Windows
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Insecure, chafing, bug-ridden filth. <- This is usually what Lunix Faggots have to say about Microsoft Windows, which is ironic because it describes them perfectly as well. They say this because they are filthy communists who hate America. Windows provides everybody, from the basic user to the enterprise management teams all the tools they need to argue about who would win in a fight between Superman and Batman, provided they don't have hang-ups about their computer crashing every five seconds, randomly deleting their files, and catching fire (See: ReiserFS). The usability of Windows 3.1 ushered in the reign of our Illuminati masters as we know it today. The retarded killer application turned out to be Solitaire, since this was simple enough to run without crashing, as long as nothing else was running at the same time.
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[edit] Microsoft Founding
Microsoft was founded by Nazi German leader Adolf Hitler, but, after his death, the owning title of Microsoft was handed down to his bastardly motherfucking faggot gay lover Bill Gates. After Gates's acquisition of Microsoft, he made it more Nazi-like than even Hitler did. He has programmed several batshit insane versions of Windows, such as Windows 95, 98, XP, and Vista. Many of his products and software are ridiculed for being heaping loads of bullshit, because they are, and always will be. However, it is still superior to Apple "computers" because it does not require the user to be extremely pretentious or retarded.
[edit] Microsoft Operating System
Recently, in the spirit of remaining true to their customers, Microsoft decided to call windows a Macrosoft Non-Operating System, that strangely coincided with a number of their former employees/programmers threatening to commit suicide as a collective act of redemption, internally, the decision was still thoroughly discussed, it has been reported that some marketeers were strongly objecting to the new name, Gates however, was reported being surprisingly calm, wearing a devilish smile on his face, he assured them that their sales curve will not be affected.
[edit] Windows Statistics
- Is crap.
- Has 10^8 fanboys.
- Old versions like Windows 95, 98, and ME crash over 9000 times a SECOND.
- Windows bashers actually use Windows more than any other OS because they can't figure out how to play World of Warcraft with WINE.
[edit] The Anti-Windows Movement
Linux users and other retards think Windows is the shittiest operating system ever. Little do they realize that making fun of Windows ME's constant crashing became a worn out joke a long time ago. The up-to-date joke being the fact that Windows catches more strains of viruses than a nymphomaniac prostitute and only then begins to act like Windows ME and back (although saying that Windows crashes all is a great way to troll Windowsfags). The fact is, Windows XP is a piece of shit just like Linux. Fags actually sit around waiting for someone to tell them all this so they can argue about it for hours and hours.
Compared to Windows, Mac OS X is AIDS. It spreads lulz.
Some people have hypothesised Windows is an illegal monopoly, but M$ has proven time and time again that it isn't, namely by bundling their own web browser, multimedia program and more recently an exceptional security system along with their OS.
[edit] Vista Technology
Windows Vista is the next generation in technology. It was developed using the legendary Computer Science III library system and used the DRAIN graphical API to suck the shit right out of your graphics card's asshole.
[edit] Advanced Nigger Protection Technology
With Windows Vista, niggers will no longer be able to steal your personal information. As part of this new technology Windows Vista now includes a reading test in order to be able to use the computer. Niggers can't read, of course, and they will fail the test and not be able to login keeping your secure.
[edit] Incompatibility Monitor
The incompatibility monitor ensures that something in your computer won't work with Vista. Incompatibility monitor checks to make sure that everything on your computer is responding to the operating system, and if everything is working, incompatibility monitor is designed to pick the one thing that would annoy you most, and make it stop working. The incompatibility monitor runs twenty four hours a day, even when you think you've shut off your computer, and is unable to be uninstalled.
[edit] Aero Glass Faggotry
For once, Windows came out with something before Mac. Now you can sort of see through the window panes to the other window panes behind them, but it's slightly blurred so you actually cannot see anything behind the window. Sounds confusing? That's the way we like it here at Microsoft.
Not convinced? Take a look at our product tour:
[edit] VISTA FAQ (click to expand)
- Q: Is it safer?
- Q: What does VISTA stand for?
Vainglorious & Incompatible Software with Tenacious Assburgers
- Q: How do I uninstall VISTA and replace with 95/98/XP/LINUX?
Because VISTA was modeled after AIDS, there is no cure. Unless of course you are an L33t h4x0rand can bypass vista's unlimited epic fail
- Q: Why is my VISTA folder over 10 gigabytes?
LOL!
- Q: I bought a PC package with preinstalled Vista. I want to install XP on that pc. Where is the Vista Installation DVD and where can I find XP drivers for the hardware?
A: Ha ha ha!! I mean...good luck with that
- Q: Why is there so much fail with VISTA?
To accompany the vast amounts of AIDS.
- Q: Why don't any games/applications work with VISTA?
To fix compatibility issues, visit the Microsoft Technical Support Page.
- Q: When i try to delete a a file, Vista says "You don't have rights to delete this file". But I am the owner of the file. Why can't I delete it?
Since everything you have on your computer with Vista belongs to Microsoft you simply just don't have rights to delete your own files. Read the EULA before you accept it.
- Q: What kind of computer will run Vista smoothly?
None, but you'll need at least a quad-core processor with at least 16GB of DDR3-1600 RAM, two NVIDIA 9800GX2's in SLI, and over 9000 GB of free hard drive space.
- Q: Is vista the best operating System EVAR?
No. Who are you? Fucking Bill Gates?
- Q: Why does Vista suck so much balls?
NO U!
[edit] .NET Framework
Microsoft's .NET Framework is a programming language for when programming in Visual Basic and making users try to find and download the latest visual basic DLLs is just not lazy enough, there's Microsoft's .NET. NET is a a dumbed down form of Visual Basic where the end user has to download a 100 meg file to get the latest .NET version to make the program run. NET is usually only seen in Open Source software buffs and they always compile with the latest .NET version.
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[edit] See Also
- Windows Optimizer- The final solution to all Windows-related problems.
- H-Dub Beeper SOFTWARE SO ADVANCED IT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND
- .wmv
- Buffering
- Mac
- Desktop
- Easter egg
