Andy Schlafly
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Paranoid, sexless and failed engineer / politician / lawyer / teacher / human being Andrew Schlafly is the creator and Big Sister of Conservapedia, which is like Wikipedia only more charming since everyone wears their bias on their sleeve. Like every good Republican, Schlafly uses defamation as a weapon of choice against his sworn enemies: evil liberals.
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Family and early life
Andrew "Andy" Schlafly is the scion of Phyllis Schlafly and St. James the Less. Phyllis is best known as the high priestess of the American fundamentalist conservative movement. Prior to that, she had joined the Republican party and ran, unsuccessfully, for a Congressional seat in Illinois in 1952. In 1970 she made a second try at running for a Congressional seat, but lost once again.
She was a bitter opponent of women's liberation, despite having benefited from the freedom to obtain law degrees and run for public office. Since she realized that she wouldn't be special anymore if other women started gaining power, this lovely lady is generally given credit for the ERA's eventual failure.
Although she was often accused of spreading false and misleading information about what the ERA would entail (she claimed it would mandate unisex bathrooms, require women to be drafted into the military and legalize same-sex marriages--none of which were correct), her arguments apparently were effective in persuading many women to vote against it. Later, she founded the Eagle Forum, an organization for conservative women, of which his son Andy is a proud member, despite the notorious fact that he's a guy.
Andy has five siblings: Roger, Liza, Ann, Bruce and John, who is a faggot.
SPAWN
Somehow or other, Andy managed to spawn a second, smaller entity, colloquially known as Andy Junior. Of course he was immediately promoted to sysop on Conservapedia [2], being obviously more deserving than the handful of contributors that have actually devoted hours of effort to the site (on weekends they also like to repair the railings on sinking ships). Is ghey for Fuckabee and thinks Chuck Norris is not OLD MEME [3], proving him as much a moron as his parent (although similar pedophilic tendencies have yet to be seen).
Andy: opposite of success
![Andy's crunked brother Roger Schlafly [1]](/Image:Raul_Schlafly.jpg)
Schlafly has one of the awesomest records of failing in both RL and OL. He first became an engineer, but failed miserably at that. Then he studied law, but failed again since he had to become a teacher for homeschooled kids when he wasn't able to get a decent job.
In between, Schlafly sought the Republican Party nomination for the House of Representatives in the 1992 elections. He amounted only 11% of the votes and just like his mom, he lost the election. It's in the blood.
The Creation
By 2006, the idea of a family-friendly encyclopedia that could dethrone Wikipedia finally materialized, and thus Conservapedia became a kind of anti-liberal cloaca where the biased feces of Schlafly and his aides are constantly thrown. Since then, Conservapedia has been trying to increase its amount of entries by plagiarizing loads of articles from almost every online encyclopedia available, only adapting teh content for their depraved purposes.
From her online fortress, Schlafly and her sidekicks are relentlessly trying to recruit moar people for their degenerate blog, luckily with little success. It's a fact that most people that create accounts on Crapedia are (1) trolling the site in a quiet manner, (2) arguing with sysops to amuse themselves, or (3) preparing a major attack. Evidence of this is the almost lack of edits in their Recent Changes page. Just compare ED's Recent Changes and CP's. However, they're tireless proclaiming "This site is growing rapidly!". You should know, Mr. Schlafly, that every lie is another brick in the pathway to hell.
Even worse, Schlafly is an advocate of Young Creationism, a funny but ultimately demented doctrine claiming that the universe and the living beings were created by God according to the Bible. Whatever his beliefs, Schlafly is determined to pervert and atrophy the minds of young people who enter his realms of obscurity and ignorance.
Nevertheless, as celebrated physician Jack Kevorkian wrote: "...the blame goes to teh parents. This Schlafly needs treatment...I'd like to cure him" [citation needed].
Fun Facts
- Has a horseshoe testicle (two testicles fused into one).
- Favorite film is Yentl.
- Admitted he has contemplated suicide, and that he created Conservapedia to "heal" himself.
- His older brother John Schlafly is a homo. Andy himself pretends to hide the fact on Crapedia.[4]
- Expelled from the "Society of the Divine Word" for unknown reasons.
- In the 1990s, Schlafly was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and was transferred to the local asylum, were he was sometimes placed in a strait jacket and received electro-convulsive shock treatment (ECT) in the anus.
- Andy believes God to have promised that he can break open one of the Seven Seals come Judgment Day. The details are yet to be firmed up with the Lamb, but Andy has his fingers crossed for the sixth and fondly imagines himself tearing it wide open with a fearsome cry of "Godspeed!" He has been known to spill his seed during these daydreams, but God assured him that it's OK if he's only fantasizing about smiting, and hasn't touched his pee-pee in a bad way.
- Andy thinks that it's okay to ignore portions of the Bible if they're too liberal, because clearly they aren't the authentic literal word of God, but rather additions from human editors. [5]
Typical Schlafly Argument
- Bongabill, you're clueless. The 18-45 population of Hollywood certainly can be compared with the 18-45 general population as to incidence of disease. I doubt you've taken half the statistics courses that I have. You have typical liberal style in trying to intimidate. --Aschlafly 14:35, 4 May 2008 (EDT)
- Mr. Schalfly, actually, I am a professional statistician with both graduate and post-graduate degrees in the subject, and also a 34 year professional career as a statistician working for the official statistics bureau of a major nation. [...] I'm afraid there's absolutely nothing correct here with any of your reasoning, which not only fails Statistics 101, but fails it in the first semester. This article is specious nonsense. --Bongabill 14:59, 4 May 2008 (EDT)
- Bongabill, we don't fall for the unproven claims of credentials here. Wikipedia might be a better home for you. Your claim is absurd that no conclusions can be drawn from comparing disease incidence among Hollywood types to the general population. Tell me, did you work for the tobacco industry also in denying that cigarettes cause cancer? --Aschlafly 15:13, 4 May 2008 (EDT)
(sauce)
That fucking voice of his
Andy Schlafly has a fucking weird voice. This explains why he keeps most of his ideological confrontations to the net, since when you sound like a diarrhea-gargling muppet having its throat stood on, you automatically lose any argument. Behold.
