Apophis

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

If it's any consolation to all of you that are going to perish, this actually did win him the science fair prize (really).

Apophis is a giant lulz-killing asteroid which will pass close to Earth on April 13th, 2029. NASA have estimated its chances of a pan-lethal collision with the planet at one in forty-five thousand.

Ever heard that one about getting a three year old to check over your plans before you go ahead with anything? Ever heard the phrase "Schoolboy Mistake?"

We have some really lousy news for you.

[edit] Oh Shit

Cut to Germany, holy land of excellent beer, excellent sausages and the pwning of Jews, Scientology and Lowtax. 13 year old boy Nico Marquardt (no really, he actually is 13 years old) examined telescopic findings at the University of Potsdam and discovered a worrying discrepancy.

Earth satellites - of which there are about forty thousand - whizz around the planet at a height up to thirty six thousand kilometers. Apophis will pass by the Earth at a height of thirty two and a half thousand kilometers. This gives it about a 1/45,000 chance of smacking into one of them.

In the event this happens, it will circle back and propel a two hundred billion tonne ball of steel into the Atlantic, instantly blotting out the sun with dust clouds before propelling killer tsunamis in every direction.

NASA examined his figures, and issued the following statement:

In America, we set fire to peanuts for a science fair project. In Germany, they prove Armageddon.

[edit] LOL, DISREGARD THAT

NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN

Apophis, destroying a planet near you 2036

Two days later, NASA issued a press conference saying that they never said any of that stuff, they have no idea who Nico Marquardt is and have certainly never talked to him and that they were right all along.

Oh shit, WE ARE ALL GOING TO FUCKING DIE.

On April 16, 2008, NASA News Release 08-103 reaffirmed that its estimation of a 1 in 45,000 chance of impact in 2036 remains valid

VALID

Apophis is part of a series on potential Science projects.	Science Theory Bill Nye • Theoretical physics • God • Existence • Evolution • Global Warming • Memes • Richard Dawkins • Computer Science III • Large Hadron Collider • Apophis • How is babby formed? • The Comprehensive Theory of Lulz Proven by Science JEWS DID WTC • God hates fags • Cubic time • Raelism • Scientology • Trepanation Science in Action Drugs! Sex! Creationism! Fire! Uranium! Lens flare! Diabeetus! Heart! With your powers combined I am Captain Planet!