Asperger's syndrome

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Warning!:

"You can't punish me because I has teh Assburgers!"

Unwanted ASS ~~PIE~~ PEE children are given to cute golden retrievers as pets because the canine is usually smarter, cuter and less obsessed with being "special".

Asperger's syndrome, also known as Asperger's, Autism, Fail, Super Autism, AS, Ass Burgers, Assburpers, Rectal-burgers, BAWWWWWWtism, loltism, Stuttering ADD, NOTism, Flailing race, cerebral lawlzy, whiny bitch syndrome, or Steve; is humorously a condition alleged by some to be on the higher functioning end of the Autism spectrum. It first received official recognition as diagnosis in 1994, with publishing of the DSM-IV subsequent to its initial invention as a failed attempt at humor by a very drunk Dr. Hans ~~Asberger~~ Asperger, who was trying to interject wit into a discussion about why he and his loser friends could not secure a date in a whorehouse even when equipped with a wallet full of hundies. Since it's initial drunken inception in 1981, Dr Han's intoxication-related error in tabling this 'condition', has ballooned into an annoying epidemic with growth in diagnosis by payed 'professionals' only superseded by self-diagnoses conducted by the condition's 'sufferers'. Due to its novelty, teh Aspers has grossly outstripped ADHD as a diagnosis intended to relieve attention whore mommies of all responsibility for their narcissistic and sociopathic spawn, while simultaneously entitling them to mass pity parties.

[edit] Assburgers on the Internets

Asperger's has become a fad for those seeking to garner attention unto themselves. In the fine, hallowed tradition of disease whores everywhere, many of today's youth expertly design a disease which kills two birds with one stone by 1) assuming others are born normal rather than work at it, giving the aspie an excuse not to make an effort to develop social skills, and 2) assuming they were born smart, rather than merely having had more exposure to books and computers because no one wanted to be around them. Interestingly, teh Aspers bucks this trend, by substituting a condition invented as a joke by an actual doctor for one created by the self-diagnosed, because teh Aspers lack imagination and are unsuited to invent their own disease like any self respecting loser would. Naturally, like any other medical condition, it is widely believed that autism can be fixed simply through heavy medications or a good slap upside the head. This belief is erroneous and experts are unanimous in their view that a bullet is only true panacea for sufferers. Experts advise that if you suffer from teh Aspers, the only plausible solution is to immediately administer a bullet to the head of the offending retard.

a typical Aspie (main article at Jawsus)

GAWWWWW Pr0n not good?!

It would be foolish to separate Asperger's patients, saying one side is faking while the other actually has it, seeing as the whole condition is a drunken joke that has evolved beyond all control into a tool for attention whoring and not a srs disease. It is also worth noting that every living person has all of the symptoms for Asperger's, making its nonexistence painfully obvious, unfortunately without having any effect whatsoever on the rate of diagnosis or the retardness of the diagnosed.

Want to find out if you can justify your faggotry with Aspergers? Take the test!

It is now understood that Assburgers is contagious (bugger, I think i spelt contagious wrong (twice)). You should not come into contact with these people. If you encounter them, treat it as a zombie and REMOVE THE HEAD OR DESTROY THE BRAIN taking caution to properly administer a bullet in accordance with expert advise.

[edit] Common Symptoms

"ASS PIES" are recognizable because of the lightbulbs shooting out from their skulls and the sharp pencils they use for cutting

Overall being of fucktard in public without caring that everyone hates you.
Telling various sob stories about being misunderstood/discriminated against.
Hand flapping.
Bragging that one actually can differentiate between a blender and a girl before promptly sticking their punies in a blender while trying to figure out what happened to the ingredients they poured into their sister's mouth (the only girls they can get close to).
Walking around in circles or moving parts of your body like you are on drugs.
Mumbling to yourself in class like a fucktard.
Talking like a five year old boy with a robotic accent.
Not getting the hint in social situations
Fucking the family cat and asking if it's normal.
Having multiple LiveJournals for the different "aspects of your personality", one of which is naturally filled with slash.
Thinking that everyone else is the one with the problem.
Displaying extreme aggression[!] toward other people.
Yelling sexual harassment if, by some astounding opportunity, touched by a hot girl.
Running around like a retard claiming superiority to everyone.
Being too fucking lazy or unable to drive and then complaining about how they can't go anywhere.
Thinking Lawyers can save their asses against the internets and Lulz
Spending hours on Frankie Muniz fan websites.
Carrying around your MapQuest printout of Smallville and showing it to everyone and claiming that it's where Clark Kent grew up (may or may not ask to carpool there).
Being an editor at ED.
Not being an editor at ED despite desperately wanting oneself to be.
Being an hero.
Not being an hero despite everyone else desperately wanting you to be.
Handwriting is crap.
Drawing is crap.
Anything you make is crap.

Also recognizable by the flames shooting out of their eyes

If you have any of these signs, then you are very likely an Asspie.

You are ugly.
You are an otherkin.
You are a furry.
You didn't masturbate until you were 16.
You started masturbating in the crib, or at any age prior to 16.
You like using your Xbox more than being with your friends and prefer your blender to your girlfriend (just kidding, you know you do not have one).
You get a bwnner when you read "Sad Case of the Asspie Mind."
You beat the crap out of your sister and tell your parents to kill her.
You're about to go to the discussion page and write, "This article isnt funny my brudder has asberpger's!!!!1"
You have already been to the discussion page and written "This article isnt funny my brudder has asberpger's!!!!1"
You talk about killing people who were two decibels too loud while you were reading about your "special talent" in words that make you sound like a blood god cultist.
You frequently create your own thoughts and ideas rather than accept those accepted by society. Because you're right. Always. You ARE right. The other people are WRONG.
You have a Imaginary lawyer, named Bob
You have never scored with anyone other than a lawyer named Bob, who is evidently imaginary anyway.
You don't understand sarcasm. At all. Because you're a retard (for future reference, when your mommy says she loves you, that is very obviously sarcasm).
You read an article about a disorder and you instantly think you have it.

[edit] Causes of Asperger's

Nobody knows what causes it, but early scientific research indicated that it is predominantly caused by being spoiled, with boredom and being a bitch often cited as secondary causes, or in worst cases, co-morbid complications. Editing ED has also been cited as a cause by some self-professed experts. However, more recently, researchers have pointed to the fact that lame-arse drunken attempts at humor are most usually caused by being drunk coupled with severe deficits in humor, and questioned whether a bunch of misanthropic loser emo teens mistaking failed and drunken attempts at wit for some real extant condition, and subsequently deciding it describes them personally requires any explanation not already implied by the loser-hood and emo-ality of the self-diagnosed.
Yet others have questioned whether this explanation is of any therapeutic value. Commentators point to the disparity in success of symptom alleviation for sufferers, with most reporting that no amount of rational discussion has ever been demonstrated to achieve the remission of symptoms as easily, quickly and effectively as the administration of a bullet to the head of the offending Asper.
It is rumored that Dr Hans deeply regrets his drunken attempt at humor and the trouble it has caused the wider community. He is reported by some as having stated "I wish to fuck I had not gone to that party, I could have stayed home and washed my hair if I were not prematurely bald". However, many question this account with dispute centering around whether or not 3 drunk bald losers consoling each other over their lack of dating prowess constitutes a party in any meaningful sense of the word.

[edit] Diagnosis

As you can see Ass Pies are just over the line of Mental Retardation

Peter Szatmari, who literally wrote the book on this shit said, "It was introduced into the official classification systems in 1994 and has grown in popularity as a diagnosis, even though its validity has not been clearly established. It is interesting to note that it was introduced not so much as an indication of its status as a 'true' disorder, but more to fuck with Dr Hans for being such a drunken and dateless loser ... its validity is very much in question, and with all the trouble that has resulted, it seems Dr Hans might end up with the last laugh, which sucks because the only thing worse than being laughed at is being laughed at by a drunken, bald,dateless loser while simultaneously having to put up with non-bulleted teh Aspers. Much to everyone's regret, none of this seems to stop a mind-staggeringly large bunch of fucktards from claiming to have it."

If you feel that you're shy, unusual, highly intelligent, dislike people, fail at social interaction, and have bad hygiene, you may very well require an E-Diagnosis of Asperger's.

If any of these have EVER happened to you, or if you have taken this test, then you DEFINITELY are an Asspie, and need to "come out" to your flist about your "special gift" NOW, while immediately affixing the appropriate pro-aspie userboxes to your Wikipedia admin page so that people know never to argue with you, ever, because that would be discrimination.

[edit] Treatment

Treatment, or intervention, of Asperger's basically can be boiled down to the following extremely complicated steps:

Open drawer
Get money
Buy gun
Load gun with ammo
Point gun at head
Pull trigger
????
Profit!

[edit] Asspie Culture

[edit] Asspie national anthem

“	If you're an asspie and you know it flap your hands (flap flap) If you're an asspie and you know it flap your hands (flap flap) If you're an asspie and you know it then your complex body motions will surely show it If you're an asspie and you know it flap your hands (flap flap)	„
—Asspie national anthem

[edit] . . . As Covering Up for Being a Total Fucktard

They don't even know where to draw the fucken line between douche bag and Aspie.

Some close-knit communities of people, such as furries, plushies, and otherkin possess such distorted views of reality as to be particularly susceptible to forming a belief that their ostracism is due to victimization by outside factors, and will not infrequently claim to have Asperger's or be Autistic en masse, often finding some way to tie its manifestations into the fact that they are social misfits, frequently complete assholes and fail at proper expression of affection. In certain of these instances, having "Asperger's" seems to be correlated with the posting of disgusting and semi-nude pictures of yourself frequently on the internet and local AIDS awareness seminars, or writing highly disturbed fanfiction. Additionally, it is not unheard of for these individuals to claim multiple, even superficially seemingly incompatible diagnoses of a plethora of diseases -- possibly claiming anorexia, ADHD, autism, Asperger's, schizophrenia, OCD, and anything else they've ever read about or seen on CSI. Experts consulted suggest however, that contrary to claims to the contrary, none of these conditions can be contrary to teh Aspers, with one professed expert quoted as stating "how the fuck could a real condition be contrary to some bald, drunk, dateless fuck's lame-arse attempt at humor?" Another expert consulted is understood to have added "Fucking aye, what he said", while gesturing in the general direction of the earlier consulted expert. Some have questioned the sincerity of this gesture with yet another expert commenting that the hand gesture was no doubt a highly practiced and pre-planned attempt to undermine suspicions that the expert who performed the hand gesture is not actually an expert at all(in anything but teh failing) but in fact is themselves teh Asper. Yet another expert has compiled evidence that suggests the hand-gesture 'expert' is in fact one of the 2 drunken losers present on that fateful occasion in 1981, when Dr Hans triggered the epidemic with his ill-advised attempt at humor.

[edit] Edison Was an Asspie, So That Makes Me Speshul!

“	There is a general impression that Asperger's syndrome carries with it superior intelligence and a tendency to become very interested in and preoccupied with a particular subject.	„
— A fucktard making excuses. Explains why asspies are passionate about doing nothing.

Websites such as this try to facilitate the asspie myth that some of history’s most famous geniuses and philosophers had the condition. People such as Einstein (of course), Beethoven, and Mozart all supposedly had the affliction. Yes, all the whiny, self-diagnosed people you have read about on this page have all the untapped creative energy that Thomas Edison had. Unfortunately, none of them appear to have any of the talents Edison did tap into, (which just happen to be the good ones). All of the things mentioned by the site are part of the conspiracy by those with assburgers to show that the disease is at the higher end of the autistic spectrum. Coincidentally though, most of the people who they listed have been dead for years so there is no way of telling if they had the disease or not, particularly since recent MRI scans of the preserved brains of Edison, Einsteen, Beethoven, Mozart and a random whale indicate that the aforementioned all retain more brain activity than can be evidenced in similar scans conducted on the brains of living teh Aspers. Some Asper advocates have argued that the comparison is unscientific and grossly unfair, citing the fact that Aspers have neither brains nor lives, nor have any of them ever had any of these things. While some have wondered how having Woody Allen (a neurotic, pedo Jew) listed in your ranks is supposed to help your cause others have pointed to the lack of brains and lives previously cited as explanation for this anomalous behavior.
While there are claims that sll of this is just part of the assburpers way of trying to put a positive spin on their disease with facts that are either wild assumptions, half-truths, or outright lies most others concede that since teh Aspers was never more than a drunken joke that spiraled out of control, there is little point debating the 'reality' of its details.

[edit] The Legend of Hugbox Island

Unremarkable retards perform their special tribal dance used to summon Neptune, or some shit.

I'm sure you are thinking after reading all of this "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?". Or alternatively, "that sounds just like me" (if the latter describes you, you should immediately administer a bullet to your head, if symptoms persist, please ask someone else to administer the bullet for you). Recently Aspers have 'discovered' their origins are Atlantian (or so they argue). This is of course complete drivel as Dr Hans himself admits he was actually in the South Pacific in 1981, having over-optimistically assumed that Pacific Island women would have lower standards than those found elsewhere; "I was nowhere fucking near fucking Atlanta when I started this shit up, where the fuck do these retards get this shit"? Dr Hans has been quoted as saying in an obvious attempt to sound macho. Some have suggested the Atlantis origin story might have resulted from one or more Aspers, plagiarizing and raping the story of Atlantis, however others argue it actually results from a failure to promptly administer recommended treatment (as described in treatment section above). This is a very controversial area and since every expert consulted has their own view (most of which can however, be roughly summed up as "how can a non-existent condition have an origin?") it is recommended that readers make up their own minds, (if they have not already donated them to charity), aspergia.
quotes are as follows:

“	Many, Many eons in the past, this new civilisation was founded, building great towers and dwellings, and thriving in a social structure, very different to that which we observe today. The Aspergians celebrated an individual's uniqueness and devotion to their cause. They taught their young that each and every person is born with a very specific talent, their "special gift", which they must identify if they are to live a full and fulfilling life.	„
—retards

allow me to translate: "A place THAT WAS TOTALLY NOT ATLANTIS existed over 9000 years ago, where MOM AND THE TEACHERS WOULDN'T MAKE ME DO SHIT, and so I heard about this 'special gift' and because of that I can be a lazy douchebag from Atlantis even though unlike 'the man' I do not have webbed feet, and further, I am not good looking like Patrick Duffy, and even further still, I like to employ douchebag phrases such as 'and further' and 'even further still'..."

“	The Aspergians did not build their dwellings close to each other. They had a complex social structure which allowed individuals to invest most of their seeker years in searching for their destiny, and most of their time as initiated in fulfilling it. This helped their culture to achieve great things.	„
—retards

Translation: "NO ONE DID SHIT AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE SO FUCK YOU MOM AND DAD. OM NOM NOM"

“	It may be that the tales of the great flood, all go back to the Aspergian story. After the civilisation of Aspergia survived for millennia without danger or strife, the ocean itself sought its own destiny and found that it had to take over the land on which the Aspergians lived. The water rose and rose, until there was no doubt that Aspergia would cease to exist within a short period of time.	„
—retards

Translation: "MOM AND DAD CAME AND SAID TO DO CHORES." (translators note: after reading this I now suspect DivineAngel to be the author of said website)

“	The Aspergians were not ever faced with the task of building a boat that was bigger than for the purpose of local fishing. Other than the oft told story of the great Son of Aspergia, who set to sea in search of other lands, and was never seen again, they had not dared try and go beyond the borders of the visible waters, because they knew there were great currents there; currents which take you to sea and never let you return.	„
—retards

Stolen from The Legend of Zelda because even though teh Asper is not a real condition, a complete lack of any creativity or imagination is known to characterize all teh Aspers (otherwise they would invent their own condition rather than ripping off some bald, drunk and dateless loser's failed joke).

“	The peoples they came across were very different to them: they valued a sort of constant Communitude, they were afraid of their destiny, and were afraid of being alone or pursuing their talents. But the Aspergians were a minority everywhere they went,. and their nature dictated that they integrate, and learn the ways of the land.	„
—retards

Translation: "They found people who did scary things, like use words properly, and mocked others for being lazy and stupid."

“	Their story was swallowed into the general mythology, and made a part of human heritage.	„
—retards

Translation: "We ArE BeTtEr ThEn U!!1!1, and our Aspers stops all the boys in the yard, our disease is better than yours, we can teach you how but we'll have to charge, our disease is better than your's." Some Asper activists have suggested this translation should form the basis of lyrics to a new Asper anthem, however, the laziness and complete inability to adopt new routines of teh Aspers makes it highly unlikely such a substitution will ever occur.

“	In some periods of history, Aspergian manifestations were hunted down and destroyed. Aspergian women burned at the stake as witches, Aspergian inventors and creative minds persecuted for daring to be different. There were Aspergians who discovered a destiny-talent for design and formulation, and secretly created ancient Aspergian symbols in crop circles. There are Aspergians that are Gazers to this day, watching for trains, planes, boats or searching for life in outer space. These traits are so different to "normal" human ones that they persisted through their genes.	„
—retards

Translation: "We ripped off some more shit, ya were going to say Albert Einstein was one of us even though he had few communication problems and did a lot of hard work, and we are just lazy introverted slobs blaming everything on genetics which might not even exist." (Remember kids, autism isn't always genetic, it is commonly caused by being spoiled, boredom, and/or being a bitch, coupled with unsupervised access to wikipedia).

And not only do they insist on having their own made-up, bullshit history, that they failed to own or make up themselves, but rather quilted together from collected bits and bobs created by non-Aspers, Assburglers also have to have their own culture. Even worse, they've ripped off the deaf, who actually have something in common besides being attention whore assholes.

Some of the bullshit they cite as proof of culture?

Beliefs in common

Autistic culture holds a concept that autism, as a unique way of being, should be embraced and appreciated, not shunned or cured. Many autistic individuals prefer being alone to socializing. Some autistic people appreciate mathematics, science, and computers (although it should be noted that while such interests are found in a larger portion of the autistic population than the neurotypical population, there are also many autistic people who have no special talents in these areas). Many autistic people describe the belief of relating to aliens.

Translation: We don't want to bother being liked, so We'll pretend we're special while fantasizing about the possibility of falling 'victim' to alien anal probes since it is highly unlikely any other action will ever take place in our pants.

[edit] Assplurgian: The Language of the Asspie

Artist's reenactment.

Language amongst these individuals differs from normal uses of language. To demonstrate these differences, text written in Assplurgian are noted in bold. The italicized text is the translation into common language understood by those living in reality.

Welcome: If you cannot or do not want to socialize in real life you may find some pleasure in doing it online. Meet people who are similar to you!

Translation: You're a fucking lazy faggot and you'd rather sit at your computer and wank than try at anything. See: loser

#asperger is your channel if you are somewhere on the autistic spectrum. The autism spectrum includes autism, Asperger syndrome, and PDD-NOS. One thing we have in common is an impairment in nonverbal communication with neurologically typical ("normal") people that causes social difficulties. People with conditions such as hyperlexia, Tourette syndrome, schizoid personality disorder, social phobia, etc., may join the channel if there is also impairment in nonverbal communication. Loners with an autism-like condition are welcome.

Translation: People with ass burgers aren't diseased, they're just different. All other losers are welcome to join our club in order to keep numbers up. Damn all for being "normal."

It is not necessary to have an official diagnosis to join the channel. What counts is that you suspect seriously that you would fit in to the autism spectrum. If so, please feel free to join #asperger to see if you might 'fit in' with us.

Translation: E-diagnosing 16 year old girls please.

When you first join the channel, an operator will ask some basic information from you, including how you found out about the channel and whether you are on the autistic spectrum. If you don't have an official diagnosis, we may ask you why you think you are on the spectrum. Don't worry too much about this, though. We do not attempt to make diagnoses on whether or not channel visitors have an autism spectrum disorder. However, we must determine whether it is a likely possibility, in order to protect the channel against obvious imposters and troublemakers.

Translation: You can come here with an e-diagnosis but we'll probably kick you out anyways because you might be /b/. Dogs and curtains work better anyways you cunts.

The channel is only for those who are on the autistic spectrum!

Translation: Okay so what was that before about other social disorders?

#asperger is not for parents of autistic children and "experts" who wish to exchange experiences and ideas about treatments. If you want to discuss treatments etc. you are requested to do it on #autism or on #prism.

Translation: We only want kids because we're paedos

Source and further study of Asspies and Assplurgian language in the wild: http://www.inlv.demon.nl/irc.asperger/

[edit] Terminology

Asspie scientist Temple Grandin, inventor of the hugbox

People who have (fictionally or otherwise) Asperger's will sometimes refer to themselves as aspies or as a group, the aspie community. While these people may come across as jerks, the actual victims of the disease are halfway-decent, possibly-human, lifeforms minus the social skills who encounter the self-diagnosed attention-whoring victimhood-loving cunts, whose falseness drives their victims into a driveling, uncontrollable rage.

Shared language

Although autistic culture doesn't have its own language, there is some terminology commonly used by those in autistic culture, such as:

Aspie: A short-hand way of saying Asperger's. Sometimes it is referred to only those diagnosed with Asperger's, and sometimes it refers to the whole spectrum. Most proponents of autistic culture would prefer not to call Asperger's a "syndrome."
Autie: A short-hand way of saying an autistic person. Sometimes it is used only to refer to those diagnosed with autism instead of Asperger's, and sometimes it refers to the whole spectrum.
Cousin: A cousin is someone who is not technically autistic in the clinical use of the word, but is still similar enough to autistic people to be as much a part of autistic culture as someone officially diagnosable with autism. Sometimes these people are similar because they have a similar condition (although a cousin doesn't have to have any psychological conditions) such as schizoid personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, or hyperlexia. AC is often used to stand for "autistics and cousins."
Curebie: A person with the desire to cure autism. These people are usually viewed in a negative light in autistic culture.
Neurodiversity: A concept of tolerance of people regardless of neurological wiring.
Neurotypical: Usually abbreviated NT. Refers to a nonautistic person.

Translation: Like the Atlantis shit, we ripped off some psychology jargon, 'cause we r smart. Plus, we still don't want to bother being liked, don't cure us, because sitting around picking our nose and perseverating on math is fucking normal, asshole!

Aspergians: totally a word.

Should also be noted that those who deal with people who supposedly have this disease (and can't stand them) will refer to the wannabe sick as having AssBurners Syndrome.

[edit] Asspie Dating

The typical kind of asshole you see on the internet saying he has Asperger's, is an agnostic libertarian and dates a japanese porn star seiyu

Moar info: [[Tanja]].

As they are socially retarded, Asspies do not know the proper way to get a girlfriend even though they are very attracted to hawt. Therefore, they will do stupid things that make themselves look like rapists. Common Ass Burners Syndrome suffers often use the following methods.

Use of stupid pickup lines from the internet.
Fucktarded frankness: "Wow, we have a lot in common...when do we have sex?"
Seeing a girl that is hot when on a bathroom break at school and following her into the girls bathroom and than blurting out "I want to kiss you!"
Masturbating behind a girl in Government Class.
Talking to a girl in public, and when she smiles it is taken as a request to show up at her house in the middle of the night.
Walking up to a girl and asking her to spank his bottom.
Online stalking and/or asking for girlfriends repeatedly in chatrooms Dude... seriously... leave me the hell alone.
Finding a woman in far worse physical condition than themselves and possessing very low standards and becoming her "caretaker".
More or less giving up on meaningful human contact and spending all of their money on sexdolls.

[edit] Interweb Case Studies

I don't mean to sound judgmental, but...[1]

An "CNN manager" found out she was an Aspie and was so elated that she wrote an article about it on CNN.com. It is full of lulzy statements like these: Hugs are dispensed infrequently, but if I do hug someone, I resemble Frankenstein's monster, arms extended to control contact. When my dad (who I suspect is an Aspie, too) and I hug, we both have "the approach." We sometimes miss and have to re-approach a couple of times until a brief, awkward hug is achieved. Gb2/hugbox indeed. The link to this page should be posted in the comments to this CNN story until further lulz are achieved.

ZOMG Petition against this article?

The male_dom community on LiveJournal is 100% made up of self-diagnosed 'aspies'. When one poster says her partner has it, about 20 people chime in as having it as well, all self-diagnosed of course and many of them claiming to be autistic as well.

A toddler trapped inside a 17 year old body has a very serious case of assburgers. Srsly guys. Relatively easy to troll if you tell him his half-diabetic girlfriend is actually Wacko Jacko or that your penis happens to be bigger than his. This will lead to shitting of the trousers and major BAWWWWWWWWWWW. Apparently also suffers from bipolar disorder, but this is probably another shit excuse for failing so hard.

1justin is self diagnosed with it, he's just as much of a faggot about it as everyone else, but assumes he is better than the rest. He wound up banned from the aspergers community (which has since mysteriously been deleted and purged) for trying to point out to its members that most of them probably don't have it and that being proud about it is stupid, both of which appropriately apply to him.

A poll on kuro5hin in which 76% of respondents claim to have some form of Asperger's or autism. Yes. 76%.

A large number of goons from the SomethingAwful forums claim to have aspergers. From the looks of things, most of them probably do.

Shining Force Central!!!

Everyone on Fanfiction.net either has Asspies, Lysdexia, and/or ADHD; which begs the question, why are they writing?

Everyone on DevianTART has Aspergers, which means you cant criticize them or they'll get upset, because they have a perfectly legitimate reason for why no-one should criticize their shit art.

Fans of the closing logos of TV shows and movies who were traumatized by the V of Doom and now make up their own ridiculous corporate logos

mutescream from waffles.fm has Aspergers in addition to superhuman intelligence. Also claims to have 210+ IQ.

Kevin Havens has Asperger's (self-diagnosed, of course) among many other problems, spends all of his money on junk food and sexdolls, and lives with his crippled girlfriend. He collects a check for being her "caretaker" as well.

These poor women think their husbands have asspies - ladies, they're just ~~assholes~~ normal healthy men trying to make the best of a life trapped in a marriage with an over-emotional woman (I mean seriously! Not being "torn up inside" because you hear a child crying is not sufficient to form a diagnosis of asperger's syndrome!)

Unfortunately, every Ass Burgler, that has the tendency to be a Fan of Japanese culture, has also the streak to write shitty fanfics or, even more threatening and disgusting, fan-"art" of his/her favorite male characters getting pregnant, together.

The Online Petition was invented by asspies, this is clear because they are the only ones that seem to think that anybody gives even the slightest rat's ass about Online petitions. So far, members of Asspies Against Freedom have already created 3 petitions to get Encyclopedia Dramatica taken offline, unfortunately they don't seem to realize that when nobody signs their petition, making another petition is as effective at shutting down a popular website as sticking your dick in a light socket.

[edit] IRL Drama

[edit] "Real" Ass Pies

This guy had Ass burner's Syndrome.

There are, miraculously, perhaps two or three people IRL (never OTI) that "genuinely" have Ass Burgers, and are much less fucktarded than their self-diagnosed attention whore cousins. You too can tell the difference by following these simple steps:

If they use the word aspie and are serious, you are not dealing with a real diagnosis.

If the cock in question buys into basically any of the fucktarded things ass pies supposedly believe in, it's a safe bet they're an attention whore. Incidentally, if they utter word one of the Atlantis bullshit, kill on sight. You'll make a friend of every "Genuine" ass pie for life.

"Genuine" assburgers sufferers, nine times out of ten, do not act like a fucktard on purpose, the way one is supposed to act simply does not occur to him/her. Thus, when called on it, they will STFU and try not to make that mistake again (success varies). Those that claim to be an Ass Pie as an excuse to act out will continue to make the same mistakes and avoid butthurt with a defense along the lines of: "YOU CAN'T PUNISH ME I HAS THE ASPERGERS" when you prepare a whoopin' for them.

[edit] They can't get hugbox therapy coverage

At about 14 minutes into Michael Moore's movie Sicko, it gives a list of disorders with unproven treatments not covered under health insurance. Three of those were NOTism, autism, and gender identity disorder. Therefore, NOTies will have to pay for their own hugboxes or face a depressing average-spanned lifetime of horrible disabling terminal illness.

Here is a video about parents of Autistic children who are too stupid to commit their children to mental institutions and have had their lives ruined as a result. Retarded parents of Autistic children. Comments have been disabled, but you still can send messages to the poster of the video about how retarded he/she is.

[edit] Pwnt by Kindergardners: May 2008

Now that, that screams autism.

In this lulzy video, an Aspie child is totally rejected by his kindergarten class. By a vote of 14 to 2, they decided to kick him out of their class for his idiotic flailing Ass-pie behavior that was pissing them off. His mom then BAWWW'd on national television about "discrimination" while the Aspie mumbled incoherently in her lap, further proving that the children were right and the whiny parents were wrong. Naturally, a lolsuit is being planned. The boy's name also happens to be Alex, just like the boy in "Sad Case of the Asspie" who raped Tanja. Is it reincarnation? The boy's mother was also a sick fuck and compared the teacher to Islamic terrorists which is wrong because it is a favor to the normal children not to have a shit smearing, masturbating child in the classroom; and Muslims actually kill people which is much worse than any minor teasing or ridicule. Some people need to grow up and stop being fairies.

Meanwhile, StumbleUpon users call for the death penalty.

[edit] Gallery

Add pixplzkthnx to Asperger's syndrome

Plz to be adding some pix now kthnx. Consult the image selection process for help, or just google up some pix.
Plz remove this notice once there are plenty of pix.

Oh hai!	Take a wild guess.	These people do not have Asperger's.	SUPER WAVE SMASHER
Typical Asspie at your school.	Typical Asspie being a asspie	No successful organization is complete without a hard-working aspie.	Time to play "spot the Asspie"!