Joseph Evers welcomes new LinkedIn and Facebook connections!

Buying organic

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Jump to: navigation, search
Spending 3 or 4 times the amount one should be spending on groceries by purchasing organic foods, which are usually no better than the stuff at Piggly Wiggly (The store not the gay bar), is the most surefire way to assuage one's crunchy hippie liberal guilt, and therefore, by extension, white guilt (assuming one is indeed white). Many organic foods are targeted to a vegitarian or even vegan audience, thus ensuring their disgustingness.
Average organic fare. Yum!
Average organic fare. Yum!
Organic foods can be dangerous: pesticides often kill a deadly mold that grows on grapes which ingested could be harmful. Do the safe thing: if you must buy organic grapes, make sure they're already fermented into alcohol. This is also a good rule of thumb when dealing with, for example, potatoes or grains. The booze kills the poison!
When you buy organic, no one wins.
When you buy organic, no one wins.

One should bear in mind that all carbon based life is considered organic. Think about that the next time you're eating a bag of virgin cruelty free moose sweat infused, low-carb inverse tachyon beam processed Hippie Crunch delight.

People who normally buy this shit are white upper middle class douchebags.

If you want to spot one, just look for the classy, pot-bellied bearded male with grease shining from the top of his balding head, hair stringy with malnutrition, reeking with patchouli to disguise the fact that he bathes in "chemical-free soap"
Image:Pt 16139
It has no chemicals.What the crap is it made of?
. The females are the same, but with more hair.

Douchebags who buy organic food often drive expensive hybrids and occasionally reek of spilled bong water. Also, they fall asleep while fucking, despite attempting bizarre sex shit that they found in some new age magazine or book they bought at Barnes and Noble while sipping on a cup of fair trade coffee.

It should also be noted that cowshit is 100% organic. Hallucinogenic mushrooms grow on cowshit. It's a good thing.

Additionally, since "organic" food foregoes all measures which make food production efficient, it takes a lot more time and effort to produce. Consequently, by buying organic, you are eating a significantly larger piece of the global food production pie, and thus causing even more people worldwide to die of hunger, you selfish fucking bastard.(Does eating garden-grown vegetables also kill Somalians? It does take a lot of effort.)

It is also thought that most organic meat and byproducts are made from Nigras, but this belief is demonstrably false: after all, don't the Jews in charge of selling organics want to dilute the white race with Negro blood? No, it's more likely that your hunk of grass-fed pork is actually a Christian baby.

[edit] External links

Personal tools