Asperger's syndrome

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.

Unwanted ASS PIE children are given to cute golden retrievers as pets because the canine is usually smarter, cuter and less obsessed with being "special".

Artist's reenactment.

Take a wild guess.

Now that, that screams autism.

Asperger's syndrome, also known as Asperger's, Autism, Fail, Super Autism, AS, Ass Burgers, Assburpers, BAWWWWWWtism, Stuttering ADD, NOTism, Flailing race, or Steve is supposedly a condition on the higher functioning end of the Autism spectrum, and was not an official diagnosis until 1994, when the DSM-IV was published. First mentioned in 1981 by a Dr. Hans Asberger, growth in diagnosis of this disease in the past decade has been only outstripped by self-diagnoses. It is the new ADHD for attention whore mommies and the professionals that are pressed to diagnose their narcissistic and sociopathic spawn.

No one on dramatica could even possibly have it.

[edit] Assburgers on the Internets

"ASS PIES" are recognizable because of the lightbulbs shooting out from their skulls and the sharp pencils they use for cutting

Also recognizable by the flames shooting out of their eyes

Asperger's has become a fad for those seeking to garner attention unto themselves. In the fine, hallowed tradition of disease whores everywhere, many of today's youth expertly design a disease which kills two birds with one stone by 1) assuming others are born normal rather than work at it, giving the aspie an excuse not to make an effort to develop social skills, and 2) assuming they were born smart, rather than merely having had more exposure to books and computers because no one wanted to be around them. Naturally, like any other medical condition, autism can be fixed simply through heavy medications or a good slap upside the head.

It would be foolish to separate Asperger's patients, saying one side is faking while the other actually has it, seeing as the whole condition is a well developed tool for attention whoring and not a srs disease. It is also worth noting that every living person has all of the symptoms for Asperger's, making its nonexistence painfully obvious.

Want to find out if you can justify your faggotry with Aspergers? Take the test!

[edit] Causes of Aspergers

Nobody knows what causes it, but newest scientific studies have shown that it is caused predominantly by being spoiled, with boredom and being a bitch as secondary causes.

[edit] Treatment

Treatment, or intervention, of Aspergers basically can be boiled down to the following extremely complicated steps:

• Open drawer
• Get money
• Buy gun
• Take gun
• Point gun at head
• Pull trigger
• ????
• Profit!

[edit] Common Symptoms

• Overall being of a fucktard, retard in public with out caring that everyone hates him.
• Telling various sob stories about being misunderstood/discriminated.
• Threathening to commit suicide in order to get attention.
• Masturbating to 16 year old girls during Government/History class.
• Raping 15 year old German girls in the woods.
• Mumbling about paranoid fantasies involving ninja Nazis.
• Talking like a five year old boy with a robotic accent.
• Homosexualality
• Dressing up as a Disney princess.
• Thinking that everyone else is the one with the problem.
• Displaying extreme aggression toward other people.
• Yelling sexual harassment when touched by a hot girl.
• Running around like a retard claiming superiority to everyone.

If you have any of these signs, than you are very likely an Asspie.

• You are ugly.
• You are an otherkin.
• You are a furry.
• You are a skinhead.
• You didn't masturbate until you were 16.
• You started masturbating in the crib.
• You like using you Xbox more than being with your friends.
• You get a bwnner when you read "Sad Case of the Asspie Mind."
• You consistanly get A's on tests you don't study for.
• You beat the crap out of your sister and tell your parents to kill her.
• You talk about killing people who were two decibles too loud while you were reading about your "special talant" in words that make you sound like a blood god cultist.
• Seeing a girl that is hawt and walking up to her and putting your hand up her shirt.
• You are aroused by rape.
• You frequently create you own thoughts and ideas rather than accept those accepted by society.
• You always think you're right. Always. Because you ARE right. The other peoples are WRONG.

[edit] Diagnosis

Peter Szatmari, who literally wrote the book on this shit said, "It was introduced into the official classification systems in 1994 and has grown in popularity as a diagnosis, even though its validity has not been clearly established. It is interesting to note that it was introduced not so much as an indication of its status as a 'true' disorder, but more to stimulate research ... its validity is very much in question. But that won't stop a bunch of fucktards from claiming to have it."

If you feel that you're shy, unusual, highly intelligent, dislike people, fail at social interaction, and have bad hygiene, you may very well require an E-Diagnosis of Asperger's.

If any of these have EVER happened to you, or if you have taken this test, then you DEFINITELY are an Asspie.

[edit] Where to get LULZ from Asspies

For all those who wish to do their own trolling, a source has been found that will yield excellent results. It was discovered recently by an Anonymous flame warrior named Tanja making a causal comment in a video posted on Youtube by [| drmaier]. The comment suggested the idea of a relationship between Autism and violence; this same fact was discovered after the shooting at VT. As it turned out, the poster of the video had an Autistic son and became extemely butthurt like most Asspies and Asspie lovers do when anyone suggests there is anything bad at all about Autism. She than counter posted a comment calling the poster of the original message a "Nazi bitch" who wanted to "kill all Autistic people" and continued even after the poster of the first comment expressed her true views involving the creation of "Autistic Colonies" where Asspies would be sent for better life. At this point heated flame war followed.

For those wishing generate LULZ, simply copy and paste the following message to the instructed destination.

I talked with Tanja Koch about Autism and her experience with its sufferers. She told me about 
being sexually harassed and abused by them. At first I found it hard to believe because I had heard 
from many people that they can be very sweet. She explained to me that they are often trained to 
act that way when they are calm, but often they are violent and out of control. She told me about 
an Autistic boy who ranted in her class, the boy who raped her, the boy who often hit her cousin 
Katja, and a girl she met who lived in fear of her Autistic brother. I still thought it was 
a coincidence; but she explained to me how the basic symptoms such as apathy and impusiveness 
would cause such actions. I talked to Tanja about what she knew about Autism and what she said made sense. 
At this point, I also told her how sorry I was for her and that's when she mentioned you. She told me 
about how cruel and insensitive you were to her and insulted her for being afraid of people with Autism 
after the terrible things that happened to her. I hope you apologize to her, I can hardly believe that 
you could be say such things. 

After copying this message follow this link to [| drmaier's channel] and send it to her in a message.

The message is a bit of a sob story, but it mentions exaggerated symptoms that will always send Asspies into a "where all different" rant.

[edit] They can't get hugbox therapy coverage

At about 14 minutes into Michael Moore's movie Sicko, it gives a list of disorders with unproven treatments not covered under health insurance. Three of those were NOTism, autism, and gender identity disorder. Therefore, NOTies will have to pay for their own hugboxes or face a depressing average-spanned lifetime of horrible disabling terminal illness.

Here is a video about parents of Autistic children who are too stupid to commit their children to mental institutions and have had their lives ruined as a result. Retarded parents of Autistic children. Comments have been disabled, but you still can send messages to the poster of the video about how retarded he/she is.

[edit] As Covering Up for Being a Total Fucktard

They don't even know where to draw the fucken line between douche bag and Aspie.

Some close-knit communities of people, such as furries, plushies, and otherkin possess such distorted views of reality as to be particularly susceptible to believe their ostracization is due to victimization by outside factors, and will not infrequently claim to have Asperger's or be Autistic en masse, often finding some way to tie its manifestations into the fact that they are social misfits, frequently complete assholes and fail at proper expression of affection. In certain of these instances, having "Asperger's" seems to be correlated with the posting of disgusting and semi-nude pictures of yourself frequently on the internet and local AIDS awareness seminars, or writing highly disturbed fanfiction. Additionally, it is not unheard of for these individuals to claim multiple, even incompatible diagnoses of a plethora of diseases -- possibly claiming anorexia, ADHD, autism, Asperger's, schizophrenia, OCD, and anything else they've ever read about or seen on CSI.

[edit] Edison Was an Asspie, So That Makes Me Speshul!

Websites such as this try to facilitate the asspie myth that some of history’s most famous geniuses and philosophers had the condition. People such as Einstein (of course), Beethoven, and Mozart all supposedly had the affliction. Yes, all the whiny, self-diagnosed people you have read about on this page have all the untapped creative energy that Thomas Edison had. All of the things mentioned by the site are part of the conspiracy by those with assburgers to show that the disease is at the higher end of the autistic spectrum. Coincidentally though, most of the people who they listed have been dead for years so there is no way of telling if they had the disease or not. Although, Edison was friends with Henry Ford, so that is one strike against him being an aspie; he had a human friend. One wonders also how having Woody Allen ( a neurotic, pedo jew) listed in your ranks is exactly supposed to help your cause. All of this is just part of the assburpers way of trying to put a positive spin on their disease with facts that are either wild assumptions, half-truths, or outright lies.

[edit] Assplurgian: The Language of the Asspie

Language amongst these individuals differs from normal uses of language. To demonstrate these differences, text written in Assplurgian are noted in bold. The italicized text is the translation into common language understood by those living in reality.

Welcome: If you cannot or do not want to socialize in real life you may find some pleasure in doing it online. Meet people who are similar to you!

Translation: You're a fucking lazy faggot and you'd rather sit at your computer and wank than try at anything. See: loser

#asperger is your channel if you are somewhere on the autistic spectrum. The autism spectrum includes autism, Asperger syndrome, and PDD-NOS. One thing we have in common is an impairment in nonverbal communication with neurologically typical ("normal") people that causes social difficulties. People with conditions such as hyperlexia, Tourette syndrome, schizoid personality disorder, social phobia, etc., may join the channel if there is also impairment in nonverbal communication. Loners with an autism-like condition are welcome.

Translation: People with ass burgers aren't diseased, they're just different. All other losers are welcome to join our club in order to keep numbers up. Damn all for being "normal."

It is not necessary to have an official diagnosis to join the channel. What counts is that you suspect seriously that you would fit in to the autism spectrum. If so, please feel free to join #asperger to see if you might 'fit in' with us.

Translation: E-diagnosing 16 year old girls please.

When you first join the channel, an operator will ask some basic information from you, including how you found out about the channel and whether you are on the autistic spectrum. If you don't have an official diagnosis, we may ask you why you think you are on the spectrum. Don't worry too much about this, though. We do not attempt to make diagnoses on whether or not channel visitors have an autism spectrum disorder. However, we must determine whether it is a likely possibility, in order to protect the channel against obvious imposters and troublemakers.

Translation: You can come here with an e-diagnosis but we'll probably kick you out anyways because you might be /b/. Dogs and curtains work better anyways you cunts.

The channel is only for those who are on the autistic spectrum!

Translation: Okay so what was that before about other social disorders?

#asperger is not for parents of autistic children and "experts" who wish to exchange experiences and ideas about treatments. If you want to discuss treatments etc. you are requested to do it on #autism or on #prism.

Translation: We only want kids because we're paedos

• Source and further study of Asspies and Assplurgian language in the wild: http://www.inlv.demon.nl/irc.asperger/

SUPER WAVE SMASHER

[edit] Terminology

The words Asspie and rapist are interchangable.

People who have (fictionally or otherwise) Asperger's will sometimes refer to themselves as aspies or as a group, the aspie community. While these people may come across as jerks, the actual victims of the disease are decent human beings minus the social skills who encounter the self-diagnosed attention-whoring victimhood-loving cunts, whose falseness drives their victims into a driveling, uncontrollable rage.

Should also be noted that those who deal with people who supposedly have this disease (and can't stand them) will refer to the wannabe sick as having AssBurners Sydrome.

[edit] Conversation With an Asspie

This is a Youtube conversation between an 18 year old German girl named Tatjana and a 23 year old Asspie named Chipwhitley274. This conversation is still on going, and it is likely that mass drama will follow. Anonymous is currently attempting to accelerate this process.

There has also been a butthurt rant delivered by an Asspie lover who has an Autistic son. Her rant to Tanja has been salvaged by the hard workers of Anonymous.

Some of the transmissions have been lost, so if something seems skipped, this is why.

See the conversation by clicking here.

A picture of an Asspie in conversation.

[edit] Interweb Case Studies

I don't mean to sound judgmental, but...[1]

• An "CNN manager" found out she was an Aspie and was so elated that she wrote an article about it on CNN.com. It is full of lulzy statements like these: Hugs are dispensed infrequently, but if I do hug someone, I resemble Frankenstein's monster, arms extended to control contact. When my dad (who I suspect is an Aspie, too) and I hug, we both have "the approach." We sometimes miss and have to re-approach a couple of times until a brief, awkward hug is achieved. Gb2/hugbox indeed. The link to this page should be posted in the comments to this CNN story until further lulz are achieved.

• The male_dom community on Livejournal is 100% made up of self-diagnosed 'aspies'. When one poster says her partner has it, about 20 people chime in as having it as well, all self-diagnosed of course and many of them claiming to be autistic as well.

• 1justin is self diagnosed with it, he's just as much of a faggot about it as everyone else, but assumes he is better than the rest. He wound up banned from the aspergers community (which has since mysteriously been deleted and purged) for trying to point out to its members that most of them probably don't have it and that being proud about it is stupid, both of which appropriately apply to him.

• A poll on kuro5hin in which 76% of respondents claim to have some form of Asperger's or autism. Yes. 76%.

• A large number of goons from the SomethingAwful forums claim to have aspergers. From the looks of things, most of them probably do.

• Shining Force Central!!!

• Everyone on Fanfiction.net either has Asspies, Lysdexia, and/or ADHD; which begs the question, why are they writing?

• Everyone on DevianTART has Aspergers, which means you cant criticize them or they'll get upset, because they have a perfectly legitimate reason for why no-one should criticize their shit art.

• Fans of the closing logos of TV shows and movies who were traumatized by the V of Doom and now make up their own ridiculous corporate logos

• mutescream from waffles.fm has Aspergers in addition to superhuman intelligence. Also claims to have 210+ IQ.

• These poor women think their husbands have asspies - ladies, they're just assholes normal healthy men trying to make the best of a life trapped in a marraige with an over-emotional woman (I mean seriously! Not being "torn up inside" because you hear a child crying is not sufficient to form a diagnosis of asperger's syndrome!)

• Unfortunately, every Ass Burgler, that has the tendency to be a Fan of japanese culture, has also the streak to write shitty fanfics or, even more threatening and disgusting, fan-"art" of his/her favourite male characters getting pregnant, together.

• The Online Petition was invented by asspies, this is clear because they are the only ones that seem to think that anybody gives even the slightest rat's ass about Online petitions. So far, members of Asspies Against Freedom have already created 3 petitions to get Encyclopedia Dramatica taken offline, unfortunately they don't seem to realize that when nobody signs their petition, making another petition is as effective at shutting down a popular website as sticking your dick in a light socket.

[edit] Summit Camp

Summit Camp is a Nazi concentration camp that advertises itself as a hugbox camp for children with Autism. It is located near Honesdale Pennsalvania, a popular community for true Germanic Nazis. The topography of the area is very mountainous and overgrown with forest; so no one other than the campers ever see the camp, or escape from it into the woods an survive. Summit Camp portrays itself as a peaceful camp for Autistic children, or a normal camp where Autistic children will be able to suceed. In reality, there is no one else other than over 9000 Autistic retards, many of which are mentally retarded or have a fetish for rape; with a few innocent normal people whose parents were too stupid to know that "special" actually means "retarded." As many of the campers are Autistic, there is of course an aweful lot of rape at Summit Camp, most of which occurs during "shower hour." Shower hour rape is always homosexual, as it is directed against the other occupants of the retard's bunk; bunk is what the camp calls cabin because their fucking retarded. A camper can be reasonably expected to be raped or "Summit Camped" during at least 50% of all shower hours that take place. Although much of the raping, or "Summit Camping" preformed by a man in the ass of another man during shower hour, the girls at the camp are also often raped by Autistic boys during other times of the day. The most common time that girls are raped at Summit Camp is during the early morning hours (2:00 AM) when they leave their bunks to go the bathroom. The girls most at risk for this are the few normal girls, attractiveness makes a difference to the Autistic boy too and retared girls are ugly as shit. Mistreatment by the medical staff is also common. Alexandra Kayukov is the only known girl willing to share her experiences inside Summit Concentration Camp, she is Neurotypical.

[edit] The Medical Facility

One day during Alex's time at the camp, Alex discovered that she had a fever and felt tired; she told one of the counslors in her bunk. Her bunk was GST-09. The counslor took her to the top of the camp; Summit Camp is on a hill and the entrance is at the top, so that she could visit the "Health Center." At the Health Center, she was told to wait outside for several minutes before anyone would see her. After that time was up, one of the Health Center staff came outside and handed her a thermometer and told her to wait outside with it and to come in when it was finished. Alex did as she was told; it was a slow thermometer, but when it reached 102 degrees she went inside with it and showed it to the nurse at the front of the building. The nurse told Alex to sit in a chair against the wall until a docter was ready for her. The Health Center was a very simple building made of cheap material with few things other than simple medical equipment on the walls. After more than several minutes of waiting, a man came into the entry room where Alex was and told her to follow him. He led her down a short hallway and than into a medical room with a table in the center of it. He instructed her to take off her clothes and to lie on the table and that a docter would see her shortly; she did as she was told. Alex asked the man if he would step out of the room before she undressed, but he said he was required to be with her. She finished undressing and lay down on the table. After moar waiting, a docter finally entered, but the man who had brought Alex into the room remained next to the door. The docter moved next to the table and stood above Alex and began "medicially" examining her in all sorts of ways. When he finished, he began asking her a series of strange questions including questions about "that time of the month."

[edit] Asspies Against The Lulz

Flardox, an Asspie Freedom Fighter, created a petition against this article and announced it to the message board, Aspies for Freedom. An ironic name, considering how much they hate freedom:

Flardox continues to blank material on ED that has him butthurt, proving that Asspies are into fantasy, fiction and internet porn and can't handle the real world. They should be deep frozen like Duck Dodgers. His butthurt is so lulzy that even fellow ass burgers manage to get cruel humor from his pathetic posts.

This ass pie comes from some far off third world communist dictatorship known as England where people are not allowed to say anything that could be seen as humorous under penalty of having to sit in the corner, facing the wall for 5 minutes. [very monty python my good man, top marks] Recently he has gone completely apeshit and has now created another pathetic attempt at a petition, this one is set up for the purpose of shutting down the entire Encyclopedia Dramatica site, his reason?

You can always buy a dog.

Now after his shit petition was treated as it deserved, he has gone back to his blog and whined about the butthurt he continues to suffer for being a faggot. He even said the Klu Klux Klan no longer exists just to prove he's far removed from reality!

Out of all the other shit on his blog, one thing stands out:

What this faggot doesn't seem to realize is that free speech means you are free to say whatever the fuck you want, not just things that don't offend retards like this faggot. He seems to think that offending a retard would break some kind of law, since retards are too slow to come up with a decent comeback.

So there you have it, he doesn't like hardcore porn, sexism, or stupidity, nor does he like the First Amendment, which makes him a weird fuck, as well as an anti-American communist.

As if the ass pies didn't notice that nobody cared last time they complained about this site, now one of them made another useless petition (note the directory title in the url, obviously his username) to get Encyclopedia Dramatica shut down. Another one of them even made a Yahoo group for people who want to see ED taken down, so far he is still the only member.

[edit] Aspies in the Wild

[edit] Sad Case of the Asspie Mind

Would you like fries with those Ass burgers?

In late 2005, 15 year old Tatjana arrived near Washington from Essen. While at school, she met a boy named Alex who had Asperger's Syndrome. Tanja did not realize this because Alex was one of the few Asspies without the usual deformed face created by God to allow the ladies to easily tell which boys were Asspies. When Alex saw how attractive Tanja was, he decided he was going to strain every social complex in his brain to start a relationship with her. Being blonde, Tanja never noticed anything strange about Alex. That was until he offered to give her a ride home from school. Alex, instead of driving Tanja home, decided to drive out into the woods far away. Researchers have been unable to determine the cause or motivation, but it is likely that he decided to rape her because he is an Asspie and dosn't know shit about society, Asspies are all devoted followers of the Koran, or Alex was just a sick fuck. Anyway, Alex raped Tanja and at the end she escaped and reported what had happened. Much like in Saudi Arabia, there was mass drama and the people insisted that because Alex was an Asspie, he was the victim because he was so phochtaded. (Fucktarded, Fucking Retarded.) This all gave Tanja a terrible impression of the United States; and she reported its leval retardation and anti LULZ level on her return to Germany. Tanja was a strong girl and thankfully did not become an attention whore and or a feminazi as the result of her experience, she still remains a normal person to this day. Tanja lives in an apartment in Essen Germany and has a boyfriend named Willie; Alex is currently in Virginia state prison and regularly gets beaten for complaining about other inmates uniforms not being ironed properly, he never stops because he is too socially retarded to realize why he gets beaten.

Reven defending Tanja Koch from MosherMarioLand who was sympathizing with Alex in comments posted on their Youtube channels.

[edit] Internet Tough Guy Asspies

In addition to creating petitions to ban anything that causes them butthurt, Asspies will resort to internet tough guy tactics to intimidate anyone who makes them call the WAAAAAAAAAAABULANCE. Here is an example of such a post by a butthurt Asspie on Youtube.

Moshermario1nd | June 05, 2008

Ok tanja u need to learn not all people with autism are the same
get it threw your thick head ok NOT ALL AUSTICTIC PEOPLE ARE THE SAME!!!!!!!! OK U LIVE IN GERMANY THEY 
ALLOW RHAPE AND MABYE  THE AUSTICTIC LADS WHO RHAPED U WAS FORCED INTO DOING IT!!!! STOP BEING A DUM ASS
HILTER AND SHUT UP IF U KEEP TYPING HATE MESSAGE I WILL GET MY FREINDS TO HACK YOUR ACOUNT AND NO THEY
DONT HAVE AUTISM

Moshermario1nd | June 15, 2008

tanja is rly annoying me -_- so can i ask one of my amtes on youtube to hack ehr and clsoe down ehr acount?? i

Watch out, this guys 'amte' knows CSIII.

Going to his page and telling him you think "TanjaKoch" is the funnist person ever is sure to get you a good LULZ.

Also you can see asspies difficulty in typing proper english and german. A couple of exaples are:

1.fuk u son of a bitch ass krakin dick sukin mother fuker!!!
ur the fukin asspie who keeps on commenting austisim
comments (no offense masher) and just make them cry like babies!?!?
well it aint workin on me just because u think im austisim!?!?
IM spanish u jerk!!! and i love japan but that doesn't mean
im wit them if u were raped by austisim then forget that bad time and get a life!!!
even a phyciyatrist!!!
this right here is horrble try at hatemail wich is a jumble of curse words that dont make sense.
MasterLuigie34

[edit] Butthurt and Retardation

What we have here is moshermarios (see link) and dramairs shared whore.He is masterluigie34. he is the retard that thinks that he is the protector of moshermario. but some time mosher sent out an SOS to the WAAAAAABULANCE but they sent him. so below is the milk that made him a lulz cow; add any lulz if you please.

[edit] This is a recent firefight on youtube. monday 6/23 and 6/22.

[-] [+] 0

yo tanja im 82nd cadias friend and i think its cool that you paint 40k and hate autistic nobodies.

Thanks, I always like support. Some people can't admit to themselves that the reason the boy I thought
was my friend raped me was because he was Autistic. They act like believing it will mean all Autistic
people are rapists. I try explaining to them that they're all willing, but they think that means they
are. Asspies and their sympathizers are so fucking dumb.

i dont get wut ur sayin tanja.
u bore me.

if u fukin hate austism then burn to hell
u fulkin bitches!

hete them or not im still gonna be helping them.

and u cant stop me and ruin my life!
so FU sluts from GERMANY!!!

You're butthurt because you know you'll never have a normal girlfriend; especally an attractive German,
so you just decide to insult me. Also, by calling ever German girl a slut, you're doing the exact same
thing you accuse me of doing.

then stop the insults u do!

You and your friend started insulting me, I'm not stopping for you. If your armor can't stop an 88, than don't piss me off.

not only me i meant everybody!
in youtube plus u the one who started cause of hate messeges

wait...did MustiH started the whole thing?

You insulted me, you never had to get involved. If you're butthurt about someone else's problem, talk to them about it.

winner......TANJAKOCH!!! PWNT!!!!

[edit] Asperger's = Rape

Typical furry aspie who will try to rape you: "I am looking in the mirror with my shirt off I notice my damn back hair and it makes me feel angry! I feel like I'm an ape who never fully evolved"

In addition to their apathy, suffers of Asperger's Syndrome are extremely arroused by girls. They like girls so much, and they don't know what their feelings are, that they will get themselves arrested for sexual harassment; except law enforcement accepts Asperger's Syndrome as a defence. A typical encounter between an Asspie and a girl who is really hot, but only wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt will go like this: A 19 year old boy with Asperger's syndrome(we'll call him Dan) will see a 17 year old girl(we'll call her Anna). He has the "Asspie appearance" with his pants pulled up way too high, and she is really hot and wearing sweatpants and a gray t-shirt. Dan has been sent a block from his house to buy butter, but really his parents are training him to be independent and be able to not get lost when he has line of sight to his house. Anyway, as Anna is walking to another store to buy moar tampons, Dan walks to her and says "You are very pretty." She promptly tells him "IQ above 70 or GTFO." Dan doesn't take this too well, but he's an apathetic Asspie and doensn't care and they're very impulsive, so he sticks his hand up her shirt. Anna gets fearful of him at this point and runs into a moar crowded area and calls the police, except they tell her "sorry, we don't want Asspies for Freedom up our asses, GTFO." When Dan gets home, his parents explain to him why what he did was wrong, but being an Asspie he doesn't give a fuck. When he goes to bed, he is obessed with her and can't get to sleep. Over the next several days he thinks about Anna and apathetic ways of getting what he wants until one day, when she's home alone, he rapes her. This information about Asspies has been known for some time, but Asspies had been very sucessful in persuading the media not to release it. That is, until J. Arturo Silva [2] wrote papers about the link between Autism and violence. Needless to say, Asperger's sufferers and Asspie lovers got extremely butthurt and went on rants[3] about how he was destroying Asperger's Syndrome awareness and was about to create a "dark age" for Asspies. In reality, he was increasing awareness by letting inocent people know of the dangers they face around Asspies.

Asspie Dating

As they are socially retarded, Asspies do not know the proper way to get a girlfriend even though they are very attracted to hawt. Therefore, they will do stupid things that make themselves look like rapists. Common Ass Burners Syndrome suffers often use the following methods.

• Seeing a girl that is hot when on a bathroom break at school and following her into the girls bathroom and than blurting out "I want to kiss you!"
• Masturbating behind a girl in Government Class.
• Talking to a girl in public, and when she smiles it is taken as a request to show up at her house in the middle of the night.
• Walking up to a girl and asking her to spank his bottom.
• Online stalking and/or asking for girlfriends repeatedly in chatrooms Dude... seriously... leave me the hell alone.

[edit] "Real" Ass Pies

This guy had Ass burner's Syndrome.

There are, miraculously, perhaps two or three people IRL (never OTI) that "genuinely" have Ass Burgers, and are much less fucktarded than their self-diagnosed attention whore cousins. You too can tell the difference by following these simple steps:

• If they use the word aspie and are serious, you are not dealing with a real diagnosis.

• If the cock in question buys into basically any of the fucktarded things ass pies supposedly believe in, it's a safe bet they're an attention whore. Incidentally, if they utter word one of the Atlantis bullshit, kill on sight. You'll make a friend of every "Genuine" ass pie for life.

• "Genuine" assburgers sufferers, nine times out of ten, do not act like a fucktard on purpose, the way one is supposed to act simply does not occur to him/her. Thus, when called on it, they will STFU and try not to make that mistake again (success varies). Those that claim to be an Ass Pie as an excuse to act out will continue to make the same mistakes and avoid butthurt with a defense along the lines of: "YOU CAN'T PUNISH ME I HAS THE ASPERGERS" when you prepare a whoopin' for them.

[edit] Read on for free lulz (NOT)

The typical kind of asshole you see on the internet saying he has Asperger's, is an agnostic libertarian and dates a japanese porn star seiyu

I'm sure you are thinking after reading all of this "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?". It gets so much better. No longer content shitting all over the internet, aspies decided to shit all over world culture as well! Plagurizing and raping the story of Atlantis they came up with a POS "MYTHICAL" origin for people with Aspergers (since the mercury hypothesis wasnt cool enough) it can be found on the pro aspie website known as aspergia quotes are as follows:

allow me to translate: "A place THAT WAS TOTALLY NOT ATLANTIS existed over 9000 years ago, where MOM AND THE TEACHERS WOULDN'T MAKE ME DO SHIT, and so I heard about this 'special gift' and because of that I can be a lazy douchebag from Atlantis."

Translation: "NO ONE DID SHIT AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE SO FUCK YOU MOM AND DAD. OM NOM NOM"

Translation: "MOM AND DAD CAME AND SAID TO DO CHORES." (translators note: after reading this I now suspect DivineAngel to be the author of said website)

Stolen from The Legend of Zelda

Translation: "They found people who did scary things, like use words properly, and GoddessMillenia and mocked others for being lazy and stupid."

Translation: "We ArE BeTtEr ThEn U!!1!1"

Translation: "we ripped off some more shit, ya were going to say albert einstein was one of us even though he had few communication problems and did a lot of hard work, and we are just lazy introverted slobs blaming everything on genetics which might not even exist." (remember kids, autism isnt always genetic, it is commonly caused by environmental factors like pollution, which must be taken down to zero.)

And not only do they insist on having their own made-up, bullshit history, Assburglers also have to have their own culture. Even worse, they've ripped off the deaf, who actually have something in common besides being attention whore assholes.

Some of the bullshit they cite as proof of culture?

Beliefs in common

Autistic culture holds a concept that autism, as a unique way of being, should be embraced and appreciated, not shunned or cured. Many autistic individuals prefer being alone to socializing. Some autistic people appreciate mathematics, science, and computers (although it should be noted that while such interests are found in a larger portion of the autistic population than the neurotypical population, there are also many autistic people who have no special talents in these areas). Many autistic people describe the belief of relating to aliens.

Translation: We don't want to bother being liked, so We'll pretend we're special.

Shared language

Although autistic culture doesn't have its own language, there is some terminology commonly used by those in autistic culture, such as:

• Aspie: A short-hand way of saying Asperger's. Sometimes it is referred to only those diagnosed with Asperger's, and sometimes it refers to the whole spectrum. Most proponents of autistic culture would prefer not to call Asperger's a "syndrome."
• Autie: A short-hand way of saying an autistic person. Sometimes it is used only to refer to those diagnosed with autism instead of Asperger's, and sometimes it refers to the whole spectrum.
• Cousin: A cousin is someone who is not technically autistic in the clinical use of the word, but is still similar enough to autistic people to be as much a part of autistic culture as someone officially diagnosable with autism. Sometimes these people are similar because they have a similar condition (although a cousin doesn't have to have any psychological conditions) such as schizoid personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, or hyperlexia. AC is often used to stand for "autistics and cousins."
• Curebie: A person with the desire to cure autism. These people are usually viewed in a negative light in autistic culture.
• Neurodiversity: A concept of tolerance of people regardless of neurological wiring.
• Neurotypical: Usually abbreviated NT. Refers to a nonautistic person.

Translation: like the Atlantis shit, we ripped off some psychology jargon, 'cause we r smart. Plus, we still don't want ot bother being liked, don't cure us, because sitting around picking our nose and perseverating on math is fucking normal, asshole!

Aspergians: totally a word.

[edit] Pwnt by Kindergardners: May 2008

In this lulzy video, an Aspie child is totally rejected by his kindergarden class. By a vote of 14 to 2, they decided to kick him out of their class for his idiotic flailing Ass-pie behavior that was pissing them off. His mom then BAWWW'd on national television about "discrimination" while the Aspie mumbled incoherently in her lap, further proving that the children were right and the whiney parents were wrong. Naturally, a lolsuit is being planned. The boy's name also happens to be Alex, just like the boy in "Sad Case of the Asspie" who raped Tanja. Is it reincarnation? The boy's mother was also a sick fuck and compared the teacher to Islamic terrorists which is wrong because it is a favor to the normal children not to have a shit smearing, masturbating child in the classroom; and Muslims actually kill people which is much worse than any minor teasing or ridicule. Some people need to grow up and stop being fairies.

Meanwhile, StumbleUpon users call for the death penalty.

[edit] Videos

[edit] Scombridae?!?!!

[edit] Typical butthurt asspie slapping his mother

Slap is at 1:58 you impatient fucktard.

[edit] Moar Asspies in their natural habitat

[edit] See also

• Napoleon Dynamite
• Malber
• Retard

[edit] External Links

• A browser for Asspies

Asperger's syndrome is part of a series on Aspies.

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