Call of Duty 4
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Call of Duty 4: Ancient Warfare (also known as Cod Four and Cock of Doody Porn: Modern Whorefare by the super 1337) is an amazingly thrilling and lifelike First Person War Simulation.
The realism even extends to:
- Taking 7 rounds to the face, ducking for 10 seconds, and coming back up unharmed.
- Respawning helicopter gunners and invincible pilots.
- Rabid dogs falling from the ceiling.
- Guns that magically go through walls and can be seen sticking into doors.
- Magic helicopter deflection shields that can block Tomahawk missiles.
- Players can fire their weapons with the clips out and slides open by merely pressing the fire button.
- Enemies calling in backup units out of brick walls.
- Lots of grenades - just like in a real war!
As you can tell, the folks at Activision must have put hundreds of hours of work into making only the most top quality and long-lasting game they could. So what do you get for your $60? Four gut-bustingly hilarious hours of watching yourself try to scramble over objects that are only three feet high and failing miserably. When you get to the end, it's a rip-snorting good time as you shoot at Russians from the back of a truck whilst speeding along the highway at 80 miles an hour.
What? It's an action-packed game, it doesn't have time to make sense be even remotely playable!
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[edit] Multiplayer
The game has every twelve-year-old Korean and their dog by the balls, rabidly clinging to their controllers as they blast their 40th sand nigger. Gameplay consists of either Russians shooting Britfags or Islamic terrorists shooting Americans. Yes, that's about it...don't ask me how the game has captivated (American) audiences everywhere.
Despite being a festering pile of tripe, enjoyed by only the most deeply retarded children, it happens to make up 80% of the game's content.
[edit] Achievements
- Richard Simmons Award - Rape 69 players from behind. Must be done in some sort of sporty workout clothing.
- /b/tard Award - Enter the word "DESU" into chat exactly 9,001 times.
- Newfag Award - Enter the phrase "Rules of the internet" into chat at any time during gameplay.
- True Man Award - Snipe someone from over 200 yards with the pump-shotgun.
- Unfunny Award - Make reference to a meme which is considered cancer that is killing /b/.
- WoW Fag Award - Play the game for over 24 hours without stopping. Additional micro$oft points awarded if the player weighs over two hundred pounds.
- Asian Motherfucker Award - Kill 600 enemies within a match. Receive millions upon millions of dollars worth of hookers and blow.
- Divine Cleansing Award - Kill an African-American player enough times in a row to warrant them quitting forever.
- Script-Kiddie Award - Try to run subseven on a local server, fail.
- Gaiafag Award - Get the Unfunny Award at least 100 times.
- Anonymous Award - Block a building to prevent AIDS-infested players from entering.
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[edit] Ranking System
Apparently the fanboys' main attraction to this ass-vomit is the inclusion of the ability to "level up" your character as you ethnically cleanse more and more people with the gall to have differently colored skin. If you hadn't already guessed, this is merely Infinity Ward the developers blatantly cashing in on the "Em Em Oh" craze sweeping the world. With the promise of moar levels if they just keep going a little longer, the average player's brain is no match for the immense allure of this game's multiplayer mode.
[edit] Players
Only the most pitiful Counter-Strike n00bs bother with playing Call of Duty 4, mostly due to their inability to point a motherfucking gun at someone's head and pull the trigger. Inexperienced twelve-year-olds are oh-so-welcome to the "Cod Four" battleground, as the in-game weapons have little to absolutely no recoil. This usually leads to clusterfucks of erratically aiming players spraying bullets in the general direction of one another. Be warned, skilled players: you may well find yourself winning matches constantly even though you're tons of levels lower than the players you're trampling.[edit] Hackers on Steroids Jenkem
For kids that have lost all hope at ever being able to aim a gun at someone and fire, there are free h4x all around the internets. Hacks such as sp0rkeh enable them to exact their revenge upon those that raped them up the ass on the map Shipment. After activating sp0rkeh, the player is presented with a menu that enables them to:
- Become invisible
- Shoot through walls
- Automatically aim at players' heads
- Run at 3x the normal speed
- Never have to reload
As you can tell, these sort of hacks can generate absolute havoc in a match full of normal players. Bonus points if they all have microphones hooked up to their consoles.
[edit] Gamespot Review
Gamespot recently reviewed this game. Like always however Gamespot's review was mainly influenced by money and greed. It received a 9.0 out of 10 because the game sucked and the reviewer didn't want to get his ass fired!
[edit] Gamespots Merits
| Gamespot's Merits, Lulz Edition | ||||
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[edit] Youtube
[edit] Nuclear Explosion
[edit] Little Kids on Ecksbawks Liev
[edit] Prickbags
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Call of Duty 4 is part of a series on Gaming. |
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