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Chris-chan

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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Image:Aspergerbenice.gif This person has Assburgers Syndrome,
so you can't say anything bad! :-(


Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
Comment クリスちゃん is currently waiting for his TOW page to be restored, a new gal-pal, and / or invite to Lulzcon in Tokyo.


Behold, the mistake of God. Chris-chan (aka: Sonichu, CWC, Christian Weston Chandler, クリスちゃん), born February 24, 1982, is a perverse, overweight, self-proclaimed "high-functioning autistic" virgin man-child, and creator of his own awesomely drawn series of comics starring his brilliant crossover of Pikachu and Sonic.

Chris wears a medallion around his neck in homage to his yellow Sonic recolor, in public. As if that weren't lame enough, Chris-chan actually has a shit load of medallions: The Black Sonichu medallion, and a Rosechu medallion (which he planned on giving to his sweetheart), suggesting that he has far too much free time on his hands. Triple, in fact, the amount originally suspected.

His hobbies include creating My Little Pony figures with his own pubes (including himself as a Pony wearing a sonichu medallion), stalking women at the mall, finding a "boyfriend-free girl" to "make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up", drawing (and actually uploading) pictures of himself having sex with his imaginary friend, drawing porn of his hedgehogs, taking naked pictures of himself, and sexing up a blow-up doll named JULAY (which was originally sold as Kimmi). Recently, he got into big trouble when his father walked in on him while he was masturbating. Chris really needs to grow up and sell his toys on eBay. However, no one will buy his shit, so a girlfriend-free faggot he remains. But it gets far worse, my friends...

Contents

Chris in Person

If you have the god given curse of knowing Christian Weston Chandler in Person like I do you must notice several things about him.

  • He never shuts up about Sonichu so say you've heard of it.
  • He and his hair are greasy as hell, proving he never showers for the lulz.
  • He does wear those crappy Salvation Army shirts and loves to brag about it.
  • His aroma is a scent of AXE (Over-sprayed mind you) and ASS.
  • HE CAN FEEL THE COSMOS!
  • If you are nice to him he can actually be a pretty cool guy to talk to about TV, Games and whatnot... until he rapes you.

Lastly

The Comic Itself

Chris-chan: Because making a home made DVD about yourself justifies your existence.
Chris-chan: Because making a home made DVD about yourself justifies your existence.
The pussy deflector in all its glory.
The pussy deflector in all its glory.
Deviantart is about to get raped.
Deviantart is about to get raped.

His first comic was posted on March 15, 2005. The webcomic serves as a medium through which he reinvents his experiences in real life. These events include his adventures at the local mall, where he is accompanied by his imaginary friend Sonichu and ambushed by Jerkops (a portmanteau of "jerk" and "cop").

Most of his rage and artistic inspiration comes from the fact that he was arrested because he was being a creepy fucking stalker at the mall, and resisted arrest. It also features the characters getting into various shenanigans such as Chris, his former friend who just happened to be a girl (not girlfriend) and her villainous girl-stealing boyfriend, gaining the ability to transform into hedgehogs, killing the elderly, Sonichu and Rosechu fucking and a failed attempt at loli.

The comic stars Sonichu, a Pikachu/Sonic hybrid, and CWC, who for some reason is Sonichu's father. The comic initially stars Sonichu, until Chris steals the spotlight and the comic focuses on him entirely. Audiobook versions can be viewed here. Don't bother reading them, even you aren't that pathetic.

Sex Life

Chris Hansen wants you to have a seat over there, Chris.
Chris Hansen wants you to have a seat over there, Chris.
Remember, stay straight, kids!
Remember, stay straight, kids!
Stoopid child porn laws...
Stoopid child porn laws...

His Sex Life ( If you can call it that) Involves fucking an Anime Blow up Doll and screaming JULAY over 9000 times.

 
 
But anyway as I was saying you know, just as you know, when you masturbate, you don't have to use your fingers, you could like, uh, find something that's like, you could use like a banana, or a pickle, I mean, it would be a waste of a fruit, but if you used a banana, you could still eat the insides.
 

 

—Chris-chan, on sticking things up his butthole.

Chris wrote to Nintendo Power in April of 2005 to discuss the DS game Sprung: A horrible dating simulator, and was overjoyed to discover that they published his email. According to him, it was a "free personal", and he expects that it being published will somehow increase his chance of finding a woman.

In both his videos and comics, he has shown contempt towards gays, constantly rambling on about how homosexuality is bad, and repeatedly stating that he is not gay. Despite these statements, Chris's sexuality remains questionable, as he owns a dildo and anal beads and rambles on about sticking things in his ass while he masturbates. In his list of people he would not date, he lists autistics, high functioning or otherwise. Thus, Chris is also a self-loathing flaming faggot trying desperately to stay in the closet. And we all know homophobes are closeted gays themselves.

Chris appears to be stuck in a strange, child-like mentality where he feels guilty when discussing sex. Because of this, he is forced to use different words, like "pickle" for dick, "hanky-panky" for sex, "boyfriend-free" for single, among other things. He started buying sex toys and porno videos back in 2006, and when discussing sex with other people (specifically Megan and a recent troll), he goes into intimate, almost scientific or educational detail. When Megan claimed to be uncomfortable with Chris discussing sex, Chris goes into full detail of how a handjob works and that he has learned everything he knows from pornography.

Chris Chan's views on "The Gays" and his own sexuality.

It's pretty much a given.
It's pretty much a given.

In recent audio recordings, we have discovered a lot about Chris's sexuality. Namely, he thinks that gender stereotypes, dirty talk, and cheesy lines like, "This might hurt a bit at first" are part of actual sex. One of the audio recordings has him describing his ideal "first time", which is intricate, overly dramatic and mildly retarded. This and many other disturbing things can be read here.


Chris-chan is also a fan of teh loli, as evident by his Rule 34 fan art of Dot Warner, Misty from Pokemon and Meg Griffin.



The Sex Scandals of Chris-Chan

Comin' out the Closet The Sex Tape Noisy Sex (Caught Fappin')
Moar info Moar info Moar info
Done Reading Done Reading Done Reading
Click on one of the above categories to view its content.


Out of the closet

◀PREVNEXT▶

Male Lesbianism

 
 
Hello 8) You know the word...gaaaay?
 

 

—Chris-chan on the verge of confession...

On February 5th, Chris-chan very intelligently decided to upload a video stating that he is, in fact, gay, (maybe hoping this would shut our mouths up) and of course the users responded very enthusiastically. Just after he noticed the amount of lulz his new video was producing, he decided to delete it. However a good fellow reupload it for great justice.

Chrissy Finally Comes Out of the Closet!

 
 
I am a "gaaaaaaaaaybian", a male-lesbian.
 

 

—Chris-chan reveals his true sexuality.

Note how he says he respects the "gay population", even though he's said gay people were bad, sinful, and going straight to HELL! (God help him)

IT WAS A TRAP!!!

He has now decided to jump back into the closet. He apparently came out because Clyde made an obvious fake death threat on one of his dearest gal-pals that only a retarded person would believe - this means that if someone else makes such a threat, they can get Chris to do another video!

If you skip to 1:23, you can see him strugglin' to break his last piece of evidence: a fucking BUTT-DILDO. He also states how he has to look at a poster of Sailor Moon daily or he'll turn gay. Further evidence that Chris struggles to maintain his heterosexuality on a daily basis.

But the whole premise of Chris enjoying Sailor Moon is highly ironic considering the show is renowned for having homosexuals, lesbians, and transsexual characters.

Unfortunately for him, once you're out, you can't go back in.


<Chris-chan

Sex Tape

Chris-chan sex tape

<Chris-chan

Noisy sex

Chris-chan caught fapping by his dad

Last Thursday, Chris-Chan uploaded this gem to his YouTube, professing his love to Juliet. Oh, and he also made a video of him fucking a blowup sex doll while saying her name over and over again. Click here if you hate yourself (work safe!) His retired parents were both home at the time, in ear's reach of the grunting, bed thrashing, and screaming.

Can you imagine if Toy Story was real, toys coming to life every time Chris leaves? Now there's a sad image. Abused Sailor Moon and Pokémon dolls having group therapy sessions in the middle of the room. The doll he sexes the most is Optimus Prime.

Well his parents didn't hear his noisy sex that time. But 2/27/09, Chris spent his Friday night having phone sex with Julie out in the kitchen where the Chandler family computer was. He was moaning very loudly and then father came out and caught him. Have a listen. By the way, Julie is a 13 year old boy, whose voice although is deeper than Chris-chan's, it still is high pitched enough to fool Chris into thinking he's a girl. Julie is not a troll, however, and is actually in love with Chris-chan in some sick gay way likely due to previous child molestation.

 
 
Get away from that internet, I'm cutting it down!
 

 

—Bob "The Lumberjack" Chandler


IRL Stalker

On his MySpace he explained his quest for a "boyfriend-free girl", and his stalking tendencies. Unfortunately for Chris, every woman on the planet appears to have a boyfriend. This has led to what Chris dubs "noviophobia", literally a fear of boyfriends. ("Novio" is actually a Spanish word for boyfriend, and any term even close to the specific fear of boyfriends in meaning would be androphobia or arrhenophobia.) Chris claims to hate every male other than himself and his father, because they "took all the pretty girls leaving [him] with no one to choose from".

 
 
"Where did it start? I started when my life-long friend, Sarah Hammer, a very pretty girl, was taken away from me by this Magician Jerk, Wes Iseli. At first, I was naive about their relationship. Later on, in Spring of 2003, I tried to pick up a girl in a class I was taking at Piedmont Virginia Community College, but she told me right-off, that SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND! And it was like that with every other girl who I talked to since then. Thus, I developed my Noviophobia(mentioned above)."
 

 

—Chris-chan

Chris began searching for a BOYFRIEND-FREE girl with the use of a sign that stated:

 
 
"I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion."
 

 

—CWC

Mary Lee Walsh in real life.
Mary Lee Walsh in real life.

He employed this sign in two places: the Fashion Square Shopping Center and Piedmont Virginia Community College. The dean, Mary Lee Walsh, assuming that Chris was publicly soliciting for sex, which any reasonable human being would assume, destroyed the sign. She then had him kicked out and banned for a year. He obsesses over her because of this, and thus within his comic she is depicted as a gray-haired witch with a viking helmet.

Chris has also shown his hatred towards Mary on several other occasions. He made a hilarious video asking for fictional character Harvey Dirdban's (not Birdman) assistance to fight "THAT EVIL BITCH MARY LEE WALSH FOREVAR!!1" in a contest for Adult Swim. He also made a video of him fighting Mary Lee Walsh as a custom character in Soul Calibur III. Despite his hate for Walsh, he still took the time with his Magic Markers to make hideous porn of her.

Chris's Love Quest was also foiled by Security Guards of Fashion Square Shopping Center. He was handcuffed and kicked out by Jerkops "for trying to attract a Boyfriend-Free Girl".

 
 
"As for Wes, I blame all of these happenings on him. If he had not taken my life-long friend away from me, I might have a Pretty Girlfriend today. And I would not have had to set out on endeavoring LOVE QUEST!"
 

 

—Chris-chan

Christian claims to have started his ill-begotten love quest because he wants a daughter whom he will "dubly" call Crystal Weston Chandler (apparently after the illustrious metal). He also made her in the form of one of his My Little Pony figures (which as you remember he makes from his own pubic hair), and made a separate file in the game Animal Crossing, and played as her.

The person who we know the most about is Megan Schroeder (note the Jewish name, obviously a sign that money is involved, or at least gold), who has had a huge influence on the comic and Chris himself. She remarked that the antagonist of one of the Sailor Moon movies came off as "kind of queer", possibly influencing Chris's homophobia.

One example of the drama Chris has caused is a blog entry where some girl describes her encounter with Chris as he was wandering stores in search of his true love in late 2004 and can be viewed here.

Trolled IRL

Trolling of Chris-chan has crossed the border of OL to IRL. Whether it's because internet vigilantes are trying to expose him for the psycho stalker he really is or if it's because they fap to picking on retards, it's uncertain.

  • An old classmate of Chris did some epic trolling. We don't actually know very much about Joshua, just a few key facts. Chris knew him from his old school (Joshua and Chris both had Special Ed together), recently met up with him again and was getting along fine. Apparently, Joshua was very popular with women and had met some famous celebrities. For some reason, Chris became extremely jealous and even tried to get ED to go after him. Note that Chris only values Joshua's friendship because he's popular with women, and that by being friends with him he might end up laid. Unfortunately for Chris, even other special education kids will fuck with him. The chick that Joshua was supposed to hook him up with was just Joshua trolling him with a picture of Vanessa Hudgens. CLICK HERE for Chris-chan unwittingly fapping to Joshua.
Autistic flirting techniques: The CWC Nipple Cripple.
Autistic flirting techniques: The CWC Nipple Cripple.
  • A girl IRL, possibly unrelated to ED or 4chan, tried to troll Chris-chan for the lulz. CLICK HERE to see Chris-chan get taken down to 15%.
  • Though trolling in this next case started online, it quickly moved into IRL. Chris had started a relationship with an e-girlfriend called Blanca. On September 11, 2008, another troll going by the same name was really a black man in a pickle costume and managed to score horrific nudes.

Sonichu: The Game

"When Do You Want Nintendo and SEGA to Talk to Me to EVOLVE Sonichu and Rosechu more Realistically?"
"When Do You Want Nintendo and SEGA to Talk to Me to EVOLVE Sonichu and Rosechu more Realistically?"
"So who wants to 'make my taco pop' first?"
"So who wants to 'make my taco pop' first?"

On August 17th, 2008, Chris updated his website that was previously dead for a year with a new entry, in which he calls for all the Sonichu fans to storm Nintendo and Sega with requests that his character be given official merchandise. With this post he released a new blog dedicated to Sonichu: The Game, made up of mostly "fan art", with a few of his own pictures accompanying Sakurai-like updates to the game's progression.

 
 
And I HAVE the idea for the Video Game for myself, if I can swing that with SEGA as well, an epic tale of my tragic Adult Life straight from my tortured heart and soul. I will bring the pain to the Jerkops, I will kick Mary Lee Walsh into her cauldron to burn, as well as the other villains. And I will have support from my Electric-Hedgehogs, my mother and father, my Closest Gal-Pals
 

 

—Chris, on his upcoming game.

On September 5th, 2008, the official Sonichu game blog revealed that it was a troll. In a post claiming that SEGA and Nintendo had slapped "production" with a cease and desist order, the resident blogger offered his redesigns of Sonichu and Rosechu; an upper class and a Village People impersonating anteater/eel hybrid respectively.

 
 
He certainly has a point that we should encourage women's rights...to bear arms! It is advisable to keep this man a great distance from the nearest vagina.Do not be so down, for there is some good news too. You see, JKProductions has acquired the trademark for Sonichu, making him our official property! Christian Weston Chandler's "Sonichu" comics, should henceforth be recognized as an, *ahem*, poorly done fan-comic (laughs.)
 

 

—JK Productions, being lulzy.

An archive of the site can be seen here.

Shigeru Miyamoto Responds

Shigeru Miyamoto: "Chris, Your idea sucks!"
Shigeru Miyamoto: "Chris, Your idea sucks!"
Another troll pretending to be Hideo Kojima, someone Chris probably hasn't heard of.
Another troll pretending to be Hideo Kojima, someone Chris probably hasn't heard of.

After countless obsessive e-mails to Nintendo, a clever troll decided to impersonate Shigeru Miyamoto, thus cementing the sheer impossibility of any Sonichu merchandise ever existing ever in.

 
 
The Big Brain behind Super Mario, Zelda and other Popular Nintendo characters and games, Shigeru Miyamoto, sent me an e-mail with his response to the Sonichu Game Project. He says Nay, but I bet's he could be holding out on us, or something. So, I say this unto you, my loyal fans, continue with the e-mails and Forum Talks with Nintendo and SEGA of America or Japan. They are missing out on a REAL Profitable thing they can work with me on and cash in handsomely. I sent a detailed reply, but it came back to me in a "Mailer Daemon" message, so I've taken the liberty of printing a copy of the original message, and a copy of my reply that I will send to Nintendo of America for them to transfer to Mr. Miyamoto himself. Give them time and messages.
 

 

—Chris-chan, using stupid logic.

However, Chris still fails to realize that nobody wants to play a shitty game with a shitty Mary Sue character. He still tries to get the game made.

CWC vs. ED

When Chris first discovered this article on the 10th of November, he had a severe case of butthurt. He has since declared war on every site mocking his faggotry. As with everything in his life, Chris failed.

How do I use preview buttan?
How do I use preview buttan?
He took 2 HTML classes...
He took 2 HTML classes...
...It really shows!
...It really shows!
 
 
Chris Chan is destoyer of slanderous LULZ; take that, Encyclopedia Dramatica.
 

 

—baleeted MySpace.com/sonichucwc

Initially, Chris edited this article using his Reldnahc account. It's obvious that Reldnahc is CWC upon viewing his contributions as well as the fact that Reldnahc is just Chandler (his last name) spelled backwards. [1] Before erasing the entire article, Chris actually contributed, adding information that he hadn’t submitted anywhere else. He mainly added chunks of text from uncited sources. From these, we learn that Megan “shattered his heart”; and also printed out the Sonichu News Dash, a shitty newsletter about his comic, and distributed it at PVCC. He apparently had another conflict with Mary Lee Walsh over it.

But, it gets worse. He also uploaded rule 34 of his own characters. All of these things he added to the article can be found here: [2]

Later, he finally realized the context of the article and snapped. He created another account, Chris-chan, and tried blanking the page several times.

CWC blames Encyclopedia Dramatica for breaking up the relationship between him and Megan despite the fact that she was never his girlfriend. Another lie, once again to attempt to make ED feel guilty about something.

In this video, Chris congratulates all the Sonichu fans who he thought brought ED down. Chris urges his non-existent fanbase not to donate to ED. He failed to realize that ED being down is an issue related to the website as a whole, not his little article.

To no surprise, Chris's plea for his fans to not donate to ED failed, as ED reached its donation goal as of 08-14-2008.

CWC vs. ED Part Deux

Last Thursday Chrissy posted a video onto the tubes where he proclaimed that he was again declaring war on his ED page, demanding that the page and discussion page be deleted, or else he wouldn't be making any more of his sweet, sweet comics for his fans to enjoy. He then stated that much like the old adage "Too many cooks spoil the broth", ED had too many CROOKS. And that every single word on his ED page was a crook.

After standing in an anime pose with his fist in the air, Chris then hulked the fuck out and proceeded to beat the shit out of a Raggedy Ann doll with a picture of Clyde Cash taped on its head, and that moar RAAAAAAAGE would follow if his ED page isn't taken down posthaste.

The beast can be unleashed here.

Email Hacked

 
 
It's been a rough for me on this 17th of September.
 

 

—Chris Chan being butthurt upon discovering the massive amount of hax.

On September 16th, 2008, Chris had his AOL E-mail/YouTube/MySpace hacked.

LOL

We now know a few things about Chris-Chan and his lifestyle that we didn't know before. He apparently buys stuff that is common for any basement dwelling weeaboo, including anime sex dolls for every day of the week and anal beads. It was discovered that his mother knows that her son "mass debates" at least two times a week and he tells her when he's going to jack off. We also found out that his best (and only) friend, Megan, didn't like being sexually harassed by him.

  • AZT hosts more emails: 1, 2, 3, 4

A Winrar is Chris-chan

CWC has been working out for his entry in the Guitar Hero series.
CWC has been working out for his entry in the Guitar Hero series.

Thanks to the efforts of retards from 4chan, Chris-chan was able to win the GameStop Guitar Hero contest. He thinks that it was his loyal fans voted for him, but like everything else that 4chan has been involved in lately, fail was involved. What was originally thought to be a surefire way of getting the living fail that is Chris-chan into the fail that is Guitar Hero turned out to be a horrible mistake. All the voting was for a weekly $400 gift certificate at GameStop, with the votes having nothing to do with winning the sweepstakes. So this round goes to Chris; thus bringing his win ratio to 0.0002.

In this video, Chris expresses his appreciation to his fans who voted for him in the Guitar Hero contest. Chris, being a good Christian, announces the $400 gift card will be shared with the congregation of his church. While no new information has come out of this announcement, it does reveal that, contrary to our assumptions, he was not kicked out of his church after his n00dz surfaced.

Not that he needed the $400, considering he makes $800 off being a welfare leech.

A Brown Sonichu appears!

After getting Chris to travel across state to a ghetto in Cleveland to rescue Julie from her brother (a seven hour drive), Chris's umpteenth trolling came to a close when Julie's brother got all his passwords (he used the same one for everything) deleting his website, and holding his PlayStation network to ransom. Julie's brother, showing the same love for Chris that Kenny Glenn has for cats, tortured him for an hour on the phone, screaming abuse in his grating prepubescent voice. Unsurprisingly for a kid who spent two months aiding an autistic manchild to achieve orgasm, his demand initially was that he travel to Virginia and receive a blowjob from Chris, proving that his trolls are themselves male lesbians (something that should be pointed out to his cell mate in juvie in the unlikely but lulzy event that whiteknights get him v& for sexual abuse and blackmail). Half way through the hour long assault, Julie's brother tells Chris that he will send his sweetheart back to Europe if he doesn't stick his medallion up his asshole. Permitting him to cut it into four pieces first, the screaming boy demanded that Chris record the whole thing on webcam.

ANUS SHATTERED: 0% INTACT

Trolls remorse set in quick among other trolls who told him to stop, apparently thinking that making a mentally retarded person burn down his house might just be pushing it. Eventually Julie explained that she did not actually exist and that Chris was actually a pedophile cybering and exposing himself to a minor. The realization that he had been trolled once more seemed to hurt him more than the chunks of yellow crap he just rammed up his ass.

HEART SHATTERED: 0% INTACT

Somehow thinking that Chris would comply and send him the video after he revealed all this, the troll didn't bother recording it himself. However the hour long ordeal can be found in audio form here. Perhaps realizing the gravity of what he had done, and listening to the blind panic of other trolls, he decided that he no longer would troll Chris and, along with a few other trolls now shitting themselves, decided to hand in his badge and gun. Completely understanding the concept of anonymity while committing what is obviously something both fucked up and illegal his IRC handle is clearly mentioned by other trolls telling him to stop.

CWCville Elections

Gordon for President of CWCville.
Gordon for President of CWCville.

Around the same time these lulzy and exploitable events occurred, another unfunny gag started when some bright, intelligent member of YouTube decided to make a video declaring Billy Mays the new mayor of CWCVille. The only problem with the joke was that Billy Mays is now about as funny as Chuck Norris or a Mudkip macro on 4chan. So understandably, the "Billy Mays for Mayor of CWCville" meme was started and a shitload of videos soon came. If that weren't enough, the whole mock election is now expanding to other memes like Gordon the Pringles Giraffe and will soon spread to Pedobear for President and Chris Hansen for vice president (GET IT? IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT IS CONFLICTING AND THEREFOR HUMOROUS, SOMEBODY FUCKING DO THIS). Christian retracted a forced statement made under the assumption that he'd be getting his PSN back that stated that Billy Mays was in fact mayor of CWCville. Christian's reaction will only make things even, as always, so stay prepared for Billy Mays posters being plastered onto YouTube accounts even more than they are now.

July 28, 2009, just days after Michael Jackson died at age 50 of a heart attack, Billy Mays also died at age 50 of a heart attack. Jimmy Hill, despite being in his 80s, remains alive for now.

CWCville Is Down

As of roughly last Friday, CWC posted a video on his account stating that he has removed CWCville due to horrific (yet truthful) slanders about his sexuality. As you can see in the video below, he thinks that he actually has fans that have nothing to do besides watch his shitty videos and troll his website, and asks for them to go forth and destroy all trolls! It's obvious Chris needs to actually read and understand the definition of 'trolling' because it's obvious he has no fucking idea.

Notice also how Chris reiterates that he does not want a black woman to contact him with any proposals, reinforcing the theory that he is a gigantic racist.

Chris-chan the Moralfag

"Do not lie with a blow-up doll as one lies with a woman; that is detestable." ~ JUULLLAAAYYYYY
"Do not lie with a blow-up doll as one lies with a woman; that is detestable." ~ JUULLLAAAYYYYY

After seeing a hilarious episode of Family Guy, where Chris-chan didn't get that he was being parodied for his moralfaggotry, he decided to share his hatred of the gays with the Holy Bible. To do this, he quoted the book of Leviticus, which is the biblical equivalent of goatse, which reinforces how men should not engage in buttsecks lest they be smited to the pits of hell to be raped by the Devil and his minions for eternity (and also that men cannot shave, wear underwear with elastic straps, or crossbreed animals).

Baby got Back!
Baby got Back!
Finally on Wikipedia!!
Finally on Wikipedia!!

His religious views conflict with his alleged love of the band Korn, which he recently announced on a Korn chatboard as he allegedly conducted an imaginary interview with lead singer Jonathan Davis over a "new" album which was released over 8 years ago. Christian Weston Chandler thinks that "Freak On a Leash" is "a pretty cool song where the guitars go and the slap bass with the vocals and then there is a midsection with the alternative style vocals A+" so harassing him appears to be the best possible cure for his behaviour.

(Video can be seen below)

 
 
I'm not saying I'm dumb...or naive.
 

 

—Chris, being ironic.

It is believed that God facepalmed once he witnessed this video.

He also decided to pick up a book on how to talk to the opposite sex...written by a 9-year-old boy. As the kid wrote it on how to talk to girls of his age, party vans are imminent.

Drama with Wikipedia

On 01 May 2009, for only God knows why, Christian Weston Chandler registered on Wikipedia as ChrisChanSonichu. He created a user page (see here) that is to record one of the most in depth autobiographical accounts of his life. A user page is not an article, but this is still a flagrant violation of Wikipedia policy. Chris's user page was deleted by a Wikipedia admin believing it to be the work of a troll. Sadly, as the details below show, this is the real Chris, all too real...

The other thing Chris did was add his name to the article on high-functioning autism, under the list of "famous individuals that may have had many different variations of autism along with HFA," along with a published author decorated by two countries and Renaissance artist Michelangelo. His edits can be seen here.

The "Christian Weston Chandler" article on Wikipedia has been created by trolls 3 times and deleted 3 times: February 15, March 26, April 28 by Wikipedophiles.Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Christian Weston Chandler

On 03 May 2009, Chris posted a video attacking Wikipedia for deleting his user page, in addition to this message on his talk page:


Dear Sir/Madam,

LOOK, I do not have the appropriate calm state of mind to make time to READ those numerous upon numerous small-print details, much less memorize them. I have had a LOT of SLANDEROUS TWISTS OF MY OWN WORDS done unto me in the past SOO MUCH, it is HARDEST for me to get a job in a place that does background checks, only to find that cursed E.D. Page those EVIL TROLLS created against me at the TOP of the list.

I started my OWN Wikipedia page to hopefully counter that and better the people's General Understand of the Noble Gentleman I truly am. I SPENT HOURS, recalling MEMORY after MEMORY to type up the HONEST-TO-GOD TRUTH.

I DO NOT CARE about the erroneous listings or false information listed on other pages; I ONLY WISH TO TELL THE TRUTH AND SPREAD IT ON THE INTERNET.

Plus, I have Vanessa Anne Hudgens as an honest, very close Gal-Pal, and you know very well how powerful she is as a STAR.

I have created a video on YouTube respectfully asking to leave my Wikipedia ALONE with MY HONEST TRUTH from MY OWN High-Functioning Autistic Head; my LOYAL FANBASE will be sending you letters.

UNDO YOUR DELETION, PLEASE.

--Christian Weston Chandler (talk) 01:25, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

In short, Chris doesn't give a shit about contributing to Wikipedia, only wanting free PR. The page has been re-upped but hopefully Wikipedia will remove the page again, because who should have to suffer reading about the EPIC FAIL that is this overweight, retarded manchild?

June 11, 2009, after some people impersonated Chris on Wikipedia, one of them used a proxy and TOW tracked a bunch of vandal accounts using the proxy and falsely blamed it all on Chris.

Videos

Previous Video  |  Next Video

 
 
BACK THE FUCK OFF!!!
 

 

—GANGSTA CHRIS MOTHAFUCKA

 
 
HHNNNNNNGGHHH! STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH! I WILL PONCH HIS LIGHTS OUT!
 

 

Shit was SO CLYDE CASH!

 
 
1. Go on a date with Chris-chan

2. Slip a roofie into his Fanta to knock him out

3. When he wakes up, tell him we fucked for all of 3 seconds, and leave

4. Get knocked up by some other guy

5. Call Chris and tell him I'm carrying his daughter

6. Have an abortion

7. Mail the fetus in a pickle jar to Chris with a label that says "Crystal Weston Chandler"

8. ????

9. PROFIT!!!!!!
 


 

—Iyasaekki

Practice Wedding

Some time last Thursday Chris took a further leap into madness by uploading a new shitty video where he pops the question on his latest Sweetheart. Chris croons along with Celine Dion as he bombards your eyes with more of his shitty drawings. Apparently Chris believes IF YOU GET MARRIED IN THE COMIC, YOU GET MARRIED IN REAL LIFE.

Note all the Glade Plugins. It's business time.
Note all the Glade Plugins. It's business time.

WHY SHOULD I CARE?

These sort of antics are exactly what we've come to expect of Chris and it would be wholly unremarkable if Chris hadn't drawn a super special "Honeymoon" Comic featuring his autistic dick. Chris really knows what girls want. What girl wouldn't ask for crude drawings of a broken, bent penis?

 
 
THANK YOU, GOD!
 

 

—what Chris cries out during simultaneous furry orgasm

Download it here

Chris chan on The radio

Last thursday, chris chan recieved mainstream attention, check it out here.

http://www.wbcn.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3705145

Chris-chan gets mentioned on Los Angeles's KROQ

Chris Chan: Barfly

Sometime last thursday, Chris took a shower and went outside to partake in what is considered a normal activity for ronery losers his age: drinking.

Of course he got drunk and acted like a complete tit, showing off his well-honed singing voice and ability to identify instruments that are not guitars, but it's probably the closest to normal he's acted in the last 15 years.

Chris Chan: Don't Trust Them Homos

Upon the reclaimation of his Jewtube account, he decided to show his nigger-loving ways and produce a new video, with audio only, proclaiming just how awesome that faggots are.



 
 
Thank God for mirrors
 

 

The Internet - because who doesn't like a lulzcow singing beautifully

Of course it was only a matter of time till someone made the video more appropriate, so sometime Last thursday, A challenger appears and this is what came of it.

Gallery of Horrors

Chris Chan Galleries (Don't click if you don't want to see)
Rule 34 Fanart Drawings Trolling


Rosechu Nudes


Chris-drawn rule 34


Chris-chan Noodz
 
 
"After absorbing the power of the 7 Chaos Emeralds,

Sonichu transforms into his Super-Form where he is
invincible beyond compare. He can fly sky-high and
has the most powerful Lightining Attacks."

 


 

—Chris-chan


Tranny




Fanart Gallery




Original Art Gallery




Medallion Get


Email Trolling


EbaumsWorld


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Sex Scandals

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Other Notable Retards with Sonic Recolors

Links

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Stuff shat out by Chris-chan

Unfunny shit not made by Chris-chan


Chris-chan is an Epic Lolcow
One page alone is not enough...
People in Chris-chan's world
Places in Chris-chan's World

First Sex Scandal
Second Sex Scandal
Third Sex Scandal

The Megan Saga




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