Baby Grace
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Baby Grace was the name chosen by investigators in a fit of irony to refer to the battered corpse of an unidentified toddler found inside a blue plastic bucket that washed ashore in Texas. After a preliminary investigation revealed that Baby Grace was not Madeleine McCann, stumped investigators commissioned a composite sketch from a deviantART. Said sketch sent the nation back to its collective hugbox until, on November 27, 2007, Baby Grace was identified as two-year-old Riley Ann Sawyers. Shockingly, it seems that little Riley's mother and step-father — who met while playing World of Warcraft — beat Riley to death in a session of IRL PvP. When asked why she tortured and killed her daughter, Riley's mother replied: "I did it for the lootz."
Background
Riley was born to 16-year-old teen mommy Kimberly Dawn Trenor and sperm donor Robert Sawyers in Ohio. The couple moved in with Robert's parents and Robert introduced Kimberly to World of Warcraft. All was well for two years, until Kimberly parked the car incorrectly one day. Robert pointed out Kimberly's error by punching her in the throat and, to his surprise, was promptly V&. Despite Robert's assertion that he "never hit her beforehand," the couple split up. "Split up" is used here in its platonic sense, meaning that Kimberly continued to live with Robert, Robert's parents, and Robert's new teen mommy, who moved in after being disowned by her own parents.
LOL Warcraft
Disconsolate, Kimberly did what any caring mother would do. She buried herself in the magical land of Azeroth. "More than once, Trenor would ask others to bring her some takeout for dinner because she didn't want to leave the computer.[1]" While Kimberly focused on getting her flying mount, Riley was looked after by the rest of the commune.
One of Kimberly's guildmates was a warlock man basement-dweller from Texas named Royce Clyde Zeigler II, five years her senior. Kimberly dug Royce's mad raid skillz and decided he was prime step-father material. They took their conversations outside guildchat and Royce explained that he was a contract worker for an oil company. Kimberly thought that was hott. With Riley in tow, Kimberly moved to Texas and married Royce in June, 2007.
Kimberly's WoW Account
| Character Name | Guild | Realm | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Main | Firee | Wolf Within | Madoran |
| Alt | Firefly | Firefly | Madoran |
Baby Fuck, Texas Style
The newlywed couple faced the same problem that plagues all Warcraft-playing parents — their children. Riley couldn't pick up the rules of playing IRL imp quickly enough to suit her warlock-obsessed step-father. Royce and Kimberly concluded that Riley was entirely lacking in manners and developed a regimen for disciplining the toddler. When Riley still refused to answer Royce with a polite "yes sir" or "no sir," he decided to forcibly inject some manners into her two-year-old personality. Royce stayed home from work on July 24, 2007, to pwn Riley with a belt, hold a pillow over her face, and hold her head underwater over a six-hour period. Royce finally picked Riley up by her hair and hurled her across the room onto a tile floor. Being an Aspie, Royce was entirely shocked when Riley proceeded to fucking die.
The Aftermath
Royce attempted CPR to no avail, then decided to delete fucking everything. The loving parents boogied their asses down to Wal-Mart where they bought a blue, toddler-sized storage bin. They returned home, put Riley in the bin, then hid the bin in a shed for two months. While Riley fermented, Royce found his cock long enough to get Kimberly pregnant. Fearing they'd need room in the shed for their impending bundle of joy, Royce and Kimberly loaded up their bucket of dead baby and dumped it off of the Galveston causeway. Being fat, Royce failed to realize that any container which was airtight enough to keep the neighbors from noticing his funky shed probably wasn't going to sink. The bin bobbed to the surface, and Royce shit himself. While he screamed at Kimberly for not poking airholes in the busket, Riley gently floated toward the shore, where she was eventually found and dubbed Baby Grace.
Royce Attempts to Self-Pwn
In November, prior to his arrest, Royce attempted suicide by overdosing on prescription drugs. Before not dying he left a note that absolved Kimberly of any responsibility for the consequences of his Asperger's.
BRB FBI
The Sawyers eventually contacted authorities and voiced their fear that Baby Grace might actually be Riley. The police then contacted Kimberly, who claimed that a social worker from Ohio had appeared at her door, punched her in the face, and kidnapped Riley. The police lolled, and Kimberly and Royce are now awaiting their chance to be sentenced to death by a jury of their peers.
See Also
 |
Baby Grace is part of a series on Gaming |
| Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
 |
Baby Grace is part of a series on MMORPGs. |
