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Asperger's syndrome
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
Asperger's syndrome, also known as Asperger's, AS, Ass Burgers, Assburpers, Stuttering ADD, NOTism, or Flailing race, is supposedly a condition on the higher functioning end of the Autism spectrum, and was not an official diagnosis until 1994, when the DSM-IV was published. First mentioned in 1981 by a Dr. Hans Asberper, growth in diagnosis of this disease in the past decade has been only outstripped by self-diagnoses. It is the new ADHD for attention whore mommies and the professionals that are pressed to diagnose their narcissistic and sociopathic spawn.
Contents |
[edit] Assburgers on the Internets
Asperger's has become a fad for those seeking to garner attention unto themselves. In the fine, hallowed tradition of disease whores everywhere, many of today's youth expertly design a disease which kills two birds with one stone by 1) assuming others are born normal rather than work at it, giving the aspie an excuse not to make an effort to develop social skills, and 2) assuming they were born smart, rather than merely having had more exposure to books and computers because no one wanted to be around them. Naturally, like any other medical condition, autism can be fixed simply through heavy medications or a good slap upside the head.
Belittling those who actually suffer from the disease with their attention-whoring, the sole motivation for these self-diagnoses seems to be the desire to excuse their asshole nature and claim the disease's diagnostic as "having greater than average intelligence." Meanwhile, those who actually HAVE Aspergers are forced to take the only course left: fucking right off the internet and getting a real life. Although, it seems that anyone stupid enough to believe that a mental disability is a good thing most likely has one, just not the one they wanted.
Want to find out if you can justify your faggotry with Aspergers? Take the test!
[edit] Common Symptoms
- Overall being of a fucktard, retard in public with out caring that everyone hates him.
- Telling various sob stories about being misunderstood/discriminated.
- Threathening to commit suicide in order to get attention.
- Masturbating to 16 year old girls during Government/History class.
- Raping 15 year old German girls in the woods.
- Mumbling about paranoid fantasies involving ninja Nazis.
- Talking like a five year old boy with a robotic accent.
- Homosexualality
- Dressing up as a Disney princess.
- Thinking that everyone else is the one with the problem.
- Displaying extreme aggression toward other people.
- Yelling sexual harassment when touched by a hot girl.
- Running around like a retard claiming superiority to everyone.
[edit] Diagnosis
Peter Szatmari, who literally wrote the book on this shit said, "It was introduced into the official classification systems in 1994 and has grown in popularity as a diagnosis, even though its validity has not been clearly established. It is interesting to note that it was introduced not so much as an indication of its status as a 'true' disorder, but more to stimulate research ... its validity is very much in question. But that won't stop a bunch of fucktards from claiming to have it."
If you feel that you're shy, unusual, highly intelligent, dislike people, fail at social interaction, and have bad hygiene, you may very well require an E-Diagnosis of Asperger's.
If you have any of these signs, than you are very likely an Asspie.
- You are a furry.
- You didn't masturbate until you were 16.
- You like using you Xbox more than being with your friends.
- You get a bwnner when you read "Sad Case of the Asspie Mind."
- You consistanly get A's on tests you don't study for.
- You beat the crap out of your sister and tell your parents to kill her.
- You talk about killing people who were two decibles too loud while you were reading about your "special talant" in words that make you sound like a blood god cultist.
- You are aroused by rape.
- You frequently create you own toughts and ideas rather than accept those accepted by society.
- You always think your right.
[edit] They can't get hugbox therapy coverage
At about 14 minutes into Michael Moore's movie Sicko, it gives a list of disorders with unproven treatments not covered under health insurance. Three of those were NOTism, autism, and gender identity disorder. Therefore, NOTies will have to pay for their own hugboxes or face a depressing average-spanned lifetime of horrible disabling terminal illness.
Here is a video about parents of Autistic children who are too stupid to commit their children to mental institutions and have had their lives ruined as a result. Retarded parents of Autistic children. Comments have been disabled, but you still can send messages to the poster of the video about how retarded he/she is.
[edit] As Covering Up for Being a Total Fucktard
| — Tanja K. |
Some close-knit communities of people, such as furries, plushies, and otherkin possess such distorted views of reality as to be particularly susceptible to believe their ostracization is due to victimization by outside factors, and will not infrequently claim to have Asperger's or be Autistic en masse, often finding some way to tie its manifestations into the fact that they are social misfits, frequently complete assholes and fail at proper expression of affection. In certain of these instances, having "Asperger's" seems to be correlated with the posting of disgusting and semi-nude pictures of yourself frequently on the internet and local AIDS awareness seminars, or writing highly disturbed fanfiction. Additionally, it is not unheard of for these individuals to claim multiple, even incompatible diagnoses of a plethora of diseases -- possibly claiming anorexia, ADHD, autism, Asperger's, schizophrenia, OCD, and anything else they've ever read about or seen on CSI.
[edit] Edison Was an Asspie, So That Makes Me Speshul!
| — A fucktard making excuses. Explains why asspies are passionate about doing nothing. |
Websites such as this try to facilitate the asspie myth that some of history’s most famous genius’ and philosophers had the condition. People such as Einstein (of course), Beethoven, and Mozart all supposedly had the affliction. Yes, all the whiny, self-diagnosed people you have read about on this page have all the untapped creative energy that Thomas Edison had. All of the things mentioned by the site are part of the conspiracy by those with assburgers to show that the disease is at the higher end of the autistic spectrum. Coincidentally though, most of the people who they listed have been dead for years so there is no way of telling if they had the disease or not. Although, Edison was friends with Henry Ford, so that is one strike against him being an aspie; he had a human friend. One wonders also how having Woody Allen ( a neurotic, pedo jew) listed in your ranks is exactly supposed to help your cause. All of this is just part of the assburpers way of trying to put a positive spin on their disease with facts that are either wild assumptions, half-truths, or outright lies.
[edit] Assplurgian: The Language of the Asspie
Language amongst these individuals differs from normal uses of language. To demonstrate these differences, text written in Assplurgian are noted in bold. The italicized text is the translation into common language understood by those living in reality.
Welcome: If you cannot or do not want to socialize in real life you may find some pleasure in doing it online. Meet people who are similar to you!
Translation: You're a fucking lazy faggot and you'd rather sit at your computer and wank than try at anything. See: loser
#asperger is your channel if you are somewhere on the autistic spectrum. The autism spectrum includes autism, Asperger syndrome, and PDD-NOS. One thing we have in common is an impairment in nonverbal communication with neurologically typical ("normal") people that causes social difficulties. People with conditions such as hyperlexia, Tourette syndrome, schizoid personality disorder, social phobia, etc., may join the channel if there is also impairment in nonverbal communication. Loners with an autism-like condition are welcome.
Translation: People with ass burgers aren't diseased, they're just different. All other losers are welcome to join our club in order to keep numbers up. Damn all for being "normal."
It is not necessary to have an official diagnosis to join the channel. What counts is that you suspect seriously that you would fit in to the autism spectrum. If so, please feel free to join #asperger to see if you might 'fit in' with us.
Translation: E-diagnosing 16 year old girls please.
When you first join the channel, an operator will ask some basic information from you, including how you found out about the channel and whether you are on the autistic spectrum. If you don't have an official diagnosis, we may ask you why you think you are on the spectrum. Don't worry too much about this, though. We do not attempt to make diagnoses on whether or not channel visitors have an autism spectrum disorder. However, we must determine whether it is a likely possibility, in order to protect the channel against obvious imposters and troublemakers.
Translation: You can come here with an e-diagnosis but we'll probably kick you out anyways because you might be /b/. Dogs and curtains work better anyways you cunts.
The channel is only for those who are on the autistic spectrum!
Translation: Okay so what was that before about other social disorders?
#asperger is not for parents of autistic children and "experts" who wish to exchange experiences and ideas about treatments. If you want to discuss treatments etc. you are requested to do it on #autism or on #prism.
Translation: We only want kids because we're paedos
- Source and further study of Asspies and Assplurgian language in the wild: http://www.inlv.demon.nl/irc.asperger/
[edit] Terminology
People who have (fictionally or otherwise) Asperger's will sometimes refer to themselves as aspies or as a group, the aspie community. While these people may come across as jerks, the actual victims of the disease are decent human beings minus the social skills who encounter the self-diagnosed attention-whoring victimhood-loving cunts, whose falseness drives their victims into a driveling, uncontrollable rage.
Should also be noted that those who deal with people who supposedly have this disease (and can't stand them) will refer to the wannabe sick as having AssBurners Sydrome.
[edit] Conversation With an Asspie
This is a Youtube conversation between an 18 year old German girl named Tatjana and a 23 year old Asspie named Chipwhitley274. This conversation is still on going, and it is likely that mass drama will follow. Anonymous is currently attempting to accelerate this process.
Some of the transmissions have been lost, so if something seems skipped, this is why.
See the conversation by clicking here.
[edit] Interweb Case Studies
![I don't mean to sound judgmental, but...[1]](/Image:JewishAspies.png)
- An "CNN manager" found out she was an Aspie and was so elated that she wrote an article about it on CNN.com. It is full of lulzy statements like these: Hugs are dispensed infrequently, but if I do hug someone, I resemble Frankenstein's monster, arms extended to control contact. When my dad (who I suspect is an Aspie, too) and I hug, we both have "the approach." We sometimes miss and have to re-approach a couple of times until a brief, awkward hug is achieved. Gb2/hugbox indeed. The link to this page should be posted in the comments to this CNN story until further lulz are achieved.
- The male_dom community on Livejournal is 100% made up of self-diagnosed 'aspies'. When one poster says her partner has it, about 20 people chime in as having it as well, all self-diagnosed of course and many of them claiming to be autistic as well.
- 1justin is self diagnosed with it, he's just as much of a faggot about it as everyone else, but assumes he is better than the rest. He wound up banned from the aspergers community (which has since mysteriously been deleted and purged) for trying to point out to its members that most of them probably don't have it and that being proud about it is stupid, both of which appropriately apply to him.
- A poll on kuro5hin in which 76% of respondents claim to have some form of Asperger's or autism. Yes. 76%.
- A large number of goons from the SomethingAwful forums claim to have aspergers. From the looks of things, most of them probably do.
- Everyone on Fanfiction.net either has Asspies, Lysdexia, and/or ADHD; which begs the question, why are they writing?
- Everyone on DevianTART has Aspergers, which means you cant criticize them or they'll get upset, because they have a perfectly legitimate reason for why no-one should criticize their shit art.
- Fans of the closing logos of TV shows and movies who were traumatized by the V of Doom and now make up their own ridiculous corporate logos
- mutescream from waffles.fm has Aspergers in addition to superhuman intelligence. Also claims to have 210+ IQ.
- These poor women think their husbands have asspies - ladies, they're just
assholesnormal healthy men trying to make the best of a life trapped in a marraige with an over-emotional woman (I mean seriously! Not being "torn up inside" because you hear a child crying is not sufficient to form a diagnosis of asperger's syndrome!)
- Unfortunately, every Ass Burgler, that has the tendency to be a Fan of japanese culture, has also the streak to write shitty fanfics or, even more threatening and disgusting, fan-"art" of his/her favourite male characters getting pregnant, together.
- The Online Petition was invented by asspies, this is clear because they are the only ones that seem to think that anybody gives even the slightest rat's ass about Online petitions. So far, members of Asspies Against Freedom have already created 3 petitions to get Encyclopedia Dramatica taken offline, unfortunately they don't seem to realize that when nobody signs their petition, making another petition is as effective at shutting down a popular website as sticking your dick in a light socket.
[edit] Asspies Against The Lulz
Flardox, an Asspie Freedom Fighter, created a petition against this article and announced it to the message board, Aspies for Freedom. An ironic name, considering how much they hate freedom:
| —aliengirl, , a fighter for freedom |
Flardox continues to blank material on ED that has him butthurt, proving that Asspies are into fantasy, fiction and internet porn and can't handle the real world. They should be deep frozen like Duck Dodgers.
This ass pie comes from some far off third world communist dictatorship known as England where people are not allowed to say anything that could be seen as humorous under penalty of having to sit in the corner, facing the wall for 5 minutes. Recently he has gone completely apeshit and has now created another pathetic attempt at a petition, this one is set up for the purpose of shutting down the entire Encyclopedia Dramatica site, his reason?
| —Flardox |
| —Flardox |
Now after his shit petition was treated as it deserved, he has gone back to his blog and whined about the butthurt he continues to suffer for being a faggot. He even said the Klu Klux Klan no longer exists just to prove he's far removed from reality!
Out of all the other shit on his blog, one thing stands out:
| —Flardox |
What this faggot doesn't seem to realize is that free speech means you are free to say whatever the fuck you want, not just things that don't offend retards like this faggot. He seems to think that offending a retard would break some kind of law, since retards are too slow to come up with a decent comeback.
So there you have it, he doesn't like hardcore porn, sexism, or stupidity, nor does he like the First Amendment, which makes him a weird fuck, as well as an anti-American communist.
As if the ass pies didn't notice that nobody cared last time they complained about this site, now one of them made another useless petition (note the directory title in the url, obviously his username) to get Encyclopedia Dramatica shut down. Another one of them even made a Yahoo group for people who want to see ED taken down, so far he is still the only member.
[edit] Aspies in the Wild
[edit] Sad Case of the Asspie Mind
In late 2005, 15 year old Tatjana arrived near Washington from Essen. While at school, she met a boy named Alex who had Asperger's Syndrome. Tanja did not realize this because Alex was one of the few Asspies without the usual deformed face created by God to allow the ladies to easily tell which boys were Asspies. When Alex saw how attractive Tanja was, he decided he was going to strain every social complex in his brain to start a relationship with her. Being blonde, Tanja never noticed anything strange about Alex. That was until he offered to give her a ride home from school. Alex, instead of driving Tanja home, decided to drive out into the woods far away. Researchers have been unable to determine the cause or motivation, but it is likely that he decided to rape her because he is an Asspie and dosn't know shit about society, Asspies are all devoted followers of the Koran, or Alex was just a sick fuck. Anyway, Alex raped Tanja and at the end she escaped and reported what had happened. Much like in Saudi Arabia, there was mass drama and the people insisted that because Alex was an Asspie, he was the victim because he was so phochtaded. (Fucktarded, Fucking Retarded.) This all gave Tanja a terrible impression of the United States; and she reported its leval retardation and anti LULZ level on her return to Germany. Tanja was a strong girl and thankfully did not become an attention whore and or a feminazi as the result of her experience, she still remains a normal person to this day. Tanja lives in an apartment in Essen Germany and has a boyfriend named Willie; Alex is currently in Virginia state prison and regularly gets beaten for complaining about other inmates uniforms not being ironed properly, he never stops because he is too socially retarded to realize why he gets beaten.
[edit] Read on for free lulz (NOT)
Im sure you are thinking after reading all of this "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?" and it gets so much better. No longer content shitting all over the internet, aspies decided to shit all over world culture as well! Plagurizing and raping the story of Atlantis they came up with a POS "MYTHICAL" origin for people with Aspergers (since the mercury hypothesis wasnt cool enough) it can be found on the pro aspie website known as aspergia quotes are as follows:
| —retards |
allow me to translate:
"a place THAT WAS TOTALY NOT ATLANTIS, existed awhile ago, where MOM AND THE TEACHERS WOULDNT MAKE ME DO SHIT, and so i heard about this 'special gift' and cause of that i can be a lazy douchebag."
| —retards |
Translation: "NO ONE DID SHIT AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE SO FUCK YOU MOM AND DAD."
| —retards |
Translation: "MOM AND DAD CAME AND SAID TO DO CHORES."
(translators note: after reading this I now suspect DivineAngel to be the author of said website)
| —retards |
Stolen from the Legend of Zelda
| —retards |
Translation: "They found people who did scary things, like use words properly, and GoddessMillenia and mocked others for being lazy and stupid."
| —retards |
Translation: "We ArE BeTtEr ThEn U!!1!1"
| —retards |
Translation: "we ripped off some more shit, ya were going to say albert einstein was one of us even though he had few communication problems and did a lot of hard work, and we are just lazy introverted slobs blaming everything on genetics which might not even exist." (remember kids, autism isnt always genetic, it is commonly caused by environmental factors like pollution, which must be taken down to zero.)
And not only do they insist on having their own made-up, bullshit history, Assburlglers also have to have their own culture[2]. Even worse, they've ripped off the [3]deaf, who actually have something in common besides being attention whore assholes.
Some of the bullshit they cite as proof of culture?
Beliefs in common Autistic culture holds a concept that autism, as a unique way of being, should be embraced and appreciated, not shunned or cured. Many autistic individuals prefer being alone to socializing. Some autistic people appreciate mathematics, science, and computers (although it should be noted that while such interests are found in a larger portion of the autistic population than the neurotypical population, there are also many autistic people who have no special talents in these areas). Many autistic people describe the belief of relating to aliens.
Translation: we don't want to bother being liked, so we'll pretend we're special.
Shared language Although autistic culture doesn't have its own language, there is some terminology commonly used by those in autistic culture, such as:
Aspie -- A short-hand way of saying Asperger's. Sometimes it is referred to only those diagnosed with Asperger's, and sometimes it refers to the whole spectrum. Most proponents of autistic culture would prefer not to call Asperger's a "syndrome." Autie -- A short-hand way of saying an autistic person. Sometimes it is used only to refer to those diagnosed with autism instead of Asperger's, and sometimes it refers to the whole spectrum. Cousin -- A cousin is someone who is not technically autistic in the clinical use of the word, but is still similar enough to autistic people to be as much a part of autistic culture as someone officially diagnosable with autism. Sometimes these people are similar because they have a similar condition (although a cousin doesn't have to have any psychological conditions) such as schizoid personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, or hyperlexia. AC is often used to stand for "autistics and cousins." Curebie -- A person with the desire to cure autism. These people are usually viewed in a negative light in autistic culture. Neurodiversity -- a concept of tolerance of people regardless of neurological wiring. Neurotypical -- Usually abbreviated NT. Refers to a nonautistic person.
Translation: like the Atlantis shit, we ripped off some psychology jargon, 'cause we r smart. Plus, we still don't want ot bother being liked, don't cure us, because sitting around picking our nose and perseverating on math is fucking normal, asshole!
aspergians: totally a word.
[edit] Videos
[edit] Scombridae?!?!!
[edit] Like looking into the future
[edit] Moar Asspies in their natural habitat
[edit] See also
 |
Asperger's syndrome is part of a series on Aspies. |
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