United States of Australia
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The United States of Australia (more commonly Australia, pronounced Or-stray-ya) is the arrogant, alcoholic, cunt-crunching 51st, and fattest, state of America which through the pure shit faced stupidity it is famous for, will inevitably cause a nuclear Extinction Level Event (or "ELE"). As the world's largest prison, comprised entirely of the still imprisoned distant relatives of Britain's worst criminals (tax dodging sheep fuckers) and other detritus (Aspies) from an early model that would become Guantanamo Bay, it is a haven for aspiring international terrorists. Occasionally a feisty young Osama fanboy such as David Hicks will go rogue and spend a few years in Gitmo, but that's OK because these noble heroes will always be welcomed home with open arms.
Unlike other previously invaded countries, Australians genuinely have weapons of mass destruction and control almost half the worlds Uranium which they will give to the highest bidder, no matter who they may be. If it doesn't make you vomit blood in horror that such incompetent drunks could destroy the world in an instant, the fact that they sell weapons of mass destruction to obvious terrorists is the most horrifying act of terrorism since 11/9.
Contents |
[edit] Multiculturalism
Australians take pride in their cultural diversity through such large gatherings as "The Sydney Race Riots" and legislation such as "The White Australia Policy", which luminously highlight the country's warm fuzzy feelings for coloured people. It was not long ago that famed racism ambassador Pauline Hanson, a.k.a. Hitler.au, was a serious political contender, until she was sent to prison for political incorrectness. She subsequently returned to reach the finals on dancing with the stars, even though she couldn't dance shit, proving that she was in fact more popular than VB and meat pies.
Despite apparent opposition to Pauline Hanson, in all other cases racist politicians are rewarded for dealing with the abos and other coloured folk by whichever means necessary. This includes claiming that innocent refugees who very nearly died coming to Australia in a leaky boat to give their children a better life tried to kill their children for some reason. In fact, to roman shower this bullshit just before an election will guarantee you win.
Moreover, even whitie is not exempt from discrimination via these drunkards. It is virtually impossible to obtain a residence permit unless you knock up some Australian whore. However, this is impossible if you so happen to be one of those in such a case you should be burnt at the stake along with the other witches according to the popular Family First political party.
All aspiring immigrants to Australia must now pass a Citizenship Test which accurately filters out dead economic ballast like Jews and Democrats. This is achieved by looking for complex underlying knowledge of the national values Pokedex which not even true Australians would have such as Mateship, The Fair Go, Voluntarism, Egalitarianism and Secularism.
[edit] Australian Internets
The Australian government is VERY worried about your safety online. So serious that they are willing to waste millions of tax payer dollars advertising the most epic 84 million dollar porno filter the world has ever seen. Unfortunately said filter was quickly proven by a 16 year old boy to be a complete piece of shit. Good work Johnny. You did the country proud.
You too can download this mind easing tool which will 100% protect you from the horrors of the internet from netalert.gov.au. Beforehand however take note that it's at least 100% likely ED is blocked. Fucking kangaroo humpers.
In 2007 Ruddkips promised that if elected he would implement a world class "adult content" filter that if installed would monitor all internet traffic in Australia. Sound familiar? Ruddkips also has a degree in Asian Studies and speaks fluent Manderin Chinese hence one can only deduce that Ruddkips is a filthy communist and must be purged before he can start setting up gulags.
[edit] Broadband
Internets warrior Kevin Rudd recently pledged in his election pork-barreling campaign to give Australia world class internets (ADSL2+ to be exact) in the form of a $4.7 billion broadband network. This sent the media into a frenzy and caused many to realise just how old the ex-Prime minister John Howard was. This was not helped when little Johnny countered this grandiose plan by creating the epic porno filter which doesn't fucking work.
[edit] Vegemite War!
Australians are known for their arrogance and tendency to overreact when their pride is hurt, especially in the case of Vegemite for some inexplicable reason. Said delicacy is a delicious salty black yeast extract and if you don't like it you'll be raped faster than a slut who exposes her ankles to Sheikh Taj al-Din al-Hilali.
So far reaching is this butthurt that an utterly shit youtube video by boh3m3 insulting Vegemite with little over 100,000 views is newsworthy. The crafty journalists respond by pointing out that Americunts are fat fucks who only eat fried food. Surprisingly however they leave out the yo mama jokes.
[edit] Australia <3's Islam (click to expand)
Australian Welcoming Committee on their way to beat greet some Muslim folk.
Camden residents attitude to Islamic school
[edit] Common Assumptions About Australians
- Enjoy throwing their shrimp on barbies.
- Have only 5 internets connections
- Are the world's greatest nuclear threat.
- Abort their young soon after birth via dingoes.
- All live in the desert with accents thicker than Ron Jeremy.
- Are all racist closet klansman with a tendency to riot.
- Fuck kangaroos at every given opportunity.
- Killed thousands of innocent stingrays because Steve Irwin was fucking stupid enough to touch one.
- Are fat, lazy, stupid cunts.
- All the women are named Sheila.
- Australian culture is a fusion of the very worst American and British traits.
- Australian women are sluts, which is a redundant statement.
- Are all part of the cancer that is killing /b/
[edit] Typical Australians (click to expand)
A typical fine young Australian chap
Australian Politics is COMPLEX and HARD to grasp
If you've seen this Australian, you've seen them all.
[edit] Great Australians
[edit] Not So Great Australians
- Josef Fritzl (Australian Hero) - Locked his children, (and subsequent grandchildren??) in the family basement for 67 years. When asked why he answered, "bitch deserved it, did it for the lulz"
- Gough Whitlam (Former Labor Prime Minister) - Sent country bankrupt with 20% inflation and 28% interest rates, caught trying to borrow $4 billion illegally from shady Pakistani loan shark to prop up economy.
- Joan Kirner (former Labor Victoria Premier) - Sent state bankrupt, lost an entire bank, Tricontinental disaster, attempted to shift people's focus off her many epic fails by wearing ghastly polka-dot dresses.
- Brian Burke (former Labor WA Premier) - Sentenced to 2 years prison by WA Inc Crime & Corruption Commission. Subsequent cohort with Ruddkips (current Labor Prime Minister)
- Bob Hawke (former Labor Prime Minister) - Famously declared that "no Australian child will be living in poverty by 1990". FAIL. Fake tears on TV when fessed up to being unfaithful to his wife in attempt to win public sympathy (read votes). FAIL.
- Paul Keating (former Labor Prime Minister) - Potty-mouthed source of fail who gave us the "recession we had to have" along with 17% interest rates. Only person other than Prince Phillip known to have groped Queen Elizabeth.
[edit] Native Animals
[edit] Kangaroo
(pronounced Ken-goo-roo) Cute and fluffy creatures that can absolutely rape the shit outta you like Mike Tyson on speed. The said creatures venture through the grass hills and deserts, looking for something to eat, and an aboriginal to kick the shit out of. Some may confuse a kangaroo for a wallaby, which are in fact the same thing. Either that or no one gives a shit.
 Typical kangaroos in the wild. |
 The so promised raep. |
[edit] Koala
A bear of some sort that eats all your trees and sleeps when it wants to. Well known for their cuteness and cuddliness, koalas often drop from trees and kill people on impact. They also produce a loud roar that will make you cry.
 A koala tastes fine too! |
 When falling, some may use lightsabers. |
 Awesome Foursome hot koala buttsecks. |
[edit] Gallery
| Gallery of Australia | ||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||
|
[edit] See Also
[edit] People:
- Kevin Rudd
- John Howard
- Jarrad Willis
- Aboriginal
- Steve Irwin
- Heath Ledger
- Corey Worthington
- Gas Mask Girl
- Josef Fritzl
- Sarah Champion
[edit] Places:
[edit] External Links
- ninemsn article on this article
- Pathway to American Statehood
- Australia is now the fattest country in the world
- United States Of Australia Campaign site
| The Commonwealth of Encyclopedia Dramatica |
|---|---|
| Members | Antigua and Barbuda | Australia | The Bahamas | Bangladesh | Barbados | Belize | Botswana | Brunei | Cameroon | Canada | Cyprus | Dominica | Gambia | Ghana | Grenada | Guyana | India | Jamaica | Kenya | Kiribati | Lesotho | Malawi | Malaysia | Maldives | Malta | Mauritius | Mozambique | Namibia | Nauru | New Zealand | Nigeria | Pakistan | Papua New Guinea | Saint Kitts and Nevis | Saint Lucia | Saint Vincent and the Grenadines | Samoa | Seychelles | Sierra Leone | Singapore | Solomon Islands | South Africa | Sri Lanka | Swaziland | Tanzania | Tonga | Trinidad and Tobago | Tuvalu | Uganda | United Kingdom | Vanuatu | Zambia |
| Kick Banned | Fiji | Ireland | Zimbabwe |
| The United States of Encyclopedia Dramatica |
|---|---|
| States | Alabama | Alaska | Arizona | Arkansas | California | Colorado | Connecticut | Delaware | Florida | Georgia | Hawaii | Idaho | Illinois | Indiana | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine | Maryland | Massachusetts | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire | New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island | South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennessee | Texas | Utah | Vermont | Virginia | Washington | West Virginia | Wisconsin | Wyoming |
| Not a state yet | Australia | Canada | China | District of Columbia | Europe | Iraq|Vietnam |
