Bleach
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Contents |
[edit] "Plot"
Haley Joel Osmond plays Ichigo, a 13 year old boy who can see dead people. Rukia, played by Bruce Willis, is his Shinigami therapist. Ichigo steals her powers and gets a big ass sword.
Rukia is kidnapped by Shinigami and Ichigo teams up with Ishida, SadoChad, Orihime and Renji to save her by fighting the Captains of Soul Society. Through a series of critical hits and at least 100 powerups, Ichigo is able to save Rukia and have an epic battle with Aizen go home.
In the exciting current story arc, Orihime is kidnapped by Arrancar and Ichigo teams with Ishida, Chad, Rukia and Renji to save her by fighting the Espada of Hueco Mundo. Through a series of getting his ass saved by Kenpachi, Ichigo is able to ... Presumably he will save Orihime and he may or may not battle Aizen.
Except in the anime they always assrape every story arc with a shitty filler, so you get "3rd Squad New Captain." Go cry about it.
[edit] Controversy
Why it's called "Bleach" is still unknown. It might have something to do with Scat or the Wapanese. Or maybe the creator (who was born in Hiroshima) was washing his clothes at the time. Who gives a shit.
Despite being "anime" it's all about a bleach-faced, blonde oraNGE haired honky piece of trash. Sounds like every other anime thats ever been made.
One other noted thing about it is that it is the cause of many shitty forums like Bleach Exile, as well as the inpsiration for teenage, girl-friend-less masturbating fucktards to create something hideous like This hideous thing GONE FOREVAR!
Bleach is called Bleach because it smells like shit and bleach.
[edit] Characters
| Warning!: TL;DR |
Kurosaki Ichigo : The main character of the series and a total homo. Seriously, orange hair? ORANGE. FUCKING. HAIR. PEOPLE.(See horrible movie The Projected Man for more on orange hair and T3h gh3y.) Which means he's literally a flaming faggot. Not only that, but he seems to be uninterested in any of the female characters in the entire series and mainly focuses on the males. He's also totally straight, LOL. Also a shinigami, his mother is dead, and has a "hollow" version of himself and an old man living inside of him. They fuck him on a regular daily basis. Also he carries around a sword that weighs Atleast 100 pounds, which can charge its lazers. In his Bankai, he wears a shitty tuxedo, can move at the speed of a black man running from the KKK, and turn his nose hair into black lazers charged from his black nazi-katana thing.
Uryu Ishida: A Quincy who fights with bows and arrows. He wears glasses and likes to sew. Biggest fucktard in the series. A zit can cause more damage then him. No less than 99% of fans of Uryu have no idea what the fuck they're talking about.
Kuchiki Rukia : Rukia is a main character. She's a shinigami who wanted to become an hero, but Ichigo unfortunately saved her. Ichigo told her "I did it for teh lulz". Rukia gets mistaken for a boy a lot for some reason. She has art skills that would make Snapesnogger look like Da Vinci in comparison, and gets butthurt when Ichigo points this out to her. Her shikai can make snow. She is the adopted sister of Kuchiki Byakuya. She sometimes looks like a prostitute with the numerous mini-skirts she wears. She also tries to get in there and suck Ichigo's Cock sometimes as seen in the numerous videos of it on the web, Although you never see this in the anime. She lives in Ichigo's closet and gets sleep raped by a nigger bear with monster cock. /b/tards who hate big great tits search rule 34 for rukia.
Inoue Orihime : A girl who uses fairies from her hairpins for battle. Also, she has HUGE tits and would suck Ichigo's cock any day. Also the token airhead. Accounts for 80% of Bleach fans' total wet dreams. Also ranks 3rd in tit size for the show, only because she hasn't fully hit puberty. Blowing your wad all over your keyboard after fapping it to quad window pix of orihime, rangiku, kukkaku, and yoruichi = internet suxxessorx.
Chad: A TALL motherfucker and doesn't talk and charges his lazer if you piss him off. Revealed in the show, he is a beaner who will pop a cap in your ass if you step on his shoes, and get your mum pregnant with a Extra terrestrial.
Kon: A sex-crazed mod-soul who's trapped in the body of a stuffed lion. Will take over Ichigo's body temporarily and chase and go on a hit on any WOminz spree when he's not around. He also has a fetish over Rukia's flat chest. Since his name also rhymes with the Jewish name 'Kohn', he also did 9/11. Kon is assumed to have just finished masturbating. Kon religiously uses the Penis Pump.
Urahara Kisuke : Urahara lives in a small shack with his boyfriend, his 2 loli slaves, & three shitty mod souls that came from filler. He was the former captain of Squad 12, but got fired because he was so fucking lazy. (It should be noted that he is a graduate of ITT Tech). Rukia was his only customer ever seen and other than that, Urahara is just an ass who lets people chill at his shack, and is the main person that everybody on earth whines to. Urahara once trapped Ichigo in a hole that was over 9000 feet deep with his boyfriend. After many hours of relentless rape from Urahara's boyfriend, Tessai, Ichigo became a shinigami again.
Shihoin Yoruichi: Yoruichi is a superfast black woman, who has the hots for Ichigo, even appearing naked around him, and can turn into a cat. She also seems to be able to Kamehameha with her fist. Also originally she was one of the richest bitches in the show, but due to her idiocy, she threw that away "For the lulz".
Soi Fon: An annoying lesbian, just as flat-chested as Rukia, who is always trying to get into Yoruichi's pants. Soi Fon took Yoruichi's place, and has an army of Over 9000 soldiers, but never fucking uses them, instead always has them fucking posing. Her power allows her to make a freaking nail-ring thing on her middle finger, that when it touches someone, makes them have a fucking butterfly on them, and supposedly hitting them twice in the same spot will kill them, but due to her horrible hand-eye coordination, this never happens.
Abarai Renji: A red-haired shinigami. Doesn't know whether to fuck Ichigo, Rukia, or Byakuya. Because of this, he fucks his sword/monkey/snake called Zabimaru. His Shikai makes his ass-sword become a bigger, and more mutilated Erecto-blade. In his Bankai, it becomes a bigass snake Erecto-weapon, and he becomes Siegfried and Roy. Byakuya killed him before but he's still around because this is Bleach. AND NOBODY FUCKING DIES IN BLEACH.
Byakuya: Rukia's moody older brother, and the only character who is moar of a homo than Ichigo. Likes to go to gay bars and strip in his skimpy pink bunny outfit when no one's looking. Also his Shikai makes his regular katana turn into a bunch of pink petals. Petals for god's sake! And his Bankai makes moar fucking petals. It's obvious the guy likes flowers because he IS one.
Zaraki Kenpachi: Captain of Squad 11, as well as a batshit-insane, complete with pink-haired toddlercon girlfriend. Scientists claim despite being the only Captain who cannot use Bankai, kido, or shunpo, he makes up for this by being incredibly powerful. Infact he's so strong, this motherfucker has to where some kind of energy sucking eye patch to make himself weaker. He does it for teh lulz. Ichigo kills him but nobody fucking dies in Bleach, so like every other villain in the series he and Ichigo buttsex each other every story arc.
Sousuke Aizen: A typical fag (like Uryu) who is apparently seduced by Gin's killer smile. He also had a loli girlfriend but since he's gay, he stabs her with a sword. His ulterior motive is to wreak havoc by creating a large army of furries and gangbanging Orihime altogether. His magical power is hypnosis, which some say he uses for raep. He died once, but since he lives a double life as Jesus, he rose from the dead 3 days later.
Momo Hinamori: She belongs to the 5th Division of the Gotei 13. She is Aizen's Vice Captain. She was in love with Aizen. However, she who was too stupid to realize that Aizen was going to fuck the Soul Society over. To prove that she was even more stupid, she still continued to want to suck the fucker's cock even after he stabbed her.
Gin Ichimaru: Guy with a creepy smile. The prime example of the pedosmile, so creepy it never stops. That same smile what most guys wear when they fucked someone or killed a furry before going out into public. Oddly, he might be a furry as well... This guy seems to be a professional stabber of backs... he has a abnormally small penis, but to make up for this, his magical power allows his blade to continously sadomize his victims, via extending... He also has Chink eyes that never open. How the fuck does he see?
Kaname Tousen: The only nigger in Bleach. He's a blind guy, with a fucking orange scarf on his neck, and wears blind people shades. His Shikai can unleash the force of Over 9000 nagging jews, thus knocking or killing someone, or become a wave of blades. And his bankai, which is completely unrelated makes a giant black dome, where no senses may work, except pain, since Bleach is all about emo fuckers. Likes to drive assholes up the wall with his justice fuck.
Sajin Komamura: Captain of Squad 7 and butt buddy of Kaname. In the beginning of the series, he hides his face with a helmet, almost making him a badass Anonymous poster boy. Unfortunately in Episode 53, it turns out that the rat bastard is god damn furry. This has Anonymous questioning the disposition of its own members. So far, this happens to the be the ONLY reported case of an Anon turning into a furry. No one knows what his powers or Bankai are, because he's a fucking furry and nobody gives a shit.
Hanatarou Yamada: IT'S A TRAP. GET THE FUCK IN THE CAR. Seriously. This kid is THE whiney weak loser of a trap. Also, he looks tired all the time, probably due to always being stoned. His sword is usually a useless piece of shit since it fucking HEALS people rather than hurts them, and if he attacks enough people with it, a meter on the side will go up and it unleashes an attack with a power level of over 9000, but then it turns into a craptastic butter knife that can't do anything.
Hitsugaya Toshiro: Albino midget who wants to fuck Hinamori. Most popular character due to kawaii midget factor, wild-n'-wooly white hair, and loli appeal.
Rangiku Matsumoto: A MILF version of Orihime. Matsumoto is the vice-captain of Hitsugaya's team, meaning she is bossed around by a fucking kid. She also seems to have the hots for Gin, not knowing of his small chink penorz, and Hitsugaya. Though since Hitsugaya is a little fag with no common sense, he never sees his opportunities to fuck Matsumoto, even when she drinks (which is in almost everyone of her goddamn episodes). Her power allows her sword to become Pepper Spray. Ranked 2nd in tit size for the show.
Ikkaku Madarame: Take Vin Diesel, mix him with a masochist, japanese person, and throw in some red eyeliner, and you have Ikkaku. Ikkaku is a crazy-ass son of a bitch, who is as crazy as his captain, Kenpachi. Ikkaku can turn his crappy katana into an even more crappy, three jointed spear. And in his Bankai state, can turn it into an Atleast 100 pound giant pair of blades, with a giant one on his back, and by getting blood and semen on the blade, can charge his lazers.
Yumichika Ayasegawa: If there were ever a question about who is gayer than Byakuya, this guy would win. He is such a crappy character, no one knows who he is. His power allows his already crappy sword to become a five pronged cat-claw thing (Though this dumbass doesn't know a Catfight means two or more WOMEN fighting...Not men...Or supposed men) which in the behind the scenes, drains users of their semen, making them exhausted beyond belief.
Mayuri Kurotsuchi: A crazy ass Oreo man, who can make himself semen by becoming An Hero. His shikai makes his katana into a crappy baby headed, fume releasing, three pronged weapon, that when slicing someone, administers Mexican Morphine, thus making people lose muscle control, but still feel pain. His Bankai makes a giant centipede-fucking baby, that can make its neck into Over 9000 blades.
Kuukaku Shiba: A woman who makes shit explode with fireworks and shit. Is missing an arm for some unknown reason. Has the absolute biggest tits on the show. Only after seeing her no less than 8,999 times do you realize she has a face.
Ganju Shiba: Ugly dude who wears mascara and rides a boar. Can turn shit into sand and wants to rape Hanatarou.
Kaien Shiba: A lieutenant from at least 100 years ago. Some argue that he and Rukia wanted to fuck each other's brains out, except that Kaien had a wife. Got killed by Rukia when he went batshit insane after his body was taken over by a hollow.
Grimmjow Jeagerjaques: Closet furry. He was pretty cool in the beginning, with killing people and shit just for the lulz, and now all of a sudden, "HURHUR IMMA FURFAG YIFF YIFF" FUCKING FURRIES. He also has the most confusing name of all time, few can actually pronounce name because who the fuck can say Jeagerjaques?! When he releases his sword, he changes into his furry/gay outfit and lures in little girls with delicious caek. P.S. when he turns into a furry he resembles Mewtwo. Or could be known as one hell of an angry furry fuck. Has man PMS
Ulquiorra Schiffer: One big emo. He's so hardcore, that he has tattoos of tears running down his face. CRAAAAAAWLING IN MAH SKIIIIIN THEM WOUND WILL NOT HEAL. He is also fuckbuddies with Grimmjow. His name implies that he's the bastard son of someone named Schiffer. (Schiffer? 'Mo Like Yiffer, amirite?)
Szayel Aporro Grantz: Pink-haired scientist freak. Aizen gets pissed at him for using his subordinates to add his collection of stolen genitalia. He wears a turtleneck, a cape, and glasses without lenses because they make him look l33t. Later, he wears a tentacle rape dress and purple nail polish. Although he plays with dolls and inserts people into his orifices, the fact that he turns into a walking uterus technically makes him one of the less gay characters.
Aaroniero Arruruerie: The only character with a more confusing name than Grimmjow's. His head is a fucking tube with two skulls floating in it. He disguises himself as Kaien to trick Rukia into giving him a blowjob. His release form is a big mutant tentacle monster.
Halibel: Black girl with big tits. That's pretty much all that's important about her.
Apache: The titless bulldyke of Halibel's fraccion which is obvious by her horrible haircut and overall shitty demeanor.
Cirucci Thunderwitch: Big, stupid, needy cunt with nothing better to do than sit on her ass and masturbate. Dresses like a gothic loli for no reason. Her weapon is a fucking yo-yo.
Sun-Sun: Another lying raccoon-eyed brat.
Neliel Tu: A loli hollow "masokiss" that wants to rape Ichigo. Can turn into an older version of herself which has huge tits. Also can turn into a fucked up centaur thing and can heal people's injuries by puking on them.
Pesche Gatisshe: a mutant cockroach that pukes.
Dondo Chakka: A hollow that looks like a big fucking tiki mask and often gets his ass kicked by the red haired baboon.
Shigekuni Genryusai Yamamoto: A gay old guy that has a giant flaming cock he uses to give all who don't bow down to him buttsecks and butthurt simultaneously.
[edit] Bankai
Bankai is the Bleach equivalent of a Super Saiyan. Apparently, when a shinigami has a hissy fit he explodes into a vast sea of man sweat called Bankai. Bankai is also a shinigami's final form. When in Bankai, a shinigami's power level goes over 9000 and they usually rape their opponents with ease. The strength of a bankai is equivalent to over 9000 laughing jews.
[edit] Hollows
See Mexicans.
[edit] Online Drama
Mostly concentrated from the on-going RukiRenji/IchiRuki/IchiHime ship wars, many of which have been documented on Fandom_Wank. A notorious batshit drama whore is a kickbanned LJ user named Ichirukiavenger who got butthurt after many Bleach comms banned him/her/it:
IchiRuki shippers Rukia's thoughs on Ichigo/Orihime
The IchiHime response:
[edit] Gallery
 The only reason anyone ever watches Bleach. |
 Leekspin |
 Ryoka! Pedobear |
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 Chad's beaner penis is too much for Rukia to handle |
 Actual screepcap, accurately demonstrating Ichigo's gayness. |
 It's a MAN, baby!!! |
[edit] External Links
[edit] See also
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Bleach is part of a series on Anime. |
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