Asexual
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Asexuals are people defined as as having limited sexual attraction, or none at all. While at first this may seem unusual, one must consider that the world is filled with pedophiles, furries, camwhores, heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, Hitler, metrosexuals, arborphiles, vegisexuals and Japanese, just to name a few. It's surprising that more people do not opt out of trying to decide if the person touching them was getting fucked the night before by an underaged badger/meerkat furry while swinging from a tree with carrots jammed at unnatural angles into his Abercrombie&Fitch pants. Also, like the gay homosexuals and the bisexuals and those filthy stinking heterosexuals, they claim it's not a "lifestlye choice" but just the way they are.
Asexuals tend to replace sex with other pursuits, such as anime fandom, obsessing over the lives of celebrities, Scientology, Scientology bashing, eating disorders, backgammon, and cats.
Despite finding the internets a coalescing force akin to furries and pedophiles, asexuals somehow manage to be moderately productive and/or noteworthy members of society (see Martha Stewart), but have a tendency to become upset when reminded they're asexual because nobody would have sex with them anyway.
