Buddha
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
A fat shit sitting on his ass worshiped by squinty eyed people. Buddha is like Jesus, except where Jesus was all about striking kids blind for beating him in races, Buddha was all about chilling out and curing people of their douchebaggery. Also, unlike Jesus, Buddha didn't die a virgin, not by a long shot. Asian people and hippies worship him, but technically he's not a god, and his deathbed wish was that he was never worshiped as such.
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[edit] Complete Biography
Buddha was born Siddy Gaudy, a prince in northern India. After seeing a hobo, a funeral, and a holy man on the same day, he got pissed and left his wife and kids. He joined a group of ascetics, who were the cutters and pro-ana of his time. He sat around all day listening to depressing sitar music, writing epic poems about how his parents didn't understand, and not eating (which is really easy to do in India). After a while, he noticed this was retarded, and decided to just meditate under a tree. After having some crazy visions, he apparently achieved enlightenment, making him the happiest and most helpful person evar. He did not, however, die for your sins, because sin hadn't been invented yet. Now, he is worshiped by people all over the world who have left Christianity because of all the damn rules.
[edit] Followers of Buddha
Despite Buddha himself being reportedly perfect in every way (except for his brief fat and ana phases), his followers often manage to be fucktarded douchebags. For example, his fans at Buddhists can generally be found whining about trolling, telling people that they're going to hell, and taking the internet way too seriously. Other popular online Buddhist activities include creating failed communities and babbling about completely irrelevant shit for no apparent reason.
Only the Chinese azn retards depict Buddha as a fatty, since they never considered that living on hemp seeds alone and spending all your time meditating and sleeping in the woods doesn't leave you many opportunities to become Jabba the Hutt. These fat dickheads often display such "art" in their American restaurants, where they avoid the total lack of talent that would have doomed them to starvation in China by serving the Chinese equivalent of a ham and cheese sandwich and charging 20 bucks for it. Their "Buddha" statues help to support the idea that just because you're morbidly obese from a diet of beer and deep-fried cheetos doesn't mean you can't achieve eternal bliss and start one of the largest religions in world history. Enjoy your SARS and bird flu, Chinafags.
[edit] Buddha - The Original Emo?
Buddhists believe that duhkha, or suffering, is the fundamental truth of existence. According to some fgt named Rupert Gethin, "The Buddha taught that all life is suffering, and the only way to escape suffering is to escape from life."
Translated: Everything sucks and you should permaban yourself IRL. Why more Buddhists do not do this is unknown, but it would sure be nice if they did. Of course one reason is that Buddhism teaches that if you become an hero, then you'll just reincarnate somewhere, possibly somewhere worse, and you might incarnate as another Chris-chan. Buddhism teaches that escape from life is from complete apathy to everything, even pain, and you get that way through insight. But anyone reaching that level of insight would simply achieve godlike powers like what L. Ron Hubbard claims Scientology can get you, and you don't hear of anyone robbing banks through telekinesis, so you know Buddhist meditation does not work.
[edit] Celebrity Buddhists
Some celebrity followers include Richard Gere and Eliska Amor, but that's okay because they're both hot, especialy what Richard Gere did with that gerbile. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS.
- Beastie Boys (who are DOING IT RONG!)
- ODB
[edit] Practices and Beliefs of Buddhism
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