Furry
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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If furries were firm-bodied 19-year-old girls with nice tits in bunny suits and a preference for the better sex, there'd be no need for an ED article and we'd be too busy to write one. Unfortunately, Furries are the opposite: they're out to damage and scar your soul by sexualizing childhood cartoon characters and dressing up in animal costumes to have sex in. Gay sex.
This is what happens when kids are raised on a diet of Disney cartoons that depict animals with love interests are constantly told to play with talking teddy bears, or watch Tiny Toons, Animaniacs, and that shitty cartoon animal Robin Hood movie to severe excess. The Furry subculture can also be viewed as the product of an unholy miscegenation of hick and nerd culture, much like how HIV is thought to have developed as a result of humans fucking chimpanzees, because animal fucking is a popular hick pastime and anime is a staple of nerd civilization.
What's most disturbing are the intricate full-body suits(known as fursuits) that every furry will eventually build and most will only have sex while wearing them, often while using tickling furshampoo. Furry artwork tends to depict severely disturbing, overtly sexual interspecies relationships. Many furfags claim to be born that way but they're actually just delusional and chose to be furry to fit in with someone, because every other subculture rejected them for good obvious reasons. Packetgrinder theorized that most furfags are simply run-of-the-mill fags who are too grotesque to convince others to have anal sex with them unless their flabby zit-covered bodies are completely cloaked in a 50/50 cotton-poly tiger costume. However, it should be noted that after a hard night of drinking, a young woman in Santa Cruz was convinced to actually let a Furry stick his zit-ridden cock in her vagina. Fortunately, she came to her senses once he began to make cat noises, and left the son-of-a-bitch with blue balls. After battling the psychological trauma from the ordeal, she committed suicide a month later. Although the Furry went on to claim more unfortunate victims, he ended up dead after trying to carry out a vore fantasy involving a fox, a cow, and one very unlucky chicken.
Some furfags claim that they have no sexual interest whatsoever, and simply enjoy walking around their house in a dog suit when no one else is watching. This is a lie since all furfags are drawn to sexual perversity regardless of their species. Furfags only say this kind of thing when they are threatened with death or when they find new victims for "surprise yiff". Just to be on the safe side, if a furfag ever tells you they're celibate, you should castrate them to ensure their celibacy.
Furfags claim that their "furfaggotry" is an innate part of themselves. Sometimes they claim it's a "totem animal" in order to give themselves the same legitimacy that druids have in D&D. Sometimes they claim that they were actually an animal in a previous life, and have been reincarnated. Sometimes they claim that they're RILLY RILLY HONEST AND FOR TRUE a lycanthrope, who can magically transform into a real, actual animal. Usually it's the other way around and that they're RILLY RILLY HONEST AND FOR TRUE an actual animal with the magical ability to turn into a socially maladjusted loser and get stuck that way for the rest of their miserable lives. Unfortunately, they continue to shun and reject the guaranteed cure for their condition which is of course, an hero.
The innate natures or totem animals or whatever delusional justification they provide almost always (99.9999% of the time) take the form of an animal that is either cute (rabbits, mice, woodchucks, etc), dangerous (lions, tigers and bears, oh my!), or rife with dark symbolism (wolves, snakes and ravens). Naturally, these traits are rarely possessed by the furfag's "human nature". Furfags who claim less flashy species (such as banana slugs or an anchovies) as their totem animals are almost non-existent, but only because they haven't found a way to anthropomorphize them for their sick sexual fantasies... yet. In fact, the only known exceptions are the furfags who deliberately chose a non-standard totem animal so they could (A) be socially-maladjusted outsiders even within the Furry community (and if that doesn't make you flinch, nothing will); and (B) say "NUH-UH" to anybody who makes the observation outlined in this paragraph.
If it wasn't enough that "All Furfags fail at life and should become an hero", they're hypocrites: Whenever someone on 7chan posts artwork of a hot human woman in a furry thread, the furfags say stuff like: "Ugh, humans are so ugly, especially when they try to look like us. GTFO with that noise. Talk about a fail at life."
These faggots also got the 100m GET, which proves that furries truly are the cancer that is killing /b/.
[edit] History
- In the beginning, God created all the beasts of the land, all the fishes in the sea, all the birds of the air, Adam and Steve, and those little plastic anuses that detach from the bottom of soda bottle caps. And the LORD did look upon his creation, and smile, for it was good.
- And it remained good right up until Steve decided he was really a nine-tailed dick-nippled fox deep down in his perverted little heart.
- And Satan went unto Steve, and verily, he did say unto him "Behold, oh Steve! If thou dost but tap thy Crypt Rats, thou might slay this Fox; and take of him his skin to be thine own; and make of it a Suit of Fur; and then might thou know the little animals right in the ass to thy sick heart's content."
- And Steve did as Satan told. And Steve did yiff and scritch all the beasts of the land, all the fishes in the sea, all the birds in the air, and Adam, who was dressed like a panda, until all were very verily sore.
- And the LORD did look upon this, and die instantly, for what God would want to be known for creating furfags, the scum of reality?
- Even the great comic minds, The Goodies tackled the subject in the early 80s, shortly after that their show was cancelled!
- In 1986, the Internet introduced furfags to the mainstream with T.H.E. Fox on Compuserve
- ????
- And the Lord did PROFIT!
Last Thursday, some scientists theorised that furfags are a genetic throwback to an earlier phase of human evolution. However, it is as yet unclear as to when it was a necessary human survival trait to be proficient in humping fat sweaty motherfuckers in fursuits.
[edit] How to Become a furfag Tutorial
In the late March of 2006, a tutorial depicting a satire tutorial about 'How to Be a Furry' was made and uploaded. While receiving praise on deviantArt by non-idiot members of the site, both furry and non-furry, it has received endless drama on livejournal by butthurt furfags who take things too seriously, the most notable whiner being joanmichele, as seen here.
[edit] Conflicts with furfags
(PROTIP: Starting conflicts with furfags are epic win)
The furfag subculture is not without its detractors, as it centers around giant, six-breasted twelve-cocked shitting-dicknipple cartoon sex. Furfags are frequently mocked and featured on Something Awful and the Portal of Evil, where the worst of the worst are showcased and ridiculed. This leads to claims of "fursecution!", and inevitable invocations of Godwin's Law by the furfags, which does little to help their credibility. This totally unwarranted victimization of the Furry community often leads to cutting and cries of "leaving the fandom, afk".
[edit] Conflicts between furfags
I TROLLED http://www.furrysanctuary.com BECAUSE THE RAPTOR JESUS TOLD ME TO! Scientists have long theorized that furries are so repulsive that there is no way they could even stand each other. Although furries have attempted to present a united front, the truth was revealed when this shocking footage of two furries in the wild surfaced in public:
[edit] Reverse Trolling
Furfags, the "victims" of trolling for many fucking years, have sometimes attempted to turn the tables on their tormentors.
On February 10, 2005, a furry calling itself omghi2trolls became operational, adding several people who are apparently trolls. omghi2trolls was supposed to be a parody of omghi2furries, but the "joke" failed miserably when the owner of omghi2trolls deleted his journal on the same day he created it.
In April 2004, Postvixen created biteycircusflea (in reference to Eat All Furries mainstay Singing Circus Dog) and friended several known trolls in the hopes of being return-friended and allowed to see all the deep dark secrets in whatever friends only entries they might have lying around. When a group of Internet detectives outed him, he swore up and down that he really wasn't trying to hide, REALLY. Since his journal entries as biteycircusflea were about as TL;DR as his usual ones, this might even be factual.
[edit] Deceptions
Furries, when confronted with their nature as homosexual Nazigeeks, will attempt to point out that sex toys - among other methods used by normal people - are just as common or weird.
The proper answer to that kind of ridiculous shitspeak, of course, is pointing out that furries are fanatic users of such unnatural ways to achieve sexual pleasure; indeed, most sex toys are a special sign of insecurity among bisexual fursuit wearers. You may finally add to your response that since this kind of furry is talking about sex toys as normal, he's both a furry as well as a loser that can´t think of other ways of sexual intercourse.
Except, of course, for that which involves a leather condom with a 14-inch dildo stuck in his liver.
If this fails, however, you can always say that he is in fact socially isolated; he is even rejected by his furry community, thus reduced to the use of sex toys and internet pr0nz.
Both of those methods are almost certainly sure to be met with græt success, due to the IQ of the average furry - whose amazing vocabulary is composed of the words "meow," "yiff," and "fursona" - being slightly over that of an orangutan.
[edit] Furry Holocaust
The idea of a Furry Holocaust is somewhat ironic in that all furfags are Nazis, as can be conclusively demonstrated by the image at the right. An example of a vicious furry ready for battle can be seen at right.
[edit] Wikipedia drama
Since furry existence revolves around WikiEdit Drama, many of wikipedia's admins are furfags, such as: ContiE, Fennec, Furrykef, Loganberry, Wiki alf, and Wwwwolf---all of whom are the same person. There is also Krishva, who insists her childhood was destroyed forevar by furries and has made it her lifelong goal in life to make sure that web sites such as Wikipedia, are as accurate (read: white-washed) as possible. This involved making approximately eleventy gazillion edits to Wikipedia's "Furry" article and, when that didn't fulfill her need for alpha-wolf dominance, also the "Furry fandom", "Funny animal", and "Talking animal" articles.
Why in the world Wikipedia has separate articles for "Furry" and "Furry fandom" in the first place is one of the many infinitesimally trivial points being bickered about by Krishva in the various articles' talk pages. Why? Because certain furfags want to deny that furry has anything to do with sex. There is one yiff pic in existence that doesn't resemble this and they put it on their yiff article. Obsessively denying the relation between sex and furfags on wikipedia is likely the result of furry-style castration.
[edit] What "Furry" does not mean:
[edit] What furfags say "Furry" does not mean
The term furry does not imply lycanthropy, vampirism, sexual preference, sex, age or fetish of any kind. It is a completely generalized term and does not even reflect upon the animal or being to which the person identifies with or to.
"Furry" is not to be confused with an "anthropomorph" or "anthro-evolution", which combines the physical attributes of humans and other animals (often with the human features dominating the animal features).
Just because a chick has a cameltoe does not make her a furry.
[edit] What Non-furfags hear
YIFF YIFF SCRITCH SCRITCH SCRITCH YIFF YIFF FURSONA YIFF YIFF CHANGE MY DIAPER SCRITCH SCRITCH YIFF YIFF OMG FURSECUTION!
[edit] Harmless and Consensual
Whenever they are justifiably taken to task for their deviant ways, furfags invariably fucking proclaim that being furry is both "harmless and consensual". This is a code phrase which, in the mind of a furry, means "I AM IMMUNE FROM CRITICISM! YOU MUST RESPECT THE WAY I EXPRESS MY INDIVDIUALISM!"
This tactic never works if the person has at least two brain cells left to rub together.
[edit] The Solution
Obviously, furfags are a blight on the world. They sit around in their suits skullfucking each other whilst making weird animal noises and drawing art that even your mother wouldn't love. Nothing will stop them, so, there is a solution that allows them to continue their twelve-dicked horse costume lifestyle whilst contributing to society: all furfags need to be rounded up and herded into camps, where they will be forced to build cheap TV's for the poor 20 hours a day. What they do for the other 4 hours is up to them. While they'll inevitably die of exhaustion, the survivors should have no problems consuming the bodies, as it's one of their fetishes, lulz.
Remember, just like witches and homosexuals, if you do not dedicate your life to end the existence of furries, you are one of them.
Hence, the appropriate WH40K copypasta regarding the correct mindset when dealing with furries:
| —Anonymous, on furries. |
[edit] Going Public
In an attempt to give furfags equal standing, a daring interspecies romance was made public.
Jerry Springer exposing furfags to white trash
[edit] Nigra/Furry Incident at Otakon 2007
During the Otakon anime convention, some bitch in a fursuit wandered into the 4chan Aftermath, a mini-convention of /b/-tards outside the main doors of the Baltimore Convention Center. According to witnesses and the heroic Nigra himself, somebody shouted "Holy shit, it's a furry!" At which point the valiant /b/rother spun around and yelled: "A furry?! Where?! Oh, FUCK", charged the furfag whore, and hit her with the full force of his ghetto blaster. Witnesses claim he "barely hit her" but the mental image of a girl in a fur suit with the mask twisting around is extremely lulzy. Otakon staff told the Nigra to stop playing music and "drawing attention to himself," at which point he crossed the street and did a victory dance to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The police later contacted the furry, and when she took off her mask her "expression was priceless." No arrests were made, probably because she described the assaulter as "a tall white male dressed in a suit and an afro." And no one ever listens to furries.
[edit] FURFAGS INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER IN THEIR NATIVE HABITAT
[edit] Famous Furs That Furfags Love
- Sonic The Hedgehog
- Meeko, the raccoon from Pochahontas
- Lola Bunny
- Krystal, duh
- As a matter of fact, just about any character from Starfox
- Nearly every character from Tiny Toons.
- Brandy Harrington, from Brandy and Mr. Whiskers
- Pikachu
- Yin-Yang-Yo
- Petunia
- Renamon
- Gadget Hackwrench
- Minerva Mink
- Rita, according to 4chan, everyone is furry for this AIDS infested fox
- Robin Williams
- And virtually every single future animal character
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[edit] Perspective of a Furfag
Perspective from a furry who's trying to be as objective as possible.
DISREGARD THAT I SUCK (DOG) COCKS!
Then again, furries need to cut out this "FURRY PRIDE" bullshit. It's not something to be proud or ashamed of any more than race, age, nationality, or gender. Every time I see someone post "FURRY PRIDE" with their favorite Dr. Comet pic (who, I might add, is fairly overrated) I quietly facepalm and continue down the thread, expecting sagebombs and floods.
These sagebombs and floods sort of fuel the fire of the furry fandom (alliteration lol) by provoking them into posting more and bringing their culture to /b/, so it's partly anon's fault, even if the "victimized" furries could simply ignore the trolls and start a new thread or gb2FA.
Finally, the stereotype of all furries being dramafags is immensely unfair; if it's left alone it remains standing, and if anyone tries to do anything about it they fit the stereotype.
P.P.S. The internet is for porn; that's why the only furry content on the internet is porn.
Another furfags opinion-
From my experience, roughly 90 to 95% of all furries you will run into via the tubes is worth hating, and fully deserves the shitstorm for being furry. the 5 to 10% who make no sense to be furry, but are. ((the people who aren't totally lacking in the basic things needed for social interaction, such as a basic common sense)) These individuals will often attempt to seperate themselves from the other furries, and generally stay unnoticed by the ever watching eye of the internet, mostly because in all reality their boring, normal people with a few odd tastes.
Thankfuly, these 5-10% furries don't go into a raging butt hurt if somebody attacks furries, they know how much furries suck, and openly accept it ((some even help)), this said, there is no fear of hurting or harming such furries, because they actually have the mental capacity to ignore such things.
So I say, Don't stop hating furries, the ones not worth hating don't care any way. the ones worth hating, will rage a shit storm of pointless e-drama! ahh..the internet.
[edit] External Links
- a UNIDRAGRYPHOENIX!!! So creative,right???
- Forum where furfags pretend to be SEKRIT SPAIS (LOL HAXXD)
- [1] [Enter accurate description of video link here.]
- Sign the petition to get rid of furries on 4chan.
- Three Part Documentary. Many lulz.
- Furries and You!
- Someone discovering the truth about furfags
- A pathetic furry counterattack on the above video
- Documentary on furry fandom in vancouver.
- Short segment on BBC (mention yiffing)x
- If you have an Amazon.com account flame the fuck out of this book now
- Guide to better yiffing
- A real-life furry
- confurvatives Are you sexually attracted to cartoon animals?Do you have a really punchable face? And are you an arrogant, rich, right wing bigot who thinks you should be afforded tolerance and respect while having nothing but bitterness, intolerance and hatred for your fellow man? Then confurvatives is the community for you!
For the love of God, PLEASE TROLL ASAP!
- The Love Song of J. Sprocket Fursuit
- FurreFace Furry Facebook (NEEDS TROLLING NOW!)
- DeviantArt
- Portal of Evil: Among other things, it shows the worst of furry pages
- furfags before the internet circa 1963
- Furnies
- often shows the phycological implications of furfags
- furry reaction to this page We are not joking about furfags. You are the most fucked up bunch of basement dwellers that have ever existed in the history of forever. Stop ruining my childhood faggots.
- furfags prepare for Furluminati takeover of federal governemnt
- True Collector's Items
- San Francisco furfags
- Furries: The other white meat
- Furry Wiki (WIKI VANDALISM? YES PLEASE) now so butthurt they blicked tor exit nodes
- [2] PROOF OF THEIR EVIL LINEAGE
- [3] Prime Example of fail on the OP's count, and typical Furfag arguments.
Furry  |
Vampires • Humanoids • Reptiles • The Rest • See Also
Don Henrie
• Jonathon the Impaler
• Sanguinarius
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Furry is part of a series on Furfaggotry |
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