Castlevania
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Castlevania is a video game series by Konami where you play a vampire hunter in every single game. Of course, Dracula was made up by Bram Stoker, an Irish gentleman, but Konami refuses to give his heirs the royalties they deserve. Castlevania's the only video game series in existence where you get to enjoy the irony of killing Death. Not anymore.
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[edit] The Belmonts
The Belmonts are a family of vampire hunters that use a whip, crosses, holy water, axes, knives and other stuff to kill Dracula (Over and over) and his minions. A few notable Belmonts include:
- Leon: The first member of the clan to wield the whip. He had anger issues and some very lame lines, such as "I'LL KILL YOU AND THE NIGHT!" and "CARVE THEM ON YOUR CURSED BODY AND PERISH!". He's also emo, which is surprising, since the game took place in 1095 AD, when the emo subculture was yet to befoul the world.
- Sonia: The only female Belmont. Had some unique abilities that did not return in later games. Unfortunately, she was only in an older GameBoy game, so she isn't exactly good fap material, unless you find vaguely woman-shaped pixels attractive. She did beat the crap out of Alucard. She is not considered part of the Castlevania canon timeline anymore, for some reason.
- Simon: The Belmont everyone knows and loves, and starred in the original, which is always the best. Truly all that is man.
- Juste: Simon's grandson. How a family from Romania got a French-named kid is anyone's guess.
- Richter: Fought alongside Maria Renard and Alucard. He was controlled by Dracula, but only after getting his shit kicked in by Alucard did he come to his senses. He originally looked like Ryu, but was updated for Symphony of The Night and the Dracula X Chronicles to look like every other Belmont, with the added bonus of greasy, unkempt hair.
- Julius: A modern Belmont, Julius is the most powerful Belmont to date, and is the only one to have facial hair, which may or may not be related to his powers.
- All the other Belmonts: Everyone is looking forward to games about them, because they are very powerful, interesting and I think Belmonts is a a pretty cool guy, eh kills monsters and doesn't afraid of anything amirite?
[edit] Other characters
- Dracula: The constant villain of the series. In every game, he gets brought back from the dead, and a Belmont has to kill him again. His usual tactics include breaking a number of wine glasses and transforming into his true form, which is never the same thing in any game, possibly the only variety in the series. Supposedly destroyed once and for all by Julius Belmont in 1999.
- Death: Dracula's sidekick who has to get his shit kicked in every game. Though he's supposed to be the incarnation of death, he gets his ass kicked a lot, and is notable for downright bizarre voice acting in some games (Such as Portrait of Ruin).
- Alucard: The son of Dracula, and his pseudonym is Dracula spelled backwards. His real name is "Adrian Farenheit Tepes". He is the most fapped-to person in the series. He hates his dad, probably because he was not given enough hugs as a child. Is gay for Richter Belmont. Suggestions have been made of just going ahead and making a game where you play as Alucard to rescue Alucard from Alucard in a castle that's made of nothing but high-resolution images of Alucard. Too bad that can't happen because he became an hero after realizing his own blood is cursed, fucktards!!!1!!
- Soma Cruz: A high school exchange student in Japan in 2035 who is supposed to be Dracula's reincarnation, and can absorb souls from monsters. He can equip souls to gain new attacks and transform. He is quite androgynous, only surpassed by Alucard and his disguise Genya Arikado when it comes to looking like an animu man-whore.
[edit] THE GAMES
- The Early Games: These games all had the same basic gameplay. The early Belmonts had not yet evolved the ability to change direction in the middle of a jump or the ability to jump off of stairs, causing all but the most persistent gamers to break their systems.
- The Nintendo 64 Games: Even though series producer Koji Igarashi doesn't want to admit these games exist, they do. In both you had the choice of playing a Belmont wannabe, a magical girl, or a furry. The plot usually involved saving a loved one from Dracula's clutches. Famous for being even more frustrating to play than the old games. Castlevania 64's only enemies are skeletons which include giant skeletons, skeletons riding motorcycles(even though it's set in the 1800s) and dragon skeletons.
- The New Games: Symphony of the Night changed everything. Now there are RPG elements, backtracking, and other things ripped off of Metroid. They've also been subjected to many graphical and stylistic overhauls. No doubt a case of Konami jumping the shark.
[edit] THE FANDOM
There's little information available about the Castlevania fandom currently.
However, what is known is that the fandom is divided into two camps, who spend most of their time arguing over whether or not Koji Igarashi is ruining the series. The pro-Igarashi camp believe that since he's in control of the series, he has every right to make changes as he sees fit. This often leads to pages-long forum threads where true fans begin fapping over pictures of Alucard while the old schoolers accuse them of being weeaboos, hilariously ignorant of Castlevania's origins.
The easiest way to troll a Castlevania board is to say that Castlevania: Legends is canon, and that Igarashi removed it from the time-line because he's sexist.
[edit] GALLERY
No fandom is free from cosplay... |
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[edit] See also
- What is a man?
- Vampire
- Christianity
- Konami
- Goth
- ICVD - A forum full of Castlevania fantards.
[edit] External Links
| Castlevania is part of a series on Gaming. |
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Categories: Gaming | Stub

