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United Kingdom
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The United Kingdom (UK) or Great Britain (GB) is a relatively small, totally gay island (and a small chunk of somebody else's island) in the Atlantic Ocean's North Sea and is divided from Europe (and their neighboring bon amis the French) by the English Channel (nb: NOT the French Channel).
Although a Constitutional Monarchy on the face of it, the British Isles are really ruled by King David Beckham and his Queen, Posh Spice from their Beckingham Palace thrones which have now relocated to the US. Leaving Britfag citizens without a present King and Queen. They are advised by the ghost of Lady Di who continues her earthbound journey with a divine mission to make the world entirely emo.
Although technically part of Europe (and a member of the EU) some British people do not consider themselves Eurofags and will likely shove a broken bottle in your face if you suggest this. Which, quite frankly, is entirely reasonable. Although instrumental in creating the European Union (EU), the British government have repeatedly shown that their reputation as a bunch of inbred old geezers is spot-on by resisting EU calls to adopt things such as the EU's charter, its universal passport, its weights and measures or its official currency -the Euro. The UK has stated many times that it will join the Euro when it has stopped producing high quality gay porn for germans, and goes back to fucking women, or at least gargling cum for a hobby.
With its complete history of world pwnage that shaped much of history behind it, Great Britain is no longer great and the United Kingdom now spends its time split between trying to get un-united and sending its youth to roam the lands of the sandniggers at the demand of its American masters.
Due to their pwning of the Irish, unarmed brown people in general (Citation needed cock gargler, they had fucking spears and they pointed them at me!!), and to a lesser extent teh Nazis (thanks in large to America doing most none of the work and claiming they invented everything), Britain has suffered somewhat of a troll's remorse and is now instead of seeking to pwn everyone, tries to actually help other nations. Unfortunately they were noobs in this area, which led to the epic fail of a Jew nation called Israel. Our Bad.
We've got nectar points, they're quiet handy. We're tough on slogans, tough on the causes of slogans. We have strong prevailing south-westerly winds, 52% of our days are overcast so as a nation we are infused with a wistful melancholy, but we remain a relentlessly chiper population prone to mild eccentricity, binge drinking and casual violence. Breakfest is served seven till nine. Not a minute later, otherwise we will be cast out. We have no natural predators, although a badger will give you a nasty nip, four hedgehogs feeding on honey might fall in your eyes. On a summers afternoon a wasp might sting your lower lip, causing it to swell, then mumbeling on the phone to the emergency services makes them think that your a pervert, you get arrested and sent to a secret Mars penal colony where you gain the support of the workers and throw off the shackles of opression. On the upside we have 'Little Chefs', which were built many years ago on laylines, and the roads just came in and connected them up. Their teacakes hold a great deal of positivity. And if anything goes horribly wrong we've got 'Argos', with the laminated book of dreams.
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[edit] Geography
London, England, Scotland, Wales and the worst (Protestant) bits of Ireland are all parts of the inbred monarchy that is officially called United Kingdom of Great Britain and the worst (Protestant) Bits of Ireland. The population of England can be split into two groups: the gay elitists or the brain-dead soccer hooligans. Both are annoying in their own way.
Top to toe, the UK is about 50 by 50 miles. On a map, you could miss it if you blinked however when viewed from space it is easily distinguished by The Great Wall of Ego and floppy vag's.
[edit] Climate
Britain is famous for fog and its moderate climate; moderate amounts of rain that is, by moderate we mean a FUCKING SHITLOAD OF RAIN THAT NEVER STOPS. It never exactly 'rains' much less 'pours', but 364 days a year (if you ever see the sun shining take a picture because British summer just came and went), you will be subjected to a constant downpour of 'drizzle' and will remain damp for your entire stay. This damp will seep into your body and attack your skeletal system where it will remain to your dying day.
[edit] The British People
The British people are a bunch of Satanic,cock sucking, American wannabees who are planning to fuck your first born child in the ear.
The British people are a bunch of "heathen",penis sucking American wannabees who are planning to "molest" your first born child in the ear. There is no such thing as a British person. The British people are basically responsible for just about every useful invention in the modern world. Since most of the world have been pwnt by the Brits at some point, there is a lot of general anger directed towards them by butthurt foreigners. For clarification, it should be noted that when Americans refer to "Brits" in fond terms they are almost always referring to the English, since if they'd ever met a Cockney, Jock or Mick they wouldn't be able to understand them and this would lead to confusion, misunderstanding and eventually, a variety of Grievous Bodily Harm (GHB). As for the Welsh, well, nobody has ever met a Welshman since they are mythical creatures.
It should also be noted that the English hate the Scottish, the Irish and the Welsh, the Scottish hate the English, the Welsh, the Irish and themselves and the Irish hate each other so much that there's little hate left for their English lords and masters. As for the Welsh?...nobody cares what a dragon thinks. Londoners, (or Londonstanis) meanwhile hate everyone, even the rest of England, since they consider themselves to be a higher life-form than other Englishmen but are in fact assholes who think the M25 is the edge of the world.
At time of writing, Scotland has a modicum of home-rule (whilst still falling under the purview of the UK government in London) and Northern Ireland is on the road to something resembling autonomy. Meanwhile the Welsh continue to bitterly whine about independence but since they can only breath fire, nobody's listening. The Scots still fuck bagpipes.
[edit] History
Since before the Internets the evil Ginger Barbarian tribes inhabiting the Kingdoms of Scotland, Wales, and the potato patch have been creating havoc, as a way to gang up against their bitter cousin England. After continually invading and burning the North of England for lulz, they're still oblivious to the fact that London is safely nestled in the South East of the country, and couldn't give a flying fuck what happens to the North or its inhabitants.
At least 100 years ago, following the "Scottish Enlightenment" and Industrial Revolution, Scotland became the world's dominant industrial and maritime power, playing a leading role in developing parliamentary demockery and in advancing literature and science. As hard as this is to believe if you've ever met a haggis eating Ned (as they prefer to be called), it may be explained when you consider that like the Jew, the Scotsman is very conservative when it comes to money.
Until recently, the Channel had kept all enemy invasions at bay despite frequent 'pop-ins' from such diverse party crashers as the Romans, the Vikings, the French the Germans, the Danes, the Norwegians and the Pakis. However most found the British food -and obligatory lukewarm beer- and weather to be so atrocious and the people so thoroughly obnoxious that they would GTFO asap, leaving behind their cultural trappings which the Brits then fashioned into a culture of their own.
However, when some moron decided to built the "Chunnel" (a tunnel under the Channel that linked the UK with France) in 1994, all hell broke loose as the "Chunnel"'s sole purpose has proven to be allowing Britain's hordes of perpetually drunk, violent soccer hooligans out of their cages and swarming onto the continent to wreak havoc and avenge the fact that -much as they deny it- they're all mutts full of French, German, Italian and Norse blood, which considering the volatility of those races, probably explains why Brits are so all around unpleasant.
[edit] The British Empire
At its peak, the British Empire covered over one-fourth of the earth's surface and nearly one third of it's population. Under Queen Victoria, the British Army and Navy went forth to go where no man had gone before and kindly teach the filthy, godless natives -from the wogs of Africa to the ripe smelling box-wallahs of India to rickshaw pulling chinks of China- the wonders of civilization and the word of God using some good opium (and a lot of guns failing that). While they were at it, they trolled the fuck out of each nation they favored by making them convert to the British way. This included insisting that everyone drive on the wrong side of the road, speak The Queen's English and wear suitable attire. They also installed bureaucracies in every government and private institution that would provide enough red tape to ensure that the natives would never get restless, since they'd be preoccupied trying to throttle Gupta for having them fill out a form in triplicate to get a fucking train ticket.
Fortunately, the Germans managed to fix this problem. Germany and the United Kingdom remain good friends and drinking buddies to this day.
It is important to remember that during the Empire Britain often sent its shittiest, most criminal, and most religiously crazy people to the colonies (Canada, Australia and U.S.A respectively). This included over 9000 idiots who thought smiling was evil and that belt buckles on hats were the height of fashion. These idiots were better known as Pilgrims and later Amerifags. Due to the shame of what it had created the British empire was forced to An hero after its bastard child pretended to help it in WWII. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS. I JUST HAD MY TERRIBLE SPELLING AND GRAMMAR CORRECTED BY A MAIRCAN WHO'S TWICE AS SMART AS ME. THANKS. I LOVE AMERICA CAUSE WITHOUT THEM WE'D BE FUCKING EATING DEUTSCH SHIT CAUSE WE SUCKED DICK IN WORLD WAR II. WE DID USE AUSTRALIA AS A PRISON COLONY. NO ONE GIVES A FUCKING FUCK ABOUT CANADA. AND THE UNITED STATES WAS FOUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO LEFT CAUSE GREAT BRITAIN FUCKING SUCKED. OH AND BY THE WAY I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT AMERICA AND THE UK WILL BE ALLIES UNTIL ONE OF US IS A BURNING PILE OF NIGGER OR ARAB. I SHOULD PROBABLY STOP SUCKING ON ME MUM'S DICK AND REALIZE THAT LOL. BY THE WAY, THANKS FOR CORRECTING ME. MY FAGGOT PALE BRITISH ASS WOULD HAVE NEVER REALIZED ALONE, JUST LIKE I'D BE THE RAPE BABY OF SOME NAZI AND MY CUNT OF A MOTHER WITHOUT AMERICA SAVING OUR ASS IN WWII. AGAIN, THANKS. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS.
. . .Thats quite enough of that, thank you.
[edit] Teeth Tooth Toof
The foremost way to identify a Brit living in America is by checking his or her teeth, especially if you're a girl and are about to stick your tongue into what could be a vat of Jenkem. This form of identification only works outside the state of Kentucky. EVERYWHERE.
The lack of dental hygiene and care of the typical UK citizen should not be dismissed as nit-picking just because when compared to the rest of the world they don't seem so bad. Britain, after all, as not a Third World country and a minor player on the world stage, should command a modicum of respect. But how is an adversary supposed to take a serious threat when it comes as an echo from a dot on a map that is better suited for spelunking?
The leading cause of tooth decay in the UK is cock, since all Brits are faggots and spend all their time and money on their twink b0iifriends. When faced with the choice between spending money fixing a tooth ache at the dentist or guzzling their partner's cum, a Brit will go for another face rape every time. It's not that the UK doesn't have heterosexuals, it's that there isn't any good looking pussy for them.
[edit] Crime
Crime is the UKs' second national sport (the first being watching soccer football). This second sport is becoming ever more popular as Big Brother is banning everything from nuclear weapons to spiny plants. Law abiding citizens are left to be escorted while going to the market. This brings great lulz to Amerifags as they are all armed to the teeth, and helping each other out more often, than those dirty Somalians kill each other.
