Virginia Tech massacre
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Interesting Fact: This article contains an hero. |
The Great VTECH Massacre began one morning when Virginia Tech University senior "Blazn Azn" Cho Seung-Hui a.k.a Shoo Tin Yanks- an autistic resident alien from Good Korea - was playing Pokémon. His girlfriend destroyed his Nintendo DS after realizing that he cared more about shiny Pidgeys than her, pissing him off a great deal, seeing as the chances of capturing a shiny Pidgey were less than a 1/1000. Seeing no other choice, the AZN immediately whipped out a couple of pistols and popped a cap in that bitch's ass. Now filled with a lust for blood, the AZN went around terrorizing the school for two hours, killing 31 more people & wounding 29, and then once someone finally switched the police on he became An Hero after shouting FYIAD. The incident occurred 4 days before An hero day, making it tragic that the AZN couldn't have waited a few more days.
Perhaps the only positive things to come out of this tragedy (aside from the obvious StarCraft jokes) is that it's the first time in months that the news has broadcast anything other then Don Imus love of the black wimmins, or shit about Anna Nicole Smith's gaping clown vagina and the gaping chasm between Britney Spears' ears.
It should also be noted that our hero managed to catch up with and bag himself one slippery Jew when he pwnt Holocaust survivor, teacher Liviu Librescu...and on Holocaust Remembrance Day no less. The Irony Gods will surely reward young Cho with 72 technical virgins upon his arrival in Heaven. This guy definitely had no Seoul.
Cho Seung-Hui is Responsible. So Are we?!#$@%
THE KIDS ARE NOT ALRIGHT, a CHO FANBOI speaks!
[edit] MOAR GUNZ NAO PLZ!
Within minutes of the incident, people all over the blogosphere started mashing at their keyboards furiously, claiming that if more people had guns, this would have never happened. Someone as street smart as Cho could easily have gotten a gun on the black market. And if he couldn't have gotten a gun, he would have used knives, bricks, harpoons, arrows or the Death Star. Everyone knows these are equally deadly, which is why the U.S. Army is arming soldiers with sticks and knives instead of those big expensive guns. It turns out that while the AZN was out on his bloodlust, the lockdown the school had gone into was actually LIFTED, which is what granted the AZN access to all his kills. Thanks to human error, Chiang shot to the top of 'US Gun massacres' leader board, giving him the high score! Gun fetishists need to learn that guns don't kill people, azns with guns kill people. Unfortunately, previous gun laws prevented scared redneck college students from carrying the gunz their daddies bought them to skool and saving lives. After all, if you can shoot paper, you can shoot an angry armed azn in a crowded lecture hall - thank god for gun rights!
[edit] Accurate Account of Events
A certain azn began his early morning with a loadup of the map cs_vtech. After joining the terrorist squad and buying the duelies, he initiated a ZERG RUSH on the main hostage facility. He knifed the first two victims before realizing that the counter-terrorists were on to his movements. With quick thinking, he realized that he can extend the round by killing all remaining hostages as only a nifty Azn can do. The CT's were overwhelmed by this cunning an hero. In just one round he surmounted a 32:1 kill death ratio not to mention the amount of damage points with the remaining injured. Cries of "IM IN UR BASE, KILLIN UR DOODZ" could be heard across the IRLtubes as finally the admin came in to permaban him from IRL. After the carnage at Vtech many people questioned why the server admin didn't stream Punkbuster after the initial killings due to the obvious use of an aimbot. The admin replied with simply, "OH SHI---"
[edit] Impending Racism
The incident has the potential to start something along the lines of World War II, introducing a sudden distrust of everything AZN. Concentration camps will happen all over again (as an added bonus, Weeaboos and Wapanese will be shipped off as well), America will drop its nukes all over creation...you know how it goes. Apparently Police figured out who the shooter was, but because their force are made up entirely of pussies, they didn't announce it, instead just saying it was an "Azn" and defending, "look, we can't be expected to tell apart the Kim Dong Ils from the Kim Il Hungs or any of that shit. He was Azn, alrite?"
For the next 24 hours, CNN and Fox News cryptically referred to a mysterious Asian Man in their news reports, using this to draw attention from the fact that they had no clue wtf was actually going on. Critics complained that when a white person shoots up something, they are not referred to as a "white man" in news reports while their identity is pending; of course not!! White people shooting each other is nothing new. But ASIANS?? WTF.
In cities with a large azn population (like Los Angeles and San Francisco), there were widespread riots as whites, Mexicans, blacks and Jews smashed the windows on Asian-owned businesses, looking for the mysterious inscrutable Azn responsible (however, some argue that the Jews and niggers involved were just using that excuse as a cover to steal Azn product designs or destroy everything as usual). As the shattered glass rained around her like ground crystal from the night skies, local resident Annu Furanku, a 14-year old Chinagirl, wrote in her journal,
"Is discord going to show itself while we are still fighting, is the Azn once again worth less than another? Oh, it is sad, very sad, that once more, for the umpteenth time, the old truth is confirmed: "What one Whitey does is his own responsibility, what one Azn does is thrown back at all Azns."[ZOMG SAUCE!!!1]
It sure is, you little chinklet. Finish up your violin lessons and pack your work boots; we've got a railroad to finish. DING DING!! All aboard the Yellow Peril Express.
[edit] God Hates Virginia
The day after the killings occurred, God Hates Fags issued a statement stating that God Hates VTECH, an that every single person shot deserved it, and it was God's rightful judgment. This statement is 100 percent fact, according to top God Hates Fags officials. GHF plans to protest at every single VTECH-related funeral, which should result in some good lulz. Expect video from them within the week.
[edit] The Killer
The killer was apparently a 23 year old sick fuck with Ass Burgers named "Blazn Azn" Cho Seung Hui from Good Korea. In his spare time, Cho did family friendly activities, such as writing plays about women getting raped and tortured, and fantasizing about killing harlots. This could have been because he was either a Christian or a massive faggot, though based upon the facts, one could also theorize that he was from 4chan. Ironically, some people believe that this may be true (see further down), but the "massive faggot" option may be correct too. Cho left a note in his dormitory, stating, "You made me do this". He was most definitely playing Grand Theft Auto, says genius mastermind Jack Thompson, since video games are the cause of all the world's problems. Authorities are considering promoting Mr. Thompson to ruler of the universe for his wise insight. It is though that he is the gudz at Warcraft.
Cho (who is undoubtedly related to that fat lesbian, Margaret Cho) was revealed in one of his plays, "Mr. Brownstone," to be a fanboy of has-been metal band Guns 'N Roses. Mr. Thompson is obviously fa retard, it wasn't GTA that did this to Cho, it was OBVIOUSLY the song "I Used To Love Her (But I Had To Kill Her)". You don't even have to read the lyrics to know that song is totally about going on a shooting rampage. It has been revealed that Cho emigrated to the US as a young boy, dreaming of fronting the best Guns 'N Roses cover band in the world, but he was too much of an asspie to ever get up onstage. Cell phone videos record Cho wailing "Get Into The Ring" during the shooting in a near dead-on imitation of Axl Rose.
Right now, police are trying to determine whether or not Cho did both the dorm shooting and the Norris Hall shooting. Sources say the police's intelligence can't stretch beyond 'mentally handicapped', so it could take awhile for them to figure it out. Don't worry guys, you'll catch up eventually.
One of the first victims was Ryan "Stack" Clark, 22, a brothaman; this makes it obvious that Cho was also a fanboy of Kenneth Eng, who recently had a lulzy article encouraging azns to pwn negroes.
Not the killer: There are several failed myspace profiles out now for the lulz. You would have to be a damn n0ob to think these real.
[edit] Cho: Playwright, Author, Comedic Genius
Cho had written several lol plays for his English class which have been leaked onto the internet. They are entitled "Richard McBeef" and "Mr. Brownstone", respectively. Yes, that's right. Richard. Fucking. MCBEEF. In both of these plays Cho displays horrendous grammar and punctuation, which is certainly to be expected for a slant, but what is ironic is that Cho was an ENGLISH major. Keep this in mind when you read such wonderful lines as "Why am I so angry at you! Because you murdered my father so you can get into my mother's pant!--" and "I just said that his name sounds like kidney stone of the ass and that's why he is always gruffy and angry. His shit is so thick and so oddly shaped that he can't go and all his shit are piled up in his intestines all the way up to his chest. He probably rips his sphincter to relieve a single gram of turd after two hours of pushing, sweating, teeth clenching, screeming in frustration, and holding breath for a half gram of green mold shit." This masterful, artfully-constructed prose could truly only come from a senior English major. Cho's fellow students did not agree that Richard McBeef and Mr. Brownstone were the two greatest plays ever created by an autistic Korean English major and said that the plays "were really morbid and grotesque" and "like something out of a nightmare". Remember that these students are referring to a play in which a 13-year-old child accuses his stepfather of pedophilia and tries to choke him with a health bar only to be struck with a "fatal blow" by the father, and a play which describes in graphic detail a certain Mr. Brownstone's bowel irregularity and takes its name from a Guns N' Roses song of the same name; the song's lyrics are later quoted in the play. Truly, these plays are horrifying and can only be the work of a dangerous mind.
Hot.
[edit] Local Terrorist Records Incident [1]
Jamal Alblarghouti, member of a terrorist cell, embedded at Virginia Tech as a “I’m from the Middle East, so I’m not used to this sort of thing, but I’ve been in similar situations,” Alblarghouti told MSNBC-TV.
He also told CNN "Woah! Sorry it is very windy out here." Very, very moving news.
[edit] The Real Issue
The "largest massacre in US history" was commited by a gook. Come on white people, are we really going to let some panda fucker take away our national pastime of mindless violence? If you are white and reading this, then get a gun and go to a university/school. You need to kill at least 100 people (over 9000 is best). You must not become an hero or be killed by the police, when you get captured say "I did it for the lulz." For man points, do everything without the help of your boyfriend, faggot. The only acceptable means of becoming an hero and still being a man is to perform "The Awesome".
[edit] 4chan Creates Drama
That night, someone on 4chan found pictures of a Chinese kid on Livejournal who attended Virginia Tech and started spamming links to their journal. However, this turned out to be just profiling on the part of /b/. The link spread like wildfire and hundreds of retards flocked to his journal to attempt to be a part of the dramageddon and ring in, but they were later pwnt when the owner of the journal posted, saying he should have put ad-sense in due to all the unique hits he was getting. Girlvinyl declared in H1 tags that the journal was faux, yet retards still flocked there under the mistaken belief that they were going to be a part of history.
Wayne Chiang, said journal owner, achieved internet celebrity simply for being azn. While he isn't the killer, he is the victim of a brilliant prank. So far, the number of hits to his page have increased over nine thousand percent, his quest to prove his innocence isn't helped by the fact that he has as many guns as the entire army of North Korea.
Some say its not society's fault for this terrible incident but they cite the fact that Cho was suffering from a severe case of the Monday's.
[edit] 4chan did Virginia Tech?
Students at the university's online newspaper, planetblacksburg.com, discovered a message on a website that seemed to announce the massacre. News media sources earlier today actually ran this story. However, soon after, it was learned that they had been pranked by Photoshop. It still didn't stop a lot of newspapers, though, that had already gone to press.
[edit] LJ Community CAT_MACROS Dramaaaaa
Since people on the internet are stupid and like to burst into tears and cut themselves to tragedies that happen to people on TV, an emoshit of an LJ user named Elgaladangel shit herself and screamed loudly when someone posted a picture of a kitten with a handgun and the words "OH HAI VIRGINIA TECH" or some shit. Because bitching and screaming on the internet is easier than doing anything productive, of course.
The original post with the macro is gone, along with two other posts that were deleted since the mod KittyDoom didn't want to put up with goth crybabies soiling themselves on her carpet, but more drama can be seen in a modpost here.
The whiny emoshit, with a publicly accessible journal, has posted her 'victory speeches' on her own LJ here. Commenting is encouraged, but be sure to bring a raincoat and a small canoe, lest you drown in tears and fecal matter.
The 'OMG SO OFFENSIVE' cat macros, while deleted from cat_macros, can be found at wtf_catmacros or omg_too_soon.
[edit] Cho Seung Hui: NBC's Drama Llama
It appears that in the time between blasting the first victims, Cho compiled a collection of shamelessly self-promoting pictures, videos, and rants, burned them onto CDs, and sent them to NBC News. However, much like his own epic failure at life, he fucked up the zip code, and so the package didn't get delivered overnight. He mailed it with the name "A. Ishmael", a reference to old media book, Moby Dick, a book often touted by English majors to have been the singlemost influential book in American literature -- influential, that is, for turning people into queers due to its constant references to electronic musician Moby and dicks.
NBC News, after getting the package, immediately sunk their slavering news media teeth into it, playing every few hours new contents of Cho's manifesto, showing the thirty or so Myspace like pictures that he posted of himself posing dramatically like an action hero with various weapons, and essentially fulfilled the killer's dying wish by allowing him the attention he so desperately desired, but could never attain without becoming an hero. In the videos, Cho reads his shitty prose and rails against the rich, Christianity, and generally comes across like a 16 year old girl ranting on Livejournal. Also of note is that he sounds exactly like Napoleon Dynamite, which makes his emo bitching about over 9000 times more lulz-worthy. He also speaks respectfully of fellow failures at life, Harris and Klebold, whom he refers to as martyrs. NBC has taken many of the images of him posing and much like ebaumsworld does, slathered them with watermarks that proudly proclaim that they come from NBC News. Even better, NBC News made certain to interview the clerk on duty at the post office where Cho sent his package, and stated on the air that only one package was sent. No love for CNN, Fox News, CBS, or ABC.
Thus it is proven: NBC is the network of choice for insane mass murderers.[2] lulz omg TEH PENORZZZZZ1
[edit] Cho Seung-Hui's VBlog
Ain't that the fuckin' truth!
[edit] Kenneth Eng sends his condolences
Azn author and social engineer Kenneth Eng prays for the families of all those touched by this tragedy in this here video.
[edit] First copycat
A first year law school student at Boalt Hall - UC-Berkeley School of Law has the honor of being the first copycat. Two days after the massacre, he posted on AutoAdmit that he just decided not to do a murder/suicide, because it was sunny. However, he warned that Thursday's forecast calls for rain.
[edit] "Cho Seung-Hui - the Musical"
Even though most of the public reactions after the shooting have been negative, there is a movement of emo teenagers which worships the Virginia Tech gunner like a religious martyr. They are currently working on a socially critical musical called "Cho Seung-Hui - the Musical" which is based on his last words and his intellectually incredibly challenging plays. Only one song has been released to the public so far. It is named after the inscription in red ink on his arm which read "Ismail Ax". Listen to the MP3 and read the lyrics.
[edit] Quotes
| — The Toronto Star.com |
| — Westboro Baptist Church GodHatesFags.com on VTM |
| — Wayne Chiang on VTM |
| — Jaclyn Alexis Terrillion (Yes, this person actually said that) |
| — Anon |
[edit] Facebook's Greatest Quotes
Upon discovering this article, much drama was generated on facebook by people pretending to give a shit about Virginia Tech. Simon Feng, crying over the butthurt of ED, decided to make a topic dedicated to BRINGING ED DOWN! By the third post, people already were making up words like 'audacity', and a Computer Science III professional hacker almost shut down the site. EDiots zerged this topic; trolling began immediately. The link was posted on ED's main page and in the Virginia Tech article (not to be confused with Technical virgin), to make sure to bump the topic so it'd always be on top of the group's discussion, thereby creating an endless well of lulzy internet drama. From this well was drunk some of facebook's greatest internet quotes, said by people who have no fucking clue how the internet really works.
Mike Sandy is a 1337 h4xx0r.
| —Mike Sandy |
The road ahead is a bumpy one...
| —Mike Sandy |
Epic Fail
| —Mike Sandy |
Matthew needs to learn that the FBI's here to protect you, not your feelings.
| —Matthew Jagoda |
It does sound stupid. More than that, it sounds hilarious.
| —Emily Wright |
lol, it's not one person. it's everyone working as a team :)
| —Amanda Melnik |
Encyclopedia Dramatica hates America *crying eagle*
n00b must only take computer science II, ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT!?
| —Miguel Carmelo Bagara |
And the icing on the cake...
| —Jonah Nagelberg |
YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG
| —Emily Wright |
God rape us?! Oh noes!
| —StaceyAlise(wtf kinda name is that?) Turza |
The Second Amendment? LOL WUT!
| —Sean Carlson; Avid supporter of the right to bear arms and shoot up colleges |
| —Brandon Warzybok (moar liek Brandon WarzyCOCK amirite?) |
Because a comedy site on the internet is worse than the massacre of 33 people.
| —Amy Greenwood |
Lets also not forger ED is a FUCKING WIKI and they could have,oh i dont know,EDITED THE FUCKING PAGE!Of course, there are plenty of other great quotes from facebook. These are just some from the first few pages. If you come across anything good, or anything at all that mentions the FBI, feel free to post it here to share your lulz with the community.
[edit] Facebook Memorial Dramaz
A makeshift e-memorial was created on facebook shortly after the chink zerg rushed his school, which was subsequently trolled to death by crack ED operatives. Naturally, it was only a matter of time before the Internet Detectives there discovered this article, resulting in a massive flood of Butthurt and Internet tough guy syndrome. The admin of the facebook group has removed the discussion board, and "TAKEN ACTION AND MADE SOME MODIFICATIONS" (from the group's description). DRAMA LLAMA WINS AGAIN LOL
 Simon Feng: ED Public Enemy #1 |
 Oh noes, the An an Englishman doesn't think we're funny. |
 oh nos! |
 Daniel Langton says we hate America :( |
 MIKE SANDY TAKES COMPUTER SCIENCE III! HE MEANS SRS BUSINESS! |
 ha! |
[edit] Kid leaves after being traumatized, dies in a car crash
Apparently some kid left V-Tech because he was so traumatized by the shootings. He then died in a car crash. Cho's Ghost: 1, Hokies: -33 [3]
[edit] Student shows his true emotion in school
This student felt the urge to show his feelings to everyone at school. The following day, this student was reported to have arrived at the school wearing said shirt, allowing for instantaneous self pwnage. The shirt was confiscated, and the student was forced to listen to 10 over 9000 different people ask him "Why did you make this shirt?", to which he replied: "I did it for the lulz.".
This hero, now known as the V-Tech-just-got-pwned-shirt-guy, was forced to see a psychiatrist, from which he gains many lulz and angst.
Morale of the story: What happens in ED, stays in ED. Or not.
[edit] Cho Attacks from Beyond the Grave
On August 19th, 2007, the day the memorial to V-tech was supposed to be dedicated, Cho decided to claw his way out of the fiery pits of Hell, and strike once more. Sunday morning, a carbon monoxide leak broke out in a random off-site apartment complex, almost raping over 30+ students. Sadly, so far, no one has been killed in this second wave, and the most that may potentially die are two people, most likely no good, filthy smokers.
It's now being heavily debated whether or not Cho's return was epic failure, or a warning for things to come. Since Cho is asian, it's most likely the latter, since Asians rarely fail at anything; except the internets.
[edit] VTech Halloween Costume
Best. Costume. EVAR. Also proof that VTech = Tits. The moar you know.
[edit] Guns Don't Kill ppl. Azn Dinosaurs Kill ppl.
[edit] Extra Lulz
A female student enrolled at Vtech during the massacre was also a student enrolled at Columbine during the shootings there. She is to be awarded an honorary PHD in ducking.
[edit] *Chan's Interpretations of the Event
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[edit] See Also:
- Columbine
- Korea
- China
- Japan
- Vietnam
- Wapanese
- Jack Thompson
- VTEC Just Kicked In Yo
- Victim complex
- tl;dr
- College
- Robert Hawkins
[edit] External Links
- Official memorial site
- Vtech hero makes confessions from the dead in movie clips
- vtones Ryan Clark, first victim of massacre HomePage
- tricite.com covers story on Ryan Clark
- shellzvt, Ryan Clark college webshots account
- wired.com blogs the drama
- nazi stormfront.org covers the crazy 8znsanity
- Cho Seung-Hui's Plays
- Kotaku covers Jack fucking Thompson rants about VT massacre
- Mydeathspace
- ANONYMOUS DID VTECH!!1
- CONFIRMED to be his ex's myspace currently being v& by /b/
- Jews did VTech Massacre
- VTech memorial group cowboydan just happened to notice didn't have an admin. Feel free to frend him and get officer positions.
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Virginia Tech massacre is related to a series on AZNS. |
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| Virginia Tech massacre is part of a series on EDUCATION. | Places
School | College | Columbine | Delaware | East High School Salt Lake City | Harvard | ITT Tech | | Jokela High School | NUI | MIT | Success Tech | VTech People Student | The beautiful people | Jock | Emo | Scenester | Goth | Engineer Events Drinking | Date Rape | Homeschooling | Man points | Masturbation in showers | Taking the SAT | School Shooting |
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| Virginia Tech massacre is part of a series on Terrorists |
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