Budd Dwyer

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Interesting Fact:
This article contains an hero.

Budd Dwyer's last moments captured by Encyclopedia Dramatica's MS Paint artist.

Back in the eighties, there was a legendary politician who was the most awesome man that ever lived. His name was R. Budd Dwyer, and he was a fucking genius.

1 What Happened
2 On the Internets
3 Pop Culture References
4 Often Imitated, Never Duplicated
5 Budd Dwyer Lulz Gallery
6 See also
7 External Links

[edit] What Happened

The thrill of victory.

"Someone call the ambulence and the doctor and the police...and the janitor."

Actually, bitches probably know about this one.

Back then, Dwyer was the Treasurer of Pennsylvania when was he was convicted of receiving kickbacks and losing the state's official iPod. Budd was faced with at least 100 years in jail and multiple kicks to the testicles, but did he puss out and let the man tell him what to do? HELL NO! Instead, he did quite possibly the most awesome thing the world has ever seen.

Our hero arranged a press conference with as many people and news cameras as possible (as well as doing it on a day when school was closed so every child was tuned in). That day, he made a TL;DR speech to the press, handed some papers out to people, and then pulled a .357 Magnum out of an envelope and SHOT HIMSELF ON LIVE TELEVISION!!! FUCKING WIN!!!1!

Some of the last words muttered from the excessively nosebleeding man were "I told you I was hardcore." Everyone freaked the fuck out and turned off their cameras. However, one brave cameraman kept filming with a raging hardon. A doctor was called to the scene, but it was too late. Our hero had already died of lead poisoning.

[edit] On the Internets

Betamax videotape copies of the incident spread across 80's America faster than the growing AIDS epidemic. The tapes were favorites among goths and other assholes, such as those douchebags who think laughing out loud at death scenes in the movie theatre is hardcore. These tapes evolved into that lame "Faces of Death" video series which is basically crappy/fake footage of IRL deaths cut to really shitty music. Eventually, some retard found the Dwyer tape and showed it to then famous jew Jay Stile of the Stile Project. After watching the video as an aphrodisiac and 3 hours of hot fudgepacking, Jay had an idea. If he put the video on his site as a crappy 10X10 pixel, 56k mpeg (back in 2001 this was epic broadband for internets), he could make massive profit. After spreading the footage to a new generation of basement dwelling losers, he netted $20,000,000 in Internet money. Later, after blowing all of his jew gold on tranny hookers and cocaine, he sold the rights of the suicide to Mattel so they could make Budd Dwyer action figures (complete with press conference playset and "mystery" envelope!).

[edit] Pop Culture References

Some shit band Filter wrote a song about Dwyer called "Hey man, nice shot". Despite their obvious crappiness, Filter was one of the first to pay tribute to Dwyer's great accomplishment. Most slacker Gen-X faggots think the song is about their own An Hero, Kurt Cobain.
Another shit band Marilyn Manson used the clip of Mr. Dwyer saying "No! This will hurt someone!" in one of their lame songs.
Liberal blubbertub Michael Moore saw the video on Stile Project while searching the site for Japanese scat porn. He loved it so much, he included it into his movie "Bowling For Columbine".
Faggots Opie and Anthony always talk about him on their talk show.

[edit] Often Imitated, Never Duplicated

Often known as the "Budd Dwyer" effect, many people have tried their own attempts at epic IRL suicide. However, with the advent of emo music, MySpace, and Livejournal, 100% of these would-be failures were assured to be complete failures. Many have tried, but Budd was the first, and probably will be the last, person to accomplish life's equivalence of a flawless victory.