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Animal abuse

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Acts of unspeakable cruelty are committed against animals every day. This one is the bride of a furry.

STEP 1: In one of your more serious moments you put down your coke bottle and stop huffin' da Jenkem, you pick up your kitty, put him in a cage and then pour lighter fluid all over kitty.
STEP 2: You get your lighter, and contemplate the glorious funeral pyre your cat is to become.
STEP 3: Just like NEDM you are filming the last wonderful minutes of your kitty's life.
STEP 4: ????
STEP 5: You get RAPED

For you see, Animal Cruelty is nevar funny, there is no profit to be gained, you'll end up like goatse or Michael Vick being sorer than a 12 dollar crack whore. Animal Cruelty is Serious Fucking Business. Ha just kidding i meant to say animal cruelty is a worthy past time that is both profitable and lulzy. There is nothing more rewarding in life then going home getting bit by a cat and then choking the little fuckers neck till it passes out. Another good one is to get some alka-seltzers,put it into bread, and then feed it to a annoying seagull. The seagull will eat it up and then it will fucking die in a explosion of guts, foam, and lulz.

1 Anti-Animal Abuse
2 Pro-Animal Abuse
- 2.1 Hunters
- 2.2 Christians
3 External Links

[edit] Anti-Animal Abuse

[edit] Vegans

The HA! HA! guy always tells the truth

Vegans are probably healthier than YOU. However, since you are probably morbidly obese, this proves nothing. Vagans are easily identified by being grossly underweight and frail from the lack of nutrients and iron that sweet, sweet flesh provides.They are also prone to wrinkles caused by their constant schowling and anti-lulz.

Vegetarian American (tm) animals marching their way onto America's palate for a delicious 4th of July feast

Children that are forced into the vegan lifestyle are notoriously more brittle than a 90 year old (but less useful for Buttsecks) and are just as likely to break their hip. They have compromised immune systems and are more likely to suffer from illness and shorter life-spans due to malnutrition from birth, as their mothers tit juice is often lacking in antibodies and nutrients. When exposing vegan children to meat, be careful to do so in small doses as large quantities will result in roman showers. The children take to meat very quickly, and will soon join the ranks of flesh gobblers everywhere.

98% of vegans choose to be so sickly and retard their children because they believe it will save the animals from being eaten. They obviously cannot see that even if they do not eat animals, other people will, and thus their efforts are fail.

That being said,: the best thing you can do is troll vegans:

Method 1: Tell them you used to be vegan, but one day you were eating out your girlfriend while she had her rags and that you figured, if you can eat hers, why not a chickens?

Method 2: Tell them that you used to have a vegan boyfriend but he smelt funny, so you dumped him for a rugged meat-eater bear of a man, now when you're felching it's like going out the back of 7/11 and scoring free beef jerkee from the dumpster for win!

[edit] PETA

No, you're several

PETA, or "People for the Eating of Tasty Animals", or "Pedophiles for the Engaging in Terrorism for Animals", or else "People for the Emphatic Torture of Animals", is a cult created at least 100 years ago by a crazy batshit-insane bitch named Ingrid Newkirk and her furfag pals with the twin goals of torturing innocent veal ranchers for the lulz and pwning the rich by spray painting peace signs on their endangered-species-fur coats. Which by the way is done only for the lulz as it often forces them to buy new coats.

The entire organization is currently $100 million in debt, and is only kept in existence by Satanic influence. In other words they strive to be the most prominant activist organization in the world. Peta consists of: massive phail and total retards. They even have a DeviantArt page Go on, you know what to do with it.

“	"If a girl gets sexual pleasure from riding a horse, does the horse suffer? If not, who cares? If you French kiss your dog and he or she thinks it's great, is it wrong? We believe all exploitation and abuse is wrong. If it isn't exploitation and abuse, it may not be wrong."	„
— Ingrid Newkirk, President of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals

“	"I openly hope that it [Foot and Mouth disease] comes here. It will bring economic harm only for those who profit from giving people heart attacks and giving animals a concentration camp-like existence. It would be good for animals, good for human health and good for the environment."	„
— Ingrid Newkirk, Because pain is gain?

“	“Humans have grown like a cancer. We're the biggest blight on the face of the earth.”	„
— More pearls of wisdom from Ingrid Newkirk

“	"That the meat of my body, or a portion thereof, be used for a human barbeque...my skin, or a portion thereof, be removed and made into leather products...my feet be removed and umbrella strands or other ornamentation be made from them...my eyes be removed, mounted and delivered to the administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency..."	„
— Ingrid on how batshit insane she is.

“	“I am not a morose person, but I would rather not be here. I don’t have any reverence for life, only for the entities themselves. I would rather see a blank space where I am. This will sound like fruitcake stuff again but at least I wouldn’t be harming anything.”	„
— Ingrid Newkirk, Srsly

LOL_WUT??

“	“Six million people died in concentration camps, but six billion broiler chickens will die this year in slaughterhouses."	„
— Ingrid Newkirk.

“	“Even if animal tests produced a cure for AIDS, we’d be against it.”	„
— Ingrid Newkirk

“	“We are complete press sluts.”	„
— Ingrid Newkirk

[edit] ALF

ALF (the "Animal Liberation Front") contains all the complete physcopaths that the two above groups could not contain, so were sent off to a secret training camp in the Rocky Mountains, where they are force fed Animal Planet 24 hours a day and trained to kill Farmers and Hunters on sight. So far, they have distributed a large number of death threats towards their would-be foes, but have not done anything but blow up vans and let thousands of savage minks out of their cages, thus making them one of the most pussy groups to ever claim the title "terrorist organization". Funded by PETA.

[edit] Pro-Animal Abuse

[edit] Hunters

Hunters don't always have money for cars

Hunters are mighty warriors who are frustrated that civilization won't let them squash vegans on sight. Easily agitated and often harassed, they will have a kneejerk dramatic reaction if any of these threads appear on their forums.

Why do you hate bunnies?
You are horrible, horrible men and I hope a deer eats your penis.
How would you feel if someone hunted your mom?
But how does the squirrel feel about it?
And any thread made by Dead_deer-chan

[edit] Christians

According to page 156, Article 25-b, paragraph 16 of Da' Bible, man has dominion over all animals. Therefore he has a divine mandate to screw with animals. He just can't eat any of the ones that don't have cloven feet, or so my Jewran tells me.