Cancer
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Cancer is a form of physiological retardation. After a human being does something stupid like smoke cigarettes or eat paint chips, little biological things in their body called cells start to act all freaky. Whereas the body is usually able to recognize old and decrepit cells and euthanize them properly, a cancer patient is like a nearsighted kid that can't see the difference between Jessica Alba and a pig with lipstick, resulting in a situation where ugly and damaged cells that need to die simply don't get killed off. Instead, these gimpy cells reproduce by splitting into new retard baby cells, endlessly flooding a random body part. Once the body notices that a body part has been taken over by the cancer, it wisely attempts to remove itself from the gene pool. This is also seen in american society, the instant American Idol was introduced to TV. Thought and intelligence was suddenly flooded, raped, and thrown down into the dirt by all the retards that MTV usually maintains fairly well. Soon society will collapse when unable to decide who can do the best cover of a song from the lion king.
Your mom probably has cancer. This makes her whine and have hyperactive fits making her think she's going to die. This causes you some butthurt, most likely.
Contents |
[edit] Causes of Cancer
- RFID Chips
- Littering of ED articles with
wackyunfunny 4chan memes - Anime
- 4chan
- Talking about the government
- Reading Portal Youtube comments
- The Sheeny Curse
- Cigarettes
- Fluorescent light bulbs
- Sitting too close to the TV
- Being nice to wheelchair people
- Being Andy Kaufman
- Everything else
- you
[edit] What Can I Do To Fight Cancer?
Donate to Encyclopedia Dramatica to further our extensive cancer research and help save lives. You can also rid non-4chan related articles of memes to improve the quality and fight the chanfag cancer that has been eating away at ED for years. And you can also encourage everyone to not talk to, or try to be friends with cancer patients so they will all die and not pass on their disgusting cancerous genes.
[edit] Suppression of cancer cure by pharmacuetical giants /b/
For at least 50 years, the cure for all cancers, has been utterly suppressed by major pharmaceutical corporations, hospitals, and doctors /b/. Due to the fact that they are making hundreds of billions of dollars every year from treatments, and cancer drugs. At least 15 people who have claimed to have cured cancer, and 12 of them who have proven that they have, have all died under mysterious circumstances. One claimed that he was driven off the road, shot at, poisoned, had their houses arsoned, and was eventually killed by assassins employed by pharmaceutical giants moot so the corporate executives and CEO's can enjoy rich, luxurious lifestyles. Greed is the cause of all the problems in this world.
[edit] Types Of Cancer
- Lung Cancer: This form of cancer rids the world of those macho smoker assholes who try to look cool in front of ugly girls.
- Brain Cancer: This cancer turns you into a drooling retard idiot, like Gothreaper.
- Jewkemia: This is the worst cancer ever. It is caused by the dreaded Sheeny Curse, an ancient curse that Jews use to kill people and steal their money.
- /b/ Cancer: Self-explanatory.
