Bleach
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Bleach is an anime series, with over two hundred episodes and counting, with a name that makes no sense. The only reason we have an article is that hordes of angry waps like to argue about the name and draw cartoons of the fourteen-year-old orange-haired girl with giant tits.
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The Plot
The First of Many, Many Arcs
Ichigo Kurosaki is a 15 year old boy who can see dead people. Meanwhile, Rukia the Soul Reaper has been dead for 150 years. The two meet when Ichigo is about to get raped by a Hollow, and Rukia tries to give him some of her powers. But as she is the rare Asian that can't do math, she divided by zero and Ichigo accidentally all Rukia's Soul Reaper powers and goes all Super Saiyan on the viewing audience. Some believe the size of his hueg sword means he's over-compensating for something. One can only wonder what.
The show sets up pretty early that Ichigo craves the cock, because he not only has Rukia sleeping in his closet every night and Orihime the walking chestcicle willing to suck his tiny azn dick (that's right even though he has orange hair he's azn), and not once does he try tapping any of dat ass.
Ichigo and Renji's faggotry on display
Soul Society Arc
Soul Society decides to ban Rukia from IRL forever for her shameful math skillz. Ichigo, always in search of a good fight like your typical shounen hero rushes off to save her, along with all his other BFF. From this point forwards, you'll need a score to keep track of the many characters that join the cast that includes batshit captains, flaming fairies that make Chris Crocker look butch and the only known example of anonymous turning furry.
Rukia, who was the stereotypical batshit fighting chick whenever a guy peeks at her panties become a complete and total emo. We eventually learn she feels troll's remorse for killing her BFF married lover after he became an Hollow and she was almost raped. BAWWWWWWWWW, how sad for her. This is about the only thing worth remembering from that.
Eventually, we discover no one gave a shit about Ichigo or Rukia, but that this was all an elaborate ruse for Aizen's evil deed to use ZA WARUDO. Instead of getting an epic battle...Ichigo goes home after Rukia is saved. Lame.
Bount Arc
...was lame ass filler that no one gave a shit about. Not even the fans. Shocking, amirite?
Hueco Mundo
Aizen is almost ready to unleash ZA WARUDO, but needs Orihime's powers of the moon to do it. He creates a bunch of Hollow/Shinigami assbabies called Arrancar/Espada because the author needs to up the battle count for this show. And because more characters = more story = more money. And instead of having to sit through Ichigo and company's fights, you'll get to see every captain, leuitenant and his uncle battle, too. Or rather talk for the first twenty minutes of every episode (without commericals, the show is twenty-three minutes long. Thank about it)(and be horrified. UTTERLY).
Orihime becomes even moar useless throughout this arc, the only words she's able to say coherently being "KUROSAK-KUN! KUROSAKI-KUN! KUROSAK-KUN! KUROSAKI-KUN!KUROSAK-KUN! KUROSAKI-KUN!" over and over again. Even the biggest fans want to stick a gag to get her to STFU.
The only memorable character from this arc is CHARLOTTE COOLHORN, a sparkly twink tranny that will give you nightmares upon looking at his face.
Characters
Too many to list. Most Annie Mays are infamous for having at least 100 characters with various degrees of emo background. Bleach takes that concept and ramps it up to eleven, as the most recent opening (complete with fanservice and bad J-Pop music) shows.
This of course leaves out the ten million or so villains that have popped up through the series and comic relief characters EVERYONE CARES ABOUT.
Other Important Details
- Bankai: the Bleach equivalent of Super Saiyan. This is the final solution to end all battles and 'pwn' your opponents, whenever anyone on this show shuts up long enough to actually fight. One notable bankai is that of Rukia's gay fairy brother Byakuya. It shoots PETALS. Pink fucking petals.
- Hollows: Big ass monsters out to kill everyone and rape them with their tentacles, in that order. They will tell their victims "I EET YOU!!!"
- Arrancar: Hollow/Soul Reaper assbabies. All the women have gigantic breasts that make Orihime look as flat as Rukia in comparision and the men are flaming gay.
- No one dies on this show: Seriously. Unless you are a bad guy or Ichigo's mom, you'll be beaten to an inch of your life and be AWWRIGHT by the next episode.
See also: Soap Opera
Online Drama
Like any big fandom, there are plenty of batshit shippers ready to defend their pairing's honor at a moment's notice. The biggest rivarly (LOLWUT) is that between Ichigo/Rukia and Ichigo/Orihime fans; however, both camps fail to realize that Ichigo is more interested in playing swords than he is in porking his sword into either one of them.
Wank Triggers
- Asking if sex with Komamura counts as bestiality
- Asking what happens if a soul reaper/shinigami(already dead)dies
- Asking how the souls age
- Informing fans that Ichigo is a nazi since he carries a sword with a swastika on it
- Informing fans that Ichigo nailing Rukia is in fact necrophilia
- Informing fans that it doesn't matter if Ichigo dies, because he will just come back as a soul reaper
- Informing fans that Ichigo turning Hollow is not a declaration of love for Orihime
- Saying anything bad about debbiechan and her comm bleachness (the Bleach Anon meme has many examples of this)
- Arguing over whether secks with Yachiru counts as baby fucking (and if it's indeed AWWWRIGHT!)
- ????
- Profit!
Know their threads to troll
Anti-Rukia club: Jam-packed with the most batshit fangirls this side of Harry/Hermione. Their reason to hate Rukia boil down to her being moar manly than Ichigo, and thus totally able to top him in a round of hot yaoi sex. Notice how everyone is raping her in the thread banner.Link to the last one with more lulzy comments
Anti Orihime Club: Run by dykes whose chests are even flatter than Rukia's (like that's even possible, amirite? Some hate Orihime because "she's plotting against Rukia and Ichigo. She's too ditzy to be real though, it's probablly a cover up for her real intentions!" (Actual quote, and right on the front page! You can't make this whackaloon bullshit up!)
The Gay Factor
If any anime can give Naruto a run for it's money in the faggotry department, it's this show. You often don't have to shoop pictures to show how most of the characters would rather suck off cocks than eat pussy (except Chizuru).
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Ratings
- Action: 3 for ripping off Dragon Ball Z, and the fact that Ichigo has no fucking clue when to STFU and fight already. He and every other character on the show will go on and on and on and on about shit no one asked about instead of just kicking ass and being done with it.
- Lulz: 8 for the fanservicey stuff and slap-stick crap that comes out of nowhere. Unlike certain other animu that takes itself waaaay too seriously, this one doesn't.
- Furry Level: 10/10 for former Anon Komamura and Grimmjaw turning furry.
- Gay Level: OVER 9000! At least 100 of those points are due to Renji's sexual confusion, but other factors include but are not limited to: Shuuhei's gay 69 tattoo, Ichigo's large sword covering up for his small Azn penis, Chizuru the dyke, Byakuya's sword producing FUCKING PANSIES for bankai, everyone having an emo past, and Ichigo having Rukia living in his closet and not once does his think about tapping that ass. AND CHARLOTTE COOLHORN. Not even Matsumoto and Orihime's giant tits can counteract the epic levels of gay in this show.
- Merchandising: ONE MILLION. The show has about 42 shitty opening and ending songs and each character has over 9,000 images songs (9,000 times 9,000...you do the math).They all sound pretty much like every other Japanese-y J-Pop song ever, not to mention three movies that continue where the filler arcs leave off to assrape the manga even moar.
In Conclusion
See Also
External Links
- Thought-provoking discussion for Bleach
- Your one-stop destination for lulzy shoops and CAPSLOCK
- Bleach anon meme, chock full of ship wankery and butthurt
- FAP FAP FAP
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Bleach is part of a series on Anime. |
