United States of Australia
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
THE DIGGADIGADOL PEOPLE.
As the world's largest jail, comprised entirely of the still imprisoned distant relatives of Britain's worst criminals (tax dodging sheep fuckers) and other detritus (Aspies) from an early model that would become Guantanamo Bay, it is a haven for aspiring international terrorists. Occasionally a feisty young Osama fanboy such as David Hicks will go rogue and spend a few years in Gitmo, but that's OK because these noble heroes will always be welcomed home with open arms.
Unlike other previously invaded countries, Australians genuinely have weapons of mass destruction and control almost half the worlds Uranium which they will give to the highest bidder, no matter who they may be. If it doesn't make you vomit blood in horror that such incompetent drunks could destroy the world in an instant, the fact that they sell weapons of mass destruction to obvious terrorists is the most horrifying act of terrorism since 11/9. Nevar furget [1].
Multiculturalism
Australians take great pride in their cultural diversity through such large gatherings as "The Sydney Race Riots" and legislation such as "The White Australia Policy", which luminously highlight the country's warm fuzzy feelings for coloured people. It was not long ago that famed racism ambassador Pauline Hanson, a.k.a. Hitler.au, was a serious political contender, until she was sent to prison for political incorrectness. She subsequently returned to reach the finals on dancing with the stars, even though she couldn't dance shit, proving that she was in fact more popular than VB and meat pies.
Despite apparent opposition to Pauline Hanson, in all other cases racist politicians are rewarded for dealing with the abos and other coloured folk by whichever means necessary. This includes claiming that innocent refugees who very nearly died coming to Australia in a leaky boat to give their children a better life tried to kill their children for some reason. In fact, to roman shower this bullshit just before an election will guarantee you win.
Moreover, even whitie is not exempt from discrimination via these drunkards. It is virtually impossible to obtain a residence permit unless you knock up some Australian whore or are willing to sleep with a fat white middle aged or elderly man for at least 12 months - this is the preferred entry mode for lots of our little south east Asian sisters. Some Australian States legally recognise gender re-assignments, so lady bois can use the fat horny single old guy as an entry route too as long as they are willing to take the final chop and have at least size C implants. However, this is impossible if you so happen to be one of those in such a case you should be burnt at the stake along with the other witches according to the popular Family First political party.
All aspiring immigrants to Australia must now pass a Citizenship Test which accurately filters out dead economic ballast like Jews,Democrats, and fat bitches. This is achieved by looking for complex underlying knowledge of the national values Pokedex which not even true Australians would have such as Mateship, The Fair Go, Voluntarism, Egalitarianism and Secularism.
Australian Internets
The Australian government is VERY worried about your safety online. So serious that they are willing to waste millions of tax payer dollars advertising the most epic 84 million dollar porno filter the world has ever seen. Unfortunately said filter was quickly proven by a 16 year old boy to be a complete piece of shit. Good work Johnny. You did the country proud.
You too can download this mind easing tool which will 100% protect you from the horrors of the internet from netalert.gov.au. Beforehand however take note that it's at least 100% likely ED is blocked. Fucking kangaroo humpers.
In 2007 Ruddkips promised that if elected he would implement a world class "adult content" filter that if installed would monitor all internet traffic in Australia. Sound familiar? Ruddkips also has a degree in Asian Studies and speaks fluent Mandarin Chinese hence one can only deduce that Ruddkips is a filthy communist and must be purged before he can start setting up gulags.
The Great Firewall of Australia
In the style of his close friends in China, Ruddkipz plans to censor the internet in Australia despite everyone in the fucking world opposing the idea. The shitty idea will slow down Australia's already pathetic internets by an average of 30% and block all content not suitable for children. Say goodbye to internet porn and the *chans Australia, and possibly Encyclopedia Dramatica. Moar info here.
Of course if you are not retarded, you can probably figure out a way around it.
| — Phil Sweeney |
The list was recently leaked on wikileaks, it bans the ENTIRE encyclopediadramatica.com domain. It also includes several Wikipedia pages: a nonexistent page, A list of 'weird pictures' - NSFW, but no CP here, BALEETED!. This proves beyond doubt that all Australian politicians are Fucktarded, probably through all the incest rape
More recently due to ausfailians outcry, Rudkips has decided that it was a stupid idea and has scraped it announcing that it was all just a joke.
Broadband
Internets warrior Kevin Rudd recently pledged in his election pork-barreling campaign to give Australia world class internets (ADSL2+ to be exact FTTP nao, you fucking idiot) in the form of a $43 billion broadband network. This sent the media into a frenzy and caused many to realise just how old the ex-Prime minister John Howard was. This was not helped when little Johnny countered this grandiose plan by creating the epic porno filter which doesn't fucking work.
Australian States and Territories
- Western Australia. Full of sand and AIDS. The state's main city, Perth, is known as the serial killer and supermodel capital of the world.
- Northern Territory. No one knows for sure what goes on up there. Some say it's a Mad Max-style wasteland where everything's legal and speed limits don't exist, populated with nomadic boongs in search of moar petrol. The manifestation of the /b/tards greatest dreams and worst fears.
- South Australia. Old people... some crumbly ass churches...
- New Zealand. Androgynous sheep-fucking rugby-obsessed hobbit mutants. Unlike mainland Ausfaglia's convict past, the kiwis were founded by christfags. New Zealand now has higher crime rates and a larger prison population than Australia. To curb this trend, the NZ government is sending failboats of maori to Australian shores.
- Queensland. It's like the deep south but tropical.
- Australian Capital Territory. Politcians live here, hence a boring shithole.
- Victoria. Two kinds of people live here: hipster jew faggots sipping soy lattes at art gallery openings, and eurasian scenester cuntbags doing the ketamine-induced shuffle on top of trams.
- New South Wales. Sandniggers, curryniggers, yellowniggers, niggerniggers, and convictniggers living side by side in a vast ghetto sprawl. Someone nuke that shit. Oh, and there's also a big bridge. Don't forget the big bridge.
- Tasmania. (sold to Denmark)
Australia <3's Islam
As the 1990's drew to a close with the climax of Pauline Hanson's "One Nation" party, the traditional Australian past time of bashing Asian refugees lost its shine, as the nation realised it was in fact lucky to be getting such cheap, high grade Vietnamese heroin, and that their grub wasn't too bad after all. Clearly with no influence from the American motherland, Aussie thought laterally and with a bit of ingenuity, voila, found a new, largely untapped minority to marginalise, Australian-Lebanese Muslims.... (translation- loyal, personal ambassadors of Osama Bin Laden).
Here are some representative views and reactions of the forever reasonable, outward looking, open minded Australian public
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Australian Welcoming Committee on their way to greet some Muslim folk.
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Common Assumptions Facts About Australians
- Enjoy throwing their shrimps on Barbies (and Kens in Kings Cross).
- Constantly get wasted on tons of their Australian beer.
- Have only 5 internets connections.
- Are the world's greatest nuclear threat.
- Abort their young soon after birth via dingoes, and have now gained the ability to throw 4 year old children off bridges.
- All live in the desert with Knives in the hands 24/7 with accents thicker than Ron Jeremy on benzadrine.
- Are all racist closet klansman with a tendency to riot and drink to celebrate.
- Fuck kangaroos at every given opportunity to keep up with New Zealand sheep fucking.
- Killed thousands of innocent stingrays because Steve Irwin was fucking stupid enough to touch one.
- Are fat, lazy, stupid cunts.
- All the women are named Sheila, Shazza, or Cheryl.
- Most blokes (men folk) are named Bazza, Gazza, or Poiter.
- Australian culture is a fusion of the very worst American, British and Irish traits.
- Australian
womencumdumpsters are hot as fuck (especially Danniand Kylie), which is a redundant statement. - Are all part of the chemo that is curing /b/.
Typical Australians
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Great Australians
Other Australians
- Geoffry Leonard (Pedophile) - Sexually abused a sixteen-year-old boy and his thirteen-year-old brother "beyond belief." After serving his prison term, he wrote several books; all of which are, apparently, about "molesting young boys."
- Crocodile Dundee - Australia's official national treasure as of 2008.
- Albert Einstein
- Josef Fritzl - Australia's ex-king, currently prime minister.
- The Teenage Kings of Werribee - young social and political activists and representatives of the Australian culture, expected to form the next government of the country.
- Marty Bryant - famous traveler and Australia's current IRL Unreal Tournament deathmatch champion; scored 35 frags and 19 hits in the 1996 Port Arthur Tournament.
- Steve Irwin - crocodile rapist who was pwnt by a fucking STINGRAY.
- Ivan Milat - typical helpful and friendly Aussie, always willing to help out a tired tourist, always asking for nothing but some fun and frolicking in return. Did his part to improve the world by decreasing the amount of the English and Germans in it.
- Rupert Murdoch - Controls Faux News, the most trusted media network in the world. You can always rely on FOX to cum down your throat.
Native Animals
Pauline Hanson
Accurate representation of the political views, and appearance of the average Australian.
Kangaroo
(pronounced KAN-ga-ROO) Cute and fluffy creatures that can absolutely rape the shit outta you like Mike Tyson on speed. They bounce around on their back legs and can knock you out with a punch. The said creatures venture through the bush and deserts, looking for something to eat, and an Aboriginal to kick the shit out of. Some may confuse a kangaroo for a wallaby, and even though they're different, nobody gives a shit. (talk about new zealand raping sheep...this is aussies furrie they like to have fuck time with back in the wild/outback)
 Australians can be unpredictable and violent. |
 Typical kangaroos in the wild. |
 The so promised raep. |
Koala
Contrary to popular belief, a koala is not a fucking bear. It eats all your trees and sleeps most of the time. Well known for their cuteness and cuddliness, koalas often drop from trees and kill people on impact. They also produce a loud roar that will make you cry. Amerifags often think the koala will butt rape anyone. The British Cum-pire are the ones wanting to rape the koalas.
 A koala tastes fine too! |
 When falling, some may use lightsabers. |
 Awesome Foursome hot koala buttsecks. |
How to Troll
- Confuse them for Germans.
- Tell them Joseph Haydn was a Viennese swine.
- Tell them Keynesian economics is far superior to their fringe ideas of the Gold standard.
- Say the Gallipoli campaign was less important to WW1 than a dry fart in a trench.
- Invite them to see an Australian film.
- Say that Bart Vs. Australia was the best history program you've ever watched.
- Reply to any in depth political commentary on the Rudd government by saying a dingo ate your baby.
- Start every conversation with "Thank God for the U.S.A."
- Ask them "Why are the Lebanese are so poorly treated in your country?"
- Tell them any Australian detention centre is worse than Guantanamo Bay.
- Tell them the Bali bombing was a forced meme.
- Tell them you love all their musicians - Alanis Morrisette, Neil Young, Rush...
- Tell them their version of football is shit
- Purposely confuse their flag with the New Zealand flag.
- If you hear them talk tell them they sound British.
Great Australian Bake Sale
The Great Australian Bake Sale of 2009 began in the Victoria region on the 7th of February when a group of ozzy /b/tards decided to raise money for moar internets by staging a bonfire and charging people $1A (about £0.00001) to roast marshmallows.
Sadly, the aforementioned 'tards got so caught up in watching old episodes of Sons & Daughters that they didn't watch the BBQ properly and things got a bit out of hand.
Many people tried to hide from the flames but due to a recent outbreak of AIDS, most pools were unfortunately closed.
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 How the fire was believed to have been started |
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Gallery
| Gallery of Australia | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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See Also
People:
- Bogans
- Darkfalz
- Kevin Rudd
- John Howard
- Jarrad Willis
- Aboriginal
- Steve Irwin
- Heath Ledger
- Corey Worthington
- Gas Mask Girl
- Josef Fritzl
- Dennis Ferguson
- Julz
- Surf Lifesavers
- Flight Attendants
- Clare Werbeloff
- Nick Xenophon
Places:
External Links
- Official site of the United States of Australia
- Another Australian pastime (AIDS)
- ninemsn article on this article
- Pathway to American Statehood
- Australia is now the fattest country in the world
- United States Of Australia Campaign site
- A standard evenings entertainment in Australia
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