news article confirms this.

[edit] Japanese East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere An Hero

Yukio Mishima was one of Japan's leading novelists a man with a cock the size of a watermelon, who was a conservative activist, a man who created his own Private Army of virile young men, achieved his highest plateau by committing Seppuku. Never one to shy away from controversy regarding Japan's martial tradition, Mishama seized a garrison of the Japanese Self Defense Force and gave a speech inciting the troops to overthrow the government and restore the Emperor. They laughed at him. Mishima went inside and had one of the pretty young men that he had specially chosen as the best of the best of his paramilitary group behead him after he disemboweled himself.