Aspierations

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

This article is perfect. Don't fuck with it!

Real life footage of an aspieration being dashed.

Aspierations are the fundamental flaws in the overly simplistic world view of a sufferer of Asperger's Syndrome which causes them to fail at the internet so much. This is intended as a factual article which will enable you to support and comprehend the sufferer in your life in a more effective way.

REAL LIFE	ASPIERATION
Making fun of people in pain is an asshole thing to do, and you should stop doing it...	...therefore, informing people who enjoy ridiculing people in pain of how much pain and anguish they are inflicting upon you will make them stop.
Everyone should have an personal, private environment in which they are free to express themselves creatively without fear of ridicule or spite...	...and a public internet forum which is searchable by every human being on the planet will provide precisely such a haven.
One's personal details represent delicate, important information vital to one's security and public image, and having them circulated and/or abused by a spiteful individual would be ruinous to one's mental and (potentially) financial health...	...but nobody's gonna see them on your LJ, amirite?
If Anonymous, Goons, or a similar group realise that you are genuinely indifferent about their ribaldry toward you, they will give up and find another target instead...	...and the best way to convince them is a fourteen-paragraph Livejournal rant about how you DON'T CARE and how you're better than all of them.
Some of that anime is, like, pretty kickass. It's got, like, vampires and ninjas and explosions and giant boobies and shit in it...	...and you should admit this, everywhere on the internet, at every given opportunity.
Each line of a conversation will follow basic rules. What you say will be relevant to previous statements; it will provide sufficient, not excessive or deficient, information; it will be reasonably organized; and it will be truthful...	... and the same will apply to conversations on /b/, IRC, LJ, etc.

Other Forms

Furries

REAL LIFE	ASFURATION
Some people wrongly think that being a furry is just about dressing up in animal costumes and having sex...	...when it also includes diapers, stuffed toys and giant tubs of lard.
Furries are part of a fandom who seek to escape the difficulties and drama life often holds. Being a furry is about having fun and expressing yourself...	...and we demand you give us equal rights - just like women, black people and gays.
Furries are very tolerant of other people, no matter how different they may be...	...except for trolls, furry haters and anyone who criticises their art.
Being a furry does not mean condoning bestiality...	...it's about condoning consensual sex between a human and their animal in a kind and loving manner.
Nobody should be ashamed of being a furry. It's a harmless pastime which should be as enjoyable as possible and bring people together...	...which is why all furries live through the internet.
Some furries have a deep spiritual connection to their chosen animal...	...because hyoomans are shit-filled sacks of skin. I should know because I am one. Erm - no - wait . . .

Christians

REAL LIFE	CHRISPIERATION
Christianity is the most successful religion because it teaches tolerance, love and forgiveness...	...so the best way to get people on our side is to tell them they're going to burn forever in hell unless they think exactly what we think.
The Christian church has taught us that all people are equal...	...even though the heads of the Christian church are all white men.
Homosexuality is a sin against God...	...but it's OK if they're under the age of consent.
Evolution is only a theory. It still has many holes which need to be understood...	...and acting like a rabid ape will prove it's all bullshit.
Although the number of atheists, muslims and agnostics is growing, at least 80% of Americans define themselves as Christian...	...we're being oppressed!
God works in mysterious ways. We may never fully understand his nature...	...but ours is the only true religion. Seriously.

Atheists

REAL LIFE	ATHPIERATION
Atheists just want people to be able to think for themselves...	...that's why they buy billboard ads insisting that people stop believing in God.
The hallmark of a theist is their inability to think for themselves and believe anything they read...	... we know this because we've read The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, God Is Not Great by Christopher Hitchens and Twilight of the Idols by Friedrich Nietzsche.
Atheists are the minority. If there is no God then we are free-thinking individuals...	...but if there is a God it's his fault for not proving himself. Even if billions of other sheeple managed to believe in him.
Atheists are more community-minded and liberal than most theists...	...and the best way to prove it is to post youtube videos supporting pedophilia.
The best way to overcome extremist and fundamentalist propaganda is with logic and reason...	...and the best way to get people on your side is to belittle their most sacred beliefs.
There are many misconceptions about atheists - most people think they are overindulgent disillusioned young adults who think they know everything...	...so TheAmazingAtheist is our spokesperson.
If God truly is a loving God then he will allow atheists into heaven because they are brave intelligent people, not because they believe in him...	...even though we mock his followers, deliberately blaspheme and encourage others to do the same.