Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Charlie & The Chocolate Factory is an old meme from 2005. It's the heart-warming (which also manages to warm up other blood-pumping organs) about a rich pedophile with a shit fetish who has the luxury of chosing a child to live with him forever in his factory.
The movie was a re-make of the 1970s movie Willy Wonker & The Chocolate Factory which nobody remembers - apart from that fucking annoying "Oopma-Loompa" song.
Contents |
[edit] The Plot
[edit] The Characters
- Willy Wonker: (Moar liek Willy Wanker amirite?) A local pedophile who lives alone in a giant factory and dresses like a psychotic clown. Even moar of a flamingly fabulous faggot than Chris Crocker.
- Dr. Wonka: Willy Wanker's daddy. Enjoyed doing things to his son's mouth. Which may explain something.
- The Oopma-Loompas: The result of genetic experimentation between sand niggers and midgets. Like most breeds of nigger they speak only in shitty songs. They are brown because, due to their size, they fit perfectly up Willy Wonker's ass. However although they are small, they are above the age of consent - which is of no good to Willy Wonker.
- Veruca Salt: Jailbait. Spoiled little shit you needs to gave a cock stuffed in her mouth to make her STFU.
- Violet Blowregard: Has a severe sense of unwarranted self-importance.
- Mike TeeVee: 13 year old boy and internet tough guy. But what 13 year old boy isn't?
- Charlie: Shotacon. The only child that survives the ordeal, only to be left with something much, much worse.
[edit] The Story
Willy Wanker was once the world's greatest chocolate maker - until the secret on how his chocolate was made was revealed and he locked himself away.
After many years alone, seeing how many oompa-loompas he could fit up there, Willy searched for something that would give him moare happiness, rounding it down to allowing five children into his factory - the prize was allowing one special child to live alone with him in this factory forever. The parents to came along in the hope that they could get some PROFIT (just liek the real Michael Jackson).
- The first child was sucked up a large tube filled with sticky brown stuff.
- The second child inflated until she had to be squeezed to let all the juice out.
- The third child was raped by squirrels.
- The fourth child was sucked into a television.
When Charlie discover's he's the last child left - he sensibly choses to live with his family insted of living alone with Mr. Wanker. Hoping to cure Mr. Wanker's obession with little boy's poopers, he tries to reconcil him with his father Dr, Wanker, but unfortunatly is abducted and forced to live with two old men who like putting things in his mouth fortever.
However judging by his grandfather, Charlie should have expected this anyway.
[edit] The Fans
Because the main character was Johnny Depp, the fans consisted mostly of 16 year old girls creaming their panties.
Despite the fact most people on the internet - teenagers in particular - rant long and loud against the horrors of pedophilia, they are also the ones who like drawing a 40 year old man inviting a young boy for a joyful romp in the lemongrass.
Some argue that the movie was racist because all the oompa-loompas were coloured, although nobody complained during the original move when they were orange with green hair, like all dwarves.
[edit] The Re-Released Version
[edit] Gallery
So far - nothing. Needs moar 4chan.
[edit] See Also
- Johnny Depp
- Michael Jackson
- CP
- Pedophile
- Ohbutyouwillpet
- 2girls1cup Moar chocolate lovers
- Chocolate rain One of the Oompa-Loompas gets his own back
