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United Kingdom
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The United Kingdom (UK) or Great Britain (GB) is a relatively small island (and a small chunk of somebody else's island) in the Atlantic Ocean's North Sea and is divided from Europe (and their neighbouring bon amis the French) by the English Channel (nb: NOT the French Channel).
Although a Constitutional Monarchy on the face of it, the British Isles are really ruled by King David Beckham and his Queen, Posh Spice from their Beckingham Palace thrones. They are advised by the ghost of Lady Di who continues her earthbound journey with a divine mission to make the world entirely emo.
Although technically part of Europe (and a member of the EU) British people do not consider themselves Eurofags and will likely shove a broken bottle in your face if you suggest this. Although instrumental in creating the European Union (EU), the British government have repeatedly shown that their reputation as a bunch of inbred old geezers is spot-on by resisting EU calls to adopt things such as the EU's charter, its universal passport, its weights and measures or its official currency -the Euro. The UK has stated many times that it will join the EU when it has enough of not being total fags.
With its long and storied history of world pwnage that shaped much of history behind it, Great Britain is no longer great and the United Kingdom now spends its time split between trying to get un-united and sending its youth to roam the lands of the sandniggers at the demand of its American masters.
Due to their pawning of the Irish, Americans, and to a lesser extent teh Nahzis (if it weren't for the Americans dying then the Americans would have messed it up with friendly fire), Britain has suffered somewhat of a troll's remorse and is now instead of seeking to pwn everyone, tries to actually help other nations. Unfortunately they were noobs in this area, which led to the epic fail of a Jew nation called Israel.
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[edit] Geography
London, England, Scotland, Wales and the worst (Protestant) bits of Ireland(LULZ,YEAH RIGHT) are all parts of the inbred monarchy that is officially called United Kingdom of Great Britain and the worst (Protestant) Bits of Ireland(again,LULZ ARE BEING SHOWN). The population of England can be split into two groups: the gay, elites or the brain-dead soccer hooligans. Both are annoying in their own way.
Top to toe, the UK is about 50 by 50 miles. On a map, you could miss it if you blinked however when viewed from space it is easily distinguished by The Great Wall of Ego and floppy vag's.
[edit] Climate
Britain is famous for fog and its moderate climate; moderate amounts of rain that is. It never exactly 'rains' much less 'pours', but 364 days a year (if you ever see the sun shining take a picture because British summer just came and went), you will be subjected to a constant downpour of 'drizzle' and will remain damp for your entire stay. This damp will seep into your body and attack your skeletal system where it will remain to your dying day.
[edit] The British People
There is no such thing as a British person. For clarification, it should be noted that when Americans refer to "Brits" in fond terms they are almost always referring to the English, since if they'd ever met a Cockney, Jock or Mick they wouldn't be able to understand them and this would lead to confusion, misunderstanding and eventually, a variety of Grievous Bodily Harm (GHB). As for the Welsh, well, nobody has ever met a Welshman since they are mythical creatures.
It should also be noted that the English hate the Scottish, the Irish and the Welsh, the Scottish hate the English, the Welsh, the Irish and themselves and the Irish hate each other so much that there's little hate left for their English lords and masters. As for the Welsh?...nobody cares what a dragon thinks. Londoners, (or Londonstanis) meanwhile hate everyone, even the rest of England, since they consider themselves to be a higher life-form than other Englishmen but are in fact assholes who think the M25 is the edge of the world.
At time of writing, Scotland has a modicum of home-rule (whilst still falling under the purview of the UK government in London) and Northern Ireland is on the road to something resembling autonomy. Meanwhile the Welsh continue to bitterly whine about independence but since they can only breath fire, nobody's listening.
[edit] History
Since before the Internets the evil Ginger Barbarian tribes inhabiting the Kingdoms of Scotland, Wales, and the potato patch have been creating havoc, as a way to gang up against their bitter cousin England. After continually invading and burning the North of England for lulz, they're still oblivious to the fact that London is safely nestled in the South East of the country, and couldn't give a flying fuck what happens to the North or its inhabitants.
At least 100 years ago, following the "Scottish Enlightenment" and Industrial Revolution, Scotland became the world's dominant industrial and maritime power, playing a leading role in developing parliamentary demockery and in advancing literature and science. As hard as this is to believe if you've ever met a haggis eating Ned (as they prefer to be called), it may be explained when you consider that like the Jew, the Scotsman is very conservative when it comes to money.
Until recently, the Channel had kept all enemy invasions at bay despite frequent 'pop-ins' from such diverse party crashers as the Romans, the Vikings, the French the Germans, the Danes, the Norwegians and the Pakis. However most found the British food -and obligatory lukewarm beer- and weather to be so atrocious and the people so thoroughly obnoxious that they would GTFO asap, leaving behind their cultural trappings which the Brits then fashioned into a culture of their own.
However, when some moron decided to built the "Chunnel" (a tunnel under the Channel that linked the UK with France) in 1994, all hell broke loose as the "Chunnel"'s sole purpose has proven to be allowing Britain's hordes of perpetually drunk, violent soccer hooligans out of their cages and swarming onto the continent to wreak havoc and avenge the fact that -much as they deny it- they're all mutts full of French, German, Italian and Norse blood, which considering the volatility of those races, probably explains why Brits are so all around unpleasant.
[edit] The British Empire
At its peak, the British Empire covered over one-fourth of the earth's surface and nearly one third of it's population. Under Queen Victoria, the British Army and Navy went forth to go where no man had gone before and kindly teach the filthy, godless natives -from the wogs of Africa to the ripe smelling box-wallahs of India to rickshaw pulling coolies of China- the wonders of civilisation and the word of God using some good opium (and a lot of guns failing that). While they were at it, they trolled the fuck out of each nation they favoured by making them convert to the British way. This included insisting that everyone drive on the correct (left) side of the road, speak The Queen's English and wear suitable attire. They also installed bureaucracies in every government and private institution that would provide enough red tape to ensure that the natives would never get restless, since they'd be preoccupied trying to throttle Gupta for having them fill out a form in triplicate to get a fucking train ticket.
Fortunately, the Germans managed to fix this problem. Germany and the United Kingdom remain good friends and drinking buddies to this day.
[edit] Teeth Tooth Toof
The foremost way to identify a Brit living in America is by checking his or her teeth, especially if you're a girl and are about to stick your tongue into what could be a vat of Jenkem. This form of identification only works outside the state of Kentucky.
The much discussed lack of dental hygiene and care of the typical UK citizen should not be dismissed as nit-picking just because when compared to the rest of the world they don't seem so bad. Britain, after all, is not a Third World country and as a minor player on the world stage, should command a modicum of respect. But how is an adversary supposed to take as serious a terrorist threat when it comes as an echo from a hole in the face that looks better suited for spelunking.
The leading cause of tooth decay in the UK is the pub, since all Brits are drunks and spend all their time and money on beer. When faced with the choice between spending money fixing a tooth ache at the dentist or drinking themselves numb, a Brit will go for another beer every time. It's not that the UK doesn't have dentists, it's that there isn't any work for them.*
- Actually that's not true. The truth is there's are plenty of Dentists, but they have a choice between working for the UK National Health Service for peanuts, or running a private practice and making £5000 for an afternoons work. Obviously, they all take the latter option, so that approximately 99 percent of all the dentists have only 5 percent of the population as patients (the richest 5 percent). The rest of us have to resort to using pliers, hammers, or just finding a drunken Scotsman and suggesting his mother and father were possibly not of the same species, and inviting him outside to discuss it.
BTW, it was an Englishman, Sir Timothy John Berners-Lee, (who could afford a private dentist), who invented teh World Wide Web. Even though the Britons love to ignore the fact that the earliest form of the internet was created by the English. (arguably, the lack of teeth mean most Englishmen HAVE to suck when eating. The Americans do in fact tend to have teeth and therefore don't have to suck, but they suck ass and cock anyway.)
[edit] Crime
Crime is the UKs second national sport (the first being football, no, not soccer, Amerifags).
