CaptAWB1
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| —AWB, apforums.net |
CaptAWB1, also known as captawb and AWB (formerly "Pass the Rootbeer") is an Evangelion fanboy and all around faggot whose mom was murdered by Shrek last thursday.
Contents |
[edit] The Story
The day started out well because CaptAWB1 decided to go out and have some fun. And that, is eventually what made it so horrible.
The Captain headed down to the local gay district, using the bus for the first time ever to get there. He then frolicked about all day buying animu and doing a plethora of other interesting things. After awhile he began to feel urges to go home to his mother, but the urges subsided when he found out Shrek the 3rd was playing at the Mann Theater.
The film was arlight, btw. Not worth the 10 bucks.
Then he came home, having been gone for over 9000 hours. He saw his mother lying on the bed, mouth open, lips encrusted with semen, ass wide open. He whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said Shrek and it had dead moms in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought "Nah, forget it. Yo homes, to Bel-Air!"
Had he gone home instead of seeing SHREK he could have prevented her death.
Instead of calling paramedics or the proper authorities upon her death, he decided the best course of action was to go onto the internet and post a scathing review of Shrek the 3rd, with his mother's death as a footnote. Then he posted the obligatory "Oh my god mom is dead what am I going to do I need attention to get me through this grief," all the while masturbating and getting in a money shot on his mother's pale face, so he could see what it was like to coat a human female with his manload.
[edit] Violence Against Minors
Skipped work. Went to a donut place to met up with Raffi, an old friend from High School I haven't seen in a while. He brought his brother along. I hate him. He's such an asshole. He's like cap'n carter: he thinks being annoying and mocking others in not only hillarious, but it's also his way of life. Let's just say he said a few bad jokes about my mom too many, even after I told him to stop. It wasn't until his 'Mom eating up dirt' joke that I lost it, and did something completely out of character.
I grabbed him by the throat, choking him. I waited until he was finished choughing up donuts, then slammed his head onto the table. Then I poured my bottle of Sprite down his pants, told him to go fuck himself, and left. Normally I'd regreat doing such things, but not this time. I don't care if his parents are screaming and screeching at my door. He deserved it so badly.
And that, folks, is why I don't socialize."
[edit] Who REALLY Murdered CaptAWB1's mom?!
- Niggers
- Chris Benoit
- Hitler
- George Zimmer
- Some Puerto Rican Guy
- Tay Zonday (synonymous with Niggers)
- You
- Alcoholism
- Niggers
- Gary Oak
- Niggers
[edit] AP Forums
When Andrew first started out on this forum, he quickly hit it off with a popular member, CosmicDebris. At that time he went by Captain AWB1. This random association of words (it's his initials) befuddled Cosmic. She said it reminded her of A&W Root Beer. This was so hilarious, it ended up being his sig briefly when he was still starting out. Now Cosmic and Captain AWB1 were the best of friends; he compliments any/all of her artistic endeavors, like every other female artist at AP forums. This ensures him a nice seat next to them in this circle of friends.
However, this paradise was tainted by the presence of AP's resident "funny" guy, Cap'n Carter. Carter's shrewd, tactless way with words made Andrew BAWWWWWWWW countless times since their first encounter. So, Andrew hates him. Carter has yet to give a fuck about this.
As if Andrew's life couldn't get any worse, this 18-year-old man's mother did not approve of him going to forums, so she made him request a ban from the mods. The friends he made, all of which he had complimented in the past, BAWWWWWWWWWED at the horrible news.
However, no! To go against his mother's wishes, this sly, clever fox found a way around getting banned! And so, using his fondest memory, he renamed himself...
PASS
THE
ROOTBEER!
A hero was reborn!
Recently, after receiving much butthurt for being such a fag, and with his mom out of the picture, he cast aside his clever ruse of a name and renamed himself AWB. Faggotry still coming out at optimum efficiency.
[edit] Cosplay
Recently, to fill in the gap in his soul that was messily eaten out and fucked repeatedly by Shrek, AWB has turned to the fine art of cosplay, popular pastime of weeaboos and various other internet faggots.
His debut into the exciting world of dress-up gayness was a slapped together costume of Brook, a living skeleton from One Piece. Utilizing a girdle to hide some of his big bones, a skull mask stolen from an 8-year-old, a Dollar Store skeleton shirt left over from Halloween, construction paper for a shitty hat, and stolen negro pubic hair for a wig, he trompted around some gay con searching for some dick. Much to his dismay, he was commonly mistaken as "Jack Skellington" as well as properly labeled as a faggot, with constant jeers and objects thrown at him. The skull mask was very handy for hiding the tear.
His most recent and future costumed Holocaust will be of Leeron, a big gay homosexual queer from Gurren Lagann. He's moving slightly in the right direction because the character in question craves dick almost as much as he does, but it's also several steps backwards because the character is also not 300 pounds, and wears very tight clothing. In other words, this is a recipe for horror and blindness. Because of his use of makeup in this venture, it is speculated that he is attempting to emulate his loving and very dead mother. Cosplay enthusiasts all over hope he will grow a fucking brain, realize how ugly and fat he is, and stop it.
 |
 Oh dear lord |
 This eyeshadow is so not my color! |
 /cgl/ as helpful and loving as always |
 my cosplay is safe |
