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Britney Spears
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Britney Sphears was found festering under a rock on December 2, 1981 (and again, two weeks later) in Kentwood, Louisiana, a town whose population consists of couples who were all related to each other prior to marrying, and whose chief exports are cellulite and wife-beating. It is also rumored that Bigfoot once fucked a crocodile there (http://de.youtube.com/watch?v=VPEr47YqrTQ) and created the underground dwelling mutant race known as C.H.U.D. (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers), which later emigrated to New York and terrorized its citizens, only to later become domesticated and start driving taxi cabs for drunk yuppies living in Manhattan. She has been sent to a looney house 40 times for cannibalism and retardation, only to escape because she could bite off the guards cheeks and give clues into finding serial loonies such as Buffalo Bill and Paris Hilton, and recently transfered her evil ways to her bitch Jamie Lynn.
In 199X, Britney's mother decided that the trailer they were living in just wasn't going to cut it anymore, and so, the elder Spears decided that she would have to whore out her daughter for extra beer and Xanax money. Britney was sold to Disney for a hefty sum of money (and a prescription for Oxycontin.) Britney began to make serious inroads to fame through Disney's system of teen exploitation, beginning with their original child prostitution reality show, The Mickey Mouse Club. In 1999, after receiving a boob job from Target, she released her first album, ...Baby One More Time[1], accompanied by a video which made straight guys, straight guys with Lolita fetishes, and lesbians with Lolita fetishes simultaneously have orgasms. In their pants.
[edit] MTV Incident
In August of 2003, Britney engaged in almost-lesbian sex on stage at the MTV Music Awards with Madonna and Christina Aguilera, when Madonna decided to go sticking her tongue into the mouths of young girls. While Britney was no longer JB at this point, the idea of a 45 year old woman swapping spit with a sexually confused, 20 year old trailer trash hick is creepy enough to give anyone the shudders. To view the incident, click this.
Shortly after this aired on MTV, the internets exploded in semen in speculation as to whether or not Brit loves her some vah-jay-jay. Brit caught wind of the accusations, and in typical southerner fashion, insisted that she was NOT GAY! Britney then returned to her cavern, so she could replay the incident over and over, while masturbating furiously.
[edit] K-Fag
More controversy came about when Britney married backup dancer and official wigger Kevin "K-Fag" Fagerline. Of course, this was after Britney married one of her best friend a few months before in a Vegas ceremony, but before Shar Jackson gave birth to K-Fag's second spawn of satan, but after Britney's explosive relationship with the homosensualicious Justin Timberfake exploded and spawned at least 2 music videos in its wake.
Britney's marriage to Kevin Fagerline was the subject of much mockery and haterade from the moment the trailer trash hicks said "I Doubt". The two starred in a six part reality tv show "Chaotic", which further exposed Britney's white trash self to the masses (or the few who actually watched "Chaotic"). How bad was Chaotic? The show was pulled after five episodes (the last one being hacked together with the final episode) so UPN could show the rerun of "Veronica Mars" where Veronica battled one of the members of "The State" (a former and obscure MTV sketch comedy show internet nerds obsess over to this day).
Britney and K-Fag further pissed off America via popping out two children, one after another, and trying to buy K-Fag a music career. K-Fag's rap CD was so bad and his attempt to launch a career such a colossal failure, it further made Britney a laughing stock as far as her decision to marry a freeloading waste of human organs....
On November 7, 2006 Britney sent an text message to the seed-bearer of her second child (but his fourth overall) containing this heartfelt message:
| —Britney Spears , Text message |
[edit] The Douchewad Shaved Her Head!!!
In mid February 2007 Britney spears finally became an entertainer and scalped herself after a Tarzana salon owner refused to shave her [2]. Later that day she received several tattoos, including a swastika, before re-embracing her Southern roots and rejoining the KKK with her new skinhead cut.
Somewhat surprisingly, her shorn locks turned up on eBay (to accompany a half-eaten Britney egg sandwich [3] already on offer) shortly thereafter; for charity of course [4].
She later went and checked her bald head -now disguised with a wig [5] - into Cedars Sinai hospital in Beverly Hills for evaluation.
K-Fed turned down a $25,000,000 divorce settlement and continued efforts to gain custody of their piglets. In an amazing turn of events, he's gained the support and some sort of respect from the entire world, since nothing could possibly be worse for those kids than staying with their mother. (Almost.)
[edit] Ancient Indian Burial Site
While digging in the dirt with a toy shovel in her back yard when britney was 5, she unearthed human bones. It was later determined that her house was built ontop of an ancient Native American burial ground. Paranormal activity was severe at the Spears household. Demonic entities would terrorize Britney and her family. They would wake up with scratches all over them for reasons they didn't understand. Nor britney, or her family ever publically mentioned anything about the incident. Which is why it remains unknown outside the spears family.
[edit] Gayness Equation
As it is known through common knowledge the equation for lesbianism is as follows:
Ugly + Fat + Short Haircut = Dyke + ???? = PROFIT!
After the MTV incident it was well known that Britney is a Daddy's money lesbian but with this equation and the MTV incident combined it is clear she is moar than that. This actually explains her marriage to K-Fed, you see, if she married a nice man, she would feel guilty about fucking him over but she married K-Fed, a piece of shit with no heart to break.
When K-Fed realised this he began profuse attempts to take her kids away so they don't have to watch Britney's topless lesbian romps some of which were with their nannies. Due to this she has problems keeping nannies who refuse to give in to her wanton pleasures whilst running around her house naked.
[edit] Public Humiliation Watch 2007
On September 9th, 2007, Britney Spears shat out a performance of such mind-boggling inanity that it deprived the word performance of any remaining meaning. Theoretically, it was to be her comeback performance, but the excruciating out-of-sync Britney was as paunchy and off-rhythm as a pregnant ape. Apparently attired by a sadist in an ironic take off on her "Slave" outfit, the black leggings and black top and bottom were hideous enough to have been dug out of the closet of a fat Atlantic City stripper. However it seems Jewtube is removing all the videos of the epic fail. This is clear proof that Jewtube is made of Anti-Lulz.
Fortunately, DailyMotion can deliver the goods.
Later that night, she tried to make amends by showing her vagina. Now it seems that due to her epic IRL trolling of the MTV Music Awards, Britney has come down with a serious case of the troll's remorse and will apologize for her lulzy behavior. One can only assume that her inability to properly lip-sync will make this apology fail, making an heroes out of her few remaining fans.
| —Sarah Silverman, Talentless Comedian(the reason Hilter hated Jews) , talking on stage immediately after Spears' failed performance |
| —Norrukki, fan |
| —Die Clown Die |
[edit] Public Humiliation Watch 2008
The Bitch is Back, and is now in a rubber room at a funny farm! On January 3rd, Britney went apeshit at K-Fed's house over his refusal to pump her full of man meat while visiting the kids brats. The cops came over with an ambulance, and they took Brattney away to get pumped full of even moar drugz than before! The next day, in a rare instance of justice actually being served at the right temperature, a judge revoked every single one of Britney's visitation rights with her kids. K-Fed is reportedly overjoyed, as he can now bang his new fucktarts any time he pleases without worrying about whether or not Britney will drop by unexpected.
Note that the Judge did *not* issue a permit for K-Fed to shoot Britney on sight, but be patient. Due process sometimes takes a while to go through.
[edit] HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF BRITNEY!!!!
Holy shit, 5M views in 3 days.
In the aftermath of the VMA debacle, many of Britney's most loyal fans and YouTube Super Fags stood by her side!
NEWS BULLETIN: BRITNEY LOSES CHILD CUSTODY BATTLE AND WHINEY BRITNEY FAG-BITCH KILLS HIM/HERSELF...
Britney has a New Job, so suck it, you whiney fag-bitch
[edit] The ZOMG GR8 new album!!!!!!222/ and the Great Billboard Snub of 2007 lawl
After all of these names were rejected: 1. Omg is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like 2. What if the Joke is on You 3. Down boy 4. Integrity 5. Dignity, the not-ironic-at-all name Blackout was chosen. It contains such inspirational classics as "Get Naked" and "Freakshow." Gimme moar plox!!3
As of November 3rd, it looks like her amazing fan base will have pushed her album to #1 on the Billboard Top 200.
UPDATE: 11 hours before the chart was released, Billboard announced that it was changing the rules of the chart so that albums sold exclusively at one retailer would be allowed to debut on the Billboard Top 200, giving the Eagles' album the top slot and pushing Britney to #2. Her faggot fanbase (and that's what it is: homosexual men) started BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWing almost immediately. See, look:
What IS this faggotry?
[edit] Criticism
Britney is usually the subject of much hate by people who wish they could have albums that have the same beats in every song and could marry a wigger redneck. Several webpages are dedicated to Britney Spears hate, such as: Why Britney Spears sucks., Britney Spears, and lots more here. And that was just the first three results from a Google search of Britney Spears sucks.
[edit] Britney Loses Kids-are her bitches next?!
On Monday, October 1st, 2007, A judge finally came to his senses and realized that, not only is Britney too much of a drunken wench to raise two kids, but also he could very well go down in history as the judge who took away Britney's worthless vagspawn, so he did just that. The judge ruled that the kids are to be given to Kevin Federline, so instead of the kids growing up to be slutty trailer trash, the kids will only be trailer trash. We at Encyclopedia Dramatica are eagerly awaiting a response from e-famous Britney superfan Chris Crocker.
Now PETA(People Eating Tasty Animals) is petitioning to have her dogs taken away as well.
Animal rights activists want her to relinquish custody of her prized pooch, which she totes around as a fashion accessory to nightclubs and shopping malls.
[edit] Britney Goes Batshit At Home
On Thursday, January 3, 2008, Britney proved to the world that the only thing with moar fail than her music was her ability to become an hero. At the end of a court-supervised visit, the time came for her to return the children but the little leprechaun who tells Ralph Wiggum to burn everything to the ground whispered in her ear and told her that maybe if she just gave ONE of the kids back, maybe they wouldn't notice. Begorrah, why should K-Fed have BOTH kids anyway? He didn't need them both, he was just being a typical selfish MAN!
After a 4-hour standoff that involved police, firemen, papparazi, mudkipz, and nigras, it is rumored that she attempted to become An hero in the grand tradition of Seppuku. However, nobody told her that honorable suicide involves a katana and not 3 bottles of Flintstone's vitamins.
Britney was LOL v& from the scene strapped down to a gurney. It is not known at this time who will pay the therapy bills when one kid starts teasing the other with "Well how come mom didn't take YOU hostage!"
Britney's custody rights were removed and she was detained on a 5150, which means being a source of lulz so concentrated that it is actually hazardous to human life. Chris Crocker arranged a concert outside to cheer her up.
[edit] Oops she did it again
How to look like white trash (instructions for women).
- ugly ripped panti-hose
- cigarette
- tight shirt showing sagging breasts and large stomach
- shirt is also accidently turned inside out showing clothes tag.
- No apparent sign of pants or shorts other than underwear and you're outside
- Cowboy boots for that extra touch
- Unhappy facial expression
Its pictures like these that make you hope you could unmasterbate.
[edit] Gallery of Spears
 I'd tear this SHIT UP! lawl |
 Hey, girrrrrl. |
 this what happens when you hang out with Paris Hilton |
 She's not a girl, not yet a woman. |
 Britney during hibernation. |
 Britney after hibernation. |
 WHO AM I ? |
 |
 WHAT? Why are you looking at me? |
 This looks shooped. |
 Britney Obeys |
 Snoop Da Whoop |
 From the annals of Megan Meier |
 GIMME GIMME MOAR |
 GIMME MOAR AND GET IN MA BELLY! |
 |
[edit] Related Articles
- Habitaquo
- Chris Crocker
- Jamie Lynn Spears - her sister
[edit] External Links
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Britney Spears is part of a series on Whores. |
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