Buddha

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Buddha didn't die for your sins. moar liek HNNNNNNGGGGG!

BOODIZUM! Buddha was a fat cunt, who couldn't get out of his house to get a real job, so he took advantage of stoned chinkies. A fat shit sitting on his ass worshiped by squinty eyed people, Buddha is like Jesus, except where Jesus was all about striking kids blind for beating him in races, Buddha was all about chilling out and curing people of their douchebaggery. Also, unlike Jesus, Buddha didn't die a virgin, not by a long shot. Asian people and hippies worship him, but technically he's not a god, and his deathbed wish was that he was never worshiped as such.

Complete Biography

Buddha was born Siddy Gaudy, a prince in northern India. After seeing a hobo, a funeral, and a holy man on the same day, he got pissed and left his wife and kids. This practice of ditching your so-called loved ones for would soon become popular among niggers in the 1970s, '80s and '90s. He joined a group of ascetics, who were the cutters and pro-ana of his time. He sat around all day listening to depressing sitar music, writing emo poems about how his parents didn't understand, and not eating (which is really easy to do in India). After a while, he noticed this was retarded, and decided to ~~just meditate~~ and eat some shrooms under a tree. After having some crazy visions and shitting bricks, he apparently achieved enlightenment, making him the happiest motherfucker evar. He did not, however, die for your sins, because sin hadn't been invented yet. Now, he is worshipped by people all over the world who have left Christianity because of all the damn rules.

Sayings of The Buddha

However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon their holes?
I do not believe in a gay that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a gay that falls on man unless they act.
I never see who Ive done; I only see who remains to be done.
Holding on to cum is like grasping a hot cock with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets wet.
It is a man's own cock, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil dick.
It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand cocks. Then the victory is yours. This cock cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
It is better to come well than to arrive.
Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, men cannot live without a cock in their life.
Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful for the hard cocking were about to receive

Followers of Buddha

Despite Buddha himself being reportedly perfect in every way (except for his brief fat and ana phases), his followers often manage to be fucktarded douchebags. For example, his fans at Buddhists can generally be found whining about trolling, telling people that they're going to hell, and taking the internet way too seriously. Other popular online Buddhist activities include creating failed communities and babbling about completely irrelevant shit for no apparent reason.

Only the Chinese azn retards depict Buddha as a fatty, since they never considered that living on hemp seeds alone and spending all your time meditating and sleeping in the woods doesn't leave you many opportunities to become Jabba the Hutt. These fat dickheads often display such "art" in their American restaurants, where they avoid the total lack of talent that would have doomed them to starvation in China by serving the Chinese equivalent of a ham and cheese sandwich and charging 20 bucks for it. Their "Buddha" statues help to support the idea that just because you're morbidly obese from a diet of beer and deep-fried Cheetos doesn't mean you can't achieve eternal bliss and start one of the largest religions in world history. Enjoy your SARS and bird flu, Chinafags.

Buddha - The Original Emo

Buddhists believe that "duhkha", or suffering, is the fundamental truth of existence. According to some fgt named Rupert Gethin, "The Buddha taught that all life is suffering, and the only way to escape suffering is to escape from life."

Translated: Everything sucks and you should permaban yourself IRL. Why more Buddhists do not do this is unknown, but it would sure be nice if they did. Of course, one reason is that Buddhism teaches that if you become an hero, then you'll just reincarnate somewhere, possibly somewhere worse, and you might incarnate as another Chris-chan. Buddhism teaches that escape from life is from complete apathy to everything, even pain, and you get that way through insight. But anyone reaching that level of insight would simply achieve godlike powers like what L. Ron Hubbard claims Scientology can get you, and you don't hear of anyone robbing banks through telekinesis, so you know Buddhist meditation does not work.