Bodybuilder
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Competition bodybuilding is done by lifting lots of weights to maximize muscle mass whereas Olympic weightliftas workout to make themselves stronger. Bodybuilders are very sexy, if you find fugly veins, tiny penises, and outrageous vanity to be a turn on. Stupid to start with, bodybuilders add to their natural retardation by taking steroids, insulin, human growth hormone, diuretics, and synthol though they will vehemently deny it. Yeah, it's all protein shakes, egg white omelets and creatine.
Female bodybuilders are identical to male bodybuilders except they have to wear bikini tops over the misshapen chest area where their breasts used to be, and have much larger pen0rs.
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The History of Bodybuilding
Bodybuilding began at least 100 years ago when Jesus advised the Jews that they should maintain physical strength and fitness in order to properly complete manual activities, such as building the pyramids.
It fell into disfavor when people discovered guns but became popular again when Arnold Schwarzenegger proved that determination, hard work, and six-pack glutes can make a person rich and famous despite stupidity and the inability to speak English.
NEWS FLASH!!! BODYBUILDING IS SATANIC!!! ...and this video isnt even sarcastic
Supplements
Just like the CIA invented crack cocaine to destroy African American communities (fuckin win), weakling science nerds invented "supplements" to steal meathead's moneys and shrink their pen0rs.
Types of workout AIDS:
- Protein - The cocaine that fuels the Jersey shore. Looks like sperm and gives +10 to beating up nerds. Protip: Take over 500 grams a day to shit out your kidneys and watch your eyes turn yellow.
- Creatine - Science will tell you creatine is a naturally occurring organic acid that supplies energy to muscle cells. This is in fact LIES. Creatine is over 9000 times moar powerful than PCP and steroids combined and is harvested from the tender young glands of baby whales.
- Nitric Oxide (NO) - NO U. Gives you roadmap-like veins on your dick and generates cancer-causing free radicals in your bloodstream. Fuckin win!
- NOXPLODE - The cancer that is killing you. Available at Walmart.
- METHAMPHETAROIDS!!! - Grants immortality and the ability to punch women and children into alternate dimensions. Side effects are generally mild.
Web Chat About Bodybuilders
- Pr0n of bodybuilding grandmas. WARNING:Clicking this link might make your eyes asplode.
- GameDaily Community Forum: Why I Think Drinking Is Bad
- "God, all bodybuilders are retards, and a danger to not only themselves but to society as well. Get that muscle gained through artificial means off their bodies and the world will be a better place, I say! [...] And after we get rid of the buff people, we'll kill the fat people and use their oil-laden bodies to feed the starving children in Africa, who by the way, WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN STARVING if those self-absorbed egocentric selfish bodybuilders hadn't been wasting all of those calories! Viva la normality!" --Bolt
- Testosterone Nation Forum
- "I just think Shugart takes a much bigger swipe at the fatter guys than the skinnier guys. It seems like he's saying 'Fuck you, you 350lb tub of lard! You should be 9% bodyfat!!! Shame on you!!!'" --RIT Jared
- Wanna Be Big Bodybuilding -- What Separates Us From Them
- "Im an athelete, not a bodybuilder, and the number one irritating comment I hear is 'You are so lucky to be so slim!'. I tell my friends that the hardest excercise I do every day is the one where I knock the stuffing out of the big fat, lazy, chocolate eating, tv watching, asswipe that lives deep inside of me."
- Roid Gut the End of the Aesthetic Physique
- "In mid 80's, Human Growth Hormone (HGH) and Insulin became popular drugs with professional bodybuilders. The net result, with these top level competitors, is the "Roid Gut". Now days, we have bodybuilders sporting a 40-46" waists. I am guessing, of course, since no competitor would dare share the mammoth size of their waistlines."
MOAR PROTEIN
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Trolling
These will all send a body builder into a blinding rage. He will try to throw you hella far but will only destroy his monitor before he realizes he can't squish someone in an internet conversation. Then he will go to the gym to sulk and pump up his triceps. Another sure fire way to troll a bodybuilder is to ask how many cock pushups he/she/it can do. Since their cocks have been inverted do to massive weightlifting they can do a whole 0
- To troll a bodybuilder, tell him his triceps look small.
- Tell them they could get bigger if they used Steroids. This will either cause them to up their dose of the steroids they are taking or will get them started.
- Say Your muscles are big but they are not too defined, try some lightweights so your muscles don't look like massive blobs under your skin".
- Tell them how much success you have had with a high carb no protien diet, and stick to your story.
- Tell them you work out 1/4 as much as them and are twice as big.
- Any workout they say they do tell them " I used to do that too when i first started"
- Ask if benching 200 pounds is so easy for you why do you need to have a guy 1/2 your size spot you?
MySpace Bodybuilders
These are the easiest to find, just run a search on a name like __(single letter) dawg and it will yield many results. They usually have some shitty rap song on their profile and/or the current most popular rock band there is. In their albums it will be hard not to find a picture that does not involve them posing with a flexed arm or just lifting up their T-shirt to show their 6 pack.Typical blogs go something like this: I have not hit the gym in liek 4 weeks but i lost like 5 pounds of fat I have just started working out again it has only been like 3 days. I got on the scale for the first time in months and I in just 3 days I have put on like 10 lbs of muscle. These guys are pretty easy to troll too, just tell them that a 6 pack is impressive on a 170lbs man and NOT impressive on someone who only weighs 140lbs.
See Also
- /fit/
- Hackers on Steroids
- Dick Neck
- I'm 18, do i have potential??
- Jock
- Pro-ana
- Hacker on steroids
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
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Bodybuilder is part of a series on Diseases and Disorders. |
