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Bandwidth envy

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Bandwidth envy is a condition triggered by your fellow basement dwellers' bragging about their ungodly amounts of bandwidth for downloading furry pr0n. This can result in an unhealthy lust for your neighbor's internet speed, especially when you think it could solve your life's biggest problems (most of which involve an insufficient supply of pr0n). Normal men have penis envy, but since penis size only matters if you're capable of attracting an actual sex partner, pipe size becomes your substitute for cock size.

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