Music

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Your typical musical group takes a break from a hard afternoon of songwriting.

In Soviet Russia, music listens to YOU!

Reason why black metal bands aren't taken serious

Typical Linkin Park fan.

Even guys like this can score thanks to music

Music is the sound that comes out of your radio in between the commercials, that drolling noise you hear in elevators and supermarkets, and the blips and bloops in the background of video games. Some argue that there are many types of music, but really it's all the same shit reprocessed over and over again with only slight variation. However, because some people take this shit way too seriously (and most of them are fucking retards), the type of music they upload to their iPod often determines what kind of pussy they go for, what clothes they wear, who they're allowed to make friends with, and even how they speak. If you are this kind of tool to let music define how you live and who you associate with, then you should, without hesitation, become an hero.

1 Types of Music
2 How to Make Music
- 2.1 Popular Music Making Programs
3 eMusicians
4 Musical Groups
5 External Links
- 5.1 Free Music Downloads

[edit] Types of Music

A Capella - Music without instruments. Basically a bunch of ball-less faggots all singing together about rainbows. Also cocks.
Acid House - Only enjoyed by ravers from Manchester, the soundtrack to the second summer of love. Was responsible for Rave.
Ay-rab - Music that is only acceptable to play when sand niggers are present. They typically reside in cabs and areas of strong anti-semitism.
Bluegrass - Like country, but even shittier.
Blues - Emo music of the 1920's and 30's, with one difference– blues singers had real problems to whine about, like being black. Now only played by soulless hollering white men in silly hats.
Black metal - Music by nazi satanist goths who try to be scary but succeed in being lulzy which is the reason why nobody takes black metal bands serious.
Britpop - Originally naff crap like Oasis and Suede. Now naffer crap with horribly high-pitched voices and sappy shitty songs - think Coldplay, Snow Patrol, etc.
C-Pop - Overproduced Rnb or hiphop by chinks that make a living by singing karaoke music.
C-Rock - started out as crouching tiger hidden dragon music, but evolved into the screaming pussies of NEW MAYTAL; the only kind of music in China
Cholobilly - It's like Psychobilly only from wetbacks.
Christian rock - ROCK OUT FOR JESUS!
Christian Rap - Rappin' bout da Lord. Possibly the funniest genre known to man.
Classic Rock - Music performed by old guys who won't go to the nursing home.
Classical - Music that pretentious losers listen to. If you listen to classical consider yourself an elitist with absolutely every right to be an absolute arrogant jackass. Has a suprisingly small amount of bullshit as compared to other kinds of music.
Country *and* Western - Shit music for "American patriots". Goes good with a Pabst Blue Ribbon and a lynchin'. Also prettty good music to fuck your sister to. Noted by most experts as being the coal tar heroin of the stupid *and* the inbred.
Dance - The best music in the world, if you are on 20 E's. Hated by everyone, even the countless people who make it. Also known as the soundtrack to Sextacy [sex+ecstacy].
Death metal - Gay music sang by God for real men who probably got beaten up as children (and probably still are). The proof that death metal is gay.
Disco - loldongs.
Doom Metal - Heavy metal,but slow and boring as hell unless you're high and also,a genre that has bands that rips off Black Sabbath. just to sound better than Ozzy.
Drum and Bass - Slimy, Boring and internationally shit, liked by Junglists.

99.9% of Linkin Park's fanbase.

Electro - Why make music when the nice computer can do it for you?
Emo - Music for cutting, faggotry, and whining about how parents just don't understand. The soundtrack to LiveJournal.(See Emo genres below)
Eurobeat - After the Holocaust, Europe said never again. They lied.
Folk - Music for the people... and fucking hippies.
Funk - Niggers with bass guitars
Glam rock - Music about buttsex, buttsex and MOAR buttsex invented by bisexual British trap aliens in the 70s. Americunts, Grungefags and Metalheads are likely to confuse with hair metal.
Gothic - Awful music (unless you're goth or emo),with closet homos and hot goth girls that sing about vampires,love,and emoness.
Grindcore - Drop your guitar tuning at least 100 steps, scream like a baby on fire and punch your dog in the face for drums. Yeah, that's grindcore.
Grunge - Remember Nirvana? Sound Garden? Alice in chains? Pearl Jam? Stone Temple Pilots? Hole? You don't? I wonder why...
Hardcore - Trance music with attitude, can be used as an effective torture method.
Hard Rock - Mediocore rock made by men too gay for heavy metal but not gay enough for pop.
Hatecore - Music as made popular by Anal Cunt and Skrewdriver. One of the best music genres ever shat, this shit is only about senseless hate and pissing people off.
Hair Metal - Music played by closeted homosexuals who dress in drag and sing about getting laid by cheap whores and doing drugs.
Heavy metal - Music for Satanists, necrophiliacs, Neo-Nazis, and Lord of the Rings fans.
Hip-hop - A failed attempt at music.
House - In the beginning there was Jack, and he created a groove. The groove that told you how to rock your body. And Jack said: 'let there be House'; and House music was born. Too bad jack was deaf. And fat.
Ibiza - Music for drunken Brits.
Industrial- People muttering naughty things for fame.
Indie - The 99 Cents store of rock music. Any band that is ~~crappy~~ ~~cool~~ gayer than gay to get a decent label, or play their instruments correctly, can sell a few more records by listing themselves as indie. Scenefags, and other retards who think they have 1337 musical taste, often consider this their favorite type of music, even though the term basically means nothing, and doesn't really have anything to do with music. Genre features a lot of sucking and gay.
Jazz - Mostly a bunch of arrhythmic noise, guitar wanking, and godawful saxophone honking which is supposed to be complex but which is really just a bunch of stupid bullshit. Upper middle class east-coast suburbanites like to wear turtlenecks and drive around in Mini-Coopers listening to this.
J-Pop - Music for weeaboos and hummingbirds; standard pop music at OVER 9000 beats per minute and with an obnoxious Azn chick warbling in Japanese.
J-Rock - Music for weeaboos. All band members are traps.
Metalcore - what happens when emo meets thrash metal...think bands like Trivium, Killswitch Engage and Bullet For My Valentine.
National Socialist Black Metal - Also known as Nazi Black Metal,but this kind of black metal is for skinheads and shitty lyrics about Aryanism,Hitler,and shit nobody cares about.For example,instead of worshiping Satan,this music worships Hitler or Odin.Pretty much a lulzy genre to metalheads.
New Romantic - New Wave music sung by pretty gay boys pretending they're heterosexual and committed to monogamy with a woman.
New Wave - Genre of music fabricated by Moog in order to sell moar of his crappy synth boards. Later adopted by the more emo punk rockers who were too faggy to defend themselves getting the fuck beat out of them by real punks.
New Wave American/British - musicians singing like a mexican who just got man mustard in the face NWA/BMSLMWJGMMITF For short, or in 13 year old boy culture, Avenged Sevenfold.
Noise - second to Classical music in being able to succesfully attract the most arrogant of jackasses. Not even techically music, but don't tell that to their cult of followers! Noise fans are the biggest faggots on the internets to date -dare diss Boredoms or Sonic Youth and prepare to be killed in your sleep. Noise is typically performed by talentless ass pies like Eye Yamantaka that think farting in a microphone while bashing your head into a guitar is original.
Nu-Metal - Music by untalented garage band fags whose parents won't let them be wiggers and emos that want to be wiggers. Combines rap and grunge, and sounds worse than rap because, unlike rap, most white people can understand the lyrics.
Polka - Music for elderly Europeans - mostly Germans and their Austrian cousins - to listen to while dancing in Kloggs and butt-fucking one another.
Pop - Music for, and sung by, pre-teen girls, rappers who are too gay to join a drug thug gang, and pedophiles.
Post-rock - Literally a contradiction in terms. Rock music was created to entertain people; classical music was created to bore music students. 'Post rock' attempts to combine these two. Mostly played by pretentious anarchist cum-swappers who had nothing better to do after dropping out of college.
Power Metal - Heavy metal only even more gay (if that's possible).
Prog Rock - For classical junkies and the musically elite.
Psychedelia - Music for hippies.
Psychedelic Rock - Glam rock,but more gayer and more boring unless your once again,a hippie.
Psychobilly - Modern rockabilly with a different name, so one doesn't have to seem as lame, despite sporting a fucking ridiculous pompadour haircut.
Punk - shitty music for anarchists and SXers. Requires no talent whatsoever.
R&B - Stands for "Rape & Buttfuckery," although there's usually stochastic cacophony instead of rhythm and a distinct lack of blues, making the name a misnomer.
Reggae - Music to smoke pot to. Being high is the only way it sounds remotely good.

Ooolawdy!

Rap - Music made by drug dealers with synths and beatboxes stolen from a local pawnshop. Features rudimentary beats and loops and lots of ebonics. Lyrics and subjects often include bitches/hoes, the hood, product, and motherfuckers.
Rockabilly - If you took punk, country, and a bag of shit and left 'em in a plastic bag for a couple of months, the mold that would form is Rockabilly. Music for modern people still living in the middle of the 20th century.
Shoegaze - Probably the most boring music of all the time. It is trapped inside an old vacuum cleaner.
Ska - Sort of like Reggae, but faster, gayer, and less listenable. Performed mostly by suburban white people who never outgrew marching band. Requires checkered uniforms.
Stoner Metal - Since some hippies like metal instead Jerry Garcia or instead of glam rock,this is the music for them,lyrics having to do with buttsex,marijuana,and sex.
Techno - Terrible Music for people who claim to be ravers. Features a boring synthetic loop that repeats itself OVER 9000 times.
Trance - Techno with 8 hour long breakdowns, ear splitting synthesizers and more candy ravers than you can shake a glow stick at.
Thrash Metal - An excuse for Heavy Metal musicians to go batshit crazy.
Zydeco - Same as Reggae, but involves the use of crystal meth instead of marijuana.

Musics biggest fail, ever.

[edit] How to Make Music

Since 99% of the internet listens to complete shit, you'll find it easy just make what everybody else is listening to. By doing this, you will make a fortune. Why do you think so many people get in the music business? Simple: easy, legit money.

Step 1: Choose your medium. Simple, are you gonna make music digitally (ie, all on the computer), or with an actual instrument? If you chose digital, you're in luck. Just download any free shitty music making program and get going! Caution to those who chose an actual musical instrument: This may actually take some effort and money. (Only a little though)

Step 2: Practice until you are decent. (This step is optional)

Step 3: Record using windows sound recorder for that original, authentic quality.

Step 4: ????

Step 5: PROFIT!

[edit] Popular Music Making Programs

FL Studio - Very good choice. All you have to do is work with the 4 starting sound channels until you have what some of us call a "rhythm". Used by the techno junkies and electronica nerds

Garage Band - The popular choice. Used by 13 year old boys all around the world. Allows you to make shit songs in minutes that people will actually buy.

Pro Tools - Warning: This feature is for advanced users only.

Mario Paint - This is quickly becoming the favorite choice, especially on youtube. You can make some incredible songs with this. People will pay millions for this top-of-the-line software.

Audacity - For idiots that can't operate the above programs and are way too cheap to buy something decent. With this you can use the shitty ass effects and most importantly Silent Hill to make your music sound scary and trippy like the equally shitty i-doser!

[edit] eMusicians

eMusicians log on to the internets with the sole purpose of letting you know how much your favourite band sucks and how good their favourite band is. They will relentlessly promote their band by any means possible despite the fact that nobody gives a shit.

They are the perfect victim for trolls as they are so devoted to their band they will fight to the death defending them. Sometimes they will find tag-alongs that happen to like the same band that they do, who they will enlist in a flame war. If they are provoked enough they may evolve into an internet tough guy.