Asperger's syndrome

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.

Unwanted ASS PIE children are given to cute golden retrievers as pets because the canine is usually smarter, cuter and less obsessed with being "special".

Asperger's syndrome, also known as Asperger's, Autism, Fail, Super Autism, AS, Ass Burgers, Assburpers, Rectal-burgers, BAWWWWWWtism, Stuttering ADD, NOTism, Flailing race, cerebral lawlzy, or Michael; is supposedly a condition on the higher functioning end of the Autism spectrum, and was not an official diagnosis until 1994, when the DSM-IV was published. First mentioned in 1981 by a Dr. Hans Asberger, growth in diagnosis of this disease in the past decade has been only outstripped by self-diagnoses. It is the new ADHD for attention whore mommies and the professionals that are pressed to diagnose their narcissistic and sociopathicspawn.

[edit] Assburgers on the Internets

Asperger's has become a fad for those seeking to garner attention unto themselves. In the fine, hallowed tradition of disease whores everywhere, many of today's youth expertly design a disease which kills two birds with one stone by 1) assuming others are born normal rather than work at it, giving the aspie an excuse not to make an effort to develop social skills, and 2) assuming they were born smart, rather than merely having had more exposure to books and computers because no one wanted to be around them. Naturally, like any other medical condition, autism can be fixed simply through heavy medications or a good slap upside the head.

It would be foolish to separate Asperger's patients, saying one side is faking while the other actually has it, seeing as the whole condition is a well developed tool for attention whoring and not a srs disease. It is also worth noting that every living person has all of the symptoms for Asperger's, making its nonexistence painfully obvious.

Want to find out if you can justify your faggotry with Aspergers? Take the test!

It is now understood that Assburgers is contagious (bugger, I think i spelt contagious wrong (twice)). You should not come into contact with these people. If you encounter them, treat it as a zombie and REMOVE THE HEAD OR DESTROY THE BRAIN.

It is an undisputed fact that everyone on 4chan has assburgers.

[edit] Common Symptoms

"ASS PIES" are recognizable because of the lightbulbs shooting out from their skulls and the sharp pencils they use for cutting

• Overall being of fucktard in public without caring that everyone hates you.
• Telling various sob stories about being misunderstood/discriminated.
• Mumbling to yourself in class like a fucktard.
• Talking like a five year old boy with a robotic accent.
• Not getting the hint in social situations
• Boners
• Having multiple LiveJournals for the different "aspects of your personality", one of which is naturally filled with slash.
• Thinking that everyone else is the one with the problem.
• Displaying extreme aggression[!] toward other people.
• Yelling sexual harassment if, by some astounding opportunity, touched by a hot girl.
• Running around like a retard claiming superiority to everyone.
• Being too fucking lazy or unable to drive and then complaining about how they can't go anywhere.
• Thinking Lawyers can save their asses against the internets and Lulz

Also recognizable by the flames shooting out of their eyes

If you have any of these signs, than you are very likely an Asspie.

• You are ugly.
• You are an otherkin.
• You are a furry.
• You didn't masturbate until you were 16.
• You started masturbating in the crib.
• You like using your Xbox more than being with your friends.
• You get a bwnner when you read "Sad Case of the Asspie Mind."
• You beat the crap out of your sister and tell your parents to kill her.
• You're about to go to the discussion page and write, "This article isnt funny my brudder has asberpger's!!!!1"
• You talk about killing people who were two decibels too loud while you were reading about your "special talant" in words that make you sound like a blood god cultist.
• You frequently create your own thoughts and ideas rather than accept those accepted by society. Because you're right. Always. You ARE right. The other people are WRONG.
• you have a Imaginary lawyer, named Bob

[edit] Causes of Asperger's

Nobody knows what causes it, but newest scientific studies have shown that it is caused predominantly by being spoiled, with boredom and being a bitch as secondary causes.

[edit] Diagnosis

As you can see Ass Pies are just over the line of Mental Retardation

Peter Szatmari, who literally wrote the book on this shit said, "It was introduced into the official classification systems in 1994 and has grown in popularity as a diagnosis, even though its validity has not been clearly established. It is interesting to note that it was introduced not so much as an indication of its status as a 'true' disorder, but more to stimulate research ... its validity is very much in question. But that won't stop a bunch of fucktards from claiming to have it."

If you feel that you're shy, unusual, highly intelligent, dislike people, fail at social interaction, and have bad hygiene, you may very well require an E-Diagnosis of Asperger's.

If any of these have EVER happened to you, or if you have taken this test, then you DEFINITELY are an Asspie, and need to "come out" to your flist about your "special gift" NOW, while immediately affixing the appropriate pro-aspie userboxes to your Wikipedia admin page so that people know never to argue with you, ever, because that would be discrimination.

[edit] Treatment

Treatment, or intervention, of Asperger's basically can be boiled down to the following extremely complicated steps:

• Open drawer
• Get money
• Buy gun
• Load gun with ammo
• Point gun at head
• Pull trigger
• ????
• Profit!

But for heavens sake, do it quietly. Nobody Everybody likes an hero, they just don't like you.

[edit] Asspie Culture

[edit] . . . As Covering Up for Being a Total Fucktard

They don't even know where to draw the fucken line between douche bag and Aspie.

Some close-knit communities of people, such as furries, plushies, and otherkin possess such distorted views of reality as to be particularly susceptible to believe their ostracization is due to victimization by outside factors, and will not infrequently claim to have Asperger's or be Autistic en masse, often finding some way to tie its manifestations into the fact that they are social misfits, frequently complete assholes and fail at proper expression of affection. In certain of these instances, having "Asperger's" seems to be correlated with the posting of disgusting and semi-nude pictures of yourself frequently on the internet and local AIDS awareness seminars, or writing highly disturbed fanfiction. Additionally, it is not unheard of for these individuals to claim multiple, even incompatible diagnoses of a plethora of diseases -- possibly claiming anorexia, ADHD, autism, Asperger's, schizophrenia, OCD, and anything else they've ever read about or seen on CSI.

[edit] Edison Was an Asspie, So That Makes Me Speshul!

Websites such as this try to facilitate the asspie myth that some of history’s most famous geniuses and philosophers had the condition. People such as Einstein (of course), Beethoven, and Mozart all supposedly had the affliction. Yes, all the whiny, self-diagnosed people you have read about on this page have all the untapped creative energy that Thomas Edison had. All of the things mentioned by the site are part of the conspiracy by those with assburgers to show that the disease is at the higher end of the autistic spectrum. Coincidentally though, most of the people who they listed have been dead for years so there is no way of telling if they had the disease or not. Although, Edison was friends with Henry Ford, so that is one strike against him being an aspie; he had a human friend. One wonders also how having Woody Allen (a neurotic, pedo Jew) listed in your ranks is exactly supposed to help your cause. All of this is just part of the assburpers way of trying to put a positive spin on their disease with facts that are either wild assumptions, half-truths, or outright lies.

[edit] The Legend of Hugbox Island

Their special tribal dance used to summon Neptune, or some shit.

I'm sure you are thinking after reading all of this "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?". It gets so much better. No longer content shitting all over the internet, aspies decided to shit all over world culture as well! Plagiarizing and raping the story of Atlantis they came up with a POS "MYTHICAL" origin for people with Aspergers (since the mercury hypothesis wasn't cool enough) it can be found on the pro aspie website known as aspergia quotes are as follows:

And not only do they insist on having their own made-up, bullshit history, Assburglers also have to have their own culture. Even worse, they've ripped off the deaf, who actually have something in common besides being attention whore assholes.

Some of the bullshit they cite as proof of culture?

Beliefs in common

Autistic culture holds a concept that autism, as a unique way of being, should be embraced and appreciated, not shunned or cured. Many autistic individuals prefer being alone to socializing. Some autistic people appreciate mathematics, science, and computers (although it should be noted that while such interests are found in a larger portion of the autistic population than the neurotypical population, there are also many autistic people who have no special talents in these areas). Many autistic people describe the belief of relating to aliens.

Translation: We don't want to bother being liked, so We'll pretend we're special.

[edit] Assplurgian: The Language of the Asspie

Artist's reenactment.

Language amongst these individuals differs from normal uses of language. To demonstrate these differences, text written in Assplurgian are noted in bold. The italicized text is the translation into common language understood by those living in reality.

• Welcome: If you cannot or do not want to socialize in real life you may find some pleasure in doing it online. Meet people who are similar to you!

• Translation: You're a fucking lazy faggot and you'd rather sit at your computer and wank than try at anything. See: loser

• #asperger is your channel if you are somewhere on the autistic spectrum. The autism spectrum includes autism, Asperger syndrome, and PDD-NOS. One thing we have in common is an impairment in nonverbal communication with neurologically typical ("normal") people that causes social difficulties. People with conditions such as hyperlexia, Tourette syndrome, schizoid personality disorder, social phobia, etc., may join the channel if there is also impairment in nonverbal communication. Loners with an autism-like condition are welcome.

• Translation: People with ass burgers aren't diseased, they're just different. All other losers are welcome to join our club in order to keep numbers up. Damn all for being "normal."

• It is not necessary to have an official diagnosis to join the channel. What counts is that you suspect seriously that you would fit in to the autism spectrum. If so, please feel free to join #asperger to see if you might 'fit in' with us.

• Translation: E-diagnosing 16 year old girls please.

• When you first join the channel, an operator will ask some basic information from you, including how you found out about the channel and whether you are on the autistic spectrum. If you don't have an official diagnosis, we may ask you why you think you are on the spectrum. Don't worry too much about this, though. We do not attempt to make diagnoses on whether or not channel visitors have an autism spectrum disorder. However, we must determine whether it is a likely possibility, in order to protect the channel against obvious imposters and troublemakers.

• Translation: You can come here with an e-diagnosis but we'll probably kick you out anyways because you might be /b/. Dogs and curtains work better anyways you cunts.

• The channel is only for those who are on the autistic spectrum!

• Translation: Okay so what was that before about other social disorders?

• #asperger is not for parents of autistic children and "experts" who wish to exchange experiences and ideas about treatments. If you want to discuss treatments etc. you are requested to do it on #autism or on #prism.

• Translation: We only want kids because we're paedos

Source and further study of Asspies and Assplurgian language in the wild: http://www.inlv.demon.nl/irc.asperger/

[edit] Terminology

People who have (fictionally or otherwise) Asperger's will sometimes refer to themselves as aspies or as a group, the aspie community. While these people may come across as jerks, the actual victims of the disease are decent human beings minus the social skills who encounter the self-diagnosed attention-whoring victimhood-loving cunts, whose falseness drives their victims into a driveling, uncontrollable rage.

Shared language

Although autistic culture doesn't have its own language, there is some terminology commonly used by those in autistic culture, such as:

• Aspie: A short-hand way of saying Asperger's. Sometimes it is referred to only those diagnosed with Asperger's, and sometimes it refers to the whole spectrum. Most proponents of autistic culture would prefer not to call Asperger's a "syndrome."
• Autie: A short-hand way of saying an autistic person. Sometimes it is used only to refer to those diagnosed with autism instead of Asperger's, and sometimes it refers to the whole spectrum.
• Cousin: A cousin is someone who is not technically autistic in the clinical use of the word, but is still similar enough to autistic people to be as much a part of autistic culture as someone officially diagnosable with autism. Sometimes these people are similar because they have a similar condition (although a cousin doesn't have to have any psychological conditions) such as schizoid personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, or hyperlexia. AC is often used to stand for "autistics and cousins."
• Curebie: A person with the desire to cure autism. These people are usually viewed in a negative light in autistic culture.
• Neurodiversity: A concept of tolerance of people regardless of neurological wiring.
• Neurotypical: Usually abbreviated NT. Refers to a nonautistic person.

Translation: like the Atlantis shit, we ripped off some psychology jargon, 'cause we r smart. Plus, we still don't want ot bother being liked, don't cure us, because sitting around picking our nose and perseverating on math is fucking normal, asshole!

Aspergians: totally a word.

Should also be noted that those who deal with people who supposedly have this disease (and can't stand them) will refer to the wannabe sick as having AssBurners Syndrome.

[edit] Asspie Dating

The typical kind of asshole you see on the internet saying he has Asperger's, is an agnostic libertarian and dates a japanese porn star seiyu

Moar info: [[Tanja]].

As they are socially retarded, Asspies do not know the proper way to get a girlfriend even though they are very attracted to hawt. Therefore, they will do stupid things that make themselves look like rapists. Common Ass Burners Syndrome suffers often use the following methods.

• Seeing a girl that is hot when on a bathroom break at school and following her into the girls bathroom and than blurting out "I want to kiss you!"
• Masturbating behind a girl in Government Class.
• Talking to a girl in public, and when she smiles it is taken as a request to show up at her house in the middle of the night.
• Walking up to a girl and asking her to spank his bottom.
• Online stalking and/or asking for girlfriends repeatedly in chatrooms Dude... seriously... leave me the hell alone.
• Finding a woman in far worse physical condition than themselves and possessing very low standards and becoming her "caretaker".
• More or less giving up on meaningful human contact and spending all of their money on sexdolls.

[edit] Interweb Case Studies

I don't mean to sound judgmental, but...[1]

• An "CNN manager" found out she was an Aspie and was so elated that she wrote an article about it on CNN.com. It is full of lulzy statements like these: Hugs are dispensed infrequently, but if I do hug someone, I resemble Frankenstein's monster, arms extended to control contact. When my dad (who I suspect is an Aspie, too) and I hug, we both have "the approach." We sometimes miss and have to re-approach a couple of times until a brief, awkward hug is achieved. Gb2/hugbox indeed. The link to this page should be posted in the comments to this CNN story until further lulz are achieved.

• The male_dom community on LiveJournal is 100% made up of self-diagnosed 'aspies'. When one poster says her partner has it, about 20 people chime in as having it as well, all self-diagnosed of course and many of them claiming to be autistic as well.

• 1justin is self diagnosed with it, he's just as much of a faggot about it as everyone else, but assumes he is better than the rest. He wound up banned from the aspergers community (which has since mysteriously been deleted and purged) for trying to point out to its members that most of them probably don't have it and that being proud about it is stupid, both of which appropriately apply to him.

• A poll on kuro5hin in which 76% of respondents claim to have some form of Asperger's or autism. Yes. 76%.

• A large number of goons from the SomethingAwful forums claim to have aspergers. From the looks of things, most of them probably do.

• Shining Force Central!!!

• Everyone on Fanfiction.net either has Asspies, Lysdexia, and/or ADHD; which begs the question, why are they writing?

• Everyone on DevianTART has Aspergers, which means you cant criticize them or they'll get upset, because they have a perfectly legitimate reason for why no-one should criticize their shit art.

• Fans of the closing logos of TV shows and movies who were traumatized by the V of Doom and now make up their own ridiculous corporate logos

• mutescream from waffles.fm has Aspergers in addition to superhuman intelligence. Also claims to have 210+ IQ.

• Kevin Havens has Asperger's (self-diagnosed, of course) among many other problems, spends all of his money on junk food and sexdolls, and lives with his crippled girlfriend. He collects a check for being her "caretaker" as well.

• These poor women think their husbands have asspies - ladies, they're just assholes normal healthy men trying to make the best of a life trapped in a marriage with an over-emotional woman (I mean seriously! Not being "torn up inside" because you hear a child crying is not sufficient to form a diagnosis of asperger's syndrome!)

• Unfortunately, every Ass Burgler, that has the tendency to be a Fan of Japanese culture, has also the streak to write shitty fanfics or, even more threatening and disgusting, fan-"art" of his/her favorite male characters getting pregnant, together.

• The Online Petition was invented by asspies, this is clear because they are the only ones that seem to think that anybody gives even the slightest rat's ass about Online petitions. So far, members of Asspies Against Freedom have already created 3 petitions to get Encyclopedia Dramatica taken offline, unfortunately they don't seem to realize that when nobody signs their petition, making another petition is as effective at shutting down a popular website as sticking your dick in a light socket.

[edit] IRL Drama

[edit] Butthurt Over Autism Awareness Video

In another attempt to provide the public with a complete view of Autism, Tanja posted a video on Youtube called "Autism Awareness" that has since been deleted by Asspie sympathizers on said site. The video, about the link between Autism and rape, caused a great stir a butthurt in the Autism Community; here you can see just how butthurt the Asspies got.

[edit] "Real" Ass Pies

This guy had Ass burner's Syndrome.

There are, miraculously, perhaps two or three people IRL (never OTI) that "genuinely" have Ass Burgers, and are much less fucktarded than their self-diagnosed attention whore cousins. You too can tell the difference by following these simple steps:

• If they use the word aspie and are serious, you are not dealing with a real diagnosis.

• If the cock in question buys into basically any of the fucktarded things ass pies supposedly believe in, it's a safe bet they're an attention whore. Incidentally, if they utter word one of the Atlantis bullshit, kill on sight. You'll make a friend of every "Genuine" ass pie for life.

• "Genuine" assburgers sufferers, nine times out of ten, do not act like a fucktard on purpose, the way one is supposed to act simply does not occur to him/her. Thus, when called on it, they will STFU and try not to make that mistake again (success varies). Those that claim to be an Ass Pie as an excuse to act out will continue to make the same mistakes and avoid butthurt with a defense along the lines of: "YOU CAN'T PUNISH ME I HAS THE ASPERGERS" when you prepare a whoopin' for them.

[edit] They can't get hugbox therapy coverage

At about 14 minutes into Michael Moore's movie Sicko, it gives a list of disorders with unproven treatments not covered under health insurance. Three of those were NOTism, autism, and gender identity disorder. Therefore, NOTies will have to pay for their own hugboxes or face a depressing average-spanned lifetime of horrible disabling terminal illness.

[edit] Pwnt by Kindergardners: May 2008

Now that, that screams autism.

In this lulzy video, an Aspie child is totally rejected by his kindergarten class. By a vote of 14 to 2, they decided to kick him out of their class for his idiotic flailing Ass-pie behavior that was pissing them off. His mom then BAWWW'd on national television about "discrimination" while the Aspie mumbled incoherently in her lap, further proving that the children were right and the whiny parents were wrong. Naturally, a lolsuit is being planned. The boy's name also happens to be Alex, just like the boy in "Sad Case of the Asspie" who raped Tanja. Is it reincarnation? The boy's mother was also a sick fuck and compared the teacher to Islamic terrorists which is wrong because it is a favor to the normal children not to have a shit smearing, masturbating child in the classroom; and Muslims actually kill people which is much worse than any minor teasing or ridicule. Some people need to grow up and stop being fairies.

Meanwhile, StumbleUpon users call for the death penalty.

[edit] Pro-Autism Movement

[edit] Asspies Against TheLulz

Flardox, an Asspie Freedom Fighter, created a petition against this article and announced it to the message board, Aspies for Freedom. An ironic name, considering how much they hate freedom:

Flardox continues to blank material on ED that has him butthurt, proving that Asspies are into fantasy, fiction and internet porn and can't handle the real world. They should be deep frozen like Duck Dodgers. His butthurt is so lulzy that even fellow ass burgers manage to get cruel humor from his pathetic posts.

This ass pie comes from some far off third world communist dictatorship known as England where people are not allowed to say anything that could be seen as humorous under penalty of having to sit in the corner, facing the wall for 5 minutes. [very Monty Python my good man, top marks] Recently he has gone completely apeshit and has now created another pathetic attempt at a petition, this one is set up for the purpose of shutting down the entire Encyclopedia Dramatica site, his reason?

You can always buy a dog.

Now after his shit petition was treated as it deserved, he has gone back to his blog and whined about the butthurt he continues to suffer for being a faggot. He even said the Klu Klux Klan no longer exists just to prove he's far removed from reality!

Out of all the other shit on his blog, one thing stands out:

What this faggot doesn't seem to realize is that free speech means you are free to say whatever the fuck you want, not just things that don't offend retards like this faggot. He seems to think that offending a retard would break some kind of law, since retards are too slow to come up with a decent comeback.

So there you have it, he doesn't like hardcore porn, sexism, or stupidity, nor does he like the First Amendment, which makes him a weird fuck, as well as an anti-American communist.

As if the ass pies didn't notice that nobody cared last time they complained about this site, now one of them made another useless petition (note the directory title in the url, obviously his username) to get Encyclopedia Dramatica shut down. Another one of them even made a Yahoo group for people who want to see ED taken down, so far he is still the only member.

[edit] Gallery

Add pixplzkthnx to Asperger's syndrome Plz to be adding some pix now kthnx. Consult the image selection process for help, or just google up some pix. Plz remove this notice once there are plenty of pix.

Oh hai!

Take a wild guess.

These people do not have Asperger's.

SUPER WAVE SMASHER

[edit] Videos

[edit] Aspie talking about the Asperger's syndrome article (see Chemer)

Summary: In the past people would be killed for speaking as they do on this website, and he wishes we could bring those fine days back.

[edit] How aspies were treated in the 60s

[edit] Scombridae?!?!!

[edit] Typical Ass pie behavior

[edit] Typical butthurt asspie slapping his mother

Slap is at 1:58 you impatient fucktard. NO U. I'd love to throw that fat fuck out a window if I was his parent.

[edit] IF I HAD A SIGNIFICANT OTHER

[edit] LOLASSBURGERS

[edit] Moar Asspies in their natural habitat

HERES A TIP: Press play on the first and second video, but then pause them so they are only loading. Once they finish, play both at the same time.

3rd is epic in its own right. The kid thinks we will live on the sun by 2012, and is selling the rights to this idea for 2 MILLION DOLLARS!!!! He also slapped his cousin for no fuckin reason, got choked and ran to his room crying like a bitch.

[edit] See also

• Napoleon Dynamite
• Malber
• Retard
• Sceptre
• Leaderfag
• WAXLABLTABLER
• Kevin Havens
• John McCain
• Chris-chan
• Ulillillia
• JacobDarkgod

[edit] External Links

• A browser for Asspies
• A typical Asspie (Zefri the Angel Boy!!!!11)
• epic Asspie self-trolling

Asperger's syndrome is part of a series on Aspies.

[Click to Collapse] [Click to Expand] 0

Albert Einstein • Andy Kaufman • Arania • Aspies for Freedom • Aspierations • BodyXPolitic • Bram_Cohen • Brownsquirrel • Chemer • Chris-chan • Dantheman2funny • Darr • Darviela Maravarona • DaxFlame • DisneyFan01 • Dragonfan • EdenHeroineGirl • Flardox • GrantM • Hannah_Capps • Heed_My_Warning • Inmendham • Jahi/4444 • Joeker • Kawaii_Kitsune • Kelseyalicia • Kevin Havens • Kirbyslover • Kphoria • KawaiiKittee88 • Lougara • M. Chaos • MascotGuy • Mikeroach113 • Mix Hyena • Moonclaw1 • Mutescream • Nemo Hana • Olinkalex • Popcorn • Prince_Jeremy • Ross Lumbus • Starblade • SteAndKel • Spergin • TheAmazingAtheist • Therealagerbon • The Juggernaut • Tom Serson • Tosh • Ulillillia • Vidal • Werechu • Wetflame • William Freund• Wolfeedarkfang • ZS3

Asperger's syndrome is part of a series on Diseases and Disorders.

[Click to Collapse] [Click to Expand] 0

AIDS • Anorexia • Antisocial personality disorder • Asperger's Syndrome • Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder • Bipolar disorder • Borderline personality disorder • Cancer • Chronic Troll Syndrome • Depression • Diabeetus • Dwarfism • Dyslexia • Eating disorders • Erectile dysfunction • Fauxlimia • Fetal Alcohol Syndrome • Fibromyalgia • Gender dysphoria • Genital Herpes • GRIDS • Histrionic personality disorder • Homosexuality • Inconsistent personality disorder • Infantilism • Insanity • Internet disease (see also Internet Disease Chart) • Internet troll personality disorder • Multiple personality disorder • Narcissistic personality disorder • Obesity • Obsessive-compulsive disorder • Parkinson's Disease • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder • Psychopathy • Retardation • Sexual disorders • Sexually Transmitted Diseases • Species confusion • The Cancer That Is Killing /b/