Battlefield 2
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Battlefield 2 (or BF2, short for ButtFucking) is a racially motivated online FPS that furthers stereotypes that all African Americans are unintelligent while all white soldiers are clever and have practical working skills. The game is divided into three nations: Trailer Trash, Chinks, and Wetbacks. BF2 never takes on a China versus MEC battle because that would be un-American. Each team has seven classes to segregate the soldiers. The high professions of Medic, Sniper, Special Ops, and Engineer are reserved for caucasians while the blacks get the frontline duties of Assault, Anti-Tank, and "Support". Months after the game was released, flame wars were started over whether this was a clear prejudice against blacks, an example seen here. When asked about the blatant racism involved in this game, an EA spokesman stated, "We were going for realism, and if you don't like it, go play Unreal Tournament you filthy fucking nigger jews."
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[edit] Electronic Arts
EA is well known for their ability to enrage the Battlefield 2 community. Between pumping out a Sims 2 expansion every week, they put two mexican illegal immigrants to work on the next expansion for battlefield 2. They never fix shit, but are quiet efficient at releasing new booster packs and full games at top price. In under a year they pooped out three mods with a robotgame named 2142 expected by the end of the year. Some individuals enjoy putting anti-2142 in their forum signature because they actually think their opinion matters.
[edit] Strategy
Battlefield 2 revolves around the teamkill punish system where a user can ban someone from a server if they tk too much. There are two main objectives of the game. The first one is to "spot" as many enemy boats as possible before you get kicked/banned. The goal is to get your entire radar full of boats. This is extremely useful in boat-less maps such as Strike at Karkand. If you start the boat spotting, many of your fellow team mates will join in.
[edit] How to Spot Enemy Boats
When standing still or not moving the mouse, hold the "Q" key to bring up the menu and then right click and left click once. This brings up the "Spotted Menu" and boats are the first on the list.
[edit] Banning
The other is to get as many people banned in a round as possible. The default ban is three punishes, but can be set as high as an admin desires. Some servers turn off the tk punish system altogether which allows anyone to teamkill as they please. If you happen to get the USSEX or any form of high-powered gun near a very populated spawn area, lulz will ensue (this works best on an aircraft carrier).
[edit] How to Punish
When someone teamkills you, an option will appear at the lower left side of the screen asking if you would like to forgive. At this point, press the Page Down key. Pressing Page Up is for pussies.
[edit] Tactics to Draw Teamkills
- Blocking: Standing infront of a J-10 or blocking it with jeep on the runway is hilarious. Many pilots will try to swerve around you, only to teamkill numerous other players and then crash into buildings off to the side.
- Boundary: Fill up a transport chopper and fly people out of bounds, a place where everyone automatically gets a suicide and a -2 points in score. Hilarity ensues when everyone respawns.
- Carrier Blocking: On a map with a carrier that is far away from the battle zone, step into the cockpit a Blackhawk and sit there without moving. Very fun since doing so strands all your teammates on the carrier. Massive lulz insues when someone C4s the helicopter when it's filled to the brim with angry, impatient passengers.
- Commanding: Dropping artillery on your own team, especially the aircraft carrier, inspires everyone on the team to seek you out and kill you. Thankfully, it is not possible to ban commanders for artillery tks.
- Commorose Spam: Nothing inspires teamkilling more than hearing someone say "ENEMY ACTIVITY, DO YOU COPY?" over and over and over. To prevent being blocked for 30 seconds, keep "spotting" at a steady pace. However, it is impossible for you to get blocked if you're the commander, so you can go crazy there.
- Jeeps on Carrier: In patch 1.3 EA allows commanders to drop vehicles anywhere on the map. If you are the USMC team, it is a complete waste to drop a car anywhere other than the aircraft carrier. Unfortunately, a later patch removed the ability to drop vehicles on buildings and players. This cut the game's lulz factor by at least 59.97%.
- Jumping on Vehicles: Jumping on top of any vehicle is a great way to draw a tk. When they start moving or taking off, you will fall through and be teamkilled.
- 'Nading Shit: Upon being too pussy to actually fight with guns, standing behing sandbags or a wall and jumping out and throwing grenades is lulzy enough to get a few teamkills.
- Noob Approach: Sit in a high-valued vehicle and ask things like "HOW DO I TAEK OFF?" and count down the seconds before someone snipes you out.
- Ramming: Using a jeep you can ram into any occupied vehicle in the game and force a teamkill on the driver/pilot. The best target is a full transport chopper where a tk count can rise to as much as 9 or more people.
- Random Votekicks: Start random votekicks against the top players and tell everyone in the server that they are hacking. Although the VK system is godawful, many players will get upset and teamkill you for your false accusations.
- Running People Over: A fun thing to do is to take a jeep and run people over. If you jump out right before the collision, the person will die without any teamkill punishment handed over to you.
- Spotting Nonexistent Players: Spotting enemy snipers that don't exist is a fun way to watch numerous teammates spend half the round running up huge mountains and buildings just to find absolutely nothing. When they realize you were just playing pretend, expect a bullet in the head.
- Stalled Jet/Chopper Punishes: If you run into the engine on the F-35 (US jet) or into the guns on the MEC chopper you will automatically create a teamkill even if it's standing still.
- Team Wounding: Wound yourself down to 1-2 bar of health and then go up to a friendly and shoot him 2-3 times in the chest. Most people will counterattack and shoot you once, killing you, giving a great opprotunity to punish a teamkill.
- Verbal Assaults: Start battles with random people over politics, sports, whatever. This works best on European servers because Euros are fucking retarded. Proclaim to love Bush and disagree with everyone. Then start wounding teammates and watch the teamkills rack up.
[edit] Battlefield 2142
BF 2142 is a fan mod of BF2, released by EA for the full price because they are all filthy money-grubbing Jews. Using the same engine because they are all too cheap and fucking retarded to create a new one. Still, EA maintains that this is a completely new game due to the inclusion of totally original content such as everything from BF2 with added robots which took at least 100 years to code and have never before appeared in any PC game. Later, it was realized that any originallity was absent and a patch had to be quickly created to prevent a re-release of Battlefield 2. The game, takes place in the future where an ice age has covered much of the earth. Gameplay and graphics are similiar, guns still don't do shit damage and tanks actually have no secondary weapon, And guess what, they did something right, they took out every single black american in the game.
Also, enjoy your bundled spyware.
[edit] How to destroy a Titan
Forget what was said in the piece of shit manual that was included with the game, EA is full of mindless, brain-dead emos who can't even figure out how to produce relevant instructions for their own product. Contrary to popular belief, capturing silos, taking down the shields, boarding the titan, then destroying the consoles and the core is most certainly NOT the real way to win in titan mode. Instead, following the steps below shows the proper procedure to destroying a titan:
- At the beginning of a game, get a buddy to join the other team and make him wait somewhere. The rear of the titan is an ideal spot.
- Plant RDX explosive charges on your titan's consoles.
- Then, meet up with your buddy where he's waiting.
- Instruct your buddy to kill you, then take your kit, and then make him use the RDX detonator that came with the kit.
- Repeat the steps above for the rest of the consoles and the core. For the core, it is highly advised that you put the charges on the glowing part of the core so that they cannot be defused by any faggot teammates.
- Get lulz, GG
[edit] Teamkilling in this 'Game'
By mastering these moves below, you can keep your score untouched (without the TK penalties) and TK-ban your BF2142'ers quickly and efficently!
- Commanding with Lulz P.1: As a commander, drop a supply box on someone's head who keeps bitching for supplies.
- Commanding with Lulz P.2: As a commander, launch an EMP Strike on one of your teammate's vehicles while they are in the middle of a massive battle with the opposition, causing them to be stunned and ripe for rape. (This is not directly TK'ing, but it leads to lulz)
- Dropping Planes on People: Apparently helicopters had sex with airplanes in the future, so now we have hover-plane things. Transports work and maneuver best, just grab one and jump out once you are flying dangerously fast towards your victim. If you jump out far enough to be away from the explosion, you'll be alive and well to try out MOAR TK'ing moves...
- Fun With Infinite EMP Nades: If you can't get the commander position to EMP strike your team's vehicles, then take advantage of the fact that EMP grenades belong in the support class! Drop an ammo hub close to a friendly vehicle and you can keep chucking EMP nades at him for as long as you like. Works well for grounding helojets and stranding APCs.
- Jeeps vs. People: See a teammate walking around like a moron? Grab a jeep, drive to him, hit the boosters, jump out before collision. Punish, then lulz.
- Jeeps vs. Tanks: See a teammate driving a tank? Grab a jeep, hit the boosters, and ram into that somabitch. GUARANTEED the tank will remain intact and you will explode, making for an EASY punish.
[edit] Campin' in Da Transport
BF2142's titan mode allows players to capture far-away missile silos (to pwn the enemy's titan) by allowing players to have access to an air transport on the deck of their titan. Similar to carrier blocking on BF2, here are the steps to taking advantage of this to maximize the lulz:
- Find a Titan server with FF turned off, preferrably a HUEG map with lots of players. If you do the following steps on an FF=ON server, prepare to be blasted by a rocket launcher in seconds.
- At the beginning of a game, get behind the wheel of a transport.
- Park it at the corner of the titan deck so your transport won't go anywhere. Adjust position as necessary. No other transports should spawn. Otherwise, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.
- Stay inside the transport, then sit back, relax, and watch your teammates get pissed off about how they can't go anywhere thanks to you. Saying "threat spotted" over 9000 times while doing this also adds to the hilarity. If you also happen to be the commander, move the titan as far away from the silos as you can.
Doing this (from beginning to end of the match) is guaranteed to bring death to your team's titan, since your teammates can't reach the silos fast enough, and/or they're sooooo desperate to fly in the transport that they're too busy shooting at you with everything they've got, despite the fact that friendly fire is off. For even moar lulz, find a friend to do the same thing to the other team. Can anyone say, raged?
[edit] External Links
- BF2 - The official bloated site of Battlefield 2.
- BF2 Europe Forums - Dumb euro's bitching about every aspect of the game
- TotalBF2.com - A good place to get instant-banned for mentioning BF2's shortcomings
- BF2S - Best place to check how much of a noob you are and who's a jet whore.
