Bike
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
- Bike
- A human-powered vehicle with two wheels used primarily by poor people such as niggers and people in third-world countries. But hey, who can tell the difference? You know who can? Fucking no-one, because niggers and people in third-world countries are the same people. Fucking niggers. God Bless America.
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The Bike as a Vehicle
Riding a bike is an excellent way to quickly go downhill. It has also been suggested that going uphill on one may be effective at reducing fattiness but this has not been confirmed outside of the Playstation game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. It is also a great way to get your face fucked up or even die, especially if you play chicken with cars like a retard. Beyond this the bike serves little purpose other than to make the rider look poor/dumb/gay.
Bike Racing
Bike racing has been a popular women's sport for at least 100 years, but gained popularity in the latter part of the 20th century amongst the homosexual male community. The face of the sport has changed radically since then, transforming from a competition centered around crossing a finish line in a short period of time into a marathon-like contest of who can bounce on their dong-like bike seat for the longest period of time. The French, of course, dominated most international dong riding competitions, and bike racing was no exception; they host the annual Tour des Fags, the most noteworthy competition of its type, in which hundreds of gay men mount their love bikes and engage in self-administered anal sex in public, on the road daily for nearly a month at a time. Some fucker with one ball though came around completely dominated the sport though, including forcefully sodomizing the French, and as a result all the other bikers took vast quantity of drugs to try and keep up.
Tree Huggers and Bikes
Due to the non-existent requirements for gasoline that bikes present, their use has become extremely prevalent among hippies and other tree huggers under the illusion that they can contribute to cleaner air by peddling their stank asses around like rolling filth bombs. In cities where the hippy infestations are particularly virulent such as Seattle, WA and Sacramento, CA, the smell of patchouli oil is inescapable even within the comfort of one's car on the freeway due to the number of hippies on bikes.
Niggas & Bikes
See also: O.J. Simpson
Much like Jews & Gold, Nigras like to collect things but in their case it is others' bikes. As can be seen in the recent news clippings to the left Nigra bike theft is common place and the threat posed to all of us is equal to that of Al Gore and Furries.
As of 2:37 AM on April 18th, 2009 the chance of having your bike stolen within 10 minutes of buying has dropped to 30%. This is probably due to niggas getting smarter and realizing that bike stores generally don't lock their bikes up. On a side note, WalMart stores have STARTED to lock their bikes up to keep niggas off.
Homosexuals & Bikes
It is common knowledge that all serious cyclists keep their legs shaved smoother than the average sorostitute's legs. While some argue that this prevents road rash and infection in the event of a crash, it is also quite obvious that any man who shaves his legs is flaming homo or, moar likely, a trap.
Moar Homosexuals & Bikes
Bicycles, in gentrified areas, are becoming more and more popular amongst young hipsters. As a symbol of the uniqueness and individuality of the hipster generation, bikes offer a great way to incorporate basic tenets of hipster culture, such as irony and environmental friendliness, into a transportation system. It is known that Hipsters pride themselves on being subversive and interesting individuals in a world full of squares and robots. However, for some strange reason, all of them coincidentally happen to have a serious love of bicycles (along with a fondness for drinking 40's and fapping to the Arcade Fire). Bikes have been proven to be the most effective vehicle for transportation to American Apparel stores and basement shows by bands you've never heard of.
Mountain Biking
There are also a select few crazy fuckers that bike on "Xtreme off-road trails," but they are rare as they usually end up killing themselves in hilarious ways. Those that manage to survive often have severe brain damage, though it is often difficult to diagnose how much damage has been sustained due to the fact that they are often fucking retarted in the first place.
Gallery
 Lance Armstrong's revolutionary "inter-anal seat" bike design and lack of testicles catapulted him to victory in the Tour de France |
 Hippies ride bikes because they think it will save the planet |
 As if shaving your legs wasn't enough |
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 No helmet on this pussy |
 Even the niggas move along with the times |
 Google is highly bikeophobic |
 No retreat, no surrender when a nigga steals your bike |
 Nigger stole her bike |
 Poor people actually use bikes as transportation |
 Bikerfox: typical faggot biker |
 Even the most famous nigga will still steal bikes |
 Some fat people are simply not allowed to ride bikes |
 The appropriate way to ride a bike |
 Even cops can do nothing with it |
 Not even in Gmod bikes are safe! |
See Also
External Links
 | Bike is part of a series on YTMND
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