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From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Sometimes referred to as "Northern America", "Ca-nada", "Canawduh", "Gaynadia", "Can'tada", "Soviet Canuckistan", "America Jr.", "America Lite", "Diet America", "America's Hat", "Fake-USA", "The flea on America's ass", "U.S.EH", "the US of EH", "That big blank space between normal people and Alaska", "America's scapegoat", "America's fro", or "The 51st State." Canadia is a country located immediately north of the United States, starting directly above Portland, Maine. The two nations share a lot of similarities, except that Canadia is always cold and its currency — called "dollarettes" — is currently buttsecksing the US dollar every other day. But then what currency isn't? Many LJ users are from Canadia. It is hated by the Westboro Baptist Church due to its high population of fags and Cunucians (as we call them).

Because they have even shittier TV programming than UPN, people in Canadia are often not as stupid as people in Alabama. Unless they actually watch television. Then that makes them just behind Pakistani border people in terms of stupidity.

Citizens of Canadia are often referred to as "Canadians," "Canadianans," "Canadianese," "Canadiananalists," "Canadorks," "Canidiots," "Mother Canuckers," "Ice Niggers," or "Slush Niggers" depending on where in Canadia they live, although the official term is "Canadans." No one knows where the "i" went, so don't ask. Those of French ancestry are called "Canadois". In the United States, it is illegal to be Canadan. On the reverse side, privileged White liberal American pinkos sleep safe in the knowledge that, should it all go to shit, they can always deposit 400k into a Canadin bank, take one up the ass and get instant Canadan citizenship.

Canadians believe they enjoy a majority of French, or English ancestry but a billion Hong Kongers and Pakis moved there last Thursday, vastly outnumbering the multicultural whiteys. At least the Spics and Niggers can't stand the cold, amirite?

Canadians Have an inch thick atmosphere around them that secretes unimportant enyzmes, but when this enzyme hits our atmesphere it mutates into AIDS. Not only that but Canadians infected 3 billion people with the Parasite.

You know you're in Canada when you come across road signs that say "Moose Jaw" or "White Horse" and "Red Deer".

Contents 1 Government 2 Social policy 3 Geography 4 Economy 5 Immigration 6 Culture 7 List of 10 famous Canadans 8 Mostly known for 9 List of favorite canadian sports 10 Major cities 11 Armed forces 12 Mounties 13 Trivia 14 Canadia to host lolicon 15 Gallery, eh 16 "Best things about Canada" polls for your voting pleasure 17 Other external links

[edit] Government

Canadia is still a part of the British Empire and as such the head of its government is Queen Elizabeth II, who is the top member of the British royal family. She rules the "great white north" with an iron fisting, requiring all Canadans to be unfailing polite liberal pussies and to play ice hockey a minimum of five nights a week. The word "eh?," in Canadia, translates to mean "God Save the Queen," and thus the Queen also requires Canadans to use the term at least fifty times a sentence, eh?

Canada is the only country under the British monarchy who is allowed a president. According to Canada's leftards their president is not as stupid as Americas Prime Minister, despite evidence to the contrary. So it is advised that you ask Canadafags you meet all about their beloved president.

[edit] Social policy

Long known for its population's weakness and propensity for cutting, Canadia has instituted a socialist healthcare system. This means that while no one has to directly pay for medical treatment, Canadans have a tax rate of 109%. There are plentiful and free abortions, resulting in both low crime rates and decreased niggerdom, so there is an upside. So if your into Goatse and your anus ripps. You can get stitched back together for free. Plus the free medium-grade drugs aren't that bad either.

In addition, it is the decree of Canadia's Archbishop of Health Care that all Canadans must hoard flu shots for use as salad dressing and personal lubricant.

Canadia has the highest population of homosexuals of any country in the world. Using terrorist threats (specifically, Celine Dion), Gaynadians forced the Queen to legalize gay marriage, effectively ending Canadan society and instituting mass anarchy. While no one has yet been killed, there have been several "ambush makeovers". When gay marriage was legalized, many of the homosexuals decided to celebrate by building a large, penis shaped building in downtown Toronto. However, the Arabs later outdid the Gaynadan construction workers, by building an even bigger tower in Dubai; just going to show that they're trying to compensate for something that they desperately lack.

“	Just because 10% of the population of Canada is French, doesn't mean that I'm going to learn the language. Ten percent of the population is gay also, but I'm not going to learn how to suck a cock.	„
—Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada (When asked why he doesn't speak French)

[edit] Geography

Canadia is the second-largest country on Earth in terms of land-area. That is, if you consider frozen water to be land. But since only about .01 percent of that land-area is not a permanently frozen shithole, this honor really doesn't amount to much. Plus, this benefit of a large landmass means little for defensive purposes. However, uneasy and intimidated Canadians sometimes spout out, "Our country is bigger than the US!" believing that this somehow means they are more powerful. Other Canadans just say this in attempt to salvage their pathetic Canadian dignity, even though they know full-well that if the US decided to, they could easily invade and conquer Canada in a short amount of time (starting shortly after breakfast with "mission accomplished" sometime before lunch). Unless they release the beavers, in which case everyone is fucked.

[edit] Economy

Canadia is always cold, so its primary export is ice and ice-related products (like ice hockey and iceberg lettuce). Canadia is also the world's primary producer of Slurpees, which, despite the weather, can be enjoyed from any of the country's several thousand 7-11 or Tim Horton's establishments. Often, Canadans use Slurpees to warm themselves on cold winter nights.

Canadia's other main export products include animal cruelty, mediocrity, Rush, and Celine Dion CDs. They did not want Dion in the first place, and exported her at one point to the USA, but since then have bought most of her back in the form of digital media. They use her to scare away caribou and heterosexual men.

Canadia is best known for being America's bitch in nearly all areas of economics. 99.99% of Canadia's national income comes from wealthy American tourists and investors while the other 99.98% of it comes from the mineral rights stolen from Lakotastan. They even get ecto-nomically bitchslapped by the USA, having only 1/3 as many ghosts per family household.

Basement Pot Farms account for about 110% of the average personal income and are the only sector of the economy still in private hands. This will end soon, however, since pot farms are to be imminently socialized and integrated into the Supreme Church of Healthcare and Discotheque.

[edit] Immigration

Azathar wishes he was Canadan, but reckless use of a hamster is illegal in that country and will bar one from immigrating. Canadia also demands that all immigrants be ethnically diverse and that, upon arriving in Canadia, an immigrant must open a restaurants based on said ethnicity.

[edit] Culture

Canadia is a cultural wasteland as they have none at all, except they call their eskimos by some madeup word that isn't even English. "Indigenous" Meaning something that supposed to mean something. Being so close to America that's mostly what they are all about. Sometimes they like to pretend they're Brits by spelling things funny but even their Queer French have their own separatist homeland. Wussies. Some French fags have to raise shit every 5 years or so to make their balls feel big because even France doesn't want them back.

Their communist government, in order to pretend Canadia has something to say about itself, actually pays Canadans to be artists and documentary film-makers. They've managed to get their "art" into America via a method too subtle for America's Department of Homeland Security to detect - they give it away to the most obvious failures of American capitalism: PBS and pubic schools.

One of Canadia's most cherished foods is apple-sauce.

In the 80s Canadia almost forced a coup d'etat in American radio. They taxed themselves to bankruptcy in order to finance paying American radio stations to play Bryan Adams songs. They paid off rambling Rolling Stone commentators to give Bryan Adams good reviews, and gave free vacations to everyone at MTV if they would go along and pretend Bryan Adams was hip - as if the Canadan "Summer of 69" was anything other than pretending they weren't smelly expatriate draft-dodging American hippies. To this day the entire country lives off the royalty checks from the RIAA every time a Bryan Adams song gets played on a Fox reality show like "Skating with Celebrities".

But mostly they sit at home drinking beer and watching hockey.

Canadians also invented the mullet decades before Americunt white trash ever did. This is not something they should be proud of.

If the people of Alberta get their way, the national sport will be changed to cat murders.

[edit] List of 10 famous Canadans

1.  
2.  
3.  
4.  
5.  
6.  
7.  
8.  
9.  ????
10.  PROFIT!

Note that the United States' "witness re-location program" ex-patriates Americans to Canada so they may live anonymously as famous Canadians.

Rush does not count. Neither does Celine Dion. Wayne Gretzky moved to America, and even if he didn't give up citizenship, fuck him. Alexander Graham Bell went to America with his telephone once, making him a staunch Yankee. As for Pamela Anderson, only her tits are famous, and those were most likely made in Lapunta.

Some argue that Canada's recently elected President, Chuggo, is the only famous Canadian.

[edit] Mostly known for

• The Avro Arrow
• Being close to the United States.
• Igloos in the north.
• Ricky, Bubbles, and Julian (also known as The Fantastic Four)
• Being gay.
• Having buttsecks with beavers
• lookin at ben ferris in shower
• Lumberjacks in the west (see monty python)
• The antics of the cast of Corner Gas in the bigger then Texas Canadian Prairies.
• Newfies in the east.
• Trailer park meth labs (see "Newfies").
• Brightly colored police uniforms that make them all look like gay idiots (Mounties).
• Having three names for the hooded sweatshirt: hoodie, Bunnyhug, and hooded sweatshirt.
• Saying "Hoser" and "Eh?" until you want to apply a hammer directly to their forehead.
• Using a completely wussy temperature system, AKA Celsius. Celsius is uses the boiling and freezing points of water for its 0 and 100 marks, whereas Fahrenheit is based on alcohol. Who's cool now Canadia?
• Hating liberty and using the metric system.
• producing mediocre actors( william shatner) who cant...talk at...the normal...rate and believing they are better then ur average teabag.
• 2 drunk Canuckistanis who showed up on tv one day
• Frolicking with the beavers, geese, moose and the like.
• Having meals consisting of canadian bacon and a glass of maple syrup.
• Hockey lockouts.
• Their Army's leet skillz.
• Unleashing the demon queen Celine Dion upon an unsuspecting world.
• Pretending they are people.
• Storing milk in bags.
• Harvesting beavers for gay clothing.
• Unity (see flame wars).
• Having a lot of Basement dwellers.
• Being America's hat.
• Being invented by liberal Americunts so they have a place in which to dodge the draft.
• Being the vacation destination of choice for every brit too retarded to commit a felony and get sent to Australia.
• Space Moose
• 420chan
• 9/11

[edit] List of favorite canadian sports

• Ice-skating to work and back on the local river
• Taxidermy
• Pogroms
• Sodomy
• Puffin-Fu
• Patching the igloo after the last caribou attack
• "Curling" (only Canadians know what it is)
• Hockey
• Taking LSD and doing snow angels under the Northern Lights
• Chewing spouse's mukluks at dawn so they will be soft enough to wear
• Elk milking
• Building ice-forts to keep Niggers out
• Drinking a case of Labatt's while listening to police radio scanners all night waiting for something, anything illegal to happen
• Beating geese in your 1000 hectare backyard with a badminton racket
• Watching web-cams all day
• Debating the validity of a government run alcohol industry
• Developing improvisational comedy routines
• "Poutine" parties
• Cute-baby-seal-slaughtering
• Scrimshaw
• Ice rape
• GROUP MAN SECKS!! days on end, causing massive butthurt.
• Maple Syrup chugging
• Asking about the weather where someone else is
• Neighborhood cat microwaving

[edit] Major cities

The only major cities in Canadia are Vancouver, which is the only Canadian city that is not run over by a glacier during winter. Montreal, though located within the country's borders, actually belongs to France, Toronto (which has roughly a tenth of Canada's population) is identical to New York (except that in New York you have black folks rapping about fucking bitches, and in Toronto you have AHHH! C'MON FUCK A GUY), Calgary has established itself as the conservative 'racing stripe' of Canadia's toilet bowl, Ottawa does not exist, and Edmonton, as the newest Major city of Canadia, got pwned by West Edmonton Mall and collapsed.

[edit] Armed forces

Canadia's only Military Victory in their history was during WWII. But this means little because the United States paid for their entire war budget (including that of Britain, France, Australia and Russia) and supplied the then poverty-ridden Canadians with all of their weapons, supplies, ammunition and food.

Canadians falsely suggest that Canadia had a more important role in WWII than the United States, claiming that since they joined the war slightly earlier than the US, this somehow means they did more. But during WWII, the only time Canadians won a battle was either when they were commanded by US forces, had US forces do all the hard work, or when the enemy laughed themselves to death from the sight of Canadan troops. When Canadians were fighting independently they just ran around screaming "What do we do, eh?" The times when Canadia played a bigger role, usually US soldiers would kill the enemy, secure a town and move on while the Canadians occupied the town and proceeded to eat maple syrup and proclaim victory. Oh they also did the heavy lifting in Belgium but it was only because they needed maple syrup for their waffles.

Oh, there was the War of 1812, where they(British) burned down the White House... no wait they didn't, they burned down the goddamn city AND the White House under the command of Sir George Cockburn (lmao no lie!).Which was a retaliatory act after Americans looted, and burned down York. Which was Canadias capital at the time. People are just too fucking lazy to pick up a history book. Canadia attempted to invade New Orleans, only to recieve one of the most epic buttrapes in the war.

Canadia is currently undertaking a massive project in their armed forces division. They have bred over 2 million beavers with lasers embedded in their tails. It has been long known that the Canadians are at one with the beaver and the two have had an easy truce since the countries inception, but this latest movement could mean doom for the world. Along with the beavers, the Canadian Forces have secured a number of polar bears that have been bread with Nazis to create the new military division called the 1st Polar Nazi Brigade. They are currently stationed on the US border in order to deter the Hollywood Jews from filming further in Toronto, (which is currently populated by the Cloverfield monster.)

Despite what is written above, Canadia is known to have the best military snipers in all the world since they are all sand-nigger hunters. Seriously, some argue that I once saw a fucking psycho 13 year old hunting squirrels with 12" crossbow bolts up there. It is unknown where Canadians gained this ability since there are no gun stores in Canada, although it is suspected that beavers, Rocky and Bullwinkle and stray kangaroos played a part. Others argue it's sheer fucking boredom that drives them to get good at something that doesn't have the words "hockey" or "beer" in it.

Inexplicably, however, during international war games, Canadia seems to win every time (they enjoy taking close up pics of Amerifags ship hulls from their broke ass subs that are apparently fucking sneaky when they aren't on fire). I can't fucking figure it out. The answer probably lies in their machinery turning into high velocity shrapnel half the time. Fucking lowest bidder.

[edit] Mounties

Canadia's best means of defense are the elite, strong, and well trained mounties. Better known as horse riding, they number approximately 32 in number and will permaban you from life. The Canadans can't do anything well, no matter how hard they try, except for play hockey and grow trees.

[edit] Trivia

Canadia is bigger and it's on top. If North America were a prison, America would be Canadia's bitch. Or Alaska would be fucking Canada in the ass while America railed Canada's syrupy vagina. Whichever is easier for you to masturbate to.

If the World was a sitcom, Canadia would be America's annoying sister.

Although most people outside of Canadia realize that Canadia barely has the qualifications to be considered a real country in the first place, liberal Amerifags pretend to be Canadian to fool Eurotrash into liking them. LULZ

Canada's north contains a vast armada of woop shooping aeroplanes, capable of ionizing all who oppose them. They are cleverly disguised as snow.

Canada has a vast hidden nuclear arsenal with ICBMs under every Tim Hortons.

[edit] Canadia to host lolicon

Canadia has always been known as a liberal country but now they can have their own pedofest due to the legal age of consent being a MONGO sized 14. Now we know what else there is to do in Canadia apart from dog sledding and building igloo's.

Check out Canadia, the home of free drugs and pedophiles

Age of consent is no longer an epic 14, it is now 16.

CONFIRMED: Canada has one of the worst records in the world on enforcing laws against child-sex tourism. [1]

Canadian Mounties don't take shit from anyone. Looking at them will result in immediate tasering followed by rape.

[edit] Gallery, eh

The flag of Canadia	O Canada!	Typical Canadian	Typical Canadians home
The Emperor of Canadia	Fagged milk.	Bagged milk is cheaper, leaving us with more money to buy the things we love.	DELICIOUS MILK. I MUST DRINK IT!
Something to do with Canada. And boards.	What's next? Freedom Fries covered with cheese and gravy?	The Soviet Canuckistan Flag	For Wapanese-Canadian
From a very big "Pro Canada" campaign in Germany.	A typical friendly looking Canadan.	"Canadian" is a race.	Oh my, how original.

• Another kind of bagged milk.

Canadians, rather than making life easy and storing milk in the traditional way, prefer to use bags.

"lol, it's true..." - Anonymous Canuk

[edit] "Best things about Canada" polls for your voting pleasure

• Best thing about Canada.
• What do you most like about Canada?

[edit] Other external links

• Saskatoon Scanner A guy from Saskatoon, Sasquatcheewank, Canadia

4chanarchive has archived threads related to this topic for græt justice. [Collapse] [Click for links] 1 52187497: canada > all?

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