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Atheist

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This page has more butthurt editing than all the other articles about religion combined.
A quick summary for those who wish to avoid the drama.
A quick summary for those who wish to avoid the drama.
What you will get for being an atheist.
What you will get for being an atheist.
Atheists, in MY room? It's more likely than you think.
Atheists, in MY room? It's more likely than you think.
Atheists are happy to admit their mistakes - except they don't make mistake because they're atheists.
Atheists are happy to admit their mistakes - except they don't make mistake because they're atheists.

Atheism is a religion for people who worship science instead of God. It is most notably the only religion without any ideology, tenets, or pretty pictures. It's followers are no less uneducated, dogmatic and fanatical about their chosen spiritual path than any Muslim, Christian, Hindoo or Jew.

Where atheism stands out is in the insistence that it is based on fact, and not based at all on faith. As there is no way to use logic to prove or disprove the existence of God, atheism is in fact still faith-based. Atheists may be the True Non-Believers, but their arguments are still shit, and will ultimately all just end up burning in Hell.

Contents


The Philosophy of Atheism

  • Simply put, There is no God.

The Rebuttal

  • If there is a concept of God, God exists.

The Re-Rebuttal

  • WAT?

Atheists

A typical atheist.
A typical atheist.
An atheist in its natural habitat. Clearly, this is an example of Nietzsche's Übermensch ideal.
An atheist in its natural habitat. Clearly, this is an example of Nietzsche's Übermensch ideal.

Recent studies reveal that atheists tend to be privileged, college educated libertarians with serious superiority complexes who are always willing to argue, especially Christfags. In an interesting contradiction, their liberal bias toward Islam conflicts with their hatred of all things religious.

Atheists suffer from a rare, aggressive form of unwarranted self-importance. Atheists invariably think they are smarter then you, since they were the first to figure out how to question a pre-existing concept, or to visit the theology section of the library.

Many of them believe that some philosopher (e.g., Friedrich Nietzsche, Richard Dawkins or Karl Popper) has proved atheism. However, they will of course dismiss any philosopher that believes in God. The circular argument goes like this:

  1. Anyone who believes in a God is stupid, ergo
  2. anything they say is stupid, ergo
  3. even listening to said person would be wasting the intellectually superior atheist's time.

Those who aren't busy posting threads about the deep meanings in a System of a Down song are vlogging it up on the YouTube and cry about how they are being mistreated by the evil "xtians".

Morality

Typical atheist morality.
Typical atheist morality.

Since atheists don't believe in God, they don't care about morality. All atheists are moral relativists. Given the chance, they would rape and murder every member of your family, simply because they can. Stating this to an atheist will result in a 10-page rant about how morals are natural and are pre-programmed to keep us from murdering our families, friends and neighbors for their delicious cake. Nevertheless, the atheist will fail to realize that nobody cares, and will keep on ranting far after the listener gets bored and walks off or stops reading.

Atheists are consumed by the delusion that religion somehow is the cause of all conflict and that it is directly responsible for every war and murder that has ever occurred in history, when in reality it is just a source of major lulz for their more temperate kin. Of course, most atheists fail to realize that, with or without religion, there will always be stupid people in the world who will fervently believe anything they read.

Failing to justify man-made morals, they resort to a comparative exercise. The main crux of their argument rests on body counts, but a short sample of atheist leadership data reveals a different picture.

  • Joseph Stalin, Atheist: 20 million plus dead
  • Mao-Tse-Tung, Atheist: 40 million plus dead
  • Pol Pot, Atheist: 2 million dead
  • Kim-Il-Sung, Atheist: 5 million dead
  • Fidel Castro, Atheist: 1 million dead

PROTIP: When in an encounter with an atheist and this issue comes up, simply point out that atheist dictators killed millions of people over the past century and murdered hundreds of thousands in an effort to eradicate religion itself, because, you know, mass murder is the inevitable result when a community becomes too intolerant of outlandish dogmas and too fond of critical thinking.

The atheist will undoubtedly respond with, "BUT THEY DIDN'T KILL IN THE NAME OF ATHEISM!!11", which is bullshit, because they obviously did: Vladimir Lenin, Josef Stalin and Mao Zedong all viewed religion as an obstacle to the dictatorship of the proletariat envisioned by Karl Marx and thus sought to remove this obstacle by any means necessary. Adolf Hitler was possibly the most important figure in this regard, as he viewed religion as an aspect in society that must be completely controlled, producing many pieces of propaganda and speeches about the issue.

 
“ 		 
Christianity is potentially one of the biggest problems facing society.
  		„
 

—Adolf Hitler, Not a Christian.

Sexuality

Of course under normal circumstances there isn't a woman underneath them.
Of course under normal circumstances there isn't a woman underneath them.

Even Catholic priests get more than the typical atheist. This results in the atheist having to take an alternate path to survive, as no normal woman wants to find themselves naked in the same room as a neckbearded Yeti who thinks it knows everything.

Most atheists practice "forced abstinence", as it has proved difficult to copulate on a Google Groups board. On the odd occasion that they find a girl who shares their belief in atheism, the two can be heard shouting "NO GOD" instead of "OH GOD" at the point of orgasm.

Atheism is Not

????
????
This is Nihilism, but atheists don't believe in that either.
This is Nihilism, but atheists don't believe in that either.

Anti-Theism

An anti-theist is somebody who will go into screaming rage about the evils of any religion because the other choir boys didn't try to rape him, thus leaving him with an acute inferiority complex. Not all atheists are anti-theists, but all anti-theists are atheists - otherwise they would be missing the point.

Agnosticism

Agnosticism is literally 'not knowing'. They are the few people on the planet honest enough to admit that they don't know shit. Oddly enough, even they manage to annoy atheists.

Nihilism

Nihilism is the philosophical doctrine suggesting that values do not exist but rather are falsely invented. Frequently cited by deep thinkers.

Friendly

Unfortunately for these quasi-atheists, pro-theist atheists (better known as weak atheists, but that seems a bit redundant) are also the target of atheists - because anyone who supports religion in any way i.e. "believing in belief", going to a church funeral or wedding, or donating to a religious charity will be savagely ripped apart for being a Christ enabler and denounced as traitors.

Atheism v. Irony

  • Atheists will quote The God Delusion to avoid thinking of their own arguments, while mocking Christians for quoting the Bible in the same way.
  • Like Christians, many exhibit very serious cases of a persecution complex, believing that Secret Societies are trying to eradicate them.
  • Constantly quote Nietzsche's "God Is Dead". Never mind that he was talking about slave morality rather than the actual entity. It looked cool on that shirt at Hot Topic.
  • Atheists worry that the "Under God" portion of the Pledge of Allegiance is subtly brainwashing people, while ignoring the massive amounts of restrictive legislation brought forth by the religious right.
  • Atheists will go into another soapbox speech when they are compared to dictators or other extremists.
  • Atheists who shit themselves over people with any sort of belief system are as obnoxious as the very people they whine about.
  • Often dwell on religion more than theists.

Miscellaneous Facts About Atheists

  • Black people can't be atheists IRL due to class restrictions.
  • If you were born a Jew and converted to Atheism, you are still a Jew. You also still did 9/11.
  • They have the ability to grow neckbeards at an accelerated rate.
  • They are smarter than you since they've browsed various skeptic's publications.
  • Most atheists became atheists because they know they are going to Hell and want to hope desperately it isn't true.
  • Atheists get their limited knowledge of the Bible by only searching "Bible contradictions" on Google.
  • They believe in evolution thus they believe themselves to be hyper-evolved Sea-Monkeys that crawled out of the ocean.
  • Homeless people cannot be atheist due to the fact they say "God Bless You" whether or not you give them anything.
  • Most atheists cannot stand each other; putting two together in a closet usually results in a deadly battle of who can fuck the other in the ass first.

Atheist Quotes

Standard atheist's response to this article.
Standard atheist's response to this article.

Just try to correct them on something and prepare to be blasted away with some SERIOUS FUCKING LOGIC!

 
“ 		 
You're done, troll.
  		„
 

 
“ 		 
Atheists don't have to prove anything. Period.
  		„
 

 
“ 		 
I feel very attached to the idea of atheism, that we are free to do whatever we want. (Not that my parents buy into that) And there is no proof their is a god, so HA!!
  		„
 

 
“ 		 
...herd those goons into labs and perform experiments on them instead of on the animals. Wouldn't that solve the whole problem? No animals will be harmed, and this will be a good way to remove some anti-science goons from the gene pool. A whole new generation of lab rats will be born!"
  		„
 

—Evolved Rational

 
“ 		 
Well, fuck off and shove a brick up your ass, because who ever gave you the right to speak for me and for all the other non-appeaser atheists?
  		„
 

—Crackpot science-worshiping atheist

 
“ 		 
HAWHAWHAR YOU BELIEVE IN A GOD THAT DOESN'T EXIST!!! Well, see you at school.
  		„
 

 
“ 		 
In atheism we give you a blank slate to write your on life. I wrote mine in my dads basement with YouTube videos that aren't doing shit.
  		„
 

—TheAmazingAtheist

 
“ 		 
If it takes a group to make you strong, not only does that make you cowardly, it means you are weak, and hiding behind other weak people, just like a fucking gang. This is the basis of religion. A mass of stupid people saying 'do as we say or i will kill you'. That doesn't make you right, that makes you a Nazi.
  		„
 

 
“ 		 
this is a true symbol of the new church here in europe...good that I'm atheistical.
  		„
 

 
“ 		 
"IM SO SICK AND TIRED OF CHRISTIANS PUSHING THEIR BELIEFS ON ME, i mean every year i go to buy something at the store and I see HAPPY HOLLIDAYS and it pisses me off so much i mean Christians are everywhere i mean its like UHHGGGGG but anyway this year its gonna be different. i just got down purchasing my ANTI-god pin. im going to every place where they sell christmas trees and all the 'happy' (yeah more like BRAINWASHED) familys will see my anti-god pin and i will silently protest this stupid holliday yeah go atheists!"
  		„
 

—Sticking it to God

 
“ 		 
WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW!!!1!???"
  		„
 

—Almost every atheist in the world.

 
“ 		 
So...you "respect my belief, or lack of any"? Well...that's very nice...but it is a red flag that screams out intellectual shallowness and lack of critical-thinking skills.
  		„
 

 
“ 		 
I do not respect your beliefs. I think they're stupid...therefore, it would be stupid to 'respect' them. That logic is really not that difficult. However...I DO respect your inherent right to delude yourself in any manner that you deem fit...provided that you do not attempt to impose those beliefs upon me and my family, our schools, our public institutions and our government."
  		„
 

 
“ 		 
Religious people are holding all of humanity back because their "faith" actively hurts things like stem-cell research, abortion, artistic expression, and even the motherfucking space program. I don't want to be part of this species when an alien species arrives and at least half the world screams some form of "YOU'RE NOT CHRISTIAN-UHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
  		„
 

Previous Quote  |  Next Quote

Videos: "Reason" & "Logic" are their BFF

Previous Video  |  Next Video

4chan discovers the truth

HAHAHAHAHA SUCK THIS, ATHEISTS!

another win for God Almighty!

Typical atheist defense strategy in an argument.

Proof that atheists can't distinguish Christians from Jews.

How to troll your average Atheist

Polish that Dawkins pole.
Polish that Dawkins pole.
Yes, it really is that easy.
Yes, it really is that easy.
  • "Prove God doesn't exist"
  • "Jesus died for your sins."
  • "God doesn't believe in atheists."
  • "If evolution is true, why are there still monkeys?" (This one in particular will tell you whether or not you have found the rare breed of atheist that isn't completely retarded, since most educated people can answer it.)
  • "Evolution is only a theory."
  • Pretend to be really surprised and full of pity when the atheist mentions his lack of faith.
  • Complain about the bias against intelligent design.
  • "God did it...your science is NOTHING without God."
  • "Science is ALWAYS based on faith because you don't know if your hypothesis will turn out correctly."
  • "Put your trust in Jesus, not science."
  • "Evolution leads to eugenics...just ask Hitler."
  • "Hitler was an atheist."
  • Point out that their posts sound like evangelical preachers' rants, including their tone, intensity, rhyme and measure.
  • "I prayed for all of you unwashed sinners today."
  • "What up faith-cripples!" (Best to say when entering one of their forums)
  • "No matter what I say or you say, Religion TOTALLY PWNED 9/11"
  • "God loves all amputees, even faith amputees such as yourselves."
  • "Moral relativism leads to hedonism and persecution of minorities."
  • "Atheists are never moral because they do not believe in God," followed up by "Morals are God-given not man-made."
  • "Evolution can't explain [something that has nothing to do with biology]."
  • Suggest that if you were down and out in Calcutta, you'd much rather see Mother Teresa than Christopher Hitchens.
  • If all else fails, Goatse, pain and fifty Jesus posts never go amiss alongside with ALLAH AKBAR!!!
  • "If God doesn't exist, THEN WHO WAS PHONE!?"
  • Insist that Science is dogmatic.
  • Bring up abortion and call the atheists baby killers (regardless of their actual stance).
  • Bring up a random topic in Quantum Mechanics, be as misleading as possible, and argue that it proves the existence of God (known as Quantum Wankery).
  • The way Christians get all of their arguments from the Bible, atheists get all of their arguments from The God Delusion. So saying something along the lines of "Maybe if you formed your own opinions once in a while, instead of parroting everything Dawkins spits out of his sinful mouth, you could truly see the glory of God!" is always worth a good try.
  • Atheists do not really hate religion just christfags. Tell them you are a Buddhist,Hindu or Scientologist and agree with everything they say. Keep bringing up the fact that you are a part of whatever religion you said you were. If they start to attack your religion agree with them via this copy pasta "Yes I see how that could be, the teachings of _______ taught me to be very open minded and i think you are right but i am still a firm believer in _______". When they find a person they can't argue with they reach the next level of fucking nuts. Sit back and catch some lulz.
  • Tell them to take the Atheist Challenge. As the atheist does not believe in anything science cannot prove, the atheist must talk to his girlfriend/wife and tell her that love is a very unscientific thing and is a Christian belief. He must also explain to her that love is only a physical attraction and a byproduct of biochemical reactions in his brain. Post-conversation survival is a passing grade.
  • Point out that dark matter and dark energy, by their very nature, are impossible to detect and can only be hypothesized by secondary evidence. Just like God. Science believes in something it can't prove!
  • Apparently, atheism has its own definition of free speech: When I attack you, it's just criticism. When you attack me, you should be BEATEN AND EXECUTED.

Videos to troll atheists with


Kirk Cameron Explains Atheism is Faith-Based
Dawkins Worship
theamazingatheist Gay With Chuck Norris
Atheists don't find this Half Hour News Hour clip funny.

Previous Video  |  Next Video

Atheists OL

Mr. Nifflekins demolishes the beliefs of theologians everywhere.
Mr. Nifflekins demolishes the beliefs of theologians everywhere.
Do not be fooled. This fellow is actually a goat.
Do not be fooled. This fellow is actually a goat.
In this example, a YouTube atheist reacts to someone making a Wii Mii of Jesus. Very typical for an Internets atheist.
In this example, a YouTube atheist reacts to someone making a Wii Mii of Jesus. Very typical for an Internets atheist.

Whenever religion is brought up on any message board or forum anywhere, expect it to be flooded by over 9,000 hardcore neck-bearded atheists. They are world-renowned for shitting up religious discussion with posts that can usually be summed up as "ralijen sux" no matter how intelligent or rationalized the comment seems to the untrained eye. Atheists constantly whine about how religion is like a herd mentality meant to control the masses, yet demand blind compliance to their ideas.

In this example an internet group discusses atheism. Note how for once, the Christians seem like the sane ones. Also note the inability of certain users from this site to countenance the fact that atheists are frothy-mouthed bat-shit psychos.

Listening to angry atheist rants on the internet, one can detect a common sentiment or strain of thought running throughout. This sentiment goes something like this: "Atheists are inherently smarter than theists. All theists are ignorant and irrational because of the very fact that they are theists. Why bother engaging those stupid, dim sheeple in actual debate when they are so very, very ignorant?" This is why atheists perpetually come across as arrogant, whiny assholes.

In this delicious irony, Joe Atheist is even more full of shit than Jerry Falwell. Every wacko fundamentalist Christian at least admits their beliefs rest on faith. The atheist insists that he has serious logic on his side, yet refuses to even consider an argument that they don't agree with.

They have also yet to rationalize the minor problem of the origin of the Universe issue in this anti-theologic worldview of cause-and-effect, but that's okay because the universe has just always existed LOL!!1

It is also wise to remember that no atheist can understand lulz, as lulz, being a corruption of lol, means Love Our Lord. It is therefore impossible for a godless heathen to understand.

Another reason atheists generally come across as arrogant, whiny assholes is their long winded standard of ad hominem attacks on those with whom they happen to not agree. Rather than actually engaging into some form of serious debate with theists and having an actual discussion over why each person believes what they do, they instead go batshit insane on theists and dismiss them personally based on presumably lower intellect, lack of scientific proof, etc.

Sources of drama

Many people hold their religious beliefs very strongly. Many other people hold their supposedly non-religious beliefs even more strongly. As we all know, conflicting beliefs result easily in delicious drama. Thus, Atheists are a prime source of drama, both as subjects and creators.

YouTube has a sizable population of Atheists on it, mostly represented by the local diocese, Rational Response Squad. You can check out their "Blasphemy Challenge" to see kids bummed about church and that their parents won't buy them iPods. You may even be able to spot a few rare African-American "Atheists"! You can oftentimes receive boners from the angry responses from fellow Atheists who give out poor comment points to anyone that demands Tits or GTFO to any female Atheists.


Here, an atheist whines about the phrase "In God we trust" on a bill.
Poor oppressed jesus hater *rolleyes*

Previous Video  |  Next Video

Even ED isn't safe from the Rampage of Atheists

Please visit the userpages of the following users and let them know that Jesus fucking loves them hard. God Bless.

See Also: the talk page.

External Links

See Also



Atheist is a series on Atheism

Gods
Flying Spaghetti Monster • Science • Themselves

Methodology
Blasphemy Challenge • Pedophilia • Evolution • Homosexuality • Neckbeard • Eugenics • Liberal

High Priests
Richard Dawkins • James Randi • Christopher Hitchens • Lucifer • Nietzsche

Followers
CapnOAwesome • TheAmazingAtheist • Fakesagan • Saturnine Films • OneLessGod • AngryLittleGiri • George Carlin • Satanists • Patcondell

Denominations
Atheist Scum United • Rational Response Squad • Iidb • Challenging god • TrollsOfTerror

Sheeple
Christfags • Towel-heads • Yids • Agnostics • So-Called Religious Atheists • Scientologists • Pagans & Wiccans

Blasphemers
God • Jesus • Intelligent Design • Creationism • Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed





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