Blaming China
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Warning!: THIS ARTICLE WAS MADE IN CHINA AND IS SUBJECT TO: 
|
Blaming China is a US government drama-generating technique currently being forced on the American public to cover their arses from blame when the economy collapses since all our money are belong to them.
Since taking over from Bill Clinton in 2000, the George W. Bush administration has squandered a national surplus of five point six trillion into a nation debt of three trillion which those inscrutable Chinks snapped up on eBay and proceeded to rape America in the arse by charging exorbitant (and constantly growing) interest rates that have ensured your grandchildrens' mutant cancerous grandchildren will still be paying off whilst the principal loan will remain forever out of reach.
To make matters worse, at least 110% of everything sold in America is now "Made in China" since Mexicans are fat, lazy and want too much, constantly bitching about their treatment as America's new slaves.
| —Sharon Stone, blaming China for the earthquake that killed over 9000 chinese people |
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[edit] The DGT
Realising how bad this all looks, the administration brains trust decided that damage control of some sort was needed to discredit our soon-to-be Commie lord and
masters so that when China finally calls in the marker for all the loans (and accrued interest) and pwns the USA, the American people New Chinese won't roll over passively and abandon all the things that made this nation great like Starbucks, Colonel Sanders' chikins and abortion in favour of Green Tea, General Cho's chikins and China's planned parenthood policies.
[edit] Things Being Blamed On China
- Increased pollution on the Western Sea Board because of the rise in the population in cashmere goats (producing cashmere for the US market). Supposedly they have pointy hooves which stir up the dust in the Gobi Desert (which then becomes the latest Chinese import via the Jet Stream) whilst foraging for food. [1]
- Poison in your pet's food.
- Invading and destroying white America.
- Passing off tanuki fur as synthetic coats sold by Jay-Z's Rocawear store, Puff Daddy's Sean John label and Macy's.
- Anti-freeze in your toothpaste.
- Lead painted Hasbro toys making your kids even moar retarded.
- Doing nothing to curb their rampant and flagrant industry pollution that's melting the ice caps (the irony being that said production is mainly making tube socks to keep our feet toasty).
- Exploding Department of Water and Power transformers that have recently plunged millions of hot and bothered Angelinos into hours of darkness and sweat during a record breaking heatwave. (sauce)
- Consuming all the world's remaining oil for their brand new luxury cars bought by the American taxpayer.
- Killing American babies.
- Attacking Google (whose company motto is DON'T BE EVIL!) for doing business with a cruel and repressive regime with no free press and Internet Cops despite the fact that America is BFF with Saudi Arabia.
- Yahoo's falling stock prices.
- Losing the LOLympics because China had loli gymnasts who took all the
JewChinkgoldlead.
[edit] China Responds
Fallout from this epic IRL troll has been swift and dramatic as a proud people such as the Chinese are prone to much hand-wringing and national shame when accused of coming up short. Heads have (and will continue to) loll.
- On July 10th 2007: Zheng Xioayu the head of the Chinese version of the FDA was executed for "Corruption." Taking 850,000 dollars worth of bribes to stamp contracts and look the other way he became responsible for melamine in pet food, the above toothpaste scandal, duck eggs that gave you cancer and snails that gave 40 Beijing diners meningitis. Read: He killed too many chinks and not enough Americans.
- In August 2007: Zhang Shuhong the became an hero and was found swinging in his own warehouse of recalled Mattel Elmos, Big Birds, Dora The Explorers and Fisher Price. It is thought he did it out of shame for not pwning moar fat American kids trying to eat Tonka trucks before getting busted. His last words were reported to be "Aww, maaaaan!"
- Aqua Dots: Recently gave the gift of tripping and rape to American and Australian children for Christmas.
However, it's mainly business as usual in China since they've been sending America unregulated, poorly made, cheap crap constructed by people who don't give a flying fuck (under conditions that would be considered inhumane and in the US) since Nixon BFFd them in the mid-'70s.
[edit] Trolling China
- Give the Dalai Lama the Medal of Freedom while China's having their big Communist Party meeting.
- Playing the National Anthem of Taiwan ("Republic of China") by mistake while greeting the People's Republic's Prime Minister in Washington.
