Arizona
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| —Homer Simpson [1] |
Arizona has:
- Heat
- Joe Arpaio who will sodomize your ass and suck your dick/pussy
- Mostly Mexicans
- Too many laws
- Too many Mormons
- Albino people that stay in the sun too long without sun block and have a nasty white-trash look
- People that drive terribly, speeding at the wrong times and going too slow at the wrong times, and always tailgating
- Old people that hate anyone young, judging by how they vote anyways
- Meth labs constantly blowing up
- People 40, 50, and even 60-years-old that blast pure bass thumps on their home and car stereos wall-shakingly loud like they're teenage thugs
- No accent
- A grotesque amount of fat people that are too lazy to get off their ass and walk to the bathroom.
- Dirty old men.
- The Grand Canyon
- A surprising number of stupid teenage girls that move to L.A. to try and make it in Hollywood.
- UAanon
- Sedona, a place filled with fucking hippy freaks.
- Lake Havasu City, spring break on the river (and has the original London Bridge).
- Pinal County (you said Penal).
- Desert (HOT).
- And much much more!
Spanish and Ebonics are the chiefly spoken languages in Arizona, and white people are severely outnumbered in most of the state, except for the small colonies (aka Truck Stops, Scottsdale, Anthem which is a cemetery and Youngtown now populated by old, cheap Jews) where the whiteys and trailer park trash gather together. Basically every city in Arizona is a Mexican ghetto surrounded by white/trailer park trash. What's scarier is that it's IRL. All Arizonans own guns, even toddlers and the mentally ill/retarded, and most households actually contain more guns than people.
Contents |
Climate
Arizona is known for being unbelievably fucking hot... and therefore most of its residents are allergic to cold and need to wear a jacket if it gets below 60 degrees . Despite this, nobody wants to live in Arizona, except for the rich fucks who live near Flagstaff, which perhaps is halfway decent. It has been generalized that extremely old people reside in Arizona snowbird once the temperature gets to when all the you get cold. They scorn upon the younger generation. There are also rich snobs in Scottsdale, but they're batshit crazy, too; Scottsdale is a shitty place to live. It's full of morons who can't drive. Every year it's getting FUCKING HOTTER because of the increasing population of liberals. Their constant bitching, smoking weed, and human rights protesting is destroying the ozone to the point where the sun is literally shitting on their faces. Arizona is not supposed to even have liberals; they're supposed to only have conservatives, mainly retired people who vote for things. Things like eliminating vision coverage for the poor so that they could build a new football stadium for a team that hasn't been to the Superbowl in at least 100 years DISREGARD THE PREVIOUS STATEMENT, THAT BIRD IS GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL! ALL THE WAY BABY! Wait, no, false alarm lol
BORDERline
Arizona is also known for being the main destination for border hoppers, also known as "Mexicans". Being right next to the border, they cleverly plot out a suicidal mission to cross the FUCKING HOT desert in DAY TIME to get jobs at the local Walmart and be a successful part of society. By doing so, they piss off the trailer trash class of remaining whites for taking their jobs. With this suicide mission to the land of the free, the State of Arizona and the liberals band together to welcome these parasites with various water stations to encourage friends and family to come along for the Pilgrimage. And people wonder why the numbers are increasing!
Wildlife
Arizona is home to a wide variety of fucked up wildlife, such as: The rattlesnake, Javelina (A pig that shoots ass clouds at people before mauling their babies), Furries, Alice Cooper, three species of cacti, and a whole host of plants that fall into the "deadly pointy things" category.
Also, Arizona, specifically Tucson, is home of the legendary batshit crazy tinfoil hat designer. The only tinfoil hat that protects you from aliens, governments (esp. MONGO), and LJ dramatists who wish to steal your thoughts.
THAT. BIRD.
Generally considered to be the best team in football, Arizona houses the THAT. BIRD. No team has been so bad on a consistent basis as this steaming pile of shit. THAT. BIRD. has tried everything to make themselves better - getting a new stadium, getting a new quarterback, sending their players to Iraq - except for practice. Anyone driving by the Cardinals $100 billion stadium can see Cardinals players circle jerking each other. They paid for that stadium by doing away with vision coverage for the poor.
Also, you can be pulled over, even if you are not a car, and even the passenger gets in trouble.
UPDATE:The Cardinals just beat the Philidelphia Eagles at the 2008 NFC Championships by a score of 32-25, so now they're going to the Super Bowl. LOL
UPDATE:The Cardinals just lost the SUPER BOWL on a last second touchdown by Ben Cocklessberger. LMAO. LOSERS.
Joe Arpaio
In what is probably one of the most lulzy stories of Amerifail, Joe Arpaio is the Arizona sheriff whose life story counts as fapping material for most sociopaths.
Among introducing pink handcuffs and underwear for convicted criminals and holding them in a place known simply as "Tent City", murdering a cripple, beating a blind guy into a coma, letting inmates kill some guy named Flanders, etc. etc., he has employed Scientologist tactics in terms of media censorship and intimidation. He raided a news station, tried to intimidate Phoenix governor Phil Gordon because he's a racist motherfucker, and harassed Ray Stern for expressing freedom of the press. He has also endorsed Susan Bitter-Smith, which is a crime punishable by law.
Many failed recall petitions have attempted to V& him, but they failed, probably because he just shit on the petition and then burned it in the face of the American people whiney leftards.
Places to be and die
Phoenix is one, so is Tucson surrounded by stolen wild cactuses, Prescott and Flagstaff gets cold, Yuma is very hot and Nogales or Douglas for those who want to go Mexican for the night. It has a few overgrown suburbs and dead golf courses in gulches of Paradise Valley, Tempe, Mesa, Chandler, Gilbert, Goodyear, Buckeye, Avondale, Palo Verde, Peoria, Glendale, Surprise and Apache Junction (whew). Sorry that Palm Springs isn't located in Arizona. Oh, don't forget to visit the Grand Canyon and the Meteor Crater both located on Indian land, where you find red men sell jade gems, trickets and blankets, so they can buy their firewater mixed with malt liquor and listerine.
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Basically, Arizona is a hot, boring, desolate State that wishes it was East California.
