Avatar the Last Airbender
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Avatar: The Last Airbender is not an animu, it was created by two ugly weeaboos in order to amass obscene piles of Jew gold from other weeaboos. Otaku are known to cry and scream that Avatar isn't animu as it was made by Americans but they can go suck a dick because everyone knows America does everything better. Right?
The show is about a bunch of whiny teensies who know kung fu and have the ability to summon nature powers without the help of Captain Planet. They spend most of their time learning valuable lessons about lame shit and teaching white children an extremely loose interpretation of Azn voodoo moon religion. Aimed at the 6-11 age demographic it naturally has a bunch of batshit insane fans in their 20's and 30's that make this semi-entertaining show all kinds of uncomfortable for the fine peoples of the internets.
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[edit] Characters
Aang: A painfully saccharine and wide-eyed little boy who loves to torture animals and is supposed to save the world with the power of blasphemous godly Jap magic. His innocent appearance masks his perverted fantasies of plugging the only girl who will talk to him. Fangirls insist he is a "smooth ladies man", even though the last time he's seen a cunt is when he was born. Shotacon gold.
Katara: An Eskimo with the amazing ability to throw water at things, all around uppity Mary Sue who bitches about everyone else's problems and won't admit to any of her own. The object of Waang's hormonal desires. Has an army of batshit online fangirls and fanboys who will viciously defend her retarded behavior when they're not beating off to child pornz. Confirmed pedophile. Voiced by Mae Whitman.
Sokka: (Moar like Cockka, amirite?) Karara's useless, gay, asspie brother. Has a boomerang, despite the fact that he doesn't live in Australia.
Toph: A tiny blind dyke who specializes in throwing rocks at people and the second most worthless character after Katara. Uses her feet to see, people with foot fetishes LOVE her.
Suki: A kabuki cosplaying bitch whose anomalous existence as Sokka's fuck buddy could only be explained as the creators' hardcore fantasies come to life on paper.
Zuko: A navel-gazing, emo burn victim mama's boy with daddy issues who goes through more character and costume changes than anyone else in the fucking show because the writers couldn't decide who the fuck he's supposed to be. Obsessed over by fangirls. Faps to his mom when he's alone at night.
Azula: Angry lesbo who also fucks her daddy on the side, LOL INCEST.
Mai: Zuko's canon girlfriend and a boring emo. Universally loathed by retarded fangirls.
Ty Lee: Anorexic, acrobatic bitch whose cunt gushes at the sight of Sokka. Master of disturbing sexual positions.
Jet: Azn bum who flooded a town off the map in an attempt to impress Katara, but she rejected him on the spot. In season 2, his habit of snitching finally got him killed and no one cared about him after that.
Longshot: The only character who doesn't say a fucking word, except when Jet dies, and of course, it's some gay heroic shit.
Smellerbee: A reverse trap who is pretty fucking pointless.
Iroh: The Yoda of the Avatar show. Pretty cool for a fat old man, seeing how he can still get ripped while being over 9000 years old. Solves all problems with tea.
Admiral Zhao: A bear of a man who sailed the seven seas with his band of burly men. Got his ass kicked by that scarred emofag Zuko, despite all his macho posturing.
Momo and Appa: Pointless merchandising mascots.
Ozai: LIEK OMG LOLOL HE DOESN'T DIE!!! Is more or less the animated version of Adolf Hitler, but with a goatee instead of a trademark mustache.
Ursa: Basically a MILF version of Azula, except with a heart as big as her fanboys' hard-ons. Is missing in action for the entire series, and exists only in flashbacks.
Yue: A ganguro 16-year-old girl whose life is tied to the icthyan Moon Spirit; after Zhao killed the fish, she became an hero to bring it back.
GOHINWT: Guy On Horse In Northern Water Tribe. A.K.A the only character that actually knows what he's doing and/or has balls.
[edit] Plot
A bunch of Azns willfully segregate themselves into kingdoms according to who can throw what elements out of their hands until these sun-obsessed fire dickholes, who totally don't ooze imperialist Japan out of every orifice at all, invade and pillage everyone else for 100 years. A scrawny little kid who was in suspended animation for those 100 years has to CATCH 'EM ALL and gain a power level of over 9000 to stop the war. Yeah. That's about it.
[edit] The Fanbase
Obviously nothing in this world would be so lulzy without an insane and rabid fanbase populated by maladjusted tweens and manchildren behind it. As Avatar rose in popularity, its level of fantards began to reach critical mass, it's estimated they'll become as horrifying as Sonic fans by 2012. While all the bitching and shipping goes on, the creators are just sitting back and counting the Jew gold they made off of everyone.
[edit] Shipping Wars
"Shippers", as they like to be called, are losers giving a shit about who fucks who in any given form of entertainment for lack of a love life of their own. Avatar shippers are especially persistent even though this is an American show and the likelihood of anyone getting fucked is zero. That's Japan's department, kids! Over the course of the 3 long (and progressively lamer) seasons the arguments over which kid will finger bang which kid has gotten more and more intense as fans wait for the final episodes to air. Shippers are always:
- Girls or fags
- Fat
- Lonely
- Masters of the print screen button and MS Paint
- All of the above
Now that the series is finally over and the endgame couples are set, much butthurt is to be had by everyone that was not right about their ZOMG TRUE LOVES couple of choice. On the other side, some sort of retarded gloating epidemic has started to happen on the online communities for this show, like people who guessed the shota would arrow-cock-bang the brown chick deserved an award for believing in the shotacon that is Kataang from the very beginning. Right or wrong, in the end they all lose and are giant fags for even caring about this shit in the first place, amiright?
tl;dr if you went "kekekeke" or "baaaaaw" about anybody making out in this show you are a moron.
[edit] Zutara
The Abbabar fandom has developed a huge, insane shipper faction the likes of which haven't been seen since the "Harmony" incident. They call themselves "Zutarians", perhaps in reference to the planet they're from. These alien fangirls differ from their Earthly cousins in that they're rabidly obsessed with a heterosexual coupling, a rare and curious trait indeed. However they must share a common ancestor as the Zutarians are so insistent on a pairing that had no indication of ever happening that they fully expected the very fabric of reality to bend to their will, only to shit all over the internet when it predictably didn't, screaming and crying that the writers of the show are openly mocking them and toying with their emotions. Which in the end is probably close to the truth as the show's creators (apparently a two-headed manbeast collectively known as "Bryke") find this shipping business amusing as fuck and have made a national pastime of what one could call "ship baiting".
TL;DR: Zutara is all about ANGRY DRY RAPE. That will never, ever happen. At least the dirty pics are good though, so if you must fap to this show and are not into shotacon its a good place to look for porn.
[edit] The Spoilers That Killed Zutara
For the lulz, whoever runs the Cadavatar mass franchising money machine decided to release a bunch of shitty books that spoiled the ending for all the fangirls who were stupid enough to buy them. This occurred before the last episodes even aired because Nickelodeon is keeping them locked in a vault until enough fantards waste their allowance or McDonald's paychecks on DVDs and poorly made plushies for their liking.
Where most fantards would be upset with learning how the ultimate bad guys are defeated our visitors from the distant stars are upset that two characters who quite blatantly like other people aren't going to fuck like dirty monkeys during the final episode, blaming this on the writers mocking them, writing their story wrong, sucking at romance writing, and the show not being made in Japan. This also hasn't stopped the Zutarians from penning lengthy essays about how the book is a fake, an elaborate hoax cooked up by those vile "Kataangers" in the next star system, or that it was intentionally released early and meant to trick the audience until the actual finale airs.
[edit] THEY CRUSHED OUR SPIRITS
All over devianTART and LiveJournal socially awkward fangirls with very empty lives erupted in a maelstrom of fan whining. The Zutarians were full of drama because most of them are privileged America children and have never encountered any real suffering in their entire lives, and full of batshit paranoia because they take everything the creators of the show say personally. The Kataangers meanwhile were off squawking and gloating on their own LiveJournals until their parents force fed them some Ritalin so they could get some goddamn sleep.
One 21 year old girl who runs a goddamn shipping podcast exhibited a perfect display of the widespread butthurt:
| —Perfectly rational and reasonable. |
| —Bitch needs a hobby. And a real religion. |
One of her podcast circlejerk buddies also wrote a poem about their heartbreak to send to the creators:
| —SPIT |
[edit] And Now, We Spit Upon You
So the finale aired and surprise, surprise, all that had been foretold in the books of dark prophecy were true. Katara predictably hooked up with Aang and they shared a chaste closed mouth kiss and we could all forget this nightmare of fantardism ever fucking happened.
Or so we thought.
But the fandom inexplicably refuses to die, as though their sheer demented will can change the course of history for their own pleasure so they can continue dwelling in their basements living vicariously through the fictional relationship of two fictional children. This proved considerably lulzy enough to make the creators of the show come out at Comic Con '08 and turn a shitload of crappy Avatar fanart into a short film that not just reaffirmed that all of the weird, delusional ships were wrong, but mocked them thoroughly, which (accompanied by an affirmation that there would never be a Season 4 and thus no second chance for the fantarded shipdoms) was viewed by the Zutarans as a gigantic insult and by the sane world as the biggest and most efficient professional troll since Japan Time. Also, puppets.
[edit] Kataang
The opposite of Zutarians, anyone who identifies by this term can be assumed to be a complete retard who also spends way too much time and effort on insignificant shit that doesn't matter. Just as insane as any other Avatard shipper they are easily distinguished by their squishy prepubescent ideals on "ZOMG LUV" and "ZOMG DESTINY." These are the fat girls you see walking the halls of high school with "I <3 JOE" scrawled up and down their trapper keepers as they skip to class. "Kataangers" feel the need to compile evidence of the retarded Y7 relationship of hugz already blatantly developing within the show's canon and spend most of their time arguing with Zutarians and generally being annoying 13 year old girls. Kataangers would get along delightfully with pedophiles if they weren't so busy screen capping retarded hugs, because Aang is a shota and yet still manages to somehow gets him some. Even though all shipper are fucktards with no life, now that Katara and Aang's fuck fest is cannon, they cant help but run around the internet yelling how they won like they are expecting a fucking prize for being able to notice the obvious facts.
While Zutara and other popular ships have at least a good quantity of fap-worthy porn, its pretty rare to find anything of note concerning Aang sticking it to Katara. Possible reasons are any artist over 12 that would otherwise be drawing piles of porn of this show does not want to be labeled a pedophile. And the thought of a 12 year old boy wanting some poon (outside of the art on /b/ or /ss/) or even being able to pull it off is hard to buy. If Aaang was real he would be doing what every other 12 year old boy is doing: fapping to cleavage shots on Google and playing the Pokemans. Arrow boy and Brown girl fucking is cannon, but damn it sure makes you feel pedo...unless you are Shota Tiger and totally into tiny cocks.
[edit] Quotes From the Show Creators
| — The duo telling us shit we already knew |
| —Oh shit, I guess they were openly mocking you |
| —The quote Zutarians are most bitter about, they reacted to being called "kids" by behaving like tantrum throwing 3 year olds |
| — no shit |
| — Brian and mike say it like it is at 2008 comic con |
[edit] The Avatar Podcast
How would you like to sit for about 30 minutes on average and listen to some creepy internet nerds analyze a children's show to the every last retarded detail? Look no further than From the Spirit World: The legendary podcast!
The podcast is hosted by some guy named Dylan and a wide selection of guests who vary in their levels of suck any given week. While the co-hosts and subject matter may change every show, the one thing that does remain constant is that it always blows giant Appa cock and offers nothing of value or interest. It's basically just a bunch of basement dwellers talking about an episode and over-analyzing the FUCK out of it to the degree most nerds would reserve for End of Evangelion. The only problem is this is a kids show on Nick, and thus there is nothing to think about. Also let's not forget the creepy geek wheeze-laughs Dylan sputters every few minutes when something "witty" is said, or when one can literally hear him popping a boner over Aang shota pics. Below is a 100% accurate rendition of the podcast:
Listening to this podcast for the full half hour will make you want to kill yourself for failing so hard at life that you loved a children's cartoon enough to listen to idiots converse about how "Sokka's making a joke because he's emo for his daddy" or "Zuko loves it up the butt because we saw him bend over 4 times this episode."
Dylan- Whiny, Kataangist asshole who can and will cause brain damage just from his throaty, 12 year old nerd voice.
Jake- Obviously a god because he gives spoilers which never turn out to be exactly right.
Kevin- Hobbies include sticking his hand up puppets' asses and having nine year olds do his bidding.
Meredith- Has daddy issues; her opinion consists of "I agree" or "I don't know." Fuck, this bitch is a keeper.
Shay- Because everybody needs something to fap to, there to give blow jobs during breaks to the other co-hosts.
Ally- Sounds like she is six to make Dylan feel a bit less girly.
Abby- I SHIP ZUKO/CLOTHES I AM SO HILARIOUS AND WITTY.
Stephanie- She says she's sorry every other sentence, it makes for incredibly intelligent conversation.
Joe- A spy from ED sent to rape Dylan after every other podcast to kick him off his high horse.
[edit] The Great Sifu Kisu Drama of 2008
According to the internet, early this year a member of CAPSLOCK_ATLA aka a LJ site for lulz and porn (lacking that all right now though) wrote some sexy fanfiction involving Sifu Kisu and other members of the Avatar staff for laughs. While surfing around the internet one day, Sifu Kisu happened to find that shit and freaked out the only way that would get results...he posted a giant WTF about it in his MySpace blog. Drama and lulz ensued and the end result was him calling them a bunch of weird internet kids, and the journal members shooping the hell out of his photos and making him an Avatar meme of sorts. They also made sure to post his name a million times in each journal entry on the blog so that the internet search engines could find him better.
| — Sifu Kisu- thinkin' 'bout doin' sumpin' |
[edit] Gallery
You there! CAP THAT SHIT!
 |
 Now that's just plain mean. |
 What's the matter...too DEEP for you? |
 Not creepy at all. |
 |
 This shit is bordering on cultism now. |
 What usually goes on during the show. |
 Aang doing what he does best. |
 The fire nation knows how to party. |
 Brittney shaved for shota cosplay. |
 Just when you thought it could not fail any harder... |
 Aang's audition for Boku no Pico. |
 New game out for the Wii by THQ! ZOMG! |
 How Season 1 ended. |
 In season 3 we find out a shocking plot twist! Zuko fucked his own mother! Mmm, Oedipus Complex. |
[edit] External Links
Watch all the episodes at half quality for free until they get sued.
Avatar Spirit, the place 13 year old kids who cant use Google go to get old news. Giant hugbox of a forum filled with fail and over analyzing of children's cartoon characters.
Distant Horizons, another fansite, which much like an elderly man with some degenerative disease, gets more and more retarded each passing day.
From the Spirit World fail podcast.
[edit] Drama Links
Capslock_Zutara Circlejerking home for crazy fangirls drawing porn
Another goddamn LJ Community
Zutarama on fandom_wank
Capslock_Kataang another retarded community on LJ for Katara and teh shota.
Capslock_ATLA some lulz, mostly morons adding text to jpgs like it was /cat/
banishedprince on DevianTART aka the first epic attention whore in the fanbase. Got emo butthurt and left the internet forever when she realized people only watched her DA to get info about illegal episode downloads.
Zutarian-Empire on DevianTART
- Wank
- Thought their ship is news-worthy. Tartlets are encouraged to comment.
- Wank 1
- Wank 2
- Shitty comic that'll show the creators HOW IT'S DONE updated at a fever-pitch pace of 1 page every 3 months.
- Horrifying fangirl podcast
Misc. Wank
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Avatar the Last Airbender is part of a series on Anime. |
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