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Cat
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The substitute child for lonely spinsters and gay faggots, a cat is a common household pet and wannabe furry that people like to take pictures of and post in communities. Jameth has two cats that he very much loves to photograph. Cat owners are primarily people who can't catch actual furries.
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[edit] Are good for... ?
Cats have been historically worshiped by ancient Sand Nigger cultures. It is from this that the seventh planet Caturn was named, from the Egyptian and later Greek god of Time and felines, and today a day in our weekly calendar is named for this deity, Caturday. Cats are the only thing the /b/astards at 4chan have any love for in their godless lives. As shown here. It has been well documented that a cat is the only thing a /b/tard won't rape, except for one particularly lonely one.
Unlike large dogs, cats are useless for sex. A domestic cat's cunt is too small for even the smallest Asian person's penis. And a large cat will attack you like with Siegfried and Roy's tiger. Interestingly, talking about sex with cats can be stimulating for some cat lovers and, at the same time, quite distasteful to some other cat lovers.
There are rumors that cats are conspiring to take over the world. This is a bit sus. Their main plan of attack is showing people, other animals and inanimate objects their anus. By doing this, they weird out most normal people, animals and inanimate objects (except furries), causing them to turn away so they are free to further their own nefarious goals, the greatest of which is eating unwatched meals of food. Their plan of attack may also include tripping people up by winding between their legs, irreversible damage to furniture, hanging out on stairs, peeing on carpets and controlling people's minds.
[edit] Scientology and Cats
Scientologists are rumoured to despise cats, and have accused them of being in cahorts with the Marcab Confederacy. Sean Carasov's cat, Mudkips, was poisoned shortly after he (Carasov) was identified on a CO$ video. Naturally the cat, a stray whom Carasov fed, was a mortal threat to Scientologists everywhere and was also most likely a suppressive feline, therefore it was immediately designated fair game and was terminated by Tom Cruise. Cruise failed to destroy or even affect the cat using his OTVIII mind control powers, proving yet again that the cat itself was a deadly conundrum for CO$ followers everywhere, so he instead resorted to poisoning Mudkips by adding ammonia to the food that Carasov was leaving out for him - no, srsly. These events are likely to be documented in the forthcoming Mission: Impossible-IV which, like its predecessors, is sure to be a box office smash.
[edit] Cats in ancient folklore
Cats have often been associated with black magic, witches, and a variety of superstitions over roughly the last 9000 years. Some argue that this is due to cats having a mysterious nature, while others maintain that it is simply because all cats are badass motherfuckers with special powers and shit. Until recently it was believed to be bad luck if a black cat crossed your path. However, recent research has consistenly shown that it is only bad luck if a black human crosses your path.
[edit] Killing Cats for Fun and Profit
You can also pretend to people you know on LiveJournal that your cat has been set on fire and ask them to donate money to your Paypal to pay the vet's bill, even when this isn't true. This is a good idea because:
- it raises money
- it raises laughs (see also lulz)
- it creates Internet drama
- as long as you claim later it's all a social experiment then it's okay, right?
NB: There are a variety of options for raising money on LiveJournal by saying your pussy is on fire.
You can make money on Facebook by killing your neighbors cat then waiting for reward money for your name and outing yourself!
[edit] Cat Videos
Kittenz aren't that cu-AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!
An interview with Bobo, now deceased.
How horrible
[edit] Galleries
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[edit] See also
- Caturday
- Catnarok
- Longcat
- Tacgnol
- Tinkebell
- Limecat
- Zippocat
- OMGWTFBBQCATS is eating cats
- CATS
- Kitler
- Speedycat
- A cat is fine too
- Cat fight
- NEDM
- Invisible
- Tulip (Glaucoma Cat)
- Fishing Cat
- Octocat
- BIKECAT
- Death Cat
- Wang Jeu
[edit] External links
- Many cats, oh yes.
- Catster: a place for scratching furniture.
- The Infinite Cat Project.
- The Sleeping Cat Olympics
- Kittenwar!
- OMGWTFBBQCATS?
- Stuff + Cats = Awesome
- Panty Cat: "I don't understand why a cat sniffing panties is funny... it just is."
- Cruelty involving cats will offend even borderline trolls. OSCAR: NEVAR FORGET
- "help me or kitty gets it"
- Moar catz
- http://www.nobeliefs.com/cat.htm
- Some semi-decent ones without the lols that will some day make it to the galleries above
- You can literally waste hours of your life here.